"It was also that day that my grandmother's condition deteriorated and I was rescued overnight, and I sat with my mother on the bench at the door of the operating room all night, thinking a lot."

Jiang Yueze's fingers stroking my long hair paused slightly, and then slowly repeated the previous movements, but his voice trembled slightly, and his emotions were faintly restrained, making it sound still calm and indifferent: "What did you think?" ”

I blinked, pondered the question, and then said lightly, "A lot." I was thinking about the many memories I had with my grandmother before, thinking about what I would do if my grandmother couldn't be rescued tonight, what we didn't say to my grandmother, what my grandmother wanted to do, and what I didn't finish. ”

"I was thinking about why I always regret it when I was about to lose it, why I always did wrong things, why I always didn't know how to cherish it when I had it, and I regretted it when I lost it. I was thinking, as long as I could let my grandma stay with me for a while longer, I was willing to exchange everything. ”

"It was so cold in the hospital that night. It was a quiet and silent summer night, but I always felt that there was a cold wind blowing in my bones, stabbing my life. I sat there, and I just felt that my hands and feet were going to be cold, and even my blood was cold. ”

Jiang Yueze didn't speak, the action of holding me was tight and tight, his head was against the top of my hair, and he dropped a kiss on the top of my hair very gently, his breath was unsteady and with a thick sense of distress.

My eyes and heart were hot, I rubbed the hand that was holding Jiang Yueze tightly, silently told him that I was fine, and continued to speak calmly: "After a long night, at 4 o'clock in the morning, Lu Zhixin called me and told me that my college entrance examination score was a few points lower than Chongwen's lowest admission score in previous years, and then I knew that I had no chance with Chongwen." ”

"Before I could be sad, the next second, my grandmother was pushed out of the ward, saying that the condition was under control and there was no danger to my life for the time being."

"I still can't tell you how I felt when I heard the news. It was as if all the strength of the whole body had been drained, and the whole person was only a shell. I could only vaguely hear the always strong mother crying like a child who had been robbed of sugar, and thanked the doctors and nurses again and again. ”

"I watched my grandmother being pushed into the intensive care unit, and instead of following, she sat back in place in a daze. I did it for a long time, and when I regained consciousness, I realized that my clothes were soaked with cold sweat. By the time I touched the cold sweat on my forehead, I found that I had already burst into tears. ”

That's when I came to my senses. Perhaps, God heard my request and exchanged my results for unsatisfactory results. ”

"After that, I went back to my life in a tutoring facility and a hospital. During this period, Lu Zhixin approached me several times and told me that there was not much time to fill in the volunteer book, and asked me to hurry up. ”

"I always have unrealistic fantasies and hopes, and I don't want to think about the future, but I don't dare to take the risk of filling in the essays. I want to repeat it, but I'm afraid that the result will still be unsatisfactory. The day before the deadline, I looked at my unconscious grandmother and finally made up my mind to report to the university. ”

"None of us knew how long she would be with us. She once said that if she wanted to see me go to college, she would feel that she had no regrets in life. And this wish, I am willing and can be fulfilled. ”

"I signed up for the volunteer that day, and I couldn't tell what I was feeling in my heart. I sat at the door of the hospital, the wind blew all night, and I thought about Rencheng No. 1 Middle School and about you all night. ”

"By the time I finished the last can of beer in tears, I told myself that I was going to forget all the memories of you and Inseong No. 1 High School. From now on, I will be just Fang Jinyu, Fang Jinyu who has nothing to do with you. ”

Jiang Yueze hugged me silently, I don't know when, our posture has changed to me lying in his neck socket, he is holding me, his breath is sprinkled behind my ears, his breath, his fragrance wraps me, full of security and happiness.

My eyes were hot, and his hand unconsciously caressed the base of my ear, over and over again, as if he was counting the partings and sorrows for me.

I resisted the sadness and regret that flowed from my chest, and just as I was about to divert the topic, the skin behind my ears was hot and I was stunned.

Before I could react, I heard Jiang Yueze's slightly choked and apologetic voice sound, which made his voice deeper and deeper and more intoxicating: "I have looked for you more than once. ”

I felt the heat go on for a while, his tears running down the lines of my skin and into my clothes, completely breaking all my pretense and strength.

I reached out and hooked his neck tightly, crying so hard that I couldn't stop crying.

His voice continued to sound: "Your mobile phone number, your number shows that you haven't logged in for nearly a year." I approached Lu Zhixin to ask about your whereabouts, more than once. But she told me that if she leaked your news, you would break up with her. She also said, you really don't want to see me. ”

When I heard this, I cried even more, and the movements of holding him tightened a little, and I kept muttering: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I don't have the face to see you, I'm sorry ......"

"I thought it was the best way, sorry to hurt you......"

He didn't speak, just hugged me tighter.

