That year, my third cat, a civet cat that had never caught a single mouse and had never eaten a mouse, also died inexplicably. My mom said, "I must have eaten a dead rat." ”

I said with certainty, "No, it doesn't eat dead mice." It doesn't even eat live mice. ”

Because once, a mouse fell into the big water in my house, which was about the same height as me, and my mother threw the civet cat into it, and it turned out that it lived peacefully with the mouse for a long time, and I stared at it curiously for a long time. Angry, my mother hit the civet cat with a bamboo pole, but the mouse ran away along the bamboo pole.

I can't figure it out, how did it die?

My mother was annoyed by my question, and said, "I stole something from other people's houses and was drugged to death." ”

I still couldn't figure out what it was that it ate from someone else's house to be drugged to death.

My mother couldn't answer me, and she asked my brother to bury the civet cat in Qinglongling's arms, and I didn't see its corpse. After that, I never asked my mom to catch a cat for me.

It's really sad that the animals that have been raised with heart are dead, besides, Wu Yang said that she doesn't like cats, she likes dogs, because dogs are loyal. She also told me that once, there was a cat in her house, and her mother beat the cat to death, saying that the cat was very dirty, eating mice, and taking away the virus from mice.

Since then, I've also started to like cats less and put my liking on my dog.

But it reminds me of the first white-haired cat I had. When I was in the first grade, one Mid-Autumn Festival, my mother caught a cat on the way home to deliver mooncakes to Aunt Donggou's house.

I didn't give my cat a name, I called it "Mi". When I was a child, I asked my mother, "Mom, where did I come from?" She smiled and said, "Picked it up from Donggou." I made a note that my background and that of the white cat are the same, and they were both picked up by Donggou.

I took it as my most beloved baby, in winter, every day I slept in my arms, my mother always scolded me, hit the white cat, I always used my body to protect my beloved baby, my mother was even more angry and beat me together. I don't hold a grudge against my mother, because my mother said, "Cats have rat infections." ”

I believe that my mother really wants it for my good, but, for some reason, I still hold the white cat tightly in my arms in the dead of night. Come to think of it, I was already very sick.

People say that cats have nine lives, but I don't believe it. Then I carried the white cat upstairs and threw it down from the first floor, and sure enough, it didn't fall to its death. Then, I believed, my white cat really has nine lives. With it, I can feel the joy of coming back from the dead.

At night, the white cat went out to catch mice, and several times ate mice, and the mother would peel the cactus planted at home, mash it and force the white cat to eat it, saying, "Fight poison with poison, and the white cat will eat the mouse that died after taking the medicine." ”

Once, the white cat was pregnant with a kitten, and went out to steal a mouse, and the mother found out and hurriedly fed it a cactus, and the white cat's life was kept, and the kitten was miscarried. But the white cat doesn't seem to know how sad it is, and still runs out every day.

My mother used to let me keep it on a leash, but I always watched the poor white cat pull the rope and cry like a child, and I couldn't help but let it go again, and then it didn't come home for a long time.

I was sad that my cat was calling my cat at my door every day for more than two weeks during that time. One day, with a big mouse in its mouth and a long rope around its neck, it returned to the vegetable garden to play with its prey.

When I was in the fourth grade, I clearly remember that it was the Qingming Festival, and there were many relatives at home. When I got home at noon, I found that the white cat had eaten the dead mice, and I told my mother that my mother asked me to feed the white cat some cacti, and she was too busy to take care of it.

However, after the white cat vomited some dead mice, how I fed it, it just didn't taste good, I thought it was fine, and I went to school at noon.

After school in the afternoon, when I returned home, my relatives were gone. The white cat was lying on the sofa, and his body was a little cold. I asked my mother to save it, and she said, "It's too late, I've already given it an injection, and I can't save it." ”

I'm going to bury the white cat in the yard, and my parents don't agree. They said, "The old man said that the white cat pollutes the water and has to be buried farther away." "Then, my dad asked my brother to bury the white cat in Qinglongling's arms.

I was really sad, I cried when I was so sad. Later, my mother caught a palm-sized kitten for me, and was run over by a car after a few months of going out, and the owner of the car paid us a civet cat, and it didn't take long to raise it and died inexplicably.

When I was in the first year of junior high school, our homeroom teacher and Chinese teacher asked us to keep a diary. I wrote a diary called "Gains and Losses", which is to record the process of raising three cats, and how I felt when I had gained and lost.

