A black light filled my eyes; Black silk covered my skull. The darkness eroded me, expecting me to merge with it, like a tiger and a wolf, like a drop of water through a stone, waiting for me to turn off the computer and extinguish the light in front of me, so that it could swallow me in one bite! Tearing! Refuse! Spit out the residue! Or maybe I won't even have the dregs left...... So before that, I hope to take a trip here with the faint blue light engraved on the keyboard, and it is not in vain that my mother forcibly gave birth to me without my permission.

Declare in advance that you who are looking at this text:

If you are quite satisfied with your life and want to find a trace of mediation in your daily life for a hundred years, then I recommend you to read it~ If you want to experience a different life, it is nothing more than a few different methods: fall in love; watch a movie; Listen to a song; Admire a painting; A trip or a ...... Read a book. Have you ever thought that someone would write a love poem for you? Have you ever hoped that someone would talk to you from the bottom of your heart? This is a journal written to me, an unsent letter to her, and a different life for you. Looking forward to your playfulness, I sincerely wish you to feel the happiness of your ordinary life from the clumsy words.

If you are not satisfied with your life, like me, trying to break free from the tormented memories, then I also recommend you to read it~ I think you have long had enough of bearing alone. Like a giant whale sinking to the bottom of the sea, like a conch retracted into armor, or ...... A puffer fish with spikes all over its body...... But it can't escape the fatality of lack of oxygen, the toothpick of a gourmet, and the kitchen knife of a chef. As you are, so do I. But now I'm determined to work my way out, even though it's not going to be easy. But if I can take even one step ahead of you and get one point closer to the light, I hope to use this book to give you a hand. Effective is better, even if it doesn't, I want you to realize that you are not alone in this darkness, but you don't want to look up and look around. If you don't look at it, you don't want to, just like you. But I hope that after reading it, you will realize that it will make you feel even a little comfort, and you will be grateful.

Okay, that's it. Encourage you.

I call myself an Asperger's patient (AS), a high-functioning autism known as "genius disorder", but in fact, one of the purposes of writing this journal is to make more people aware of this extremely difficult mental illness and give patients more care and tolerance. For the sake of space, I will briefly describe it as follows: First, it is undeniable that the obvious symptom manifestations of other autism are the same - social difficulties. However, there is a slight difference, the self-care and social skills of AS are different from those of other autistic patients, and there is no obvious clinical manifestations of developmental arrest or disorder, which is why it is extremely difficult to detect. Speaking human words, on the surface, AS is no different from ordinary people, and even superior to ordinary people in terms of IQ, language expression, mechanical memory and other abilities. I will intersperse the specific manifestations of the symptoms and the method of diagnosis in the book, so I will not repeat them here.

I was born in a time when mental illness was not taken very seriously; a country that takes mental illness less seriously; A family that doesn't take mental illness very seriously. Therefore, since I was a child, many comments such as "fuss", "moaning without illness", "hypocrisy" and so on have filled my life. What pains me is that I care so much about what others think of me, so I start to ignore myself, try to hide my "little adult" appearance, try to fit in, try to be ordinary. As a child, I did. But now...... I could no longer hide my annoyance at the length of expression; embarrassment of jumping in thought; difficulty with changes in the pace of life; the fear of looking directly at people's faces; punctuation paranoia; a fanaticism about Amway's own interest in others; and the inability to ...... adult society

Therefore, I began to put pen to paper, hoping to look directly at myself through this pseudo-autobiography, in a vain attempt to motivate myself to integrate into society, and also to encourage patients to let go of self-torture. The first time I tried to write, the writing was not good, the grammar was wrong, the subject was too frequent, and a series of problems such as forcibly "Wen Zou Zou" and the vocabulary was stretched thin, I still hope that readers will be able to write Haihan.

I plan to write about my past in this book, probably involving friendship, family and love, so I'm afraid it's hard to classify, let's just be a documentary. There may be a lack of ups and downs in the plot, but how many ups and downs have life had? My life is like a drop of lemon juice in a bucket of water. In addition to the blandness, there is no sweetness, only a trace of sourness and a little bitterness. But every word is what is in the heart; Every word is a mental memory. I believe that any work is slightly inferior in front of the painstaking canvas.

Finally, thank you for meeting me!

Next, I invite you to set foot in my life~ You and I go together~Have fun~