Whenever the night in the deep palace is cold and dark, it seems to be boundless, I can calm down and think about why I am here, and who am I? I am Ruan Tangru, the third lady of the Ruan family, a slave who washes the gong bucket in the labor bureau, a Ilgen Jueluo Yujue, a very honored concubine Jin, and the queen of the Qing Dynasty

I'm just a woman, a woman who will do anything to get a higher position.

And who do I love, is it the Ninety-Five Supreme sitting on the dragon chair, the prince Mianning, or the ordinary man named Lu Congmian. How I want to be a little bird, fly to that blue sky, be free, and go back to my innocent years.

This is the second year, five months and three days since I entered the palace, and I am in this courtyard where the sun only shines half of my body, washing the gong barrels sent by my father-in-law, and I have become numb to these foul-smelling wooden barrels.

That's right, I am the most inferior slave, I will be a slave for life in this life, and I can only die in the palace, I can only do my duty honestly. Anyone in the palace can bully me, spit on me, insult me, and get beaten, and I'm used to it, I can only endure it silently, even if I used to be a daughter loved by my father.

Deep down in my heart, I just want to be safe for the rest of my life.

That year, I was fourteen years old, the plaque of Ruan's Mansion on Jian'an Street in Beijing was still hanging on the door, I was still the third lady of the Ruan family, my father Ruan Zhizhou was the secretary of the Ministry of Rites of the Dynasty, and the family was well-off, because I was the youngest child in the family, my father and mother naturally loved me, and I was already living a carefree life.

I have several Xifu begonia trees planted in my yard, which have been growing since I was born. My father and mother wanted me to be as beautiful as this begonia flower, so I named it Tangru and regarded it as the pearl of the palm.

I still remember my mother's favorite comb for my hair, and while combing, she said: "Tang Ru, comb your hair, grow up quickly, and find a good husband when you grow up." ”

At that time, I was just smiling stupidly, the mother in the mirror was so beautiful, green silk bun, only a few simple jade embellishments, even more charming and moving, I only think that my mother is the most beautiful woman in the world

The people in the house say that I look like my mother, I have been a beauty embryo since I was a child, and I will definitely be a country and a city in the future. Even if there is a country and a city, I hate my face so much after many years.

Life doesn't always keep you in the mood.

That day, the weather was as good as today, and Dad had not come back yet, and the housekeeper stumbled into the door in a panic to report, "Madam, madam, it's not good, sir, he. Something happened to him. "I had a foreboding feeling in my heart, and before I could figure out what was going on, I turned over all the valuable things up and down the house.

The elder brother burst into tears: "My Ruan family is finished, and it will be ruined."

The servants who knelt in a courtyard, trembling there, and the fierce faces that rummaged through the cabinets, I will never forget.

The official took away all the things that my two brothers had tied up and pulled, and I cried in choked up, looking at the dejected appearance of the two brothers, and remembered the gentle face they had given me on weekdays.

The second brother yelled at me in a hoarse voice: "Go back, Tang'er, take good care of yourself, and our mother." I nodded violently, and they were forcibly pulled away by the officers and soldiers tearing their clothes.

I don't know what will happen to them, I just know that I will never see them again. I cried desperately behind the carriage, fell to the ground, wept silently, and the last thing I saw was their bloodshot eyes, and my mother had already fainted.

I was arrested again, locked up in a room with my mother and a few close people, and told that my father had been implicated in a corruption case, and that the whole family had been beheaded, and that because of the mercy of the Holy Lord, the young son, wife and daughter, who were under the age of fourteen, had been stripped of their place of origin and confiscated into slavery in the palace.

My mother doesn't understand the government, I only know that I cried day and night, and I got a lot older overnight, and a few days later, my father and two brothers were beheaded at the entrance of the vegetable market, and the whole family was a total of eleven people, just a specific number for irrelevant people, and for me and my mother, it was the pain of losing my loved ones.

And those of us who are locked up will be sent to the palace to be enslaved at the lowest level. When I heard the news of my father and brother, I was like five thunderbolts, and people cried in the dark room, and those who had nothing to do with it even cried for themselves.

My mother quieted down, wiped away my tears, and said: "Tangru, my daughter, remember, no matter what happens in the future, my mother can't protect you, you have to protect yourself well, live well, as long as you can live, your mother will be happy." ”

I looked at my mother quietly, these days are like a dream, that beautiful face has been full of vicissitudes at the moment, she lost her husband and son in an instant, and no matter how strong a person is, she can't bear it.

I wish I could wake up at this moment and find that it was just a dream, my father and brother were still there, and when I opened my eyes, I could see my mother looking at me gently, and everything was still the same.

I hugged my mother, and tears instantly came down and said: "Mother, it doesn't matter, you still have me, you and Tangru accompany you."

The mother said: "Into the palace, no more than at home, to learn to forbear, everything to let people, remember not to offend people with a quick tongue, you can only rest assured to do your duty, idle things, I believe that my daughter is not a thing in the pool, will be bitter." ”

Before I could speak, my mother said, "Master, child, I'm coming for you," and I slammed my head against the wall, and I watched the scene in amazement.

My mother's beautiful face was full of red blood, and the red blood soaked the floor tiles in the house, which reminded me of the several Xifu begonia trees planted by my father in my yard, which were the same color when they bloomed.

"Mother, mother, don't die, don't leave me, mother" I lost the last loved one, I shook my mother's still warm body, hugged tightly, I was afraid of this feeling.

I don't cry anymore, I lost my loved ones one after another, I shed my lifelong tears, the officers and soldiers took away my mother's body from my hands, watching the soldiers drag my mother's body away, I clenched my fists and dug my fingernails deep into the flesh.

The doors I am familiar with are sealed with white seals, not only the doors of the house, but also my joys and sorrows, my innocence, and my thoughts. I'm afraid that no one will take care of the dust, and such a catastrophe has left me with nothing.

I don't remember how we were brought in that day, but with me came my maid Fufeng, who was two years older than me, and entered the house at the age of eight, and grew up with me, and had a deep affection.

On the way, Fufeng held my hand tightly and said, "Miss, now we are the only ones who depend on each other. I also held her hand tightly, as if I had all I could rely on.

Several eunuchs led us to a grandfather-grandson, who took us to a mountain of gong-barrels without even looking at us.

"When you come here, you naturally have to abide by our rules, no matter what kind of prince and grandson you used to be, Miss Qianjin, when you come here, you are nothing, just do your own job. Anything can come to me. After saying that, he left without looking back, leaving only me and Fufeng standing in place.

In the face of foul-smelling feces, I vomited many times, and slowly got used to me, Fufeng would always say to me: "No matter how dirty it is, can it be dirty?" ”

Yes, no matter how dirty it is, can it still be dirty?