These things upset me. Pressing the water tank and listening to the sound of the rushing water, I thought, if only all the troubles of people could be like a flush toilet, press it, and the "bang" will all be flushed away.

Since then, Zhang Nian's matter has officially been put on the agenda. I called Wan Qian, who was busy over there, yelling, but it sounded very happy. The money left by Wan Huan's father is enough for them to live a worry-free life for the rest of their lives. She would sometimes send me pictures of her there, and on a few occasions she would encourage me to settle in and be with her.

"Everything is good here, and I'm not a hypocritical person, but when I look at the old hairy people, I suddenly have the feelings of leaving my hometown."

"Then you can come back!"

Wan Qian chased after her son.

"Nope. You don't know, since coming here, Wanhuan people have become much more cheerful. He was good, and my heart was at ease. ”

"Son slave!" I complained to her.

Later, when talking about Zhang Nian, Wan Qian fell silent, and she accompanied me in the most difficult time of my life. I still remember the way she looked when she saw Zhang Nian for the first time, hugging her hands in a hurry, crying and laughing, wanting to kiss him, but she didn't dare, I remember that Zhang Nian also sprinkled a soak of boy urine on her. After a few years, she became a mother herself.

I sometimes want to ask her, do you miss the man who gave her Wan Huan? Or are you still in love with Adong?

But they didn't succeed. When people live to a certain age, one day they will suddenly discover the truth of love, or the meaning and value of love, may not be as important as we imagined.

Love is a part of life, not the whole story. All the heart-rending may turn into a clear cloud later. At the beginning, the mountains and rivers we thought were discolored, but in the end, they turned into chicken feathers. We will be very angry that we don't have enough wisdom to know the truth of life as soon as possible. But without this process of centering, life doesn't smack us with a big mouth, and we can't learn to be obedient.

How can growth not come at a cost?

"It's up to you." Wan Qian said, "However, no matter how much flesh and blood are separated. That's a cruel thing. Zhang Ruolei will know his existence one day, and he will also have to make his own decision, recognize his son, live with him, or continue to be an ostrich. That's his right. ”

Wan Qian thought that I was afraid that Gao Tiancheng would hurt Zhang Nian.

"Gao Tiancheng won't, he's not that kind of person. You see that there are stepmothers who can't tolerate stepchildren, but generally no stepfather can't tolerate stepchildren. ”

I opened my mouth and silently swallowed a few breaths of air. To be honest, I have never been afraid that Gao Tiancheng will be unfavorable to Zhang Nian, since he already knew about Zhang Nian's existence, he would have already done it if he wanted to be unfavorable to him, so there is no need to wait until now.

I just don't know how to explain it to the kid named Zhang Nian, who is also my son.

How do I deal with him? How shall you say to him? I said that I am your mother, I have not brought you back to me for all these years, and your father's whereabouts are unknown, and I don't know where he is. He didn't know you existed, and I deliberately concealed it in the first place.

Because of this, I tossed and turned, worried. Gao Tiancheng on that side

Things were going well, Mason was greeting, and he was ready to welcome the new members. I see that he is very busy and happy, and I really have mixed feelings in my heart, and sometimes I really want to scold him: It's not your own son, why are you so active?

Fortunately, I still have a trace of sanity, but the date of receiving Zhang Nian in the past has been postponed by me again and again.

The first time I escaped, Gao Tiancheng prepared everything, but when he was about to leave, he couldn't find me, my phone was turned off, and Gao Tiancheng almost called the police. When I appeared in front of him in the evening, he couldn't laugh or cry when he saw me.

Mason asked me, Mom, what's wrong with you? Why don't you see anyone all day? We agreed that we were going to pick up my brother.

So I lowered my head and lied to Mason, saying that there was something happening in my mother's company and that my phone was out of battery.

Such a clumsy excuse, maybe only Mason can believe it, maybe only the people who love you will try to convince themselves to believe it.

Gao Tiancheng didn't say anything when he saw my dejected ghostly appearance, but only looked at me with infinite sympathy and caring eyes, then took me by the shoulder, told Mason to wash and rest, and then took me into the bedroom.

Say me, what a cap! It's possible to do such a thing. Come on, come on! Tell me, how old are you? Can it be more reliable?

I gave him a blank look, and I really didn't have the heart to quarrel with him at this time. People say that they are cowardly in their hometown, and he may not know how much psychological obstacle it will be for me, a mother-in-law, to meet a son who has been abandoned by himself for so many years.

He didn't understand at all. He's not a woman, and he's never been a mother. It's also a vain to talk to him, and the chicken is the same as the duck.

I dragged myself into the bathroom with a lot of worry, and I took a shower for a long time, this time Gao Tiancheng did not guard the door. By the time I got out wet, he was already lying on the bed.

"Why don't you go to bed without taking a shower?" I asked.

Gao Tiancheng ignored me and held his hands behind his head. I felt weak myself, so I walked to the other side of the bed, lifted the quilt and went to bed, and then turned my back to him and pretended to sleep.

I thought he must have had a three-class trial in bed, but I didn't want to. When he saw that I was lying down, he turned off the light, and then put his arms around me from behind, and the bodies of the two of them were like two spoons stacked on top of each other.

