"Why?"

......

"You know I've installed surveillance?"

......

"So, in the past, those were all performances, and they were all acting for me? I'm your real mother! Dear, I gave birth to you in October, and I raised you until now. You did this to me? ”

I look at him, he doesn't look at me.

"You've never quit."

"It's not. I tried. ”

I smiled softly.

"Do you have the right to lie to me?"

My hands were as shaky as spasms, and I grew so big, I didn't want to slap him before I found out he was taking drugs, and I was reluctant to touch him with the fingers of one hand.

I stood up and met his gaze.

"Who am I?"

I pointed my finger to my chest.

"Who am I?"

I pressed at him step by step.

"I'm your mother, dear!"

I bite it out between my teeth.

"You lied to me so much!"

I pointed my finger to his chest in turn.

"Doesn't it hurt? Yes? Over here? People say that mother and son are connected! Doesn't it hurt you if I hurt me? ”

Tears flowed from his empty, dazed eyes.

"Crying for what? What tears do animals shed? ”

I left home, looked around blankly, and had nowhere else to go, so I had to go back to the unit again, Zhang Ruolei saw me and said Didn't you send Huaiping to school?

I didn't look at him, I walked straight past him.

I said, "Huaiping is dead, just dead." ”

He followed: "What's wrong again?" ”

I froze, turned around, frowned, and looked at him.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not, I don't mean that."

"It doesn't matter what it means. You are the boss. ”

I didn't have the strength to argue with him today, so I turned around and kept walking.

"Plum!"

Zhang Ruolei pulled me over.

"Did he not quit?"

My eyes turned red all at once.

"Plums."

I kept myself from throwing myself into his arms.

He grabbed one of my arms tightly.

"Meizi, something has been solved. There is nothing in the world that cannot be solved. Sadness, anger, disappointment, those are all emotional vents, but they don't solve anything. ”

I twisted around and tried to push him away with my other hand.

"I don't want to hear anything right now."

"Plums."

He caught up.

"Listen to me, Meizi, send him to a professional drug rehabilitation facility. If you are so stubborn, you will ruin him and you will ruin yourself. ”

I looked up and began to think seriously about his advice, and I felt that I should have calmed down when I should have calmed down the most. I stared at his pupils for a long time: "Maybe, you're right. ”

Zhang Ruolei got this answer, and his entire facial expression suddenly relaxed.

"I'll get you in touch."

He said.

I nodded.

The hospital was quickly contacted and Huaiping was taken away. In a picturesque seaside town in the south, where the fees are expensive, Zhang Ruolei said that I would help me put it on first, and then pay him back when I have the money.

I insisted that he give me an order to deduct it from my salary every month, leaving only my basic living expenses.

I don't want to get too involved with him about money, even though the mess between us is still a mess, and no one can figure out who owes more to whom.

But don't owe him any more, or don't owe too much, at least that's my bottom line.

After Huaiping left, I was reluctant to go home for a long time and worked overtime every day. When I got home, I missed him, and I couldn't help waking up in the middle of the night to run over to see him sleeping in the moonlight, and my feet were on my slippers, only to know that he was gone. I can't sleep when I go back to bed, I can't sleep, sometimes I take out a photo of him when he was a child, I touched his eyebrows with my hands, and touched the corners of his lips, I smiled unconsciously, how cute he was at that time, and simple. At that time, I wished that he would grow up, thinking that everything would be better when he grew up, but who knew that it would be like this.

I'd rather he be the same as he was when he was a kid now, and I'd rather he never grow up.

After Huaiping left, I stopped cooking on the fire, fooled around in the morning, dealt with it at the unit at noon, and ordered takeout at night.

On the contrary, the work is getting more and more on track, Zhang Ruolei has no further actions, Xiao Han still has no news, but I really want to go to see Huaihai.

When I brought this idea up to him, Zhang Ruolei was stunned for a moment, then angry, and then cold and sarcastic. But he didn't say anything, he didn't say anything.

We sat opposite each other for a while, and I tried to explain to him, but I was actually going to see what my ex-husband was trying to explain to him. But I tried my best to explain it to him.

I said, "I want to ask for his forgiveness, I didn't save him in the first place, maybe now it's retribution." ”

Zhang Ruolei tilted his head and looked at me with slanted eyes, the whites of his eyes were more than black, and he found a nose similar to that of an animal in his nose.

"You ask for his forgiveness?"

"Ah, I'm afraid that he is too resentful, you know that if a person is too resentful, he may have some kind of inexplicable and special power."

He looked at me incredulously, then gave me another blank look, bowed his head for a long time, and then raised his head again to face me.

"I don't think you should go to see him, you should go to so-and-so mental hospital."

The so-and-so mental hospital is still very famous in our area.

"What words? How can you? Hey......"

