Memories are optional, you can choose sad memories, you can choose happy memories, the main thing is that you feel happy yourself!

Suddenly, I felt that my world was in a mess, and I didn't know what to do next, whether I could really be happy in everyone's eyes as usual, but who could read my happiness and sadness! Why is it that my memories are just the opposite of others, and I remember those sad and painstakingly memorable memories, not those happy memories! I shook helplessly, yes! Life is like that, I think of my biological mother, a traditional Chinese woman, she is the only husband and children in the world, but does her husband have her in his heart? It's not that he messed with flowers outside, and in the end he ended up in a bleak end.

In the afternoon sky, the wind blew away the dark clouds, and began to show a blue sky, and I was like a person in a suit, wrapped myself tightly, lying on the bed, in a daze, thinking about my own thoughts, and my thoughts were a little wandering.

At this time, I need to be alone to meditate quietly, there are too many past events in my heart, I can't let go, I have been thinking, why, I have recovered my memory, I feel that I can't be happy, and my thoughts are a little dignified. Although Lin Jie is dead, my hatred for him has not disappeared, there is no room for a little sand in my thoughts, and what I hate most is abandonment and disgust.

When I think of my biological mother, my heart is like a thorn, and the pain is unbearable! I'll never forget that winter, when the sky snowed like goose feathers!

I clearly remember the winter of City A that year, the snow is particularly heavy, for the southerners, it is indeed a rare snow scene, the snow lasts for more than ten days, the town where I live is particularly remote, the terrain is higher, the snow on the ground is about ten centimeters thick, I remember that there is a hundred and eight square meters of open space in front of my house, the little friends in the yard like to play on it, at that time, I was just a four-year-old child, and I also love to play, winter, for a rural child, snow is undoubtedly the best toy, In the distance, the mountain village was dressed in new clothes, and in the silvery snow, a group of children chased and laughed with each other, and the cold air resounded with cheerful children's voices、、、、、、

Come and chase me, the yard grinned and picked up a handful of snow and smashed it at me, the snow slipped from my neck, icy, so that I couldn't help but snort, how did the four-year-old me fight too fast to the ten-year-old Xiaoling,

I began to cry and shout, "Mom, Xiaoling bullied Ruoruo, Mom", I cried so much that I had a nose and tears, and I didn't see anyone pay attention to me, my mother didn't come out as usual, as soon as she heard me shouting, at this time, I saw Li Xiaopang in the distance They walked towards me, and they were surrounded, they laughed at me, "Lin Ruo, if you shout out your throat, your mother won't come out, you are about to become a child that no one wants, Li Xiaopang, who is separated from Aunt Li's family, put his hands on his waist and said to me very vigorously: Speaking of Li Xiaopang, In fact, he has a very nice name, called Li Haoran, because he is relatively fat, the friends in the courtyard gave him a nickname, called Li Xiaopang, there are more people shouting, it becomes a habit, the topic seems to be distant, in the face of Li Xiaopang's words, I am very unconvinced, I take it

cried and argued: "Mom hurts Ruoruo the most, Dad also hurts Ruoruo, you are the child that no one wants." Li Xiaopang was even more angry this time, he laughed, "It's really funny, you said that your father loves you, but I heard my mother say, your father doesn't want your mother and daughter anymore, your father has already gotten along with your third aunt, he went to hurt your third aunt's child, haha, big stupid Lin Ruo." "Big stupid Lin Ruo, big stupid Lin Ruo, the surrounding friends have coaxed, constantly throwing snowballs at me, at this time I was completely calmed, there is an inexplicable panic in my heart, I unceremoniously grabbed the snow on the ground and threw it at them, completely forgetting the coldness of the snow, touch, touch, the snow smashed towards me, the so-called outnumbered, seeing that I couldn't win them, I had to withdraw, and shouted "Mom, Mom、、、、、、 they bullied Ruoruo, I heard the shouting behind me, Lin Ruo, big fool, Don't run, the voice resounded throughout the sky, I dragged my petite body, stumbled to the door, panted open the door, shouted: "Mom、、、 Mom, Mom 、、、, they bullied me, it was getting dark, I shouted for a long time, no one at home answered, I couldn't help but be afraid." "When I stepped into the house, the lights in the house were not turned on, it was gray, I couldn't find my mother, my father was not at home, I didn't know where they went, I curled up behind the door and shivered in fear, usually because the weather was very cold, and I got my shoes wet in the snow just now, more because I was afraid, after all, I had just turned four years old at that time, and I was just a child, and it was getting darker and darker, and I was more and more afraid, my lips were purple from the cold trembling slightly, and I murmured, "Dad, Mom, where have you been, Ruoruo is very scared alone, Hurry up and come back, in the darkness of fear, a wave of tiredness came to me, unconsciously, I fell asleep behind the door, when I woke up, the incandescent light in the house was turned on, when I was carried to bed by my mother, I didn't know anything, my mother sat on the edge of my bed, my father sat on the chair next to the stove, with a cigarette in his mouth, and he spit out smoke rings, the smoke was filled, and I smelled so much that I choked, my father seemed to be pondering something, and my mother didn't say a word, the atmosphere in the house was very depressing, and it was so quiet that it was terrifying,