I opened my eyes in the dark, thinking that he would be tempted to say something. However, no, it was not long before I heard the sound of him falling asleep, and listening to that sound I felt settled in my heart, and my eyelids became heavier and heavier.

I got up early the next morning, and after we finished sending Mason, he sent me to work, as if nothing had happened, and at noon he sent me a WeChat message, asking: What are you afraid of?

I stared at that WeChat for a long time, and the more I looked at it, the more angry I became. I thought, of course you don't have to be afraid, you can also pretend to be a good stepfather, and as a man, you don't care about your wife's past. But what about me! If there is a slight mistake, the kid named Zhang Nian may not recognize me. When the bow is opened and there is no turning back, how will I deal with myself?!

Just thinking about that scene makes my scalp tingle.

I put the phone down, didn't answer him, and lay on the table and pretended to be dead until someone knocked on the door

I sat down, and when the people had finished speaking, my whole body collapsed completely, and spread out on the table like mud.

After a while, Gao Tiancheng's WeChat chased after him again.

This time he poked straight to the point: "Are you going to stop recognizing him for the rest of your life?" If you really think about it, I'm fine. ”

As soon as this one was sent, another one rushed to my phone non-stop: "What am I drawing?" ”

Yo ho! He's still energizing. The old lady was in a bad mood and didn't have the heart to coax him. The more I looked at the phone, the more angry I looked, so I slammed it on the table.

"Out of sight, out of mind!" I told myself. However, it's really annoying, that annoyance is still there, and the sunset is red several times.

I was very worried about those two days, once I dreamed that Zhang Nian didn't recognize me, he pointed to my nose and scolded me for being selfish, shameless, and despicable, I was very angry, raised my hand and gave him a slap, but I didn't expect the slap to lie directly to the ground, he was bleeding from the back of his head, like a big red flower on the ground, the flower bloomed bigger and bigger, I trembled, knelt on the ground, picked him up, but I didn't expect his little face to suddenly become Huaiping. Huaiping said to me, "Mom! ”

In a cold sweat, I sat up straight from the bed, my chest heaving and heaving. Gao Tiancheng also sat up, didn't ask me what was wrong, but took me into his arms and told me that everything was with him, and he kept patting me gently on the back.

"It's okay, it's okay, don't be afraid, there's me."

I pressed against his chest and couldn't stop crying. Tears wet his skin, he didn't care about wiping, until I was tired of crying, lying on the bed again, he held my hand tightly, I was still not at ease, closed my eyes and didn't wait for myself to fall asleep and forced myself to open my eyes, seeing Gao Tiancheng didn't sleep, he was looking at me, then I was relieved to close my eyes and want to sleep, but after a while, I forced myself to open my eyes, I always wanted to see if he was really looking at me, and I ran out again with the extreme insecurity in my heart, I remember my most unbearable past, the days of extreme disgrace, which was almost the darkest moment of my life up to today, when I was unmarried and had nothing, alone with Huaihai, the road ahead was long, but I couldn't even figure out the direction.

Every time I opened my eyes, I saw Gao Tiancheng's eyes looking at me like a light bulb, and I repeated this several times before I gradually fell asleep with peace of mind.

Gao Tiancheng said, I should look for a doctor of psychology who has stayed abroad, or a master's degree, or something.

"I'm not sick." I muttered under my breath.

Gao Tiancheng parked the car on the side of the road and flashed it.

"Hey, what are you doing with this car now? It's the morning rush hour, what about others? ”

Gao Tiancheng smiled, "Ah! I also know it's the morning rush hour! I also know that you can't park indiscriminately! I also know how to take care of others! ”

I gave him a white look, I didn't sleep well for several nights in a row, and I didn't bother to talk to him.

But when I calmed down, I felt that what he said was reasonable, I used to only dare to occasionally sneak a look at Zhang Nian's photos, too fast

, Eight years, from birth to the present, eight years, more than 3,000 days and nights, not a single day has I ever stayed with him, if the beginning was because of necessity, then what about later!

I closed his photo, he is sunny and cheerful in the photo, he has his own life circle, he is familiar with teachers and classmates, and there is a woman who has always taken care of him and is regarded as his biological mother.

He is not like other children, if he has milk, he is a mother, he can be bribed and bought by material, he has Zhang Ruolei's blood in his body, Zhang Ruolei's genes, I know too well what Zhang Ruolei is like. If he were someone who could easily forgive others and forgive himself, he wouldn't have done anything like self-exile!

I told Gao Tiancheng about my concerns, and Gao Tiancheng directly ripped off my people. Leather masks.

"Are you afraid that he will not recognize you? Are you good for him or for yourself? Are you afraid that he will be stimulated or will you not be able to stand the stimulus yourself? You're, whether he recognizes you or not, you're, are you afraid that he won't recognize you, are you afraid that others will deny you? Do you refuse to face this because you defend him or do you care too much about your own feelings? ”

I was furious when I heard this, and of course I was angry. I just wanted to ask him what he meant by that? Am I not qualified to be a mother?

But am I really ----- good enough to be a mother?

I found that I was powerless and speechless, so I had to lose in silence.

Gao Tiancheng sat quietly beside me and took my hand.

"My dear, don't be afraid, can you never see Zhang Nian for the rest of your life? Believe me, the sooner this kind of thing is dealt with, the sooner you face it, the less likely it is that something you worry about will happen. ”

(End of chapter)