In his autobiography, Franklin said, "Unless you are sure, you better not say: I confirm so." It is a view that opposes the absoluteness of speech, against strong assertions. In other words, leave room for speech and don't go too far.

It's best to make it a habit to put up with the contradictions in other people's speeches and to be careful about your assertions. Even restrain your speech, such as considering the tone of each word or phrase that will show a fixed opinion, such as "of course", "no doubt", and so on. Try to use things like "I think", "I know", "I think", "That's what it is for me at the moment". When thinking that someone else's judgment is wrong, do not immediately refute his contradictions, or point out the absurdities in his narrative. You will find this change of attitude sensible. It will make the conversation you participate in more enjoyable. The more humble you are, the easier it will be for others to accept your opinions, and the less likely you will be to get caught up in contradictory situations. What's more, it will make it easier to persuade others to abandon their own preconceptions and misconceptions in favor of or accept their own opinions.

It's a fact: people tend to appreciate things that are hard to come by.

Your opponents won't appreciate the easy success. So if you really want to make the other person happy, let them fight for everything they can get. In addition to not giving in too quickly, do not offer additional services too quickly, promise fast delivery, be responsible for your own shipping costs, comply with the other party's specifications, offer favorable terms or lower prices. Even if you want to make these concessions, don't do them too quickly. Don't give in and let the other side win.

The ancients once proposed to resist like flowing water. When the water is forced to flow into an unfamiliar river under pressure, it is always temporarily retreated. When the time is right, it slowly penetrates, at first slowly, and then gradually becomes a big impact.

When the other side is stubborn, we should be wise to learn how to resist the current, retreat first, then listen, think, and then slowly move forward, so there should be room for wording.

Regarding the "persuasion method of retreating as advance", a connoisseur once had the following personal experience:

There is a plan to be implemented, and the manager must be persuaded to agree. The department head was also interested in this plan and was willing to support the manager when convincing him. So the two of us went to the manager's room, and when I first gave a general description, the manager thought for a moment and asked the director: "What do you think?" "I can't help but doubt my ears, he obviously promised to be my backing, how did he become hanging? What's going on here? So the manager only promised to "consider, consider", and as a result, the plan was frozen, just one step away. At that time, as long as the director helped me, it would definitely pass.

"What a dishonest person" I had a lot of opinions about the director in my heart, but later I realized that it was all my misunderstanding. On the afternoon of the third day, the manager agreed. It turned out that the director expressed a good attitude of everything, and then persuaded the manager. If the director and I puff up our tongues to convince the manager, it is difficult to predict what the manager will decide. Perhaps the reason he disagreed was because he thought the two of us were colluding to force him to comply.

If you don't care about the content of persuasion, you will feel and feel that you are opposed to this method, but in fact you can grasp the psychology of the other person. It's easy for the other side to see you as a counselor in decision-making.

In this world, there are people who say right and he left, and you say up and he is down, and if there are people with these quirks who are the object of your persuasion, then it is best to use opposition persuasion to persuade such people. If you want him to say right, instead of saying that you are in favor of the right, you should explicitly agree with the left, and then he will say, "What will you say?" It should be on the right! "So he unknowingly fell into your trap.

The method of persuasion by retreating into advance is something that everyone can learn. A stubborn opponent is often struck down without hurt in your weakness attitude.

So, what are the essentials of the persuasion method of retreating into advance, specifically? Here are a few basic "tactics" that are commonly used.

(1) Use the "yes-but" method

This is a method that is often used and has great results. Whatever the other person says, you should answer "yes, yes......" and then find another opportunity to calmly say to him: "However, there are still some questions that we need to consider carefully." ”

Anyone who is refuted in person will react with rejection of the other person's opinion, even if they know that the other person is justified.

Therefore, the purpose of answering "yes, yes ......" first is not to agree with the other person's opinion, but to say to the other person, "I understand what you said".

To use the "yes and one but" rule, we must pay special attention to the following two points:

Attitude to show that you understand the other person's opinion

For example, lean forward slightly, gaze into the other person's eyes, nod your head, and then sort out what the other person has heard and say, "What you want to say is ......."

