I woke up in a cold sweat.

Yes...... It's time to take medicine, the medicine that Dr. Lu prescribed for me is on the messy bedside table, hidden in the middle of the lunch box of fresh taro fairy and Yonghe soybean milk.

Last night's nightmare seemed to be full of zombies and little monsters, so I had to run for my life. That kind of thrilling, now that I think about it, I still have lingering palpitations.

For many years, I had nightmares, Dr. Lu said that I was mentally ill, and there were a lot of messy terms, and he prescribed me a lot of medicines, but it didn't get better.

Fortunately, the nightmare has been with me for many years, and it is no longer strange.

It's still early, it's only 5 o'clock, and it's a good habit to go to bed early and get up early.

The living room is still a mess, and whether I tidy up before bed or not, I wake up in the morning. There were snack bags piled up on the coffee table, but the trash cans were empty. Lying on the sofa is a one-man tall SpongeBob SquarePants who came out of nowhere, scorched yellow, staring at the ceiling with big innocent eyes, and a pair of front teeth that look exceptionally white!

That's a girl's puppet, right? Appearing in my home of a dignified man of seven or eight feet, is it like words?

Even though I looked at the panic in my heart, I couldn't clean them up, because only I could see these things, but I couldn't touch them.

I have severe auditory and visual hallucinations, all of which I have imagined.

True, these things do not exist. In fact, my living room is still neat and welcoming.

Speaking of which, this illness has a lot of feelings for me, stumbling and stumbling, never giving up, and accompanying me through the past 26 years of life.

I had my first episode as a child, when I was about 4 years old, and I was watching TV at home with my mother, when all of a sudden, I heard a cousin call me and asked me to bring her water.

I still remember that voice, as clearly as if it was said in my ear: "Luo Yang, bring me a glass of water to drink." The tone was exactly the same as that of my cousin.

How strong can a human being have a memory at the age of four? But when I think back now, I remember the events of that day vividly, as if watching a high-definition movie, replaying scene by scene.

Naturally, I picked up the water glass and walked to the bathroom, my young mother didn't know what to do, and asked me why I was going, and I said, "I brought water to Sister Xinxin to drink, and she said she was thirsty." ”

My mother was a little frightened at the time, and hurriedly asked, "Where is Sister Xinxin?" ”

I pointed to the bathroom, and there it was.

My mother hurriedly stopped me, and it was just the two of us at home, so naturally she wouldn't let me go to the bathroom with a glass of water, which was too terrible.

Thinking about it from another perspective, it is estimated that my mother was sweating all over her body at that time.

I was in a very difficult mood at that time, my sister was thirsty, why didn't my mother let me bring water?

Just then, I glanced past the window and passed by a man.

Ah, Daddy is back. That person is really my dad, I can't be mistaken.

So I hurriedly went to open the door.

"Daddy's back!"

My mom cried out all at once, and stopped me in a panic and didn't let me open the door.

I can't remember what happened after that, and naturally that person was not my father, because he was in an unknown army abroad, and he could only come back once or twice a year.

According to my mother's description, later she took me to find doctors everywhere, Western medicine, Chinese medicine, but I couldn't see the reason, and my relatives at home also helped to find a side door, to dance the god or something, and I didn't see much good, and the whole person was not very energetic.

Usually at this time, there should be a big fairy, and the rumors are very accurate, but they are only for those who are destined. However, I didn't meet it, and probably my parents were both intellectual young people with a good cultural education, which also has a lot to do with it.

A few months later, my mom took me for a walk along the road, supposedly hoping that I would feel better. My mother doesn't remember the specific plot very well, but she only said that she met a person on the road, who looked like a soldier, tall and burly, and told my mother that he had a way, but he had to be alone with me in a room, and there could be no one else.

My mother was suspicious and invited this person to the house, anyway, my uncle lived next door, and probably there would be no danger.

The memories of that period have long since faded, but I will never forget the events of that day.

The uncle and I were facing each other, sitting on the little red pony in the house, and he was very close to me, but I could not see his face clearly. It's not that it's old and his memory is blurry, but it's really not clear, it's not that he can't see clearly like a fog, but his face is constantly changing, a bit like today's mosaic technology.

Originally, I felt that his eyes were double eyelids, but when I looked at it a second time, it was a single eyelid, and I couldn't remember the appearance anyway. I was amazed at his appearance, so I didn't remember much of what he said, but I was so impressed by this magical face. Later, he seemed to talk a lot to himself, and then left.

