Qin Xiaotian ran away in such a hopeless way, she didn't leave a word, and after Yuan Dutian left, she hurriedly packed her luggage, went directly to the train station, and changed the train ticket for the night to the earliest train that could go. She didn't have the courage to face Yuan Dutian and Ren Jingya again, she was afraid that if she stayed for a second, she might explode, so she rushed to find Yuan Dutian and Ren Jingya, and divided the result between you and me, and she was even more afraid that the consequence of doing so would be to push Yuan Dutian farther and farther away from her and push someone to someone's side. Therefore, she could only flee as fast as she could, so as not to be sad again, and to avoid doing things that Yuan Dutian hated and embarrassed. Maybe it's the best choice to avoid their feelings now, so that everyone can be safe in their own worlds, each with their own nostalgia, their own longing, their own expectations, and some thoughts for the future.

Qin Xiaotian sat on a folding stool and looked at the backward scenery outside the window, typed out the words that had been brewing thousands of times in his heart on his mobile phone word by word, and sent them to Yuan Dutian:

Twilight, I'm sorry, I left first and changed the ticket, firstly, because the interview the day after tomorrow needs to be prepared in advance, and secondly, I really don't know how to face it, and I hope you can understand me too. To be honest, I'm worried and afraid of losing you, I'm afraid that if you take care of Ren Jingya, you will never return, maybe we will be strangers in the future, I don't want to be like this, I even had a thought last night, I would rather be sick than me, so you will give priority to taking care of me and staying by my side. I can understand your contradictions, because I am also contradictory, on the one hand, I know that you take care of Ren Jingya out of responsibility and guilt for the past, and reason tells me that I should believe and support you; On the other hand, as lovers, they are all selfish, I just want you to belong to me alone, emotionally I can't share a man's feelings with another person. I thought maybe we should give each other time to think about whether we can walk a long way together in the future. I'll give you time to do what suits your heart, but I don't know how much time I can wait, and if my heart is too tired to walk, I may stop where I am and wait for you to find me, or maybe I will stay away from everything related to you and hide and heal myself. Either way, when you take care of your feelings, I'm sure you'll be able to get me back wherever I am. Now, I can only find my life purpose without distraction, so as to alleviate my thoughts about you and let go of some obsessions. I don't know how long you'll love me, but at least for now, I still love you, just as much as I did before, and I hope we can cherish this relationship for each other.

When Yuan Dutian saw this message, which had been split into several text messages, it was already lunch time. He called Qin Xiaotian, couldn't get through, and wanted to run to the train station, hoping to see her, but was stopped by Ren Jingya and invited him to have dinner with his colleagues. Ren Jingya looked forward to it, she didn't know that Qin Xiaotian had returned to Xiangcheng, and she was a little surprised that Yuan Dutian had agreed to have lunch with her, her face showed a rare brilliance, and her whole person became dazzling. She still didn't take the medicine, although when Yuan Dutian knew about the situation, she rebought the antidepressant medicine for Ren Jingya according to Luo Qingtian's guidance, but she still refused to take the medicine. She didn't want Yuan Dutian to treat her as a hopeless patient, and she didn't want to win so much sympathy from him, which made her feel very humble and despised.

When Qin Xiaotian returned to the dormitory, he didn't bother to clean up his things, so he lay down on the bed after washing, didn't eat or drink for a day and a half, pretended to sleep and waited for death. Tian Li called her a few times, but she ignored it, she was afraid that she would collapse when she mentioned Yuan Dutian, so she just trapped herself on the small bed and let her tears roll.

Qin Xiaotian knew that Yuan Dutian had called her, and she was reluctant to answer the phone in the two days after she came back, and later received a text message from him, she only politely replied with a few words or a sentence or two, and the relationship between the two dropped to freezing point after Qin Xiaotian returned to Xiangcheng alone. This may be Qin Xiaotian's wishful thinking, she always feels that whether it is a phone call or a text message, they are polite and unnatural, and she doesn't know why it became like this, maybe it was her deliberate avoidance and alienation, which made each other separate. The thorn in his heart was always stuck somewhere in his throat, and he wanted to speak several times and stopped, which made Qin Xiaotian suffocate internal injuries.

