I knew he was right, but I couldn't help but suspect that he was talking something cool. It's not about yourself, it's about yourself. But I also know that there is no way to drag things on like this.

One day, I sat alone in front of the dresser, looking at myself, I saw the person in the mirror with no face facing the sky, long hair, round and pointed face, the bridge of the nose is not high or short, and the facial features are delicate. I turned my head sideways, reached out and pulled my hair open, and saw a few gray hairs clearly mixed in, so I picked one out and pulled it down with all my might.

Old?

In the past, I felt that aging was far away from me, but now I sometimes feel that aging is at my doorstep, and you can see its hideous appearance as soon as you open the door.

Is this aging? I knew yes, because I was starting to get scared. I didn't know what it meant to be afraid. At that time, not being afraid was not because of fearlessness, but because of ignorance. Everyone who has learned to be obedient since fate has slapped their mouths with their lives. Those who have seen ghosts will be afraid of the dark, and those who have not seen them will think that there are no ghosts in this world, what are they afraid of?

Gao Tiancheng appeared in the mirror and asked me, "What do you think?" ”

My tone was very low.

"Nope."

He took the comb off the dresser, didn't say anything, and silently brushed my hair again and again.

I looked in the mirror and couldn't help but look down and smile when I saw him focused.

"What are you laughing at?" He asked.

"Nope." I shook my head, "I remember a word." A child asked his father, "Is life a time when you don't have a happy life?" And the father said, No, it has always been. ”

Gao Tiancheng put down the carved sandalwood comb and put my head into his arms.

"Why are you so negative? Well? He kissed my hair, "What's wrong with you right now?" If you want money, you want people, ah, such a gentleman from Yushu Linfeng is wholeheartedly devoted to you, Mason is well-behaved and sensible, and the other son is also very good. You are not grateful to God, and you dare to complain here? Greedy woman. ”

Am I greedy?

But who is not greedy?

I was worried about it for a few days, and then Gao Tiancheng stopped mentioning Zhang Nian to me, and Mason is a die-hard fan of Gao Tiancheng, so he naturally knows when to keep his mouth shut. They make me feel upset like this, what, do they treat me like a child? So I took the initiative to mention it myself, and it seemed that I didn't care very much, and it didn't matter if this gesture was for others or for myself.

However, Gao Tiancheng, who is well versed in my routines, does not buy it, he pretends to be careless, not invested or enthusiastic, and lets me be alone there with a strong emphasis or swearing, in fact, he just wants to make himself very sure and confirmed, I want to take him back, I love him. Psychological construction is a long and difficult process, so I was defeated halfway, and my heart was full of trepidation and softness or hatred for fate. As a writer once described: In life, there are always soft and hard, but when to be soft and when to be hard, we ourselves are always not very measured.

Fate is good at whetting people's appetites, and he will never give you what you want, until you have doubts about what you have for yourself. Fate opened its bloody mouth with satisfaction, and silently swallowed your stubbornness and sharpened minions.

I sometimes feel like I'm the one who has been bullied and manipulated by fate.

At night, Gao Tiancheng asked me in the dark: Did you really think about it this time?

"Hmm." I say.

Gao Tiancheng turned over, two arms wrapped around me in his arms, he was used to not wearing clothes on his upper body, but I did, so the heat of his body passed through my thin layer of clothes, I turned around and hugged his neck.

It seems that at such a time, words can no longer be used.

But when it was over, he put it in my ear and asked, "How?" Are you feeling better? It is said that this is the best way to decompress.

I stared at my two eyes as big as a brass bell, and I was about to attack, but he put down his body and begged for perfection, I really can't stand the man who will whisper in front of you. At that time, with Huaihai, he almost pinpointed with me, and every quarrel must be a big victory, now I recall that either he is ignorant or he does not love me, which is a fatal wound for a woman, but unfortunately when I encountered that situation, I would only keep consoling myself that he was just under pressure at work.

In fact, girls really want to get along with him when they choose a man, and they really want to have a serious quarrel with each other. The man who fights with you in love or marriage is not a lover, not even a teammate. Only friend and foe will be able to do so. The man who can dance with you with a knife and a gun will love you in the end, so how much will the love be?

What about Zhang Ruolei?

Phew! Why compare them?

Isn't it idle?

It turns out that people who have had too much of a past may really not be suitable to harm others again, because they will really compare all those who have experienced it in the past. In fact, those people exist in different stages of your life, and they get along at different points of time, and some even have different physical spaces, how can they be compared?

But people are sometimes stupid and compare eggs to apples.

This time I went missing again before I set off to pick up Zhang Nian, and I knew I was so cowardly, coward. I turned off my phone, sat in the park, plucked leafy branches from the trees, and pulled the leaves down one by one.

"Go pick him up, don't pick him up. He will recognize me, he will not recognize me. He loves me, he hates me. ”

But in the end, looking at the bare and slender branches, I forgot what I said when I pulled off the last leaf. What is it? What did God tell me? Should I be asked to pick him up, or should I not go? Will he recognize me? Or won't? Does he love me? Still not loved?