Strange to say, after he left, I was in good spirits, and as before, I ate and enjoyed silly food, and I was as fresh as a live donkey.

Later, I also asked my mother about the man's appearance, but she remembered it very clearly, saying that it was a thin long face, dark skin, small eyes, but black and bright, and two dimples.

This can be considered a lifesaver for me. I don't dare to forget it all the time.

Even Lu Xu, who was young and later went to work at the Institute of Neuroscience of the C City Branch of the Chinese Academy of Sciences, thought it was incredible.

"Do you really have symptoms of visual and auditory hallucinations? That's a sign of schizophrenia! "The first time I talked to him about this was when I had just graduated from college, and I had a drink with him in City C, and I drank a little more, so I told him about it when I was a child.

"I don't understand your terms, but I can still see strange things later, but I hear a lot less."

"See what?" Lu Xu became excited, and hurriedly stepped forward, still holding the roast chicken head in his hand.

"Hehe, for example, when I sit in a car, I can often see a car in front of me, and the car I sit in drives straight over. The car was gone. I thought about it carefully, and pretended to be mysterious, "Also, the building is often changing, sometimes there are pavilions in the sky, and some people's faces are like mosaics, no matter how you look at them, you can't see clearly." ”

"Huh?! You're serious! Dayang, let me tell you, you're not normal! "He drank a little too much, and he was startled when he spoke." Visual and auditory hallucinations are not a trivial problem! The patients I have come into contact with, but if you are so serious and for such a long time, they are no longer able to live a normal life and have no ability to take care of themselves! How can you be as normal as you, and still drink with me here! ”

"Not so much~" I smiled weakly and glanced at him, "How can it be so serious." You scare me. ”

"Hey! Dayang, if you say that, I'm not happy, why am I scaring you! I'm a top student of the University of Medicine, is it interesting to lie to you! After a few cups, his face was already red from drinking, and in this hurry, he became the color of pork liver.

I saw that he was in a hurry, and I hurriedly coaxed him: "You have to get it, you say it's a disease, it's a disease." Looks like I really have to thank that fairy uncle! ”

I didn't want the two of them to spoil the fun, so I changed the topic, and then I drank a lot, until the second half of the night, my eyes were almost straight, and there was a big table in the middle of the barbecue restaurant, a few shirtless men with five big and three thick, stepping on boxes and boxes of brave men, and blowing five and six with big tongues.

We also drank well, and our tongues were knotted and we had to continue to straighten them.

Somehow, the conversation came back to my illness.

"Dayang, hey! The two of us grew up together, buddies never knew that you had suffered so much! You are sick, and I can't share it for you, brother! After that, he wiped the corners of his eyes with the back of his hand, this product is like this, a few cups of horse pee, he loves sensationalism, and his emotions are gushing.

I also drank my head, as if I had been wronged for so many years, as soon as I heard him say this, my feelings came up, I was a little tearful, and I hurriedly waved his hand to let him not feel uncomfortable.

"Grandpa, my illness is really fatal! When I was in school, I was so surprised that I almost missed the graduate interview! "When I mentioned these things, I was really a little aggrieved, "Internship period! I was also frightened by hallucinations and offended the leader! It's not a good future! My life is over. "I wiped the corners of my eyes, I don't know if it was sweat or tears, in short, the emotion arrived, and I couldn't control it at all.

Seeing me like this, he hooked my shoulders and suddenly put his head up, as if he wanted to lower his voice and whisper, but in fact he dragged his big tongue in a long voice, "I'll steal—tell you something——! Brother——, in our courtyard—there is an old professor in our courtyard," he said, looking around, as if he were afraid of overheard, "kicking him out of the courtyard above!" Specific--what he committed, it's hard to say, I just heard that he committed something. ”

I saw that his eyes were very ambiguous, and I lost patience in an instant, "You grandma, what's wrong with an old man, what does it have to do with Lao Tzu." ”

"Don't worry~" He said with a smile: "This old man, that- that's amazing, specializing in schizophrenia, you know, your auditory hallucinations - is a manifestation of schizophrenia!" I'll get you in touch, maybe I can help you take a look. ”

"Come on, I don't see any neuropaths."

"Look at you! We're all socialist atheists, but there's something about it—why don't you believe it——! He pretended to come over mysteriously, "What you said is really evil, Dayang, you believe me, that old man is not ordinary." He paused, as if he was about to say something important, and threw his head back to make a drink.

I glared at me in a hurry, "You mean that!" ”

He put down his glass, leaned over, and whispered, "That old man, he can exorcise ghosts." ”