Once on the phone, she couldn't help but ask about Ren Jingya's situation, Yuan Dutian didn't seem too surprised, listening to the voice and even a little happy that she cared about Ren Jingya, maybe Yuan Dutian had been waiting for Qin Xiaotian to personally confirm his relationship with Ren Jingya, and then he could generously tell Qin Xiaotian that he and Ren Jingya were just mutual companions during this time, and had nothing to do with love. However, Qin Xiaotian never mentioned it, every time he always chatted about a few inconsequential topics without pain, Yuan Dutian didn't dare to break this seemingly balanced relationship, he was afraid that asking more or forcing Qin Xiaotian would make her run away, and he was even more afraid that Qin Xiaotian would think wildly. Therefore, every contact is based on what Qin Xiaotian wants to say.

Qin Xiaotian didn't know or understand Yuan Dutian's true thoughts, and even deliberately avoided the deep relationship she might have with Yuan Dutian, this kind of intentional speech and action, she couldn't detect it herself, but in Yuan Dutian's opinion, he understood that Qin Xiaotian didn't want to entangle with him too much for the time being, and she might not have thought about it yet, so she hoped that they could keep their distance at this stage. Yuan Dutian didn't dare to disturb her, in fact, he had to go in and look at her blog almost every day, looking at her photos and blog posts, although Qin Xiaotian hadn't updated the content of the blog for a long time, he just wanted to pay attention to her silently like this, in order to comfort his heart.

Approaching graduation, the classmates in the class have basically decided to work, Tian Li successfully entered the "Xiangcheng Daily", and Chen Shaoyu was also admitted to the district court, and the two can stay together in peace. One day in the dormitory, Qin Xiaotian was bored flipping through a copy of "She Is Lonelier Than Fireworks", and asked Tian Li thoughtlessly: "Lily, do you think someone will keep chasing another person?" Tian Li stopped arranging the clothes in her hand, and before she could answer, Qin Xiaotian spoke again: "Like Chen Shaoyu has been chasing you for so long, if you don't agree, do you think he will keep chasing?" ”

Tian Li played with the corner of the freshly folded skirt in her hand and replied: "There shouldn't be anyone who has been chasing another person stupidly, so I choose to agree at the right time, I can't wait for someone to give up and come back It's a pity to chase him again, right?" "Sometimes being too reserved and stubborn is not necessarily a good thing, people must know how to stop in moderation, if they really like it, even if they enjoy the process of being chased, they can't always exercise the right to be chased for free, what if the person chasing has been chasing and can't choose not to chase? Are you going to chase it again? Tian Li has nothing wrong with it.

Qin Xiaotian casually put the book on the table, as if talking to himself and as if he was saying to Tian Li: "No one will be waiting in place all the time!" ”

"Are you talking about you or Yuan Dutian?" Tian Li deliberately scolded her. Tian Li watched Qin Xiaotian sink in her own world during this time, unable to go out or let go, she was completely torturing herself. "You're not going to start a second spring, are you?" Tian Li mended the knife, to be honest, she saw that Qin Xiaotian was suffering silently alone, unwilling to talk more about what happened in Beijing, and felt that Qin Xiaotian might as well let go completely and start the next journey happily.

Qin Xiaotian pointed to the door of the dormitory and squeezed out a word from between his teeth: "Get out!" Then she picked up the book on the table, but her mind was not at all on the dense lead letters.

"Lily, I've decided I'm going to Guangzhou." Qin Xiaotian said coldly.

Tian Li was taken aback, feeling that today's Qin Xiaotian was not shocking and swore endlessly.

"Guangzhou? Why? I've never heard you mention it before. Tian Li became concerned.

"As I said before, I didn't interview a foreign company, the public relations and publicity of a foreign-funded pharmaceutical company."

Tian Li thought about it carefully, it seems that she heard Qin Xiaotian mention it once, but what does this have to do with going to Guangzhou?

"Their human resources notice said that new employees have two opportunities to go to the Guangzhou headquarters, and if they perform well during the probation period, they can stay at the headquarters, I want to try." Qin Xiaotian was calm.

"Then, what about you and Yuan Dutian?" Tian Li couldn't help but ask.

"Didn't you just say that no one will always wait where they are, people will always move forward!" Qin Xiaotian closed the book.

"You don't plan to wait for Yuan Dutian, and you don't plan to officially say goodbye to him?" Tian Li's heart tightened, and she felt a little sorry for Qin Xiaotian.

"I haven't decided whether to say goodbye yet, maybe I can't let go of it in my heart, I just want to wait in another place, so that the wait will pass quickly, waiting here is too slow, and there are his shadows and memories everywhere." Qin Xiaotian just wanted to hurry away from the place full of sweet memories and sad feelings between the two of them now.

