When I hung up the phone, I suddenly remembered the words I saw on Xichen's mobile phone a few nights ago, and asked casually, "Brother, do you know where Haoran went?" ”

"It seems that I went to his uncle, I forgot whether it was in Xiamen or Fuzhou, and I asked him when I went back, and I left in the past few days." Beilu's words were a little hesitant, and some wanted to speak, I thought about it and didn't ask more, and decided to ask Haoran in person.

"By the way, brother, do you remember Cangnan? We were together, and I finally found him. "I don't know why, I seem to be embarrassed to act happy, my tone unconsciously becomes flat, and I don't know what to take care of anymore.

"I know you're going to meet again, and since you're together, you have to make sure you don't lose your temper, you know? I still have something to do, so let's talk about it next time. His voice was so calm that it didn't have any emotion, as if I had said something inconsequential and painless, and as soon as he finished speaking, he hung up the phone in a hurry, and he wanted to talk to him a lot, and the lot of happiness he shared was suddenly blocked in his throat, and he had to hold it back.

Xichen was already asleep, her beautiful side face was leaning on the pillow, her eyes were still trembling slightly, and she didn't know if she was really asleep or subconsciously awake. These days she has watched me step by step into the whirlpool of happiness, and she has not told me how sad she is, but her sometimes red eyes, her sometimes pursed lips betray her deeply.

She said she wasn't drunk, but kept swaying away tears. You say you love her, but you don't think about giving her a home. This is what Xi Chen wanted to say but didn't say, it was her screen that lit up, and I saw the draft box.

Because I was worried that Xichen would feel uncomfortable when I heard it, I walked outside the door and talked to Haoran on the phone, Haoran is Xichen's ex-boyfriend and a good friend who grew up with us.

He has liked Xichen for many years, from ignorance when he was a child to seriousness later, the two of them have gone through ten years of ups and downs. We all thought that they could go from green years to gray hair, but the advent of the college entrance examination has changed everything.

Xichen thought that Haoran would go to college with her, but Haoran chose to go to relatives without hesitation and chose to be far away, so all the estrangement and all the quarrels continued, until the two of them had a big fight before departure, and when Xichen looked back several times at the train station, I knew that she was looking for Haoran's figure, but there was no news of Haoran until the train started.

Once I watched them walk together, as if I saw the most beautiful scene in the world, childhood sweethearts, two little guesses, the past is vivid, I really don't want the most gorgeous flowers in the past to wither, drifting away with the wind, not clear.

"Xu Haoran, have you disappeared or have your head been kicked by the door, you haven't contacted us for so long, don't you know Xichen's character? She's a knife-mouthed tofu heart at all, you should know better than me, do you want me to teach you how to do it? I held back my anger and finished speaking to Haoran in one breath, thinking of Xichen's sad appearance, I couldn't wait to pull him over and beat him to relieve my anger.

"Beimo, don't talk about me anymore, maybe leaving her and not disturbing her is what I should do." His tone changed from his usual relaxed and cheerful and even improper, but whispered hoarsely, like a child full of grievances and didn't know where to start.

Before I could react, I heard him continue on the other end, "She is so good, so gentle and kind, she should have a broad tomorrow, a blue sky, and a prince riding a white horse, but I am just an ordinary and even untalented and unambitious teenager, I can't give her the best and I don't want her to suffer." ”

"But the days ahead are still very long, we are still young, you can work together, you can work together, right?" I chuckled in my heart, it seems that this quarrel is much more serious than I imagined, Haoran's words don't seem to be a joke, he said it so clearly, so firm and desperate, it seems that there is no possibility of recovery, so what should Xichen do? How can I talk to her to reduce her pain?

"But Beimo, do you think we still have a future? We've taken different paths, we're so far apart, I can't see the future. "Is it true that experiencing a love will make people grow up once, why did I always think that my good friend Haoran who didn't grow up is so realistic at the moment?

Just as I was still thinking about how to persuade Haoran, I heard a burst of crying, I turned my head to see that it was Xichen standing at the door sobbing, her eyes were hazy, her hands and feet were overwhelmed, and her silky hair was knotted and frizzy and drooped on her shoulders.

I panicked all of a sudden, "Xichen, don't think too much, don't be sad." ”

"Yin Beimo, who do you think you are? Do you think that when you are happy, you have the right to make everyone in the world happy? She approached me, stared into my eyes, and said word by word.

Then he snatched my mobile phone and gritted his teeth at the other end and said, "Xu Haoran, who do you think you are, do you think everyone has to chase your ass and beg you to take it in?" You can't see the future, how can you see it with someone like you? ”

I couldn't hear what was being said over there, so I heard Xichen shouting hysterically, "Blame me for being blind at the beginning, so I will believe that you also have hope, you don't have to worry, I will do what you wish, with a person who has a future and strength, and the key is to live a life without sorrow." ”

"Xu Haoran, in fact, you don't have to be so decisive, because I never thought of entanglement." After Xi Chen finished saying this, she squatted weakly in the corner, as if this word weighed as much as a thousand gold, and it took all her strength, and she no longer had the energy to please and wait for Haoran to turn back, and the words she said that night cut off all back roads, all thoughts, and even the last bit of contact.

