This year's winter was particularly cold, with heavy snow falling for more than a month, the sun never came out once, and the weather was gloomy every day when I woke up.

My stomach doesn't hurt anymore, it doesn't feel anything to the touch, and every time I wake up, I have a very trance feeling, as if the child never existed, it was just a dream, a heart-wrenching dream.

It has been nearly two months since I left the palace and come to this remote village, and the New Year is about to come, but my heart is still like a sinking stagnant water, and I can no longer withstand the slightest wave, except for the dreams that repeat over and over again every night.

Last night I dreamed of Chun'er again, she was wearing a pink dress, the two of us sat together on the soft couch in the palace, reflecting the sunset, I was drinking tea, eating pastries, she was beating my back and telling jokes.

When I heard the funny part, I almost choked with laughter, she hurriedly patted me on the back and asked nervously, "Niangniang, how are you?" ”

I shook my head, drank and laughed, looked at her nervous look and said, "Look at your nervousness, I'm fine." ”

When she heard this, she smiled reassuringly, her face was delicate, and she didn't look like a man at all.

Night gradually fell, the sky got dark, the palace inside and outside the lights were lit up early, the prince went to the green water building tonight, I was very unhappy, I didn't eat a few bites when I ate, and I was hungry in the middle of the night.

Chun'er slept next to me, his hands were as slender and soft as a woman's, I couldn't help shaking his hands to shake him awake, looking at his sleepy eyes and saying, "I'm hungry and want to eat." ”

He rubbed his eyes, rolled over and got out of bed to find me something to eat.

After eating and drinking, neither of us felt sleepy, he put his arm around my shoulder, and we leaned back on the bed and whispered.

"Chun'er, you say, are they sleeping now?"

He didn't answer me, took my hand and put it on his waist, and I looked into his eyes and slowly got confused.

He is a man, a real man, every lonely night, when I can't sleep, he will call him to accompany me, this night is the same, he uses his enthusiasm, constantly ignites me, burns me.

I was in his passionate fire, rolling and screaming, sweating profusely.

The new women who entered the palace also got pregnant smoothly, and I was a little anxious, after all, I only gave birth to a soft and gentle child, and now I don't have a son-in-law, so I am inevitably a little impetuous.

I finally let Li Ye come to my room for two days, those two nights, Chun'er hid far away, and the next morning when he came, his eyes were red, I lowered my head, some didn't dare to look at him, and I was happy and sad in my heart.

Chun'er ...... He's been dead for a long time, and I don't think I can forget him, but it's strange that I can't remember what he looks like now, I just remember that she likes to wear pink dresses, and wears a butterfly hairpin on her head.

All I remember is that he spoke in a nice voice, with a little crispness, like one of the branches, a little oriole.

"Miss is windy, let's go into the house, don't blow the wind and invite the wind chill again."

The maid sent by my mother to serve me is called Cuicui, a thirteen-year-old girl, who likes to wear a blue skirt, and her voice is still a little immature.

The last time it snowed heavily for many days, she would build a snowman in the yard every day, and she had a lot of fun playing alone.

In the remote village, except for the grandmother who cooks for herself, and this little girl, there is no one, and occasionally some elderly people in the village come to talk to the grandmother.

I don't want to stay here, I want to go back to the capital to go to a very lively place, even if I don't go out every day, it's better than here, a place that is quieter than the cold palace.

In fact, in those days in the palace, why wasn't I almost in the cold palace? Li Ye never came to my room, except when Chun'er was with me, most of the time, I felt extremely lonely.

Chun'er, he died, and I don't know if anyone buried him, and I don't know where his body is now.

Before leaving, I asked my father to find his bones and bury it well, presumably my father would never go, I suddenly burst into tears, remembering that when I was in the palace, he spent all the lonely nights with me, if there was no him, I am afraid that I would have gone crazy, but now, I am still alive, but he is alone I don't know where to be thrown alone, blown by the cold wind, drenched in the rain......

I suddenly shed tears, scared Cuicui, she hurried to find Mama, Mama came in and asked me, "Miss, why are you crying all of a sudden?" Isn't there something uncomfortable? ”

I shook my head, looked at the two of them, and said, "Mama, I want to go home, I don't want to be here anymore, please bring a letter to my mother and ask her to send someone to pick me up, okay?" You tell her that I will stay at home and not go anywhere when I go back, and tell her not to abandon me. ”

I want to go back to Chun'er, find his bones, and bury him properly, but now that I'm here, I can't do anything, and I can only find a way to find his bones when I go back to the city, so I have to go back.