Tian Li somewhat understood Qin Xiaotian's thoughts, and although she was reluctant to let her go, she did not object to her choice. "It's good! So when are you leaving? ”

"You have to pass the interview at the headquarters, tomorrow the people from the headquarters will come for an interview, I'll try, if it goes well, you can leave as soon as the graduation certificate arrives." Qin Xiaotian's expression couldn't see expectation or too much joy, anger and sorrow, she couldn't see too many emotional fluctuations on her face recently, because there were too many overturns in her heart, if it was revealed again, she was afraid that she would not be able to control her emotions and tears, and she would collapse after catharsis. Therefore, she has been holding back.

"Then I wish you success tomorrow!"

………………………………………………………………………

It is estimated that most of the news of Chunming came from Chen Shaoyu, Qin Xiaotian looked at Na Chunming in front of him who was about to get to the bottom of it, and sighed secretly in his heart: Why did Chen Shaoyu get so close to Na Chunming?

"Are you really going to Guangzhou?" Na Chunming's eyes were anxious.

Qin Xiaotian nodded.

From that Chunming's tightly knit brows, he could see his worry, and his tone was eager and anxious: "Xiaotian, I don't know what happened to you and Yuan Dutian in Beijing, but it must be a bad thing, you don't want to say that there must be your reason, you suddenly want to go to Guangzhou, is it because of Yuan Dutian?" ”

Qin Xiaotian didn't know how to answer, was it because of Yuan Dutian? Yes and no. Yes, because she wanted to escape quietly alone, think about some things clearly, and a little selfish, she always felt that if Yuan Dui really cared about her, he should find her no matter where she was, as a way to prove that he still loved her. No, because she also has to plan for her future, and it is not bad for her to work in a city she likes, so that she can forget a little pain for a while.

"Don't be so nervous, I'm just going to work, and the job pays well. Who doesn't work after graduation, is it hard to wait to drink the northwest wind! Qin Xiaotian suddenly smiled and gently patted Yuan Dutian's arm, pretending to be relaxed.

"Yes, it's work everywhere, but it's obviously not your intention." Na Chunming knew that things were by no means like Qin Xiaotian's superficial understatement.

Qin Xiaotian raised the index finger of his right hand and corrected him with a gesture of "No": "You are wrong, this is definitely my original intention, I applied to the company myself." ”

"Then you and Yuan Dutian ......"

Qin Xiaotian didn't wait for Na Chunming to finish speaking, and immediately interrupted: "This has nothing to do with my relationship with him. ”

Who believes this nonsense! Na Chunming didn't believe it, raised his eyebrows and raised the corners of his mouth, showing a rare appearance of being strong and deliberately teasing, and forced her: "Then according to this, can I understand that my opportunity has come?" ”

"Hey, what a chance! Then Chunming, don't mess around, you, we can't be! Qin Xiaotian gestured an "X" with both hands on her chest, she was so direct because she really regarded Na Chunming as a buddy.

A hint of disappointment flashed in Chunming's eyes, although he had known a long time ago that there might be no hope, but hearing such confirmation from Qin Xiaotian's mouth again made him feel a little sad in his heart. Qin Xiaotian also caught Na Chunming's disappointed eyes, knowing that his unintentional mistake had hurt others, his facial lines suddenly softened, and his voice became gentle.

"Chunming, I'm sorry." Qin Xiaotian apologized very carefully, and said sincerely with a little self-deprecation: "Chunming, thank you for not leaving me for so long, and for always treating me as someone close to you. It's not that I haven't thought about it, if I choose to be with you and choose someone who loves me deeply, will it not hurt so much, will I be able to live well? Sometimes I ask myself why I can't, I don't know why I can't, how nice it would be if I could accept you! But I can't get over that hurdle in my heart, and I can't pretend to like you very much in order to deceive you into unrequited affection. I sometimes feel that I am being cheap, and I have to take a dangerous road without going on a smooth road. But I really can't ......."

"Xiao Tian, you have never deceived my feelings, I just think that since you have been rejecting me, it is important to follow your heart in your own feelings." Na Chunming knew that Qin Xiaotian might not choose him even if he didn't have Yuan Dutian now. Sometimes people are strange animals, they can be very good friends, but they can't be lovers, even if one of them loves without hesitation, there is no way to exchange for the real love of the other person.

