Just as I don't remember how the dream began, I don't know how to begin to tell it, so I can only rely on it, and if I don't dwell on the beginning, it will begin.

In the dream, the yard of my house was crowded with people, and I was huddled in the crowd, trying to squeeze out, looking for the figure of my parents with my eyes. Then I saw the backs of my father and mother running out of the crowd holding hands.

My mother was wearing a green police uniform, and my father was wearing a blue overalls, and they ran out of the crowd holding hands, riding their bicycles away, and I chased after them, but I couldn't catch up.

I look back on the side like a parent-teacher conference after graduating from college. A college classmate stopped me and wanted to have dinner with me. And I walked straight out of the crowd alone.

Sitting in the restaurant, this time, I sat across from my parents. My parents didn't notice me, and they were seriously discussing how to improve their lives.

It seems that without discussing how to improve life, the soul will be bound to the cross, scorched in fire, and scourged.

My father said, "I should go to the hospital in November to get my eyes treated, so I can start working on wrenches as well." In fact, the hand holding the wrench is already outstretched......"

The dream connected with yesterday's memories and made the parents who were suffering in the memory run out of the crowd, so that I, who was overwhelmed in the crowd, ran out with the back of my parents and lightened my karma.

When I was thirteen or fourteen years old, I thought that I could alleviate my parents' suffering by not going to school and working, and this thought continued until I graduated from high school and did not go to university.

I suddenly realized that I wasn't good at anything, I wasn't even good at going to school all the time, so what could I do?

Only by continuing to go to school and being admitted to university can I save my parents and save myself.

So I chose to repeat my studies, and repeating myself to university would allow me to be reborn, but I didn't know what life should be like after rebirth. In other words, I have not seen the true appearance of a happy life.

I finally started a leisurely college life with an advantage of one point higher than the second line, and I was still satisfied with my heart, and I was finally admitted to university. I thought that as long as I studied well, I didn't fail the course, and I graduated successfully. When you get to society, you can find a good job......

You can imagine how ignorant I was at the time. All this is just what I thought, because I read too little, and even my pursuit is very simple.

I accept that the environment has shaped me, and my consciousness suppresses my thoughts of inferior roots, which cannot be eliminated due to the hardships of reality and the lack of reading, so these thoughts are hidden in the subconscious. When I am not strong-willed, it pops up from time to time to avoid suffering and inner suffering.

In my subconscious, my mother's figure is like a policeman, supervising the family at all times, supervising me, and reminding me not to make mistakes, and if I do, I will be punished.

My father, on the other hand, was amiable, humorous, and an old scalper-like farmer who begged for a living with his arms.

At that time, my parents were running a small business at home, and it was a dismal business. He grinded tofu, planted ten acres of land, raised four large sows (pork was not worth much), and raised four school-going children.

At that time, when the land was farmed and harvested twice a year, my father carried thousands of catties of grain one by one, like an old ox; When doing business, a person shouts in the streets and alleys with a flat shoulder, "cut tofu, cut tofu ......", like an old scalper; Later, the business couldn't go on, so I worked part-time to carry cement, move bricks, and do everything in the market, like an old scalper.

And he is still a cow, and often laughs and boasts that he is an old ox. But subconsciously, I would prefer that he be a worker, working in a factory, receiving a fixed salary, and not so hard.

The backs of them walking hand in hand, the bicycles, the footsteps I followed, and the meals in restaurants seemed to suggest to me that we had run out of our suffering.

Our souls will not be bound to the cross, scorched with fire, scourged. Because we ran out.

Yes, I'm awake at the moment.

I'm just dreaming.

How I dreamed of running out of this situation!

How comfortable it is to dream, how cruel reality is. I don't want to face it, I want to lie in my comfort zone and ignore everything.

When I really went away, lying in a small room in a small hut in a small town, making a mess of chicken feathers for every day's wealth, rice, oil and salt, I clearly realized the reality.

The price of comfort is too great, the price of comfort is far more painful than hard work, even if people have told me again and again, I think I can accept it, but when I really experience, I am deeply aware that people will always overestimate their own ability, and underestimate others, which I did not expect.

The efforts of my parents are unimaginable to me, because the times limit my imagination. Although I grew up in their time, and although they have done their best to create a better living environment for me, they still cannot keep up with the pace of progress of the times.

Nowadays, in the era of pluralism, there are many opportunities to look to the future, and poverty and lack of education limit my imagination, I am just an ordinary person living at the bottom of the Belle Époque, and all my efforts are just not to be reduced to the lowest and most mediocre people, nothing more.

"In November, I should go to the hospital to get my eyes treated, so that I can also start working on the wrench, in fact, the hand holding the wrench is already out...... "My father's words in the dream are meaningful, and they are my subconscious idea of improving my life.

In real life, in November, I was hospitalized to give birth. When people get up in the hospital, they are always emotionally fragile, and the belief in trying to live will be inflated like never before.

At that time, I went through a difficult test both physically and mentally. Mr. Liu woke me up, and he said, "After a long time, good people will become bad people!" ”

The blind eye is the blind heart, the eye is the window of the soul, and going to the hospital to treat the eye is an opportunity to save the soul.

"Wrench" means "writer", which was a dream of mine when I was in college. After graduating from university, he was forced to make ends meet for five years, and he was busy and did nothing.

Until my baby with a soft milk fragrance was born, my mother, who was thousands of miles away, rushed to the hospital just to take care of me.

Because of the postoperative fever, I lay in the single ward of the hospital for ten days and lay at home for almost two months, and I really realized the simplicity of my heart, and only when writing was liberated could I rekindle this heart as a writer.

This is the will, the insinuation into the subconscious, Freud said, "Dreams are a manifestation of the subconscious." "Although I didn't do anything before, my heart, my soul has changed, my dreams have been rekindled, and this has already begun.