Yan Yu looked at the two of us, and finally put back the red bean cake in his hand with a disgraced face, and said in a desperate tone: "The last time you took leave to go home, when the evening self-study was over, Senior Brother Jiang came to our study room to look for you. ”

I was stunned for a moment.

He, did he look for me?

"At that time, Jiang Wei and I didn't plan to tell him that you were going home. But the two of us met his beautiful miserable face, and his melancholy and worried eyes, and we couldn't hold back, and told him that you were going home. He listened, and didn't talk nonsense, so he asked me to ask you when you will come back, if you are alone, whether you are home safely or something. After I told him the truth, he was relieved and bought us cakes and milk tea from Tai Sheng Kee as a thank you. ”

"I know you must want to ask why you didn't tell you. It's really not that we don't want to tell you, it's that he told us not to. Then you also said that the mouth of eating people is soft, and the hands of people are short, not to mention that such a handsome guy sincerely asks us, we are naturally embarrassed and impossible to refuse. So we didn't talk about it. ”

I suddenly became mixed feelings, both feeling careless and nervous, and feeling that I was really stupid sometimes.

I knew the words would tell him I was home, but I ignored how he felt. He must have been very worried about me at that time, and it must have been because I didn't tell him, so I felt very uncomfortable. But he didn't call me, sent me a message asking why, and didn't mention it to me afterwards.

As for me, I didn't give him an explanation, and I didn't wonder why he kept silent about my homecoming.

Now that I think about it, there are really flaws everywhere, and I didn't notice his subtle thoughtfulness and caring for me.

I sighed in my heart, guilt and self-blame slowly attacked, and tried to stabilize my voice and said, "Then he, do you know why I went home?" ”

"I didn't know at first." Yan Yu thought about it and shook his head: "We didn't tell him, so we shouldn't know." ”

"But one day, when I went to the playground to watch the ball, and when I went back to the study room to get my bag, I saw him waiting for you downstairs, and I looked worried."

"When he saw me, he calmly asked me if I knew where you had gone, and said that he couldn't find you, and at that time, I suddenly didn't know why, and inexplicably felt a sense of guilt for doing something wrong, so I told him that you were on the rooftop of the No. 3 laboratory building, and also told him the reason why you went home."

Rooftop? I was stunned, wasn't that day the day when Jiang Yueze said he was going to chase me? He was in a very low mood that day, it turned out that it was because of me?

I thought it was because things didn't go well in school or work, so he was like that, but it was because of me?

No wonder, he would be so weird that day, and he said that he was late, and it turned out to be because of this incident.

I couldn't help but sigh again, and finally understood why. At that time, I thought it was because of his gentlemanly demeanor, so he didn't ask.

And when I came back that day, my explanation of going home quietly was so light, completely ignoring how tormented and worried he was in the time when I had been home and had not heard from me, and had been tormented and worried about whether to call me or send a message.

At that time, would he be very sensitive and cranky? Will she try to convince herself that she has her own reasons for doing this, and if she doesn't want to say it, don't ask? He did absolutely not bother, let me let my emotions go, I was afraid that I would have more unnecessary trouble, such a traceless tenderness, what a deep and trusting emotion.

The more I thought about it, the more I felt like I wasn't a thing, the more I thought about it, the more I felt guilty, and the more I thought about it, the tighter I felt my heart twist.

Yan Yu looked at my sad face, and said cautiously tentatively: "Whale? Are you angry? ”

I shook my head and said with difficulty: "Yanyu, thank you for telling me, otherwise, I don't know how unreliable I am." ”

Yan Yu blamed himself: "Don't say that." It's my fault not telling you. I was also struggling with whether or not to tell you that night, but I was afraid that you would be angry, and seeing that you were in a good mood when you came back that night, and felt that my words did not have any negative impact on your relationship, so I didn't say anything. It's my fault, you should be angry. ”

I shook my head and explained very seriously: "I'm not angry. I just feel like I owe Jiang Yueze a lot. He was cold by nature, and I took it for granted that there were some things that he didn't care about, ignoring a lot of his feelings. If you hadn't told me this, I don't know how careless I would have been, and I feel very uncomfortable when I think about it. ”

Yan Yu blinked, and said with a sad face: "When you say this, I feel that my sin is even greater. ”

I looked at Yan Yu and said sincerely: "It has nothing to do with you, it's my own problem." ”

Yan Yu shut up stupidly, and when the teacher came in, Yan Yu reluctantly turned back to listen to the class.

I also glanced up at the teacher, opened my textbook, and prepared to take notes.

Shi Yu also turned the page slowly, and said coldly: "What you told me, the boy you like is Senior Brother Jiang, right?" ”

I looked at the board drawn by the teacher and hummed softly.