Once the vase is broken, it is difficult to reclose, the words are difficult to take back as soon as they are spoken, and the wound is difficult to heal once it is cracked.

It's just that later Haoran will regret it, will he blame himself for not taking responsibility and not having the courage to take it, if he knew that he would send Xichen into such a life, would he also be a little ashamed, would he also hate himself for letting go easily, and would he regret not firmly grasping the kind and gentle girl who is not familiar with the world.

"I'm sorry, Xichen, I'm sorry, I didn't know it would turn out like this, I just want you to be happy, I just want you to be reconciled, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry." I squatted down and hugged Xichen's trembling shoulders, so anxious that tears fell with her, and I said incoherently, words that didn't work.

I don't know if Haoran regretted it, but I regretted it at the time, if I had known that this would be the result, if I had known that things would get worse like this, then I would not have dialed the phone even if I chopped off my own hand.

I just need to accompany Xichen quietly, I will comfort her when she is sad, I will make her laugh when she cries, why do I have to toss so much, why do I have to do so many things to make things like this? Thinking of this, I couldn't get angry with myself, and raised my hand and slapped myself loudly.

"Beimo, don't beat yourself, I don't blame you, Beimo." She held my hand and hugged me, a tear fell on my shoulder, soaked my clothes, drenched the whole youth, and she kept saying, "Beimo, he said that he can't see the future with me, you know? I made him lose sight of the future. ”

Xi Chen repeated it over and over again, reminded himself over and over again, and let himself burst into tears over and over again.

I didn't know what to do except cry with her and hug her and wipe her tears quietly, late that night, Xichen finally cried tired and fell asleep, with undried teardrops on her eyelashes, crystal clear.

We always think that the years are still ruthless, and there is still a lot of time to redeem and forgive, but we don't know that we will break our hearts and say that we will come to an end.

That night, I didn't dare to fall asleep, worried that Xichen would wake up without anyone talking, afraid that she would run out alone to do something stupid, Cangnan chatted with me, and he swore to me that you can rest assured that Beimo, no matter how bad I am, I will not leave you behind, I will let you eat even if I ask for food.

If you don't know me by then, you still don't know me. I replied to him without appreciating it at all, in fact, I was very moved.

If a rough girl like me can be happy, why would Xichen, such a gentle girl, still bear to hurt her? Misery stay away from her, she's such a desperate girl, like a fragile diamond.

I hope we all have better opportunities in the future, and we don't have to sigh in the middle of the night when no one is around.

There is always a kind of girl in this world who will lick her wounds and clean herself up no matter what happens, put on a thick skin, and continue to live a clean and glorious life, Xichen is such a girl, a girl who makes people feel more distressed and anxious, every time she thinks about it, she is slightly distressed, but she doesn't know what to do with her.

She was afraid that mentioning those wounds would make her more painful, but she was afraid that her sadness would gather into the sea and drown herself, but there was nowhere to flow, and she could not run.

Haoran always said that Xichen was the goddess of his life, a girl who he felt like a fairy at first sight, a fairy at the second sight, and a girl who would never get tired of seeing it for the first hundred eyes.

But I never believed that he only fell in love with Xichen's face, but I still firmly believed that there must be a place in his heart that belonged to Xichen, from a young smile to a gray hair.

The helplessness of the inappropriate in the world is probably like this, I want you to have the best, so I let it go, but I don't know that you just want to have someone to accompany you, even if there is no piano, chess, calligraphy and painting, only firewood, rice, oil, salt, sauce, vinegar and tea.

But you don't want to turn back, and I don't want to stretch out my hand to hold on, and at last you go away, and I turn around and go back.

From now on, you look at the sea over there, and I look at the mountains here.

Xichen got up early the next day, put on her military uniform, and returned to her demure and calm appearance, as if everything that happened yesterday was a dream, but her slightly red and swollen eyes betrayed her.

After I'm gone, you'll have to take care of your black hair, fussy stomach and smiling eyes. This is the last sentence that Haoran left for Xichen, and I have always kept it for her.

Cangnan quietly pulled me aside, pointed to Xichen, who was chatting and laughing not far away, and said in surprise, "Beimo, you lied to me last night, Xichen doesn't seem to have anything to do, could it be a trap you deliberately set up when you want me to say love to you?" ”

"What are you talking about, even if I want to hear you, I won't make such a joke with you, are you a pig?" I admired his ability to associate and kicked him helplessly.