Do you follow your heart? But Qin Xiaotian can't see his heart clearly now, how can he follow it?

……………………………………………………………………

- Xiaotian, what are you doing, are you going to have a graduation ceremony soon? Yuan sent a text message. In the past few days, Qin Xiaotian and Yuan Dutian have been in contact with each other, although there is not much content to talk about, it is still a little rusty, but this is much better than the tense Cold War atmosphere between the two when they first came back from Beijing.

- Yes, the graduation ceremony will be in a few days, and Hu Xiaojuan will be back.

——I have said that I will accompany you to graduate a long time ago, but recently, because the project is too rushed, there is still half a month to complete the first phase of the research report, and the time is too tight. Still, I'd like to rush back and see you if you'd like.

- Huh? No need, you're busy in Beijing.

"You really don't need me to come back to accompany you to the graduation ceremony?" Qin Xiaotian picked up the phone, a familiar voice came from the other end of the phone, Yuan Dutian called so eagerly to ask Qin Xiaotian's opinion again, so that Qin Xiaotian had been deliberately avoiding him and Ren Jingya's heart, and there was a trace of warmth and intimacy that had not been seen for a long time.

"Not really. I know you're in mind, and there's no need to come back for my graduation. "If Qin Xiaotian didn't fantasize about the scenes in the TV series, it would be a lie, she often fantasized about Yuan Dutian suddenly appearing in front of her as soon as her brain was empty, and she was so surprised that she cried, but if Yuan Dutian came back for her now, she was uneasy. She was afraid of upsetting the balance, whether it was good or bad, better than breaking up after a sudden euphoria. She knew that if Yuan Dutian came back to meet, she would definitely be tempted to get to the bottom of it, she and Ren Jingya, there was always one to quit, and it was estimated that Yuan Dutian didn't want to face these two dilemmas now, let alone her Qin Xiaotian! It's better not to see, let her hide in the thick turtle shell she has cast to hibernate and hibernate, and take a look at the things between them.

Yuan Dutian was silent for a long time and asked, "Xiaotian, don't you want to see me?" ”

Qin Xiaotian was taken aback, don't you want to see it? Don't you dare to see it!

"No, I'm just afraid that if I meet, I'll quarrel and hurt my feelings even more. I know I'm not good right now, I'm cranky and suspicious, and I'm afraid that if I get self-defeating, it will make us worse. Qin Xiaotian's heart was very confused.

"You're so unconfident?" Yuan Dutian's tone was a little lost, he didn't expect Qin Xiaotian to be so unconfident in his relationship with them, did she want to give up lightly?

"I don't know, maybe I don't have confidence in myself, and I don't have the confidence to handle my feelings for you and the current relationship." Qin Xiaotian lowered his eyes, a little disgusted with his current self.

"But, I miss you." Yuan Dutian's tone was a little bleak.

"I miss you too, I think about your good and bad, but I think it's better to deal with the things that need to be dealt with first." Qin Xiaotian refers to Ren Jingya.

Yuan Dutian told her that Ren Jingya's American doctor specially sent medicine from the United States, and in the past week, with Yuan Dutian's reassuring company, Ren Jingya began to slowly take medicine on time. Qin Xiaotian was still happy when he learned that Ren Jingya had resumed normal medication, and hoped that she would cooperate with the treatment, so that Yuan Dutian could return to her as soon as possible?

The closer I got to the date of leaving school, the more panicked I became, the more I had unknown expectations and uneasiness for the future, and more importantly, the longing and longing in my heart poured out like a flood that broke the embankment with a thousand forces that destroyed everything, and washed my psychological defense line to pieces. When it was almost time for the graduation ceremony, Qin Xiaotian realized how much she longed for Yuan Dutian to be by her side and witness the important moments in her life, however, she didn't want him to come back.

The day before the graduation photo was taken, Hu Xiaojuan took leave to rush back from Shanghai. As the last farewell to the student days, that day, Qin Xiaotian and her dormitory had a collective hangover, and it should be said that most of the classmates in their class were drunk. Qin Xiaotian vaguely remembered that it was Na Chunming who helped her back to the dormitory, and she had no impression of how she climbed into bed, Xiaojuan was also drunk, and it was said that she had been singing on the shoulders of Shen Qing and Xie Rumei, singing and shouting, attracting sideways glances all the way, and no matter how much she persuaded her, she couldn't stop her roar. Tian Li was a little better, but because she was not strong enough to drink, she was also carried back by Chen Shaoyu. The next day, Hu Xiaojuan found that her voice was hoarse and panicked, she had an interview in two days, what should I do if I can't make a sound? Qin Xiaotian was already preoccupied in his heart, and the consequence of using alcohol to dispel his sorrows was that he had a splitting headache and had no appetite.