Or ---- God wants to tell me in this way: there is no answer.

Oh, no answer. He is so cunning, I can only be responsible for right and wrong, and he has no responsibility for any result.

He is still God, he is an almighty god, and the fate of many people is in his hands, leaving him to fish and meat.

He also pretended to be cold, pretended to be deep, so unkind and indifferent to his people.

Wait for me to get home in the evening, high heavens

Cheng and Mason didn't seem to be the same thing, they talked about their experiences during the day, and I kept silent, but I listened to the details of their discussion with my ears pricked up.

Oh! These two guys, it turns out that they went to the playground today, it turns out that Gao Tiancheng took Mason on the pirate ship, and they will agree to sit together next time and go straight to the sky. This Gao Tiancheng, he is his own father, don't you know how dangerous that project is? In one year, there were many reports of lax inspections of playgrounds, loose screws between machines, and many people being thrown off from the sky and dying. I would never take Mason to such a dangerous game.

"High ------"

I shut up in time.

Forget it, in such a sensitive period, I'd better stay silent and wait for this rumor to pass. At least two days later, anyway, it's fun, and it's impossible to continue playing for these two days.

Forget it, I'll talk about it later.

At dinner, Knife-faced asked, "Said you didn't pick up the kid?" ”

I lowered my head to pick up the rice, and Gao Tiancheng said that the knife face had no eyesight at all, "I still ask about it!" It's not like you don't know the people in this family. ”

What does he mean by that? Sneering? Teasing? I was as angry as a frog, and after a few bites, I pushed the bowl away and said I was full.

The knife face is very unfamiliar and opens the uninteresting mode.

I snorted through my nose, and naturally I didn't have anything to say back to her.

Gao Tiancheng then found another opportunity to make up for the knife, he said knife face. "Why are you still so ignorant? Still asked? ”

I took two quick steps, and I couldn't hear them. Sometimes it is necessary to pretend to be deaf and dumb.

But in the middle of the night, I secretly got up again and walked to the room that Gao Tiancheng and Mason helped Zhang Nian clean up, and there was a large photo of Zhang Nian on the wall, from childhood to adulthood, which was contributed from my other mobile phone. Now that number can finally see the light of day, but the frequency of my calls to Chen Yu is still the same. It's not even as frequent as it used to be.

I imagine him living in, sleeping on the bed in front of him, traveling with us, we sent the eldest to send the second child to school, imagining that our family of four is sitting at the same table to eat, I feel unbearable when I think about it, and I feel that fate can be so kind to me?

I sighed, there were no curtains in this room, the windows reflected the light of the room, in another space that didn't exist, another bed, another me was clearly reflected in the mirror. I looked up at my other self, and watched myself walk towards the bed step by step, my mind cluttered like a weed.

I thought of Huaiping again, Huaiping is a child who I haven't experienced much warmth in this world, when I was a child, I had a lot of trouble with Huaihai, I took him, we were poor, everywhere, his academic performance could not go up, I was hysterical about him. I can still vividly remember the innocence and horror in his eyes when he looked at me. I couldn't stand him anymore and shrunk myself into a small ball, until he died, until he died, and I didn't give him any warmth.

And Mason has Gao Tiancheng and Adong.

I?

I'm an unqualified mother, and I'm already sorry for Zhang Nian, take him

Is it really good for him to take it back? Am I really up to the duty of a mother? Will I be able to heal the wounds in his heart once and for all?

I lowered my body and sat on that bed, the cotton cartoon pattern bedding should be suitable for a child of his age, I stroked those airplane cannons and Ultraman, would he like it? Do I know what he likes? Do I love him? Over the years, I have contacted Chen Yu, sent them money, and asked him how he is doing, is it out of responsibility or love?

I'm such a ruthless mother.

I lay down and imagined him jumping into my arms and getting tired of me. I opened my eyes suddenly--- will he?

I've imagined hundreds of times in my mind the first time the two of us met officially.

What if he won't even call his mother?

What if he is blunt and polite with me?

What if he doesn't even want to play with me, and resolutely refuses to come back to me?

......

I scrambled out of bed and looked so embarrassed that I ran into a guy as soon as I rushed out the door.

Gao Tiancheng, of course, this guy! I really hate him now, separated, should be separated from him. What is he pestering me all the time? Don't you know that even if you are as close as a husband and wife, you should have your own life and independent space?

"Get out of the way!" I don't have much to say.

He didn't force it, leaning to the side.

I'm angry. It's really obedient! Let you get up and get up, and I don't know how to comfort and comfort me! Why haven't I seen you so obedient in other things?

I walked forward in a huff, and he followed me.

"Let you follow! Let you follow! "I said to myself, when I entered our bedroom door, I slammed the door shut and locked it.

(End of chapter)