My childish voice broke the silence of the night, "I cried and complained, Mom, where have you been?" If you are alone, you are afraid. At this time, my mother came back to her senses, her face was very unsightly, her yellow complexion had a sickly, her voice was also very hoarse, as if she had cried, she stretched out her calloused hands, grasped and hugged them, and coaxed: If you are good, today is your mother is not right, and your mother will not leave you alone in the future, she doesn't know that she has lost her trust for a lifetime, this is a later story, after I got my mother's promise, I was as happy as eating honey, and said to her: Mom, what you said, don't leave Ruoruo alone, if you are afraid. Ruoruo, go to Dad's place, get closer to the stove, it's warm, and Mom will cook for Ruoruo to eat, okay? I nodded yes, walked to the chair closest to my dad and sat down, my mother went to get me food, and my father, who had finished smoking, spoke, "Ruoruo, did you write today, Dad is a literate person, I began to let me write when I was three years old, when my dad asked me if I had written, my heart warmed, who said that Dad ignored me, he still cared about me, I thought self-righteously, I ran to my room like a treasure and died, and showed the words written at noon to Dad, Dad, this is the word I wrote, Dad picked up the book in my hand, I looked at it seriously and praised it: If there is any progress, continue to work hard next time, well, I nodded and replied, in fact, what I was thinking about at this time was what Li Xiaopang said to me today, I wanted to understand, so I kept my father's arm and said coquettishly: "Dad, Li Xiaopang and they bullied me today, they hit me with snow, and they also said that you don't want me and my mother anymore, saying that you and the third aunt are getting along, and you are going to hurt the brothers of the third aunt's family." "Dad is very embarrassed, he has an affair, let me know, in the face of my questioning, he really doesn't know what to say, at this time Dad he didn't expect me to ask this, he doesn't want to be between himself and Mom, affect me, this is just my wishful thinking, in fact, Dad and Mom's marriage is very unhappy, I heard others say, they are arranged marriages, and they are still close relatives married, Mom and Dad were cousins, it was my deceased grandmother who insisted that Dad marry Mom, said what is a kiss and kiss, Dad married his mother, who was a year younger than him, when he was twenty years old, and this was the case in the countryside in the seventies, where arranged marriages were normal, and free marriages were seen as alternative.

I had to run away from the topic, Dad ended my question with a lying explanation, he said: "Baby, Dad doesn't want you, don't listen to their nonsense, how can Dad not want you" For Dad's words, I just seemed to understand or not, for a moment, Mom made a meal, brought my favorite egg fried rice, Ruoruo, come, come to Mom's place to eat, maybe because I was hungry, I swept away a bowl of rice that Mom just brought, after eating and drinking, I felt sleepy, Dad asked Mom to take me to sleep, I fell asleep obediently, and in the middle of the night, I was awakened by the sound of my parents' quarrel, and I vaguely heard my father's voice scolding my mother: "Zhu Xiaohui, look at your ghostly appearance, that looks like a woman, like a zombie, ugly, to tell you the truth, I have long had enough of you, if you promise to divorce, I will give you a sum of alimony, is 50,000 enough?" "At this time, my father was very arrogant, hearing my father's words, my heart was half cold, maybe I watched too much TV, when I was four years old, I still understood the word divorce, my father wanted to divorce my mother, so what should I do, is it really like Li Xiaopang said, my father really wants to abandon me and my mother, what he said just now is a lie, at this moment, I have no sleepiness at all, I quietly got out of bed, listened to the conversation between my father and mother through the door, at this time, I heard my mother's crying voice, she whimpered and said: "I don't divorce, You don't want to be with Yu Fang's slut, you dog man and woman, I was really blind at the beginning, and I was so good to her. "Yu Fang, isn't that the name of the third aunt. I had an extra layer of disgust for my third aunt, and my father unceremoniously sneered at my mother: "It's not that you're stupid, it's you who give your happiness to others, and you're embarrassed to scold others for being sluts." "Listening to my father's words, I really want to go up and slap him, the man cheated, and he was so arrogant, so arrogant, if he wasn't my biological father, I had the urge to beat him, and even had the heart to kill him, my mother only cared about crying, at the moment she couldn't even scold any dirty words, after a quarrel, the silence in the house returned, I was afraid that my parents would find out that I was eavesdropping, and quietly slipped into bed, and didn't sleep all night、、、、、、

The sad memories of the past are repeated like a movie、、、、、 the pain in my heart is indescribable、、、、、、、、、、