Charisma is the quality of a person formed on the basis of endowment, knowledge and experience, and the influence expressed through physical, emotional, and intellectual communication with others. Charm will help you conquer people's hearts with charming style and magical power.

"The heart is competitive, and I should be defeated if I win. People are so humble, and I win with humility. ”

There was a salesman of a life insurance company who once sold insurance to a customer many times, but let him wear out his mouth and run out of his shoes, the customer just wouldn't buy his account. But just recently, he heard that the client had taken out another insurance company, and the amount was not small. The salesman was puzzled. Why is that? It turned out that when he failed to sell to a customer for the first time, he said a word of determination before leaving: "I will definitely convince you in the future." And the client replied, "No, you can't do it - hopeless!" "The salesman lost a big deal just like that.

If the salesman had known the truth of the ancient Chinese, he might not have made this mistake. Mingren Lu Shaoheng said: People's hearts are competitive, and I also deal with each other with a competitive heart, and things must fail. People like each other to be humble, and if I treat others with a humble attitude, I will be able to handle things well.

Whether it's selling a product or persuading someone to do something, we need to keep this principle in mind. If we want others to agree with us, we need to take into account that the other person has the same desire to compete, the need to be respected, and the face that needs to be taken care of. If we don't take this into account, even if we have good intentions – the salesman really thinks it's good for the customer to buy insurance – we might not only mess things up, but offend the other party.

There is a car salesman who rarely succeeds in selling cars. He loves to argue with people. If a prospective buyer says something about the car he sells, he angrily intercepts the other person and argues with him. Every time he was able to dismiss the other party into a speech, but at the same time, he did not sell the other party anything.

Dale Carnegie said, "You can't win a debate." Because if you fail, you fail; If you win, you still lose. Why? You punch his argument in a loophole, you feel good, he feels his pride hurt, and he wants to oppose your victory. Carnegie concluded that there is only one way to get the best out of debate, and that is to avoid it!

The car salesman mentioned above was named Ahaya, and he couldn't figure out why he didn't succeed. He came to Carnegie. Carnegie taught him to refrain from speaking and to avoid verbal confrontation.

Today, Yahaya is the sales star of the White Car Company in New York. He describes his current approach as follows: "Suppose I walk into a buyer's office and he says, 'What? White cars? I don't want you to give it to me. I'm going to buy a certain brand of truck. I said, 'Man, listen to me, a certain brand is a good truck, and if you buy a certain brand, you can't go wrong.' A certain brand is made by a reliable company, and the people who sell it are also very good. So he had nothing to say. There is no room for argument. Then we leave the topic of a certain brand, and I will start talking about the advantages of white trucks. ”

Franklin said: If you argue, argue, and oppose, you may win sometimes, but this victory is hollow, because you can never win the favor of the other party.

You have to be humble if you want the other person to agree with you. Don't come up and say, "I'm going to prove something to you." That would be tantamount to saying, "I'm smarter than you, and I'm going to make you change your mind." ”

The poet Pope said, "When you teach, act as if nothing had happened." Things should be brought up unconsciously, as if they had been forgotten. ”

Galileo said, "You can't teach people anything, you can only help them to discover." ”

A knight told his son, "Be smarter than others, but don't let them know." ”

Do you want to get other people's opinions to agree with you? Here are the 12 principles summarized by Carnegie, some of which we have already seen in the story above, and some of which we can also play with:

The first principle: The only way to get the most out of debate is to avoid it.

The second principle: show respect for the opinions of others. Don't say, "You're wrong. ”

Principle 3: If you're wrong, admit it quickly and sincerely.

Fourth principle: Start in a friendly way.

Principle 5; Immediately get someone to say, "Yes, yes." (This is Socrates' method, he asks the other person agrees with the question, asks the other person to answer "yes" over and over again, and by the time the other person realizes it, you have come to a consistent affirmative conclusion.) ）

Principle 6: Make the other person talk more.

Principle 7: Make others feel like it's their idea.

Principle 8: Sincerely try to see things from the other person's point of view.

Principle 9: Sympathize with the other person's thoughts and desires.

Principle 10: Appeal to noble motives. (A gentleman found a picture of him in the newspaper, so he wrote a letter to the newspaper.) Instead of saying, "Please don't post that picture again because I don't like it," he said, "Because my mother doesn't like it." ）

Rule 11: Dramatize your thoughts. (This is the age of performance.) To increase persuasion, sometimes a performance is required. Such as running over a mattress with a car to prove its quality. ）

Principle 12: Present a challenge. (This is especially for those who have spirit and flesh, which is what we often call the "radical method")