If you go back in time, can the raindrops become clouds again?

"What? "It was like a thunderbolt from the blue, I could barely believe my ears, "It's impossible, it's not true, it's absolutely impossible..."

I was in a state of almost madness, and my headache was so bad that it almost cracked. The glass of water next to my arm was knocked to the ground, and shards of glass and hot water splashed, but my mind was blank.

"Zhuang Yan, listen to me, calm down." Mother comforted in an admonishing tone, "At first, I couldn't accept it, but Jingjing didn't have a mother is a fact, there was an accident at that time, Zhuang Jing has not been a hundred days old, and Xinrui's parents can't accept the fact that Xinrui is gone, Jingjing has become the most difficult painful memory for their family, I had to take her home to raise her alone." It's all because I didn't notice her emotions at the time, if I could talk to her more often, maybe... Alas..."

Her mind went blank, as if her body had lost consciousness like an electric one, and she was gone? Never to come back? It's like I'm falling back into a deep sleep, my breathing, my heartbeat, my pulse seems to have stopped, and the bright smile of Xinrui appears in my mind, and the next second it spreads out like fireworks, disappears, disappears completely.

At this time, I suddenly remembered why Xinrui kept calling the night before the operation, could it be because of Jingjing's matter? However, at that time, I... But because of discipline... Didn't get a call from her... Her last call.

I couldn't hold back the tears that finally blurred my vision...

During the investigation of the incident, I was the only one still alive, and the family members of the team inadvertently spread their sadness to my sickbed. It wasn't until after giving birth that the postpartum depression finally made Xinrui's spirit break down, and after subconsciously thinking that I would not wake up again, she resolutely chose to sleep with me, and the overdose of sleeping pills directly made her never wake up again.

I'm awake now, but you... But he left forever. We didn't make an appointment, and when I get back I'll take you to the lavender field of your dreams, and dress you in that purple field. But the previous agreement couldn't keep you after all, so I left quietly...

"Zhuang Yan, Zhuang Yan..." my mother's voice gradually faded, and I lay on the bed weakly feeling the call of pain, and everything was leaving me. For a long time, my eyes were still staring at the ceiling vacantly.

"How so, how is it possible, why is all this? What am I doing wrong? What did Xinrui do wrong? Suddenly, I could hardly suppress the grief and indignation in my heart, and I screamed to myself.

"Zhuang Yan, I know you can't accept it, but it's already like this, don't be too sad." My mother frowned and tapped me on the shoulder.

"Why is this happening, why?" I was hoarse.

Why? I've been asking myself, so staring out the window with such blank eyes, letting time pass, this question has no answer, how I wish someone had told me the answer.

When I woke up, my brother was gone, my heart was gone, it was like a nightmare, and I really hoped that it was just a nightmare, so I felt that the world had abandoned me, and I couldn't describe how I felt at this time, hatred? Oblivion? Resentment? Disappointed? Sad? No words can describe the heart of this moment, and a sense of tearing between reality and the past arises spontaneously.

As soon as I recovered from a serious illness, I left alone and went to the city where the core was buried, a city in the north that had already entered winter.

The small tombstone, inlaid with a black and white photo of Xinrui before her death, I gently wiped away the fallen leaves and dust with my hands, and I couldn't believe that she had been lying here for two years.

The north wind was cold, more like a knife with a blade than the cold and wet sea breeze in the south, etching in my heart the memories of my past with her. For two days and one night, I sat or stood with her, and I had a thousand words in my heart, but I could only whisper silently.

For the umpteenth time, I have tried to ask myself why a girl as gentle and beautiful as she would not hesitate to agree to be with me. She always replied to me without hesitation, "Because you are very reliable, you just feel comfortable together, and that's enough." ”