On the first night of that year, the city of Jiankang was lit up to welcome the festival, and the house routinely held a banquet to entertain relatives and friends at home. The father's sons-in-law and daughters-in-law were all accompanied by the maids and mothers-in-law of the family, and they went to Dongshi in groups to see Aoshan.

It's just me, alone.

Through the thick, high walls, I imagined what was happening outside the walls. If I can go out once, I don't know how much fun it will be. I carried the carp lamp made by my mother, sat listlessly and quietly on the swing frame in the yard, and secretly thought, if nothing else, I will still be left by my mother in the small yard to learn embroidery during the Shangyuan Festival this year, or go to bed early.

But tonight, my mother, who has always been strict with me, was unusual, and gently asked me if I wanted to go to see Aoshan. I looked at my mother in disbelief, surprised and delighted, but still forced to calm down. I tried my best to suppress the waves in my heart, and my voice was as small as a fly: "If I can, I want to go to Aoshan and put river lanterns." May I? ”

My mother touched my bun and smiled: "Tonight, Xiao Wu can do whatever he wants, just want the stars in the sky, and Ah Niang will also take them off for Xiao Wu."

I said loudly: "I still want a big bag of sugar lotus seeds, I saw my second sister eat it yesterday, I asked her for it, but she didn't give it."

When I saw that my mother was a little sad, I immediately said to her triumphantly, "But it's okay, I'll secretly go to the place where she eats sugar lotus seeds after she leaves." After looking for a long time, I finally found one, I ate it, and it was really sweet. ”

I laughed and danced to describe the taste of sugar lotus seeds to her.

When I was young, my heart was full of Daao Mountain, five-colored lanterns, and sugar lotus seeds that I had been worried about for a long time, and I didn't notice the mist in my mother's eyes.

She gently combed my hair and patiently listened to me say a lot of things. I was tired of talking, so I leaned on my mother's arms and asked her, "Auntie, why don't you speak?"

She patted me gently on the back and coaxed me: "Okay, then A-Niang will buy a big bag of sugar lotus seeds for Xiao Wu, Xiao Wu eats sweet sugar lotus seeds, and he is no longer afraid of hardship."

I reminded seriously: "Well, with sugar lotus seeds, I'm not afraid of drinking a bitter decoction."

She kissed me on the forehead, "Well, I'm not afraid anymore." ”

At that time, I really thought that as long as I ate sugar lotus seeds, I was really not afraid of bitterness.

I finally got my wish, and my mother went to see Aoshan Mountain and lion dance, and got a big bag of sugar lotus seeds, I ate half a bag in one go, licked the skin of my mouth, and it took a lot of perseverance to stop.

My mother looked down at me and quipped, "Why don't you eat it, are you tired of eating?" Look, let you eat slowly, you don't believe it, you must be tired of it. ”

"No, I'm going to keep it for the rest of the day. I'm afraid that in the future Shangyuan Festival, I won't be able to go out to play like tonight, and I won't be able to eat sugar lotus seeds for a long time. ”

She wiped the sugar dregs from the corners of my mouth, then bent down to play a game of top horns with my forehead to forehead.

She said, "No, Xiao Wu can often come out to play like today in the future, and he will have sugar lotus seeds to eat for the rest of his life." ”

"Really?"

My mother scratched my nose and smiled without saying a word. It was like I had won the greatest reward in the world, holding my mother's hand and jumping up and down the street.

On the second day after Shangyuan, I had an extra kitten in my house that had just been weaned. Skinny, delicate and weak, except for a white coat of no characteristics, and I have always disliked cats and dogs, this ugly cat naturally makes me not interested in the slightest, I am too lazy to take care of it, and I don't have the heart to feed it, this hunger, it is even thinner.

Because I didn't have a playmate, I always only followed my mother, she walked and she stopped, like a tail growing on her. My mother was always urging me to play with the cat, telling me to develop a bond with it. I said yes perfunctorily, but I still didn't take care of it and played with myself. It's just a cat, and it doesn't have any feelings, so it doesn't care much about my indifference.

What is surprising is that this cat is very human, will often lick my palms to sell good, and is extremely eyeless to nest in my arms to sleep, which is really tiring.

I took it to a deserted yard and deliberately put it in a cage while it caught mice. Seeing that it was trapped in the cage and couldn't get out, I clapped my hands and slipped back happily.

I thought I would be happy if I solved a small problem, but the reality was that I was even more distressed.

In my dream at night, I dreamed that the kitten was dead, and my mother found out that I had lost the kitten, and told me that she didn't want me anymore. I cried so hard that I broke out in a cold sweat and woke up from my dream. My mother was frightened by me and asked me again and again what had happened, and I cried so much that I didn't dare to hide it anymore, and told me everything about the loss of the cat in a whimper.

My mother did not reproach me, but told me that this was not an ordinary cat, but a little tiger, like my genus, who could be by my side, protect me, and protect me.

"Xiao Wu, you have to take good care of this little white cat, it was fished up from the ditch by A-Niang, even if A-Niang is not there in the future, with it with you, we Xiao Wu can also have a companion."

I seemed to realize something, and cried sadly: "Where is A-Niang going, A-Niang doesn't want me anymore?"

My mother didn't say anything more, and led me to the deserted yard overnight to pick up the cat.

I started to like the cat and named it Dabai, and I would take it with me wherever I went.

Half a month later, my mother was seriously ill and the medicine was ineffective.

