1. My husband picked up a bottle of beer slowly, and before he could open it, he fell drunk on the floor and said in a daze: "Daughter-in-law, I only poured you half a glass of wine, and you were so drunk that you didn't wake up, and today you are..."

2. In the morning, I passed by a fortune-telling stall and heard the stall set up say to a little girl: "Marriage is not difficult to find, you only need to spend 1,000 yuan to ask for fate, and I can help you find Prince Charming." As soon as I heard it, I knew it was a liar, and out of kindness, I quickly reminded the little girl: "Don't listen to him! You look so ugly, you can't get married no matter how much you spend!"

3. One day begging under a flyover and meeting a beautiful woman. "Poor and pitiful, give me some money!" the beautiful woman looked at me and took out a hundred dollars from her purse. "Damn, this is going to be sent!" Take out another hundred!"Damn, big money!" Take out another hundred!!"Damn, local tyrant!!" Take out another hundred! I don't know what to say! The beautiful woman suddenly spoke: "I remember that there is a piece in the wallet, why can't I find it! Forget it, let's give it next time!"

4. I work on a construction site and the food is very poor. One summer evening, I went to the workshop to prepare for dinner. At this time, my cousin rushed in and said, "Let's go, brother, go out to eat!" I was so happy in my heart that I threw the food in the trash can and ran, only to see my cousin sitting at the door eating, and said to me: It's hot in the house, how cool it is to eat outside....

5. Last night I worked overtime very late, my brother-in-law took me back after work, he was driving while calling, I reminded him, drive attentively, it's too late to regret the accident, brother-in-law: "Do I dare not answer your sister's call?" Me: "You stop first, and then turn on after answering the phone," brother-in-law: "It's okay, just don't make a sound," as soon as the voice fell, my brother-in-law stepped on the accelerator, and I couldn't hold back a few "ah" sounds......

6. In Chinese class, students are discussing their favorite books. Xiao Ming said to the teacher: "Our whole family loves to read, my mother loves to read health books, and my grandfather reads joke books." The teacher asked Xiao Ming, "Then what books does your father like to read?" Xiao Ming said without thinking: "Since my father became a manager, he loves to read secretaries." ”

7. Just now, Lao Wang next door asked me: "Why do you quit smoking? and plan to have children?" "No!" "No money?" "No!" "My wife won't let me smoke?" "It's not!" "Emma, why is that?" "I'm researching, whose smell of smoke is on the bed?" "Lao Wang" Eh, let's quit together!"

8. Yesterday, I found a master to touch the bones and tell fortunes, and after touching for a long time, my expression became more and more serious, and I cautiously asked: "Have you calculated anything?" The master replied: "Rare! The old man has been in the rivers and lakes for decades, and it is the first time I have met you like this." I became more and more worried: "What the hell is going on!" Master, please tell me. He shook his head: "I can't touch the bones at all, it's all meat!"