I closed the book and watched as she moved the chair to the balcony, so I moved the chair and sat on the balcony as well.

As soon as I sat down, I remembered that I had two cans of Coke in my bag, as well as potato chips and shredded squid, and I got up and went back to the table to get them.

Turning around and seeing Chen Wan's resistant and tangled expression, pointing at me with a confused expression, I couldn't help but smile and shake the snacks in my hand, handed her a can of Coke, and said briskly: "It's okay to eat once in a while in the duty room, I promise that you will clean it up after eating, and no one will catch your pigtails." ”

She took it slowly, and finally said with a complicated expression: "I thought I told you last time, and you won't be like this again." ”

I opened the can and poured a big mouthful, and when I heard Chen Wan's words, I almost squirted out, and it was easy to hold back, but I still felt crying and laughing: "Do you remember this?" Don't you want to be so conscientious and responsible? ”

Chen Wan smiled, lowered her eyes, slowly opened the can, and took a small sip.

I hurriedly asked, "How is it?" Isn't it refreshing to drink soda indoors in winter? ”

She hooked the corners of her lips very lightly, and whispered: "It's different from the feeling of summer, it seems to be more enjoyable." ”

"That's it." I raised my eyebrows proudly, took another big sip, and sighed contentedly: "I used to be in Rencheng No. 1 Middle School, every time in winter, when I was unhappy and wanted to be alone, I would sit under the big locust tree and eat a big cone, or a milk bar, and my mood would become very good. ”

Chen Wan took another sip, and didn't even make a sound, but the temperature of her tone did not decrease with the temperature of Coke, but rose: "Why?" ”

I chewed on a shredded squid and thought about the reason: "Probably because my mouth is frozen, and my heart and stomach are filled with a big cone, so I won't be in a bad mood." ”

After saying that, I couldn't help but look at Chen Wan and found that she couldn't help but laugh too.

The smile is very light, but it is as beautiful as a pear blossom, quiet and gentle.

I was stunned for a moment, and couldn't help but say, "Chen Wan, you look good when you smile, you should smile more." ”

Chen Wan was stunned, and her smile deepened: "Yu Wanzhou also said the same thing. ”

I remembered the words she and Yu Wanzhou chatted about last time on duty, and suddenly I realized it.

Chen Wan took out a shredded squid, chewed it slowly, lowered her eyes, and all her emotions were hidden under her eyelashes, making it difficult to see.

"That time on duty, I should apologize for saying that to you." She suddenly spoke, her eyes looked straight at me, and her tone was serious and serious: "That time I brought personal emotions, and I deliberately embarrassed you. I'm sorry. ”

I didn't know what to say at once. Although I lost face in front of Xu Siyang that time, I was really depressed for a long time, but now I don't feel anything, she suddenly apologized to me, I really don't know what to do.

So I could only laugh and speak: "It's all in the past, I can't remember it clearly." So you don't have to be so serious. ”

She shook her head, her eyes calm and serious: "If you do something wrong, you should apologize." ”

I looked at her and slowly became serious: "It's okay, I understand your feelings, and I understand what you do." ”

Chen Wan looked at me, the confusion in her eyes, serious and straightforward, all reflected in my mind.

"I don't understand." She spoke, with direct doubt and curiosity, and a puzzled expression on her face: "I don't understand why it's you, I really don't understand." ”

yes, why me? To be honest, I don't understand, there is a better one.

"I don't understand why I don't like you, but I can't really hate you. When I let the evil thoughts in my heart run wild and hurt you, I found that I couldn't bear it, and even hated myself. Later, I found out sadly that I was even wavering in my jealousy of you and my hatred of you. ”

"In the end, I really understood that everything stemmed from my cowardice, love and hate, I couldn't face my heart honestly, and I couldn't stick to it."

I listened to her words, and suddenly felt that the shredded squid in my mouth was no longer fragrant.

"A lot of people say that I'm cold and arrogant, and I live my own personality. But I know that my shell is built according to the rules. I also want to be like you, to live a wanton and flamboyant life. But I can't do it, I can't do it. ”

I took the half-chewed shredded squid, and thought about it for a long time before I found half a sentence that I thought was appropriate: "You don't have to learn from others, you have the taste of Chen Wan." ”

"So I don't live like others, I can't be like others, I can't be myself."

As soon as these words came out, both of us were stunned.

I pinched the Coke bottle in my hand, not knowing what to say. Fat cat bar

Chen Wan smiled indifferently, took a big sip of Coke, and then slowly spoke: "It's ridiculous, all the outrageous things I've done are about him." I had a crush on him, and the airborne planning department approached him, and I did all these things that I once thought were deviant and crazy. And it's fun. ”

I opened my mouth, feeling more complicated.

