That drawer of letters, full of letters, became my heart disease. Every night when I go back, I run to Huaiping's room and watch them come out of my mind for a while. Sitting at his desk, I imagined his look and mood when he received the letter, and I tried my best, but I found that I couldn't figure out his thoughts at all. How so? I thought I was the best person in the world to him and the one who knew him best. I was pregnant in October, and I brought him to this big with one hand and one foot, and I knew what kind of shit he would pull when he pouted his ass.

But I didn't expect that under my nose, he would hide so many thoughts and secrets.

What did his father write in the letter?

In addition to these letters, what else makes Huaiping unhappy and unable to let go?

Did he want to take revenge on his father in this way?

How can it be?

I have a headache when I think about it, I really want to fuck like this, I open all these letters, I don't want to think so much, what kind of moral privacy law, what is the old lady afraid of? I just opened a letter from my ex-husband to my son at home.

On the writing desk, Huai Ping was looking at me with a peaceful gaze, and my hand shook with that gaze, and the letter floated down silently and helplessly, like a fallen leaf.

Yes, I read it, I don't know how to explain it to Huaiping. I know he wouldn't blame me, and if he was willing to blame me and rebel against his parents like other kids, maybe he wouldn't be where he is today.

I bent down, picked up the letter from under my feet, and turned it back the way I came. I really want to burn this pile of bane with a fire, but the trouble caused by this pile of bane has burned Huaiping's heart like a soldering iron.

Why didn't he read the letters?

I have a bit of a sour nose.

He saw it, hated it, scolded it, maybe it was just that.

But he didn't look, he didn't hate, he didn't scold, he stuffed everything into his heart. There are too many things, and those miscellaneous pickled things have broken his heart.

I remembered that I had just come out of the detention center that year, and at the door of the old building, Zhang Ruolei gave me a suitcase of money, I took it, and when I looked up, I saw Huaiping looking down on me.

His beings have always been me.

I thought, I shouldn't go to see Huaihai, I should go to see Huaiping.

He had been gone for more than two months, from autumn until winter.

In the northern winter, the days are very short, and it always seems to be dark as soon as it is lit up, so I reached out and closed all the curtains in this room, and then turned on all the lights, and I pressed the TV again, and the room suddenly became lively.

I sat alone in this man-made hustle and bustle, enjoying a moment of imaginary glitz. Looking around, every scene, every ornament, one by one, all of them were carefully selected by me. This home was originally my dream all along, and for it, I did not hesitate to sell my freedom, defy the law, take risks, and do not hesitate to use unscrupulous means.

Now that I have it, I don't even feel pleasure.

A vast expanse of dazedness and loss gripped me deeply.

This coffin-like home, the same quiet as the cemetery. It has spent all my riches and plundered them, but it has not really ended all my wanderings and wanderings.

I don't want to stay here for a minute. I called and booked a plane ticket, and I was going to see Huaiping, no matter why.

I've never wanted to see him.

I called Zhang Ruolei again to ask for leave.

I said I was going on a trip to another country, and I had some personal matters to deal with. I booked my ticket for tonight.

Zhang Ruolei didn't speak, and closed the line without a sound.

got up and packed up the simple luggage, soaked a bowl of instant noodles, and was about to go downstairs with his suitcase after eating, Zhang Ruolei's phone broke in and asked, "Where are you?" ”

"Home, get out right away."

I opened the door, and he appeared in front of me panting, his face was covered with sweat, and he actually ran up the stairs.

"How did you get in?"

I was amazed that this was a closed community. One card per household, the management is very strict. Besides, this garden house is very tightly managed.

"Do you remember, there happened to be something in the company when you couldn't leave, so you sent Xiaoye to help you with the acceptance."

I'm creepy.

"Zhang Ruolei, you actually kept my key privately."

He made a gesture of surrender.

"Please, go in and talk about it, there's surveillance in the hallway."

I raised my eyes and glanced at the surveillance, and I really don't know if human society is more civilized or worse now, the more upscale the community, the more airtight, completely high-end prisons, the difference is nothing more than one is forced to be imprisoned, and the other is willing to be imprisoned here.

Without waiting for me to answer, he reached out and pushed me in.

The door, silently closed behind him.

I wasn't going to let him into the living room, I couldn't take it anymore at the entrance. This is clearly too much deception, too much. Yes, I admit that I didn't come with that money, and strictly speaking, it was indeed him and not mine, but after all......

I snatched the key from his hand and slapped it on the entryway board, my eyebrows upside down.