"Alas, women are fickle creatures." Cangnan scratched his head and looked puzzled, "It's better for you not to be like this in the future, otherwise I don't know whether to comfort or not." ”

"At the end of the north, it seems that autumn is coming." When passing the school path at noon, a fallen leaf fell on Xichen's shoulder, she raised her head and said faintly, "The weather is getting colder, you have to cover the quilt, I can't coax you to take medicine, and I can't give you a hug." ”

"What are you muttering?" I didn't hear what she was saying, I followed her eyes curiously but there was nothing, she turned her face but her eyes were red, and she quickly hid her smile and said that it was nothing.

Cai Qiang said that women are trouble, they can't be beaten, scolded, or persuaded, she held Xichen and said Don't worry, whoever doesn't want a beautiful and sensible girl like you will suffer, and I don't know how many better people I will meet in the future.

But our thousand words still haven't been able to open the knot in her heart, so we can only wait for time, or wait for a lover.

On the night of military training, the playground is always very lively, just like in the barracks, and at night, the battalions have to socialize, sing military songs, perform programs and play games, which are all necessary items.

But for me, except for watching the excitement, nothing else is my strong point, and the incomplete pentatonic plus the game black hole doomed me to be only an audience.

But Cangnan is different, he was nurtured by a foreign artist mother since he was a child, and a wealthy businessman father sent him to be trained, and he has been a music expert since he was a child.

And our encounter is also because of the music, I like to listen to his unique voice, with a little foreign accent, I like to see his serious expression holding the guitar and singing with his head down, the whole world seems to be the only one, all stop the noise for him, all quiet down to watch him perform, listen to him sing, light up the world, fill my eyes.

You say that my eyes are as bright as stars, it is because you are the stars, and I only have you in my eyes.

For a class like ours who study journalism, it is really difficult to want to perform a show, so every night is nothing more than sitting on the playground chatting, singing military songs, and playing games.

What a handkerchief, idiom solitaire, repeated over and over again. On the night of the ninth day of military training, I was blindfolded and playing hide and seek again, but in the middle of the day, I suddenly heard a commotion in the class, and I took the opportunity to touch the surroundings for a while.

Finally grabbed a collar, but the man didn't seem to dodge at first, he held my hand with his backhand, I was so frightened that a reflex slap was thrown over, there was a burst of laughter around, I hurriedly took off the blindfold, but saw Cangnan grinning and covering the left side of his face.

"Why are you, don't squeak, I'm sorry, Cangnan, does it hurt?" I couldn't cry or laugh when I saw him grinning and couldn't speak, so I hurried up to check if there was anything wrong with his face, I couldn't see if there was anything wrong under the light, but he was a little cuter under the light.

"Are you a woman? With so much strength, if it weren't for the heavier weight of my guitar, I would have been slapped by you to the Pacific Ocean. He looked at me angrily, as if he had been greatly wronged.

"But you're also at fault, who let you touch a girl's hand, it's strange if you don't hit you." I retorted unceremoniously to him, it's strange to be touched and not resist, okay?

"I'm no one else, not to mention that I didn't touch it, I was beaten by you just after touching it." He looked at me pitifully with a pretended aggrieved expression, and wanted to immediately squeeze two tears out of his eyes to assist him in expressing his heart.

"Don't you know I'm blindfolded? Who knew you would come over suddenly and not speak. I ignored his pretentious gesture and deliberately tilted my head to the side, because his expression was so cute that I was afraid that I would not be able to resist it.

"Hehe, I forgot, I forgot for a while." He scratched his head, his face full of embarrassment, and provoked another burst of laughter.

So in the end, Cangnan not only didn't get the benefits and didn't get my compensation, but also had to turn his head and coax me, Cangnan said that he actually knew that you were not angry, nor unhappy, but I just wanted you to be a little happier, a little happier, and then make your smile brighter, which is the happiest thing for me.

Later, Cangnan kept saying that even if he was blindfolded one day, he could still sense my breath for the first time, which was a feeling in his heart.

He sat in the middle of the grass with his guitar in his arms, playing quietly, his slightly curly hair became gentle in the night, his low-hanging eyelashes were slightly curled, and his slender fingers danced on the strings.

What we didn't expect was that he sang military songs one after another, from "Green Flowers in the Army" to "Unity is Strength", we couldn't help it, and we sang along and clapped our hands involuntarily.

In this world, he was the first person to let me know that military songs and guitars can also be partners, and he was also the first person to sing military songs into my heart.

There are some things that you can do in addition to you, and maybe others will be able to do it in the future. But there are some things that no one else can do but make me happy.

When everyone went back, the four of us were still on the grass to admire the moon, Tianyi and Xichen chatted happily on the other side, I looked at Xichen's side face, her mouth was wide open, her smile was very sweet, her eyes were very clear, how long had it been since I saw Xichen like this, since I came to this school, I had never seen her laugh so heartily, at that time I didn't even dare to disturb the two of them, afraid that the crystal-like smile would be frozen by me.