I don't know how long it took, I was tired of crying and began to cry and burp, Jiang Yueze gently wiped my tears with wet wipes, and his movements were gentle and careful, as if he was treating a rare treasure.

After wiping my face and feeding me hot honey water, my mood slowly calmed down.

His eyes were redder than just now, and there were more fireworks that were different from the past, which made me see a Jiang Yueze who would also be fragile and crying.

I was very complicated, I just wanted him to return to his previous calm and breezy nature, I unconsciously rubbed the ends of his hair, and explained my mental journey softly: "I am too timid, and I am too afraid to face these things that I want to avoid. Until now, I owe Peng Meixin an apology, Gu Jiatong and them an explanation, and I owe you a lot. ”

"It's not like I didn't think that we might meet again that year, that month, or even on that street. I think it must have been a long, long time, all the pain had passed, you had someone to compare, and I had enough courage to face you, to say sorry to you, to tell you what I didn't have the courage to say back then. ”

Jiang Yueze didn't speak, and continued to slowly stroke my long hair, kissing my eyelids and the tip of my nose from time to time, and the warm and healing power wrapped around my heart again and again.

After being quiet for a long time, Jiang Yueze slowly spoke: "What about later?" Why did you repeat it again? ”

I played with his hair and said slowly: "On the last day of volunteering, grandma woke up. I couldn't bear my unhappiness and told her that I had applied for the National Normal University, but my grandmother pointed out that I was unhappy. ”

"She told me that she didn't want me to be an excuse and a reason for me to stress because of other people's wishes, and she wanted me to be free to do what I wanted. She wants me to be happy, like when I was a kid. ”

"I held her dry hand and tried desperately to hold back tears, saying that I was afraid of losing her."

I said quietly, but tears slipped silently and wantonly: "I still remember her laughter at that time, with pampering and resentment, as well as distress and unbearable, and then said tremblingly, 'Silly Xiaoxiao, grandma will leave you one day.'" That's why you have to fight and do what you like and make me happy.'" ”

Speaking of this, I choked up and couldn't open my mouth for a while, so Jiang Yueze quietly patted me on the back, waiting for me to calm down and silently give me strength.

When I couldn't cry myself, Jiang Yueze rubbed the top of my hair and said lightly: "Grandma really loves you." ”

I nodded desperately, letting my grief run silent. After a long time, I calmed down and continued: "That night, I canceled the voluntary application and called my uncle and told him that I was going to repeat the study. ”

Jiang Yueze hummed, his voice was soft and nice: "Then re-reading, how are you doing?" ”

"It's hard." I said calmly: "At that time, the only consolation was that Gu Jiatong was still my tablemate, but I always remembered the days when you were my tablemate." Grandma was also reluctant to be hospitalized, she said that for the rest of the days, she wanted to happily continue to be a normal person. My grades also fluctuated, and I lost sleep all night long, and it was like going back to my senior year of high school. ”

"Just over a month later, my results fell to the lowest level in history, but I relaxed and went back to starting over."

"When everything was about to be fine, my grandmother died. This blow brought me back to the brink of collapse. I started to have insomnia all night again, and I was cranky. ”

"Later, I wrote to my grandmother and told her all the things on my mind. Just slowly and slowly stood up. ”

Jiang Yueze listened very carefully, and it took a long time before he hummed, and his voice was full of restrained distress and sourness: "Chuxiao is awesome." ”

I laughed and continued, "It was hard to survive that winter, but I didn't think it was that cold. When a month before the college entrance examination, my brother recovered, and I was really happy and crazy that day, and I ate two bowls of chicken noodles at noon. ”

Jiang Yueze couldn't help but laugh when he heard it.

I also laughed: "After the college entrance examination, I am very happy, I still work every day to make money, pay off the huge debts I owe, and occasionally play with Lu Zhixin and Gu Jiatong." But I still haven't been in touch with any of my other friends before. ”

"After that, when I arrived in Chongwen, I learned a lot of things you did for me that I didn't know."

Jiang Yueze didn't speak, and continued to touch my long hair, delicate and gentle.

I looked at his picturesque eyebrows and eyes, and said lightly: "Aze, I've been cowardly for a long time. I should apologize to Peng Meixin and give Wang Jiayi an explanation for what happened before. I owe it to you to say sorry and thank you. ”

Jiang Yueze glanced at me, kissed me on the forehead reverently and seriously, and then slowly spoke: "I don't need to apologize, and I don't need to thank you." I need you, don't give up on me no matter what happens to you in the future. ”

I looked at his gentle eyebrows, and tears fell silently.

Jiang Yueze made me sad but didn't know it, and continued to be gentle: "In addition, whatever you want to do, I will accompany you." ”

My tears raged even more.

It flows to the mouth, but it is sweet.