I guess the subject is a young man. It doesn't matter, so do I. Even the state of "constant self-denial and self-doubt" is the same. So let's talk about the feelings of the patients.

Upstairs, a close friend cites the dark times of the bulls to encourage you, I don't know if this trick will work for you, but it won't work for me anyway. Because I think the big bulls are all in stock, but they just suffered a setback, and they are simply not capable.

When I was young, I had little accumulation, and it was very normal and natural to feel that I was incapacitated, and it was also very objective and fair. Self-deception and saying "Actually, it's not that bad" and "Actually, I'm not bad compared to xxx", this kind of behavior not only does not cure the root cause, but even the symptoms can only be cured for a period of time.

I had a time with chicken soup for the soul, and then I realized that it didn't work at all. "Adjusting your mindset" sounds beautiful, but it's like taking a drug, and the next time the drug has passed, and the longer it drags on, the more frustrating it will be by the next one.

Because my problem is not just my mentality, I know in my heart that there is a real reason for doubting and denying myself, and no amount of praise and affirmation from the people around me can change the status quo that makes me unhappy.

So I'm doing two things:

1. Clear your mind, identify the problem, and improve yourself in a down-to-earth manner: I spent a short time asking myself what I was denying myself, and then found that I didn't have a strong sense of time, poor planning, insufficient self-control, and cared so much about other people's opinions that I was too timid to try or even ask what I really loved...... These are real problems and stumbling blocks that prevent me from making progress in any field. So I consciously looked for solutions to these problems that worked for me. Whether it is face-to-face communication with people in life or learning from the experience of predecessors on the Internet, reading the texts of life with questions, and being a caring person, you will naturally see the light of day.

2. Accept your imperfect self: At first glance it looks like chicken soup for the soul, but what makes this step effective is that it's the second step. That is, it builds on the first step. We must first begin to make substantial improvements, so that the anxious self can face up to its current situation. At this time, the methods recommended by someone earlier, such as Harvard happiness classes and building a support system, make sense. At the same time, tell yourself: take your time, be quick.

I've seen a saying: If you're feeling depressed today, then you either haven't studied, or you haven't exercised, or both.

I think the essence is that I can't see myself improving.

No matter how low the starting point is, there is hope for progress. I hope this thing is so magical.

Encourage the subject.

------------------------------------- the dividing line after 3 years--------------------------------------------------

Thank you for liking my answer, it's my highest praise so far. I haven't been on Zhihu for a long time, and I just found out recently that a friend sent me a private message after reading the answer, asking me how I am doing today after almost 3 years, and whether I have made any progress. After replying to the private message, I also want to share my recent situation with you:

"You're right, it's easier said than done. My life has not changed dramatically in the past two years, allowing me to answer questions as a winner in life – I am still a patient. However, looking back on my life in the past two years, I feel that I am indeed moving forward according to the ideas and summaries at that time. If I had to say that there was any good change, I think I started from "knowing" and "doing". In addition, the focus at that time was probably bigger, the focus was more holistic, and now I pay attention to the details and small parts, and in the process, I have a clearer and more specific understanding of many things, and I have a lot of fun. Speaking of which, it is also a transition from the collective life of the campus to the more personal social life. I'm looking forward to seeing what I'll have in the new year and hopefully we'll all make peace of mind. Happy New Year. ”

In addition, I am now a patient who is quite at ease. A certain degree of self-denial and self-doubt is what pushes us forward. In this era of knowledge explosion, feeling that you are ignorant or bad may become a norm, so this kind of motivation should also be necessary for our survival, try to learn to test and adjust to the amount that suits you best.