If you don't enter the tiger's den, you can get the tiger

The origin of the idiom "if you don't enter the tiger's den, you can get the tiger" is well-known. It tells us that at critical moments, we must have the courage to do things. "Bold across the ocean, timid can not move an inch", without a little courage, you will achieve nothing.

A friend turned out to be an honest and almost sluggish person, and he hadn't seen him for two or three years, but he was really "not Wu Xia Amun". He made a lot of money by going to sea, and he had a beautiful and generous confidante with good character. From his introduction, it is known that the success in business is not to mention, and the victory in love is also all due to the word guts: his current girlfriend was originally pestered by another child with a very background, but she was not happy. He thought twice about it, and thought of all kinds of civilized and barbaric means of revenge, but in order to seek true love, he finally mustered up the courage and let go...... After several twists and turns, the haze has dissipated, and the lovers finally have to "hold hands", which can be regarded as a fulfillment of the dream of a mandarin duck butterfly with a full moon.

Are you inspired as you bless them?

Some people are so frightened at the thought of asking for something that they tremble in their hearts before they can open their mouths, and finally rot things in their stomachs. If you look back carefully, you will find that this situation is not overnight, not only when something is asked for people, but also in daily interpersonal communication, you must also make the same mistake.

Experts call this "social phobia."

Some friends are afraid to socialize. For example, music cafes, dance halls, cafes, etc., and even festive banquets of relatives and friends, whenever he goes to a crowded place, he feels uncomfortable, and sometimes he avoids acquaintances far away, lest he talk and socialize.

The causes of social phobia are complex, and according to the most general psychological analysis, low self-esteem and shyness are two factors that cannot be ignored. People with this symptom find it difficult to interact with people naturally, so they are often in a state of loneliness, which affects the normal development of interpersonal relationships.

In the classical masterpiece "Dream of Red Mansions", Lin Daiyu can be called a girl with a strong sense of inferiority. Since she stepped into Jia's mansion, she has a feeling of loss under the fence, although she has Jia's mother's love, but because of the decline of her family, she comes from a foreign country, and she feels unequal with other girls everywhere in her heart.

This talented woman in Suzhou has a strong self-esteem and is introverted by nature, so whenever she gathers on various occasions, in order to protect her dignity from being violated, she is alone in a corner, depressed, and unwilling to take the initiative to socialize with others. It is Lin Daiyu's extreme inferiority complex that hinders her from getting along with her sisters.

In real life, similar situations are not uncommon. Some people are usually alone, and they don't even have any friends around them, and once they encounter any trouble, if someone encourages them to beg for help, it is like pushing them to the execution ground!

Inferiority complex is completely overcome. The first thing to do is to boost your self-confidence. In fact, no matter what kind of social situation, people are equal in personality, and there is no need to defile themselves and think that they are inferior.

Because of low self-esteem, some people always feel that others look down on them, but in fact, this is mostly because they underestimate themselves. And if others belittle you, it is often caused by your own inappropriate avoidance behavior, because you are outside the normal circle of communication, others will not be able to make the right judgment about you, resulting in alienation and indifference, which in turn reinforces your loneliness, creating a vicious circle, thus making you appear more unsociable.

The only way to change this situation is to abandon the inferiority complex and boldly and frankly enter various social circles, in which both parties will show their talents, so as to gradually learn to correctly evaluate others and themselves, and improve their self-confidence.

The second is to forget about the self, and shy people pay too much attention to themselves: Is it okay for me to talk like this? Am I dressed appropriately? Will it be abrupt when I ask for help? What should I do if people reject me? The more I think about it, the more nervous I become, the more nervous I become, and the more nervous I become, the more restrained I become, and if I don't get out of this dilemma in time, it will inevitably lead to the failure of the relationship.

If you think about it from another angle: the person in front of you may not be smarter than you, maybe he is also shy and afraid. In this state of confidence, we can become calm and composed, and once the spiritual selflessness and relaxation are formed, the conditions and atmosphere for normal interaction emerge.

In addition, it is necessary to strengthen practice and bravely take the first step in seeking help. As social psychologists have pointed out, a successful social experience will greatly dispel the social mystery and enhance one's self-confidence in social interaction; Many successful experiences will make people form a new reflex for socializing, learn to interact with anyone naturally and generously, and be honest and honest with others. In the final analysis, there is no such thing as a natural social activist, and the final cure for social phobia can only be achieved through repeated practical exercises.

