Do you want to live a life where you are in control of everything, or do you prefer to live a life where others control everything?

"Self-knowledge" is the most effective way to understand the desires and actions of others. If you are able to correctly understand your own desires, motivations, and emotions, and extrapolate them to others, you will be able to understand the desires, motivations, and emotions of others. As long as you have the ability to perceive yourself, you can think, "If I would react to this event, I believe the other person must be the same." ”

For example, you have a plate of delicious cake in front of you that you would love to eat. You can also deduce that the person sitting next to you also wants to eat the cake, so you give him half of it. I'm sure that while he is happy, he will also sincerely admire you because you guessed what is in his heart.

There is no doubt that the key to a happy life is how much of your life is chosen by yourself. As long as we take a long-term view, we can see how negatively letting others control your life have on your life pursuits.

Don't waste your time and energy on other people's criticisms and opinions. Think of it this way: if I wasn't there, he wouldn't blame me, this time I just ran into it by chance. Under the influence of this concept of detachment, you can continue to move forward towards your goal. Secondly, refuse to allow your determination, confidence and emotions to be manipulated by others, your feelings and feelings are not only yours personally, but also only you can influence, as long as you retain control of the point of view that belongs to me and play it out, it is enough.

When you are asked and answered by others, you should not use the common sense of society to tell them what to do, but answer with an attitude of "what will I do if I encounter this problem".

When you walk into a room full of people, you don't have to walk in with a smile as most people are used to. If you're in a good mood that day, you can of course walk into the room with a smile and talk and laugh with someone you know, but if you're in a bad mood that day, then you don't have to force yourself to smile, you can put on a bitter face and let people know that you have something on your mind, and you have no intention of hiding your feelings. In this way, many of you will be attracted to you, because at least you attract others through this sincerity, and thus generate your influence on the group.

The remarks of Edison, the great thinker of the United States, influenced tens of thousands of Americans. He once said, "What I want to do is not what others want to do, but everything I care about." This principle can help you distinguish greatness from humbleness; If you want to find someone who knows better than you know what to do, you have to follow this principle...... The great man also lived among the masses, but he was the one who could enjoy isolation and freedom. ”

Edison became a great thinker because of his stubborn disposition, which was the result of his unique views.

"Self-influence, the greatest influence in the world", that's why you need to manipulate yourself now and make up your mind.

There was also a person who often said to others: "I believe that I have a strong sense of judgment, and I often have excellent ideas and opinions, but I don't know how to play them, and I often give up the opportunity to realize my ideals for no reason, but do it according to other people's ideals or opinions, and find that other people's opinions are wrong." Of course, it's too late to regret at this point. If it was my own assumption or judgment, of course, I would be to blame, but now I am wrong because I am walking in front of others, which is really unforgivable and extremely stupid. So I'm determined now that I'm never going to blindly follow anyone again, but how do I start over? ”

I am afraid that this kind of experience is not unique to him, in real life, there are indeed quite a few people who have the same troubles.

How to solve it? Here's a conversation the expert had with him:

Isn't the answer already out? As you said, just do what you think and judge. ”

"I mean, how do you go about it?"

"In a company, if someone makes a suggestion, you have to ask yourself, 'What does he think will work, but what would I do if it were me?' At this time, you have to really start thinking about your plan regularly, if your plan is exactly the opposite of the other party, you can tell him your opinion, and he will definitely not hesitate to put forward his opinion to refute you; In the exchange of views, you can find a real solution. Try this method, I believe it will work. ”

"I also believe that I can manipulate myself in this way, and I will try to get into the habit of asking myself 'how'."

"The main point of this method is to find out your self-consciousness from the opinions of the general society, and you will find that you can do ten times more work than you do now, and you can also prove from it that you are much smarter and more astute than you think."

"Self-influence is the greatest influence", the day you discover this truth, that is, the day your brilliant life begins.

Never forget the saying: "You can doubt others, but you must never doubt yourself." "A producer in Hollywood, the United States, once said that there are too few people who dare to expose their shortcomings, and ordinary people don't even dare to admit their mistakes and failures, lest if they can't perform perfectly, you will despise them, in fact, I have a high opinion of people who have the courage to admit their shortcomings, and I am also happy to meet such actors, I believe that he or she can get ahead on his or her own.

It is true that people who can admit their shortcomings or mistakes are easy to make people feel good, but people who can correct their mistakes are even more admirable, because it takes a lot of strength to do so. The biggest advantage of "self-correction" is that you can correct your own mistakes yourself, and you don't have to fake others, so you can maintain your independence.

When faced with something that needs to be corrected, the average person tends to show two attitudes: one is that they are troubled by the external emotional factors of the matter - unfortunately this is the case for most people - and thus lose the ability to make correct judgments and take appropriate actions. The most unhelpful feelings, such as jealousy and self-pity, can generate considerable pressure on the whole thing and the person being caught up in it, so that he cannot take the action that is best for him. The second is to have incomparable courage -- to face problems with strength and solve them.

One of the smartest actions you can take is the second case, in other words, to develop a "sense of change" of the self, which is also a very simple and easy way to do it. First of all, you must establish your inner sincerity and enthusiasm for correction, and have a desire to make corrections, absolutely forbid yourself to avoid mistakes, or to say perfunctory things, to make "corrections" your only goal, and to make up your mind that you will never give up until you achieve your goal, so that everything else is secondary, and there will be no other distractions in your mind.

An optimistic personality is a necessary condition for a strong personality. As mentioned earlier, people are always worried about the future, regret the past, and worry about their financial situation, their children's upbringing, their social status, and so on. As a result, people tend to worry more and be less happy. In this case, of course, I want to meet someone who can make me happy. Taking a step back, if you can meet someone who will not burden you, he will willingly give everything for him. What they hope for is that even if the other party has great power, it is not strong enough to threaten them.

So, if you want to manipulate others as you please, in addition to building a powerful personality, you must also develop a happy personality that not only makes you happy, but also makes others optimistic, and if you can have both personalities, your relationships will be more complete and mature, and you will have more friends and help.