"You really don't plan to meet Yuan Dutian before leaving?" Hu Xiaojuan asked Qin Xiaotian before leaving.

Qin Xiaotian leaned lazily on the chair, curled her legs, holding the pillow, half of her face buried in the pillow, the long hair of the shawl was scattered on her shoulders, she raised her eyes to look at Hu Xiaojuan, sighed, and shook her head.

Hu Xiaojuan also shook her head helplessly: "I really don't know how you can stand it like this?" If I had gone to Beijing earlier, or let him come back, I would have to give myself an explanation! ”

"I don't want to say anything." Qin Xiaotian seemed to be talking to himself, and seemed to be answering Hu Xiaojuan's question. "I don't want to say, I just want to think how nice it would be if I could be with him!" Qin Xiaotian's voice did not rise and fall, but his eyes were not as empty as before, and he seemed to see a glimmer of hope in his eyes through his dark brown eyes.

"If you want to be together, you can fight for it yourself." Hu Xiaojuan really didn't understand, she couldn't stand this uncomfortable state, she didn't understand how Qin Xiaotian could endure this state.

"I'm afraid that I will cut off our back road as soon as I fight now, I'm afraid of putting pressure on him, I'm afraid that he will leave me, and he can't help himself now. Ren Jingya needs people around her now, she needs him, I can only wait. Wait for him to think of me, wait for that person to let go. You know, I've been thinking all this time that if Ren Jingya keeps refusing to let go, even if the two of us are together, it may not be easy. The sadness in Qin Xiaotian's heart spread.

"This kind of thing depends on how Yuan Dutian handles it!" Hu Xiaojuan paused, feeling sorry for Qin Xiaotian: "Why do you say that you are doing this kind of thing!" It's like a fiction TV series. ”

Qin Xiaotian pulled out an ugly smile, why did she encounter this kind of thing, she also asked countless times, but there was no answer, probably this is fate, fate is destined for her to have a bad relationship.

As soon as the graduation season is over, the summer vacation is also coming, and the campus is full of people saying goodbye, saying goodbye to their student days, bidding farewell to the past, and bidding farewell to their former selves.

Qin Xiaotian was the second to leave the dormitory, and on the third day after Hu Xiaojuan left, she set foot on the way home, and Tian Li, Chen Shaoyu and Na Chunming went to the train station to see her off. Two large trailer boxes and a backpack are the belongings of the past three years, she has sold what can be sold, and she has given it away, and what should be thrown away has also been thrown into the trash can, and the only thing that can't be thrown away is the expectation in her heart.

Tian Li gently hugged Qin Xiaotian, this can be regarded as a testimony to their classmates and roommates, Qin Xiaotian held back her tears, sniffed hard, squeezed out a smile, and choked up: "There will be a period later, we must meet, thank you for your care and companionship in the past few years!" After speaking, the tears still fell uncontrollably, and Tian Li's eyes were also damp.

"Go back, I'm in!" Qin Xiaotian dragged the box and waved at them.

"Xiaotian!" Na Chunming called out to her, and Qin Xiaotian stopped. "Remember to contact me, give us a new number when you arrive in Guangzhou, be careful on the road!" Na Chunming was afraid that the single figure in front of him would become a back that could no longer be touched as soon as he turned around.

Qin Xiaotian nodded and waved at him again. "Chunming, take care!" After a pause, she said solemnly, "Find a good girl!" ”

Find a good girl to accompany you all the way! Qin Xiaotian thought silently in his heart, hoping that God could hear her prayers, that Chunming deserved a good girl to be with him.

The feast that is scattered all over the world, their gluttonous feast of youth, with the arrival of 25 years old, as everyone goes their separate ways, gradually comes to an end. After all these years of youth, it came to an abrupt end, and before it even had time to say goodbye to it, it disappeared unexpectedly. Qin Xiaotian really didn't have time to say goodbye to her youth, nor did she have time to tell herself: let her youth go slower and leave herself more good memories of her youth, and her youth left with regrets.