Shi Yu nodded, with a little confidence in his voice: "Then I will roughly understand what is going on." ”118

I looked at her and didn't speak.

She didn't lose interest because of my cold reaction, and her tone was understated, but with a little faint curiosity and temptation: "You should, you haven't told him those things about you, right?" ”

My hand copying notes paused instantly, and my expression couldn't hide my surprise: "You guessed? ”

There was a hint of surprise on her face, followed by surprise and pride: "What you just said, combined with what you told me, it's not difficult to guess." ”

I looked at her and smiled a little lonely.

She patted my arm and motioned to look at the blackboard. I turned my head to look at the blackboard, jot down the key points of the teacher's writing, and listened to the teacher's earnest words: "I understand what you do, and I know how you feel." But to be honest, you concealed the truth so that he didn't worry about it, and you didn't want him to think too much. In the end, if he knows, all emotions and feelings will explode in a concentrated manner, and even the unbearable and unabated ones that you can't imagine. ”

I paused my writing hand, quietly looked at my scribbled notes, and asked softly: "Do you also think that I did something wrong?" ”

"That's not what I meant." Shi Yu's voice is gentle and considerate that she has never had, and it doesn't match her cool image at all: "I'm just standing in the perspective of God as an insider, calmly and objectively, and even cruelly telling you how cruel the truth is." ”

I habitually picked at the corner of the book, but I didn't make a sound.

Shi Yu sighed, his tone was more gentle, with a heart-warming power: "Do you know what kind of mood I felt when I knew that my mother had an accident? ”

I pursed my lips, and couldn't help but substitute my feelings when I knew that my grandmother and brother were sick, and replied coldly: "Unbelievable, desperate and helpless." ”

"That's right." She hummed lightly, the emotions in her eyes could not be distinguished, her voice was gentle and calm, but with the power to attract me to it: "These are my feelings at that time. But what touched me the most was the regret and self-blame that poured all over my body. ”

I was stunned and forgot to blink my eyes.

"At that time everyone knew the truth, except myself. By the time I knew, all the inappropriate things I had done without knowing it became a reason for me to accuse myself. Every time I think about my mom lying in the intensive care unit and I'm watching a Korean drama, I want to punish myself. To this day, I still remember the decadence, despair, pain and confusion I felt from the inside out. It was a really bad taste. ”

Every word Shi Yu said appropriately resonated with me. I seemed to see myself who was as crazy as Shi Yu at that time. Condemn yourself at every turn, fall into negativity and cry at every turn, lose sleep at every turn, stand by the window and watch the night scene until midnight...... It seems that all unsatisfactory things can be related to the serious illness of my brother and grandmother, and finally it comes down to myself, which becomes the reason for punishing myself for not being careful enough and not caring enough about them.

I unconsciously picked at the book, and it was only at the end that the tearing sound of the book called me back to reality.

I glanced at Shi Yu blankly, Shi Yu also looked at me quietly, and finally handed me a roll of tape paper.

I took it slowly, slowly tearing open a section and gluing the piece I had torn apart.

Shi Yu's voice sounded again, calm but warm: "You and I have similar experiences, so you must really empathize with this feeling." In the same way, if the person who cares about you knows what you have endured, he will definitely be full of self-blame and regret just like you and me. ”

My whole person seemed to be thrown into a bottomless abyss, I couldn't stop falling, and my heart was falling inch by inch, without a real sense of security, full of panic.

"If you don't have the ability to hide it from him forever, then find a suitable opportunity and tell him little by little. Although this will not make him less painful and self-blaming, at least, it will not be as difficult to accept as suddenly knowing everything. Shi Yu's voice was gentle and calm, with the power of seduction: "After all, he must want to know the truth from your mouth." Only when you are truly integrated into your past will he be better with you in your future and even in your life. ”

I quietly saw that the torn pages were clearly cracked, and the tape paper that allowed it to be reglued together was transparent and crystalline, and it looked awkward.

"Life is about carrying some things, but if it's too heavy, you can choose to let go." Shi Yu picked up a roll of tape paper with a pattern, and gently and carefully tore off a small piece of torn place that I had complained about in my heart just now, and immediately covered the crooked "scar", and turned it into a good-looking color decoration, making the whole notebook look good and vivid.

"You see, with your heart, scars can also become beautiful. So, as long as you put your mind to it, everything is not a problem. Believe me, he will understand you, tolerate you, and will face it with you. ”

I looked at my notebook and couldn't help but look up at her.

She looked at me and nodded slowly but firmly.

I was silent for a few seconds, then slowly nodded at her.

"Shi Yu, thank you," I said with a smile.

"Me too." She laughed back.

We looked at each other quietly and laughed together.

Today, I feel that the course "Western Economics" is not boring at all.