When I first met Chen Wan, I knew that she had put a heavy shackle on herself. She gives the impression of perfection, leaving her own soul full of holes, which no one can save.

Later, when I looked at the love in her eyes that could not be concealed, so turbulent and so passionate, I knew that one day I would either explode or burn myself.

So when I saw her in KTV later, I was not surprised, nor did I have any taste and schadenfreude, but I just felt unbearable.

She looked at me, smiled, and said in a clear voice: "But this is all over, and I will leave the planning department next semester." ”

I was a little surprised: "Why?" Are you unhappy in the planning department? ”

"Well, not happy." She said bluntly, staring at me seriously: "I know that I don't have a chance with him, but I am still looking forward to seeing him, I can't help but do some stupid things, and even some evil thoughts that I can't control are breeding, which is not what I like at all." ”

I blinked, and I didn't know what to say for a long time.

She didn't mention this topic again, and also fell silent, but after the silence, she took the initiative to bring up another topic: "What Peng Meixin said that day, you are very confused, right?" ”

I turned my head to look at her and admitted, "Yes." I want to know, is it because Jiang Yueze that you refused to escort you? ”

"Not exactly." She confessed: "I really don't have anything that doesn't belong to me. ”

Not exactly. That's the reason for Jiang Yueze. I lowered my eyes and was silent.

"The news in the science building is very closed, and no one knows the reason why Jiang Yueze canceled the escort, not even me, the re-selected escort officer. I don't have any great ideas, I just resist what belongs to him, which makes me feel like I don't deserve to like him. ”

Chen Wan's words made me feel more complicated. I can't say what it feels like, I just think that a girl like Chen Wan is definitely not the one she said has no personality and no self.

She obviously has a charm that makes people feel attractive, which makes her whole person shine.

"Later, when I took the mock exam, I saw him in the examination room, obviously he was still so cold and detached, but it still made me feel his loss, his unwillingness, and even decadence, I guessed that it must be related to you."

When I thought of the appearance of Jiang Yueze that Chen Wan said, I felt that my heart ached so much that I couldn't help myself, but I couldn't do anything, and I couldn't make up for anything, so I could only let him suffer and suffer in the past.

"Later, I always saw him in the physics office, he went to the experimental class to find Lu Zhixin, and the anxiety, expectation, and nervousness on his face were all indifferent that I had never seen, and these even gave me a strong feeling that it was not him. At that time, I was even more sure that something must have gone wrong between you and him. ”

"After coming home from school, I never saw the four of you walking together, until the end of the college entrance examination, when I returned to school to evaluate the scores, I didn't see you, even Lu Zhixin was gone. I know that there is a big problem between you, and you must be deliberately avoiding him. ”

When I heard this, regret and self-blame came rushing like the sea, and I closed my eyes with guilt.

"I watched him sit alone in the classroom for a long time, and when there was almost no one in the hallway, he went to sit in the hallway for a long time, and suddenly got up again, and I followed him by surprise."

"I followed him all the way to the liberal arts building, and watched him go to meet a teacher surnamed Wang and listen to him ask you for news."

Liberal Arts Building? Ask Mr. Wang? It turned out that when he went back to school to give a speech, he said that he had been here, did he mean that?

At that time, he often went to the Liberal Arts Building to find me, so he was so familiar with the structure of the Liberal Arts Building, right?

"I've never seen him look like he's lost in his soul, but I did. When Mr. Wang said that you had never contacted him since you left school, including the college entrance examination, his whole soul was like being withdrawn, without any life, like a walking corpse. At that time, I also told myself like a walking corpse that it was time to die. ”

I heard that my heart was about to die, and only then did I realize what an irresponsible decision and what a blow to him if I didn't say goodbye.

At that time, I only cared about my own sadness, blindly hiding from people, even the physical examination, photography, and filling out the form were all done by another person, and the admission ticket and other related documents were directly given to me by my uncle, and I didn't even show up in the college entrance examination, and went directly to the examination room, which was completely like evaporation in the world, and there was no trace to be found.

"It wasn't until I got to Chongwen and met again in the competition that I really believed that he was also in Chongwen, but I still couldn't believe that he didn't have you by his side."

"It took me a long time to ignore this fact, but I still couldn't help but sign up when I was recruiting the head of the planning department, so I just went to his side."

"It's not that I haven't thought about what we would do without you, and all the reveries after that are the direction of my efforts. But I saw you during military training. It was then that I sadly discovered that fate had really been playing tricks on me. ”

"Obviously, I decided to die, why did I let me see him again, I obviously gave me hope, and why did you let you appear."

I looked at her sad expression, and I only felt my heart tugging for a while.