Zhang Ruolei "snapped" and picked me up, I didn't change my shoes with him, he tore my clothes, I kicked off my shoes, he tore off his pants, and I bit him on the shoulder.

He gasped, his brow furrowed. I don't let go, I don't want to scream. Whether that exclamation came from the deepest longing of my body or the frenzy of my soul when it reached the peak of happiness.

His bronzed body swayed in mid-air, like a boat jolting desperately in the sea.

Everything came without warning.

"Still going to see him?"

"Oh, the ticket."

I jumped naked from his arms, and he grabbed me back. Face swooping down on me.

I was dancing with my hands and feet.

"The ticket has to be postponed...... Mistaken! ”

That night was as dark as ever.

He and I were exhausted, our long hair sticking to our slippery skin, like aquatic weeds that had just been fished from the sea. Tiny beads of sweat first condensed on his forehead, then joined into large beads of sweat that slid all the way down his skin and landed on mine. I opened my mouth, feeling thirsty, and I gulped it out, but I still felt that the air was thin, as if I could only make my whole life whole by swallowing each other.

It is the desire and happiness that breaks through the ground, like the grass in spring, and in the blink of an eye, the tip of the grass touches the lushness of the horizon.

"Are you still leaving?"

He hugged me.

I didn't dare to look at him, my face was red and damp for some reason, and my breath was on his skin.

"Still leaving?"

He shook me a few times.

I laughed and shook my head, my throat still dry.

In his arms, he turned around and glanced at the clock, it was too late, I couldn't catch this flight even if I died.

"I still want to!"

He turned my head.

"Again!"

I used the front half of my arm to prop him up a little further away from me.

"What are you doing? I can't do it anymore. ”

He smiled evilly, and hung the corners of his mouth, revealing the little white teeth that were worth showing off and showing off, especially his canine teeth, the little beast seemed to be clever, and the scorching light flashed under the lamp.

I touched it lightly with my fingertips, and he turned his head sharply, and bit my finger with his back, nibbling lightly.

A room for spring.

That night, he didn't leave. No one ever asked him or me about his whereabouts anyway. I thought later that in fact, he and I were easily compatible in some ways, and at other times we were of the same kind, and we were all orphans without owners in this red world, and sometimes even if we disappeared for a long time, no one would ask why. We are dispensable to the world, we are deeply involved in all the games of life, and yet we are so easily ignored and forgotten.

That night, there was no dream, and I slept soundly and deeply.

I woke up in the morning, looked at him for a long time, and I felt a sense of ownership in every inch of my eyebrows, eyes, and skin, but I didn't know whether such feelings were due to my own wishful thinking or to mutual affection.

Is this true?

Why on earth is he?

Isn't it too late to think about this?

I persuaded myself in my heart. He and I are both adults, and we should play by the rules of the adult world. If he is greedy for pleasure, what I have to do is to make peace with this night. No avoidance, no nostalgia, no demand, no hatred, no complaining.

No big deal.

He didn't know when he woke up, his arms wrapped around him like a snake, skin to skin, the carbon dioxide he exhaled and the carbon dioxide I exhaled blended in the air.

"What do you think?"

The so-called ear and sideburns grinding, but that's it.

I felt that my body was growing again, and the warbler was inexplicably warm. I was slightly ashamed of my desires, but he ignored them. In the morning, I don't know where so much energy comes from in his body.

A certain great man said, "If life kisses me with pain, I will repay it with a song."

My body follows his desires, and in loveless times, desire is love.

Do happy things with people who are destined, don't ask if it's fate or calamity.

I felt a great void, a fog as white as a white expanse over me, and I dug my nails deep into his skin, a dull sensation and pleasure that cut from my nails to the depths of my spine. I stiffened and met him, all screams swallowed into the air in silence.

When I went to work that day, I said that I would go to the unit separately, which was not good.

He didn't say good, he didn't say bad. He dressed silently, and didn't jump up to refute me, which can be regarded as acquiescence. This is what I wanted, but this attitude is not what I want to see. Women are really duplicitous animals, I'm a little lost, and I'm a little annoyed with myself, why are you that kind of unrealistic and greedy woman? As Zhang Ailing said, at the beginning, I only wanted to have it, and later I wanted to be dominant.

At this point, I'm not even up to Xiaoye. Xiao Ye was clear about his position.

Bah! I was actually reduced to competing with Xiao Ye for favor. Who does he think he is? Emperor? We women are his harem?

My face grew heavier and heavier. Walk to the door, pull it open, and turn your head. I don't know if he coaxed me to let everyone get off the stage when he saw me, or just walked away.

He put on his shoes and said nothing, and the moment the door closed, I felt my heart shut.