Indicates that you feel the same way as the other person

Feel the other person's feelings, and then say to him, "Are you anxious about this?" "And so on.

As long as you show an attitude that can understand the other person's feelings, the other person will lose the ability to attack. Especially when he's emotional, hearing you say that, he'll quickly calm down. And after a further exchange of views between the two parties, the other side will usually find their mistakes as well.

Of course, the "yes but but" method can also be used for argumentation, which is the saying "we are right, but the other side is wrong".

Examples of its application are as follows:

"It is true that young people nowadays, as you say, do not move without telling them to do things. However, with proper instructions, they are eager to do it, and they are very enthusiastic about what they love. So it's a mistake to say that they can't get motivated.

"The definition you are talking about is no longer in line with modern trends. If you look at it from a new point of view, you'll see that they're very motivated.

"Let me assume that your opinion is correct, so that you can explain these new facts. Now, please start talking about the tactics of retreating, and the other party thinks that you have taken one step back, but in fact you have taken two steps forward.

The key to using the "yes one but" method is that when you say "but......", don't directly attack the opponent's weakness. You have to be soft-spoken, and it's best to try to let the other person find the mistake on their own.

(2) Pervasive infiltration

Start with trivial claims. Since the other person usually thinks, "This little request is ......", it is easy to say yes. Then, you should immediately make a slightly larger request. In this way, it becomes an established fact that the other party agrees to your request one after another.

Initially, the opposing side will put on a posture of tough resistance. However, once allowed, I had to comfort myself with the excuse of "it doesn't matter if it's a big thing or a small matter, I've already agreed to it anyway".

This trick is often used by Western salesmen:

"I'm sorry, ma'am, please help fill out three forms. The questionnaire is very simple and only takes 10 minutes ......"

When the other party agrees, the salesman will have a chance to gain a firm foothold. As for questionnaires, this has become irrelevant. The purpose is simply to sell the product. At this time, he was not too embarrassed to drive him away immediately, so he had to listen to what he had to say. If they talk to each other speculatively, maybe the salesman can stay for half an hour.

You can also use this method when you want to meet people who are busy. You can start by asking the person to say, "Just 10 minutes." Of course, the other party will also admonish: "Ten minutes is the limit." But as the conversation unfolds, even if you delay a little longer, the other person is helpless.

The above is a situation when there is a request for others. The following is a case where this method is used in a debate or conversation.

A: "You're in favor of rigorous training for those who come in, right?" ”

B: "Of course. Receiving a little more rigorous training, for them, there are only benefits. ”

A: "However, the person in charge of training should also be carefully considered. ”

B: "Yes, managers also need to be trained so that they can manage their subordinates better. ”

A: "Totally. Hear you say that; I'm confident. However, the supervisor is very busy, how can he have the opportunity to train as a supervisor?

B: "But there's no other way to train the new recruits well. ”

In this example, the topic of "training for new employees" is first discussed by the other party, and then the training of supervisors, the focus of the conversation, is appropriately revealed. It's a tactic that starts small and works your way up to the end.

(3) Ask the other party for advice

When your ideas are so strongly opposed that you can't move an inch, you may want to ask the other person: "If it were you, what would you do?" ”

This method is often used by car salesmen. When the customer replied, "I'm not going to change to a new car at this time," the salesman gushed about how cost-effective it would be to get a new car at this time. Of course, customers get bored of listening. In the end, I had to use "no money" as an excuse. As a result, the salesman began to propose a way to buy a car with a loan, and he relentlessly sold it. This may not be acceptable to customers.

Therefore, it is best for the salesperson to ask: "What car do you like?" Or "why is this", and so on, regardless of whether the business can be done or not, but the customer will have to answer all questions. ”

In addition, if you have a problem at work that needs to be solved, you may want to ask someone else, "What is the cause of this?" I really don't understand, can you point me out? ”

At this time, the other person will usually triumphantly teach you a lesson.

Anyone who hears someone say something they know first, or who always thinks it was the first thing they discovered or thought of, will comment on it. On the other hand, if you stand in the position of teaching, you become very tolerant, and you will tell you everything you know.

This type of method works mainly because the other person's self-esteem is at work, giving the other person a sense of superiority, and in the end, the other person will often do more than you expect.

