In the dream, I was walking home alone when I met a man when I was about to reach the door. This man was very familiar, and I vaguely felt that I had a strong love for him, but I couldn't tell who he really was. Vaguely, I heard a voice from the depths of my heart that was my mother's ex-husband (this dream is contrary to the truth, because my parents have never been divorced), and it can only be my father, my first boyfriend Ah Jun, who is holding a little boy who is more than five years old, looking at me with a pair of watery eyes and smiling, so good.

The man said, "I committed a crime a long time ago, and I was exposed, and this time I can't escape, and now I will suffer from 18 years in prison." But his hard-working child, with no one to take care of him, hopes I can take it back.

The little boy didn't know that he was going to be separated from his father, but he still looked at me stupidly and smiled, and that smile was like a peony flower in April, warm and full of joy. It was November, and it was very cold, and the little boy was still smiling at me in an old single coat, which made me feel sorry for me.

I squatted down and took his little hand and told him that when I got home, someone would buy you new clothes. He jumped and jumped happily ahead of me.

We didn't know why we had to climb over a wall on our way home, and he climbed up and I reached out and pushed him, Peng. I was awakened.

Is this my dream? Who was the person sitting in the second counseling room chatting with Mr. L?

I didn't argue and I won't talk about it anymore. I believe I'm not, I'm really not.

But my reaction made me trapped in my own world and couldn't get out, and I tried to kill her countless times to let her know how much my heart hurt. As always, I stubbornly doubted Mr. L's professionalism, just as I didn't trust anyone.

However, I also understood that it didn't matter if he was right or wrong, and the idea of trying to make me better was clear.

I didn't try to convince him to believe it, maybe he did, but out of good intentions I didn't realize that the problem was so serious. Then he bluntly told me to stick to his advice, run non-stop, soak my feet in hot water, and remember a successful story every day. ”

I fulfilled my long-cherished wish to work in the counseling room, which was warm and comforting, and I was happy for my bravery.

Depression is like a black dog named Xiao Hei who has been fed with hard work for ten years, how can you easily give it up?

A very popular online drama is called "Soul Ferryman", the first article says that there is a nurse who signed a symbiotic agreement with medicine in order to have sex with a man every night. At night, she will become more and more beautiful, making men greedy. During the day, however, she grew older and could not go out. When she found out, she still refused to separate from the medicine, because the medicine gave her the pleasure of life, and she did not hesitate to lose herself.

What about depression and me? When she was the loneliest, loneliest and most frustrated, she accompanied her, making me happy with the people around me, reflecting the happiness of more and more people, and I fed it with more effort.

Like a behemoth, it came overwhelmingly, screaming at me for her to feed, and I began to fear again, afraid that I would not be able to control it, and I would be torn apart by him.

If it's in a good mood, I'd like to take it out in the sun. The night made him grow unbridled and crazy, and under the sun, he was like a loyal black dog, accompanying me. In fact, I need it more than it needs her, and that's it.

I also have a dog named Blackie, who used to be my faithful patron saint. While my mom was taking care of me in Kitano, my dad got him at home and lost it.

That day, my mom said she wanted to go home, and it was also that day that Xiao Hei lost it. My dad went to work in the city with his co-workers in the morning, locked Xiao Hei out, and was probably captured by the dog dealers. When I heard the news, I was extremely sad in my heart, but I did not shed tears. Because I vividly remember that when I once had a white cat and died, I was sad for days and wept and was teased. But I was really sad at the time, and I was sad to be made fun of. I don't easily tell others what I like, I know that liking this thing is like a private treasure, maybe it's just a fragment of memory that I picked up in the long song of time, a spliced picture, which is worthless, but the most precious thing in the depths of my soul.

Xu Zheng plays China's first-class hypnosis master, whose fiancée and best friend are killed at the same time because of a drunk driver. Afterwards, he tried his best to live a normal life, but his heart was tormented night and night, masochistic, and self-hypnotic. With the help of his teachers, family and friends, a battle between a hypnotist master and a patient kicked off and became more and more intense. Who is the master of hypnosis, who is the patient, and the sharp turn of 180 degrees at the end makes us suddenly realize.

"I can heal myself, but I don't have masochistic unwillingness. It's not that I can't be forgiven, it's that I don't want to be forgiven. Xu Zheng struggled with tears and choked up.

The female hypnotist replied meaningfully, "Yes, no one can forgive you but yourself." ”

A person who suffers from depression will never be able to forgive others, or he will be afraid and will never be able to forgive himself. Their ignorance, their stubbornness, their self-bonding, bind their hands and feet to tomorrow with the past.

Teacher L sent me out of the counseling room this time, and he said, "We are also familiar with each other, you can come whenever you want, if the other teachers don't come, I usually be here at night." It's not here, it's in the action room next door. If you want to come, you can give me a call and ask me any questions. "Like a loving father, entrusting a child who travels far away. Carefully escorted me out the door and watched her leave.

In fact, even I don't know why I told him so much, whether it was out of trust or hysteria. Lack of care since childhood, and the crippled psychology of longing to be cared for. Weaving a tragic childhood story, a difficult growth process, and a glassy and fragile heart hidden under the powerful exterior.

Closed to oneself, but longing to be understood, accepted, and loved. Waving goodbye, her heart suddenly fell into deep self-blame, and completely tore the old scar again, and then watched it grow new skin layer by layer, itching and couldn't help scratching again, the wound was bloody and blurry. Self-blame and remorse should be treated to it, but in the next second, it only increases the sadness. It grew up in the cracks of time, and in the case that I didn't pay attention, the scar had a very thick skin, and sometimes the wound was still itchy, and it was hard to scratch, but it would not easily fester, like a tree that had healed and grown into a nodule, and it was difficult to be cut by an axe on the scar again. How is it not like this?

There is an old saying since ancient times that a long illness becomes a good doctor. I didn't care what I told Teacher L because I knew that if I wanted to, I could be a good counselor, helping others, helping others, helping myself.

Who am I and who am I?