The room was empty, and Dad's voice seemed to still echo in the space.

I felt like a circus clown without any rights, who could only be arranged to perform all kinds of fixed performances. You can't have your own thoughts, you can't have your own actions, you can't have your own lines. Everything is being arranged, step by step.

No, this is not only a circus clown, but also a marionette.

I don't have a life of my own, I'm just a puppet of others. I've been a ridiculous being, since I was a kid.

As far back as I can remember, when I was very young, I became a bargaining chip in my parents' divorce, and whoever asked for custody of me would win. So, I was snatched around, and in the storm of adults, I experienced a feeling of drifting alone. Nobody cares if I'm happy or not, nobody cares what I want. Eventually, Dad won me. Although, he was really nice to me. However, his goodness is based on the fact that I have no thoughts of my own and want to obey him unconditionally.

He never tried to understand, and although I often did wrong things, there were times when I felt wronged and wanted to argue. But, to no avail. In the eyes of fathers, only obedient children with good grades are good children. The rest, probably not enough, okay.

Now I don't deserve his expectations, and he is getting more and more disappointed in me.

I'm sad, I'm really sad. This home, for me, has no warmth at all. My stepmother and I have long been like enemies. All our harmony is acting in front of Dad. It's a pity, Dad, I don't know it.

Well, forget it, my heart is cold.

Liu Wei is like this, my family is like this, the school is like this, everything around me has become dim at this moment.

I began to pack my bags, an escape that had been squeezed deep inside me for so long, constantly struggling in my mind.

Clothes, take them out, take them out, put them in again. My suitcase had been tossed around a dozen times, but I still couldn't let go of the terrible thought in my heart: to run away from home.

I knew very well that I had nowhere to go out of this door. But even if I have nowhere to go, I want to get out of here.

This home doesn't belong to me, and it can't accommodate me.

Where can I go? Mom, I don't want to go. Although my mother loved me very much and let me go, if you think about it, my father was right last time. Maybe it's just my mother who is accepted, and I, who can only be a guest and see each other occasionally. If you stay for a long time, I'm afraid, it won't work. Maybe, it will affect my mother's normal life.

So where can I go? Liu Weijia? No, no, no, after the fight that day, he didn't even send me a single text message. Nor did I plead with him as before. We are like this, cold, and I don't know, whether it counts as a cold war, or, at all, the end.

For the rest, I can't think of any other place for me to spend the night. Yes, no matter where it is, it can only be a stay. How sad it is that I am a poor ghost with no one to take in.

Tears gradually slipped down from the corners of his eyes.

I stopped what I had repeated so many times, not to mention how uncomfortable it was. But what's the use of these?

At this moment, I suddenly remembered that Li Jie once said that she wanted to grow up and get married quickly, and escape from her home forever. At the time, I didn't understand her thoughts at all, and I thought it was a little unreasonable. Is it necessary to escape from a home like this!

But at this moment, I clearly knew that my only way out was probably what Li Jie said, grow up and get married quickly. I suddenly understood her mood and understood what she was doing.

It's ridiculous that I was so naïve at the time. People, that's it. Only when you encounter it yourself can you understand the difficulties of others. Before that, all exhortation was powerless and meaningless. Because of persuasion, you can't change any facts.

How pale all this, I took out the notebook that Xiao Ranzi gave me, and sprinkled everything in my heart on this page by page. Like, I told Xiao Ranzi, and he was also quietly listening to my heart.

This is the only way I can let my mind go free. I have no one to say, even Xu Fengfan, just to amuse me. His character is too simple, the sun is shining, and he doesn't understand the darkness in my heart. Only Xiao Ranzi can understand me just right.

After writing all this, I took out my mobile phone and dialed Xu Fengfan's number, I hope someone answers, no matter who it is, as long as someone listens. I just want to make it clear to the other party that Xu Fengfan and I don't have anything, it's me who has caused him, I want to apologize, and then tell them that I will never see him again in the future, and they can give Xu Fengfan back his freedom. The absence of freedom is a great insult to a person.

However, the phone kept ringing, but no one answered. I've hit several, all of them. In the end, I was so disappointed that I couldn't do anything for Xu Fengfan.

Dad's words just now made me really angry. If your daughter makes a mistake, why should she go to someone else's trouble! I hate it, but I can't stop it.

Dad's stubbornness and dictatorship made me feel humble and unworthy of everything I had since I was a child. Now that I'm older, I should have my own ideas.

Xu Fengfan's phone was unanswered, I thought about it and sent him a long text message:

Hello Xu Fengfan's family.

By the time you read this message, I already knew that my father had come to your house and caused you a lot of inconvenience. I think my father had a misunderstanding about this. But he was too tough-tempered and didn't listen to me. So, here, I apologize to everyone. There is no need to say anything about what happened before Xu Fengfan and me. What I want to say, is later. I promise once again that I will never take the initiative to meet Xu Fengfan again in the future, and I will not call or text him. After this, his number will be blocked by me. I will cut off all communication with him, please rest assured, I will do what I say. Please give him back his freedom, it's not his fault. Thank you, Long Xiaoxiao.

After the text message, I felt a little lighter, and I opened the window and breathed in the cold air outside the window. I hope that this cold can calm my mind.

I should think carefully about the road ahead, how to go.

I don't want to be a marionette all the time, I'm human. Although I understand that my father is for my good, his way is too much for me to accept.

I want to think about how I can give myself a new start, I hope I can have a new mental outlook, a new living environment, and a new good attitude.

But all of this is just my imagination now.