This is especially effective for children. Of course, there is nothing wrong with adults.

(4) Deflate the balloon to see how it goes

In order to correctly determine whether or not to retreat now, to what extent, and where to retreat and move forward, the following methods must be used.

At this time, just find an appropriate time to release a language detection balloon. If you feel that the wind is too resistant, stand still and do not act recklessly. But if you hear everyone say welcome, you can just do it.

It's just that the way of expression should be chosen carefully. There are two principles to be observed here: first, you must be able to grasp the reaction of the other party. When you see an imminent attack at the second sight, you should immediately pull the balloon down and retract it.

"What do you think would be the result if you used this method?"

"For example, if a company like ×× uses this method, I wonder if it can also be applied to our company's situation?" Like this, don't use categorical statements, and don't let the other person catch the pigtails in the language. so that he has no chance.

Anyone who is successful is not a narrow-minded person, they not only know themselves, but they also know others. In a sense, clarifying the other party's point of view is another form of persuasion to take a step back, and convincing others on this basis increases the certainty of victory.

What they all have in common is that they try to pay attention to other people's opinions, study other people's opinions, and then look for the most effective ways to do this kind of work before stating their own opinions and plans. In addition, if possible, it is important to anticipate the needs of others and know what they need before they are formally expressed.

Many people are anxious to convince others, but often suffer from the fact that their opinions are not adopted by others, in fact, because they do not know the "how to be adopted" method, so they do not achieve it quickly.

There are many people who adopt such a value orientation in persuasion, willing to sacrifice their personal vanity in order to have their ideas adopted and put into practice. All they are happy about is the opportunity to have complete confidence in any of their ideas.

There is a factory manager who is one such person. When he carries out a risk-free plan among the workers, he often goes to a small number of workers and managers, sows the sowing of his so-called "seeds of opinion", and makes them hold informal discussions so that at last it is thought that it is a plan proposed by the workers themselves, and then he proceeds to implement it step by step.

Many capable people often have a secret technique in order to judge the temperament of others. This kind of technology is not profound, but it is just very careful about the trivial things that people ignore. What they rely on is to retreat first and listen to their words, observe their deeds, study people's inadvertent real expressions, and observe their behavior in a certain environment, and then there will be a good foundation for the rest of the matter.

When we observe a person, what is his spiritual preoccupation? What is he ignoring? What are his joys, sorrows, and sorrows? What was he shocked about? What is the reason for his arrogance? What is the reason for his timidity? What has he done in the past? What is being done now? What will be done? What if we didn't rush to convince others, but instead asked some "what"? Then it will be easy to find out the situation of the other party.

The American historical celebrity Lang Huatu, when he received guests in his office, used this scheme to carry out: when he talked to each guest in a low voice, he listened to the guests the most, and often many people told him many things, so that he gained a lot of knowledge and information. Sometimes, when the visiting guest was not good at speaking and was silent, he always managed to expand the conversation to cover a wide range of topics, until he found out the topic that the guest had in mind and was most interested, so he sat quietly and listened to the guest.

When talking about speaking skills, experts also suggested that when talking to people they don't know, they should use more experimental sentences and use all kinds of hints as inducements until the other person finds a topic that interests him in particular.

Just putting yourself in a contextual position can show that you have a genuine interest in someone and make him happy to talk about his thoughts. It's a very simple method, but many people tend to overlook it. When others are happy to talk about topics that interest them, they do not look equally happy and make them feel bored, which means that they do not understand the importance of listening to the other person, and the result is naturally easy to fail.

There is also a type of person who often likes to express opinions on the affairs or habits of the audience, which in turn can turn the audience off. Because he thinks that he wants to cater to the opinions of the audience, he does not say things or habits about himself, thinking that in this way he can win a good impression on the audience with what he thinks and thinks. This approach is stupid in not directing the audience to the questions they are really interested in.

One more point, what if you meet someone who doesn't want to talk more? You might as well try to cite familiar things and deliberately make some obviously wrong opinions, which is also the best way to guide the conversation. Because if you don't cause the other person to talk, you can't understand the other person's opinion, and there is no way to make people express their sincerity and admiration for you.