Be a real man

Asking people to do things is often not smooth sailing, and it is easy to get it done. Many friends can't stand the frustration of failing to ask for someone to torture, depressed, long sighs, or crying and wiping tears, to die or live, you don't see, some people can't beg people, jump off the building and hang themselves, there are all kinds of tricks, it's not worth it. I hope that after reading this book, you can increase some psychological endurance and understand that frustration is a common occurrence in the process of seeking help.

If you look at Who's Who in America, you will find that those who have achieved fame have experienced many unhappiness, discouragement, frustration and personal misfortune.

From the biographies and autobiographies of celebrities, you can also find that everyone can be knocked down by frustration and collapse.

Or you can do this: try to get to know the boss of your company, the best of your classmates, or anyone you think is an accomplished person, and when you dig deeper into their backgrounds, you'll see that everyone has come through frustration.

In times of competition, it is impossible for a person to achieve something without being hostile, difficult, and frustrated, but you can turn these setbacks into motivation to drive you upward.

The reason why mediocre people are mediocre is because when they are frustrated, they are planted there in all directions, and they can no longer get up, or they quickly climb to another place, and they never want to show their heads again.

The place of a great man to become a great man is to get up after he is knocked down and never admit defeat, which is the so-called strong will and good psychological quality.

Iacocca, the world's superrichest man, has experienced numerous setbacks. He had been toyed with like a cat and mouse by his boss, Henry Ford, but he survived.

"I can bear the personal pain," he said. But deliberately humiliating me in public was too much. At that time, I was so angry that I could have made a stupid choice, and I could have directed my anger on myself, and the consequences would be terrible. I can also turn my anger into strength and try to make a difference. ”

There are countless small forks in the road in life, and there are also a few really big forks in the road, which is a critical time of life and death, right and wrong, as long as you can hold on to the last five minutes, you win, and a person's miracle is often produced in the last five minutes. As long as you can withstand it, you are a real man, and the most beautiful flowers and the most beautiful women belong to you in the end.

Some people plan to tell someone what is going on as soon as they meet them. Unexpectedly, after meeting and making a rough judgment of the other party's face, expression, social status and occupation, he was silent.

If you keep silent, no one else will be able to figure out how to solve your problems. Therefore, no matter what we encounter, we should not be discouraged at the beginning, even if it is not harmful to make fun of the other person, why not tell the secret in our hearts, maybe we can find a solution to the dilemma.

Do you get discouraged about anything from the start? Chat with friends, don't have to keep your thoughts on your mind, you might as well say it for everyone to hear, maybe the scope of solving your troubles will expand.

Chinese believe in "feng shui rotation", even if you are really not in a good situation at present, feng shui rotates, thirty years to the east of the river, thirty years to the west of the river, who can say that you will not be better than thousands of people in the future? Don't be intimidated by people's "I am a descendant of nobles", but have the spirit of "I am the ancestor of nobles", so that you can be neither humble nor arrogant when asking for people, and be reasonable and beneficial; Only in this way can you give full play to your talents.

Don't say it's impossible. The world itself is an irreversible chain of cycles made by emperors in turn. Feng Shui has turned around, and it is impossible to think about underdevelopment, which is called luck and the door panel cannot be stopped.

Therefore, we must be confident in our own bright future, so that confidence inspires action, and action in turn strengthens confidence, so that a virtuous circle will definitely achieve the ultimate goal.

Would you be surprised to say that the world's great writer Tolstoy had a serious inferiority complex, right? Since he was a child, he has been troubled by his little gray eyes. However, when he decided to compensate for the defects inflicted on him by his Creator with a great self-creation, his inferiority complex turned into self-motivation. He no longer bothered with his natural eyes, but created works that would be passed on to future generations, won the favor of many beauties, and squeezed his house to the fullest, lamenting that women had no effort to get it.

For example, many men feel inferior because they are short.

The world-famous wind conductor Bernstein, U.S. Secretary of Defense Berg, and movie star Woody Allen are all short. However, it is clear that the short stature did not hinder their careers. We could cite many similar examples.

Anyone who wants to make up for his short stature often strives for greater achievements. Charlie Walt, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of California, Los Angeles School of Medicine, said so. In history, there are many great people who have become famous for compensation and are short, and the most famous one is Napoleon, Attila the Huns, and Stalin.