For some reason, my teacher didn't like it, and he even criticized the contents of my diary in public in Chinese class, "Can you know what you gain and lose by having a cat?" ”……

Maybe at that time, I really didn't understand the meaning of what the adults said, and I memorized the teacher's words out of context.

For example, one time, I had a quarrel with a male tablemate, and the male table punched me in the face, and then, I was very angry and cried to the teacher, saying, "You change my seat, I won't sit with so-and-so, and he punches me." ”

The teacher didn't ask me why I quarreled with my tablemates, but just said to me solemnly behind my hands: "Didn't your parents teach you to control your emotions, and you talk to your parents in a commanding tone when you go home!" ”

That day, I sobbed sadly and emphasized again: "He punched me in the face......"

My homeroom teacher and Chinese teacher continued to tell me: "If a slap doesn't make a sound, why don't you find the reason for your beating." ”

Then that day, I thought about the time I had an argument with my male table mate and he punched me, and I realized that the last thing I angered my table mate was to repeat his own words.

I repeated what he had said to me, angering my tablemate, and he landed his fist on my temple, and it hurt so much that I remembered it.

Although I found my own reason, I really didn't have anyone to teach me how to control my emotions, so I learned that Lu Xun was reprimanded by Mr. Reading for being late and carved the word "morning" on the desk, and then, I carved the word "forbearance" on the desk.

However, the word "forbearance" is not easier to learn than the word "early". Mr. Zhou Shuren taught him the word "early", and he only needed to treat time with a very good attitude, but the word "forbearance" taught to me by my teacher made me put a knife in my heart.

It's not easy to learn, and before I can learn how to control my emotions, I learn how to get provoked, and when people blame me for what I've said, I get very excited.

So, when my teacher said that my diary "Gains and Losses", I was very sad, but I felt that the teacher didn't like it, and it must have been that I didn't write it well. Then, I sadly tore up the dense diary full of words of gains and losses.

When I was in seventh grade, I was a child who wanted to be appreciated by the people around me, but my mother looked at my diary and rebuked me, "You yourself said in your diary that you should protect your eyes, and you are lying under the covers and reading." Is that how you protect your eyes? ”

I'm very sad.

My eldest sister looked at my diary and wrote, "Sometimes I always fight with my brother because I love my brother, because without my brother there would be no me." ”

Then, my eldest sister turned to me and asked, "Little brat, do you know what love is?" ”

I'm also very sad.

When I peeked at my second sister's diary, my second sister would angrily say to me, "Don't peek at my diary anymore." ”

However, I can't tell the people who peeked at my diary like my second sister angrily, because they are elders.

It's a really annoying thing, I'm just a kid at heart, and I don't know how to control my emotions yet. My teacher just told me to control my emotions, but he didn't tell me how to control it. Then, I wrote the word "shinobi" I had learned on the skin of my arm and wrist with a knife, one on my left arm and one on my right arm, so that I learned it, and then I began to carefully talk to my classmates and teachers around me.

When my classmates or teachers used me to ask me rhetorical questions, at first I just couldn't control my emotions and couldn't answer, but later, I couldn't control my emotions and didn't answer. Sometimes there is a kind of resentment in my heart, why do they always use what I have said to fight back against me, and it is often this invisible hurt that is the most unforgettable, and I am buried in the black hole of memory along with the memory.

After graduating from the first semester of junior high school, Wu Yang was going to take the transfer exam in No. 2 Middle School, and she took me to sign up. In the examination room, poverty once again limited my imagination, and I suddenly realized that even if I was admitted, my family didn't seem to be able to come up with the money to transfer me to another school, besides, in such a high-cost school, even if I was admitted, I heard Wu Yang say that I would have to pay a large amount of borrowing fees.

In the exam room, my tears began to blur, and my memory became blurred. Now, I clearly remember that at that time, there was a question asking who was the author of the article Wisteria Falls?

This is my favorite text in my first year of junior high school, and I think I know it by heart. But in the examination room, I clearly saw that my memory was blurring, and from this question, I originally remembered the name of the author of this article, but I forgot because poverty trapped my imagination. Then, slowly, I forgot more and more, and then I forgot that I had even taken the transfer exam, and I couldn't tell about this kind of instantaneous forgetting, I just became more addicted to reading, but often I couldn't remember what I had read, and I couldn't say it.

This kind of incomprehensible memory, and the problem that may be forgotten in an instant, was not until the day I received my graduation report card at the second year of junior high school, when I met a female teacher.