My mother didn't answer me, I kept crying and crying, crying without eating, not drinking water, I was weak, weak lying on the bed, I don't know how many days later, my mother came crying.

"Daughter, you finally came out of the capital, my mother wanted to find you a son-in-law in this poor and remote place for two years, but now you are clamoring to go back to the capital, if you go back to the capital, you can't go out day and night for half a step, where is there to be comfortable here?"

"Yang, I want to go back, I don't want to be here anymore, I'll go back to accompany you, okay? I'll be with you for the rest of my life......"

I made it back to the capital, but I didn't go home, but lived in a small house. But that's fine, just as I wanted, at the end of the year, every family is busy preparing for the New Year's goods, this day I took advantage of my grandmother and Cuicui to go out shopping, changed clothes, wrapped my face and head, and ran out.

I went all the way east and called a carriage, and I remember that all the dead people in the palace would be thrown outside on a mass grave.

If my father won't bury Chun'er, then Chun'er's body must be in a mass grave, and I will find him.

The carriage walked for a long time before coming to this mass grave, I didn't let his coachman go, let him get out of the car to help me find it, Chun'er was wearing a pink skirt that day, if the clothes were not taken off, he could still be found through the clothes, but the corpses of the mass grave were piled up everywhere, with the heavy snow in winter, these corpses did not rot, but looking, it was so scary, I didn't dare to go up, the coachman also persuaded behind me: "This girl, the friends you said have been dead for two months, It has long been buried at the bottom by these corpses, if it is really turned over one by one, it will not be turned out tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, and the people here are all dying, and the resentment is extremely heavy, if we move the corpses of others, maybe we will provoke something unclean? ”

I don't dare to do it, but if I don't find Chun'er, I don't want to give up, it's so eerie here, he must be very lonely here, especially cold, I want to find him and bury it well.

I looked back at the coachman, took out a piece of silver, and said, "This big brother, if you can find me dozens of people to help me find it, will I give you some gold as a thank you?" ”

When the coachman heard this, he took the silver without thinking about it, and said, "The girl is so generous, if the old man does not help, then it is really impossible to say, you wait here, and I will go to the village next to me to call someone to help find it." ”

He said this way, and I sat in the carriage and waited for him to come, and before long he came with twenty or thirty men.

It was all tall and strong men, one by one, they moved the corpses to the side, according to what I said, looking for pink clothes, and it took more than two hours to find three pink corpses, and then down, those bones were rotten, and there was no way to find them, I went up to identify the three corpses, among them, there was no Chun'er at all.

I was very sad and sad, but I still gave the coachman some gold so that he could send me back, but as soon as I got out of the carriage, my father and mother stood at the door waiting for me with frosty faces.

I looked at the red couplets pasted on the doors of every house, and they were all happily preparing for the New Year, but Chun'er did not have a place, he didn't know how pitiful he was over there, I walked up and knelt directly in front of my father, crying and asking him.

"Dad, please tell me where Chun'er's bones went? It's about to be the New Year, so you asked me to send him some clothes and money, okay? ”

Dad looked at me painfully, pointed at me with hatred, kicked me away, and said angrily: "The devil is stunned!" I thought you had been in the countryside for two months, and you really took care of it, but I didn't expect that you to forget that brute! ”

As soon as my father spoke, he yelled angrily, "Come on, send Miss back to the countryside, no one is allowed to take her back without my orders!" ”

My mother was crying on the side, looking at me, but she didn't dare to stop my father.

I cried and refused to get into the carriage, but I was still stuffed into the carriage by the family, and when it was dark, firecrackers were set off in every house, but I was sent back to the country crying on this New Year's Day.

I never had a chance to go to Chun'er again, and I didn't even have a chance to give him a stick of incense......

The days passed day by day, I became more and more trance-like, more and more unable to remember the appearance of Chun'er, the memory of him, in my heart also slowly faded, I only know that there is a man, he accompanied me in those difficult nights, so that I am no longer lonely and difficult.

Two years later, my mother came to see me for the first time, her hair was a lot grayer, at this time, I had become smiling, and when I saw her, I asked: "Mother, did she wear all the clothes I made for Rourou?" ”