Mental anguish can maintain mental soundness. Inferiority complex is transformed into a hormone that promotes progress. If you have low self-esteem because you have an inferiority complex, it is not wise. Because embarrassing personalities are not innate, but are acquired by circumstances and even yourself. To do this, you have to think deeply about survival skills and changes in the environment, and try to seek enlightenment bit by bit, so that you can move from low self-esteem to strength.

Be good at taking advantage of your inferiority complex, which is your resilience to your anger. Because of low self-esteem, you are clearly and sometimes overly aware of your shortcomings, which makes it clear that you have the goal of correcting or making up for them with other achievements in life. You move towards this goal with the perseverance of your will, gradually abandoning your inferiority complex on the way forward," Keyan distressed. This experience will sharpen your character, and a strong character is a powerful tool for progress in life.

Low self-esteem fosters a strong, embarrassing temperament that can serve as a springboard for self-development. The key is in yourself.

Dead horses have the right to be a live horse doctor

Some people often think that "this is impossible", "others won't help", and so on, before they ask someone, and so on, but they don't know that it is this thought that gets in their way.

Napoleon said, "I don't have the word 'impossible' in my dictionary". In the same way, you should also drop the word "impossible" in your dictionary, just as you can throw away a piece of paper. In fact, man is a very adaptable animal: as long as you are willing to try, nothing is absolutely "impossible".

Have you ever unconsciously and often used a lot of negative statements? Such as "impossible", "no", "bad", "no way", "don't", ...... Or among your family and colleagues, there are also people who often use this expression? And anyone who says "do it", "talk about it", "I approve of it", "I will definitely succeed", "I am interested...... People with such words are often people who can move forward and act aggressively.

It's just a difference in language, but deep down in your heart, your perception of what you're asking for has been invisibly affected.

We must make up our minds not to say anything negative in our daily conversations. Moreover, it is necessary to further replace it with affirmative words. If you can do this, you will naturally have a positive attitude and be much more persuasive to others.

Two different mentalities, but the effect is very different.

"There is sun on sunny days, but there is no sun on cloudy days".

This is not true, you know, the sun is above the clouds on a cloudy day!

"There's only 1,000 dollars left in the wallet."

It should be changed to "There are still 1,000 pieces left!" ”

Think like that in everything you ask for. If you unconsciously have some negative words around you, you have greatly lowered your expectations of the possibility of success.

Rather than be sad all your life, you should live happily.

Don't be sad all day long because you have something to ask for, thinking about what to do if it doesn't work out. In fact, there is no need to think about it so much, but in case, there is still a chance of 9999 out of 10,000 success.

Yes, self-confidence is the ladder to success, but then again, sometimes overconfidence often leads to a sharp emotional downturn in the face of failure, and the psychology cannot withstand a huge blow. Sometimes it is those who do not have great hopes for success, or even plan for the worst, that will not be embarrassed by failure.

An amateur Peking Opera troupe in a city recruits actors, and enthusiasts gather to apply for the examination, and there is no shortage of them. It can be seen that the competition is bound to be very fierce.

Miss Xue has a good talent, her parents are both Peking Opera ticket holders, and she was quite influenced when she was a child, so she has deep faith in her heart and does not take this one-in-a-hundred life to heart. Facing the examiner who was sitting in a precarious position, he was not nervous at all, thinking that he would get a lot of praise when he opened his mouth and did "work".

But the other Miss Li was not so proud, she kept thinking, there are mountains outside the mountains, there are heavens outside the sky, there are many capable people, and there are too few places.

As a result, Miss Li walked out of the examination room calmly, while Miss Xue ran out crying.

For a long time, she never felt able to hold her head up in her own group of friends. She always wondered how much her winning emotions had affected her friends at that time, and no one doubted that she would make it to the gold list. This is good, everyone will laugh at me behind my back......

Miss Li, who was dragged away by her at the beginning, although she was also eliminated, she didn't feel that she couldn't stand it at all. The reason is that when she signed up, Miss Xue repeatedly mobilized to accompany her, and she didn't have any hope, at most she had the psychology of giving it a try, so she didn't care about falling off the list.

If a person is skeptical about the possibility of success, he may wish to lower his goal and prepare for the worst, so that he will cushion the blow of failure. This is a defensive measure to protect one's face in an unpleasant situation. Such psychological measures abound in everyday life.

For example, when going on a date, while waiting, you often have the mental preparation of "whether he or she will come", so that even if you can't do your best, you won't feel embarrassed. If you firmly believe in the other party's appointment, and once the prediction fails, you will be unable to hang on your face, or be angry, or be disheartened, and sigh that "the flowing water and the flowers are gone", and the human feelings are like paper.