Before she died, I was the only one in front of her sickbed, and my father did not come to see her. She took my hand and said to me angrily, "A-Niang's road is almost over, and Xiao Wu's road has just begun." Your road will be easier to walk than A-Niang's road, smooth, smooth and smooth. ”

I couldn't understand her, so I kept crying and begging her to get better.

I remember the last thing she said to me was, let me learn to be wary of people's hearts - 'Little Wu, you have to remember A-Niang's words, there is no one in this world who is good to you for no reason, and there is no one who is bad to you for no reason. The road of life is neither long nor short, but this road will not always be smooth and smooth, nor will it always be bumpy and rugged. Whether you want to choose your own path or not, you have to choose, whether you choose the right path or not, you have to go on. ’

The love of parents for their children is far-reaching. At the time, I didn't understand that.

's mother died, and she still failed to enter the Ouyang family's cemetery and failed to go to the family tree. Her father, Xu Wei, felt guilty and bought a small plot of land on the outskirts of the city to bury her. But on the tombstone, it is not named with the husband's surname......

Later, with the help of the aunt of the 'bodhisattva's heart', it took a lot of twists and turns to make me remember that I was recorded in my name by the Da Xiao family, and I was raised under the eaves of the main room like my daughter-in-law.

I hugged Dabai and lived in the front yard that I longed for in the past, and now I was extremely disgusted, and began my game of silence and prudence.

As for why I was able to enter Shangshuyuan smoothly, it was naturally indispensable to the support of that aunt and grandmother, as well as the offensive of gossip.

The noblewomen in the clan are all waiting to see the Da Xiao family embarrass their father, and the two have a quarrel for me. In order not to be criticized, but as long as the visible fairness on the surface, Da Xiao still tried his best to give it to me, so that I would not be too different from Ankang, let me be resentful, and calculate her children. So, she agreed to let me go to school with Ankang.

From this point of view, I can't say that I am grateful to Da Xiao, but I can't really make up my mind to hate her.

And the aunt who has always helped me, I know very well what she wants, but I just don't debunk it and don't cater to it. She wants the peace in the house of the enemy, and I want to stay safe under the roof of shelter from the rain, and we just take what we need.

Mother said that there is no good in this world for no reason, and I have believed in this, so I always look indifferently to the world, never refuse to give others a little bit of care, stingy with my enthusiasm, such I am really not a good person.

At the beginning, Yun Xiaowu, except for her mother, had nothing, and later Yun Xiaowu, except for her big white cat, also had nothing.

Later, Dabai also died.

I still remember that afternoon, the sun was scorching, and the room was so hot and stuffy that people were weak.

The banquet kept losing his temper, complaining that the warm scroll was boring and the daylight was too long. In order to please the banquet ministers, Ankang repeatedly asked me to bring Dabai over to relieve her boredom. Naturally, I refused to agree, and politely refused to say that Dabai was sick and could not be entertained. But in fact, Dabai did get sick in those days.

Ankang's face changed, and he threw a pen at me angrily, and he didn't speak again, obviously displeased. I didn't pay much attention to it, I thought she had dispelled the idea of sending Dabai to please the banquet, but she took advantage of my unpreparedness and secretly took Dabai away.

By the time I found out, Da Bai was already pinched alive in the hands of the banquet minister.

I restrained my anger and rushed over, and asked the banquet minister in a low voice to return to Dabai, but she didn't look at me, and sneered at me that I was stingy and refused to return it.

I was bored and had to grab it, but she dodged out of the way, leaving me in the air.

Yanchen kept pulling the cat's whiskers and pinching the cat's ears hard, but Da Bai was sick and weak, and she didn't have the energy to amuse her at all, so she wilted.

In order to make the cat more lively and make herself happy, Yanchen actually plucked the bead hairpin from her bun and pierced it on Da Bai's belly. Yan Chen pinched the cat's neck, and when he got closer to take a look, he was provoked by the big white jumping up and scratching his face.

The banquet was furious, and he was about to fall on the stone slab, and lost half of his life......

…… After returning home, Dabai's other half of his life was cut off by his father's own hands. If Qin Luoxue hadn't protected me, my life would have been taken by him.

To him, Dabai was nothing more than a cat, a brute, and from the moment he wounded the princess, he was guilty of a capital crime. But he didn't care, I didn't lose a cat, I lost my loved ones.

Dabai stayed with me for seven years after my mother passed away, and I didn't treat it as a pet, it has always played the role of my relative. Wherever I went, I held it and was reluctant to part with it for a moment. I finally understood why my mother had to keep it with me and let me take care of it. She just hopes that there can be a living creature in this world that belongs to me completely, without deception and calculation, and without asking for oppression to accompany me.

Dabai's death disgusted me with the princess of Yanchen, but I didn't dare to hate her, and I couldn't hate her, just because she was a princess on top, and I was a concubine in the courtier's mansion. I can't hate anyone. On the contrary, I have to thank her for not killing. Compared to Princess Yanchen, Ankang is the person I really can't hate.

No matter what her original intention was to take Dabai away, the result was the same. Ankang achieved her goal, I was whipped and scolded by my father, grounded and fasted, and could no longer go to Shangshuyuan, naturally, I also stayed away from Qin Luoxue.

——————

I buried Dabai next to my mother's grave and asked him to accompany her on my behalf.

From then on, I was the only one in the world.

The shape is alone, and the cocoon stands alone.

It turns out that no matter how much sugar lotus seeds I eat, my life will not be sweet because of this.