Zhang Ruolei didn't look back and threw down the last sentence: "I can't talk to the mentally ill." You go to see your ex-husband, it's better to remarry him. ”

"Does it have anything to do with remarriage?" I shouted at his back, Zhang Ruolei walked forward and ignored me, as if there was wind on the soles of his feet, and when he walked, he stopped again, turned around and walked back towards me.

He came to me, looked at me condescendingly, looked at me, his eyelids drooped, he let out a long breath, turned to the side, took a cigarette out of his coat pocket, and touched his pocket up and down, and found that there was no fire.

"Is there a fire?"

"Nope."

He glared at me, reached out and took the cigarette from his mouth and threw it on my desk.

"I'll have someone bring one?"

"No, don't smoke it."

"Oh. Smoking is bad for your health anyway. ”

Zhang Ruolei raised his head and looked at me.

"Look at what? People who smoke secondhand smoke are even less healthy. ”

He sat across from me, his whole body leaning forward, his hands interlaced with his fingers, his elbows resting on his knees.

"Listen to me."

I looked up.

"You've been divorced from him for many years, and in principle, no, in fact, in any sense of the word, the two of you don't have anything to do with each other anymore."

I looked at him, "I know." ”

"Then why do you want to see him?"

He tightened his eyebrows.

"I see him because of Huaiping, and I'm afraid that he will curse him. Moreover, I think it is better to settle the grievance, I am afraid that when he comes out in the future, he will blame me for not saving him in the first place, which is not good for Huaiping, or ......"

I stood up and rubbed my hands together. What am I afraid of? Is he a threat to me right now? Or am I already in turmoil that I behave uncharacteristically?

Zhang Ruolei came over and stood in front of me.

"You don't have those perverted thoughts, the reason why Huaiping has become like this is definitely not because he is a single-parent family, there are more single-parent families, and every child is addicted to drugs? He didn't take drugs because of a lack of father's love, nor because of his father's absence. Whatever the reason, in short, you don't always have those weird ideas. Even if you sacrifice yourself now, Huaihai comes out, and you remarry him, do you think that's what Huaiping wants? Is it a formal home? Is it a pair of parents who look like each other? You're going to get worse and worse. Moreover, it wasn't that you didn't save him in the first place, no one could save him. ”

I looked up at him in amazement, I didn't want to admit his conjecture. Is there a basis? Nonsense. Moreover, with Huaihai's feelings for me, even if I have this thought, will he cooperate?

Joke!

However, even if it wasn't for me, he might be because of Huaiping, Huaiping is like this now, he doesn't feel guilty at all, he doesn't want to do anything for him? After all, he is his own son. What's more, after coming out, what else does he have besides Huaiping? Who else?

Turn? Remarriage may also be a good idea, maybe that's what Huaiping wants!

I looked up to meet his gaze, and he was intently studying the transient expression on my face. Is there a catch? I want to ask him, and also say that I am perverted, isn't he sometimes more perverted than me?!

I turned back and sat back in my chair, silent.

Zhang Ruolei's people approached with the voice.

"Did you hear me talking to you?"

"I heard, and I am not deaf."

"Don't go to see your ex-husband."

I raised my eyelids to look at him. I think you care about the heavens and the earth, and you still care about people pooping and farting? It's too lenient, isn't it, even if you're my boss, you have to take care of your private life?

I gave him a blank look, too lazy to argue with him about it.

Zhang Ruolei held his hands on the table, and a pair of eagle eyes approached my pupils.

"What are you doing? Perverted and unchanging! ”

I say.

He was a little annoyed.

"You're cheap. People treat you so much, and they think about them all the time. Women are cheap. ”

I stood up with a "bang", and just wanted to scold him, but he turned around and walked away, and the door was slammed behind him, and there was a loud "bang", which caused the people in the open office area outside to look at this side in unison.

My chest was so angry that I was helpless. You can't really chase him out and scold him on the street. In fact, I really didn't tell Zhang Ruolei the truth, after Huaiping left, I pried open one of his locked cabinets and found a lot of letters written to him by Huaihai, a lot, one at two ends in three days. I remembered that when Huaihai first entered, sometimes I went to watch Huai Ping do his homework, and he occasionally looked flustered, and I thought that he had reached adolescence and had developed a strong interest in the physiology and psychology of girls. And the reason why he looked flustered when he saw me in the past was not that he was writing love letters to girls, or he received love letters from others and was secretly reading.

But it wasn't.

The letter was full of drawers, like snowflakes, but not a single one of them was opened.

Is this the reason why he gave up on himself? Does he miss his father? Or is it hatred from the heart? There has never been a day when you have truly forgiven? So there has never been a day when you really let go?

He put a demon in his heart, and Huaihai's letter was the main reason for his demon to come out and commit abuse? He didn't know how to transfer his anger and sadness to others, and he didn't want to hurt the innocent, so he had to do his best to practice himself?!

I do not know.

There are too many things in this life that have no reference answers, and we can only cross the river by feeling the stones.

And I, can I touch these stones to reach the other side of what I want?