There is a famous quote in Gulliver's Travels: "Blessed is the man who holds no hope, for he will not be disappointed." Although this quote may be allegorical, it reflects a common psychological phenomenon and has the same meaning as the lowering of the goal mentioned above. This is also what we often say, "Strive for the best and plan for the worst." The common people said more popularly: "Dead horse right to be a live horse doctor!" ”

The higher the expectation, the deeper the cliff of disappointment. It's like treating places of interest and going to them, but the result is often disappointed, and the so-called scenery is not as good as listening to the scenery. And on the slopes and canyons, by the forest streams, walking around, roaming at will, seeing a flower, a tree, a spring, a stone, but often will be surprised by it, linger for it, and get unexpected pleasure because of it.

Fourth, your dreams have to come true by yourself

Being rejected, being humiliated, no matter where it comes from, official, authoritative, or your beloved friend of the opposite sex, there's nothing remarkable. As long as you don't reject yourself, as long as you still stand up after being rejected or humiliated, you have the potential to succeed.

Ever since Christopher Columbus knew that the earth was round, he dreamed of crossing the vast sea, and he wanted to see the richness and prosperity of the East. In 1484 he proposed a voyage to the King of Portugal in the hope of receiving funding.

Without hesitation, the King of Portugal rejected his request. Moreover, he also attracted vicious curses such as "idiot", "madman", "rhapnoyer" and other vicious curses from the princes and ministers.

Columbus was not discouraged. In 1485 he emigrated to Spain and submitted plans for a nautical expedition to the Spanish royal palace, begging for funding. The plan was never returned, and nothing was heard from.

So he sent the voyage to the King of England and to the King of France, but there was no trace of him.

He still waited patiently, carefully planned. I don't feel that I have fallen into poverty, and I have gray hair. But he waited patiently. He is convinced that his plan will one day be put into practice.

The day has finally come. In April 1492, the king and queen were overjoyed by a Spanish victory in a foreign war, and in order to further show their national prestige, they finally agreed to fund Columbus's voyage.

Columbus's lifelong dream came true.

No matter how many times others refuse, it is not worth your own decision. As long as you have this self-determination, it is enough not to change it easily.

-- Use your tenacity and perseverance to change the rejection of others, and do not change you because of the rejection of others. This is one of the keys to success.

Columbus had a strong belief in his dreams, so he was able to endure for many years.

There are often situations in life where the seeker is unsure of whether his hopes can be realized, and once a "big man" refuses your request, he feels hopeless.

How to deal with the judgment and rejection of celebrity authority? Do they sometimes talk nonsense too?

In 1832, a young man from a rural village who had studied music from a village musician in the family of a small innkeeper in rural Italy was sponsored to apply for the Milan Conservatory, where he wanted to study in a formal conservatory and learn systematic music theory and composition. His name was Verdi.

The examiner was a celebrity in the music industry, and when he stared at it, he saw such a young man who looked like a rustic little farmer, and he thought it was funny, and quickly said to him: "Do you know what kind of talent is created here?" Did you know that half of musical talent is born with talent? I don't want to test you, you're over the critical period of making a musical genius. And from my intuition, from the way you look, I know that you are definitely not the material for making music. Change careers, boy! ”

He was turned away.

He's only 19 years old! What could be more brutal than the sudden death sentence of music, the career he dreamed of, the grandeur of his ambition that had aroused his excitement and excitement countless times? What could be a harder blow than this?

Verdi was not defeated. The rejection and verdict of the examiner did not shake his pursuit of music.

Celebrities have celebrity biases, and there are celebrity-style nonsense. He thought so.

Am I really not musically talented? Someone with a musical talent might be just like me! He's so confident.

He did not hesitate to embrace music wholeheartedly, insisting on going his own way, seeking another mentor, and studying his own. Create while learning.

Finally, a large number of operas and pieces that shocked the Italian and world music scene flowed out of his hands: "Blow the Trumpet", "Nabucco", "Lombard", "Ernani", "Rigoletto", "Troubadour", "La Traviata", "Aida", "Othello", "Memoriam", ...... He is recognized as one of Italy's leading composers and one of the most popular opera composers in the world!

Don't the Chinese often say that "your dreams have to come true by yourself"? That being the case, don't put all your hopes in others.

In life, asking for someone can save a momentary emergency, but the long-term dream has to be realized by yourself. We must not give up on ourselves because of a momentary setback or someone pouring cold water on us.