[December 24, 2012 diary]

"If there is an afterlife, I will be a tree and stand for eternity. There is no gesture of joy and sorrow, half in the soil, half in the wind, half in the shade, half in the sun, very silent, very proud, not dependent, not seeking. If there is an afterlife, I hope to wake up and eat the essence of the sun and the moon, dream and sleep with wind and dew, live freely and unconsciously, let the years go by, and I will be free. "Reading such sentences makes me fall into deep thought for a long time, for I can do nothing but think about it in unbearable and painful hours, waiting for the results of the efforts of everyone but me.

On the third day of the new round of medication, the results of the last test showed that everything was normal except that the blood clotting ability was less than one-fifth of the normal level. After today's infusion and medicine, there will be a new round of examinations tomorrow. In order not to disappoint everyone, every time I pretended to be casual and cooperated with all the doctor's instructions, even if I was unwilling in my heart, I gladly accepted it. I'm also scared that tomorrow's result will be in vain again, and then how long will this course of treatment be, will there be another treatment plan next, will there be other medicines I have to take······ There were a lot of questions in my head, but I had no way of knowing the answers. In these days in the hospital, I have seen so much, too much, good and bad. I've seen people who were brought in in in a coma, then woke up and got better. I saw a rural guy about my age who had to leave because of the high cost of treatment. I have seen a 90-year-old university professor who was struggling with a perforated appendix, but fortunately he did not have to worry about the cost, and he had the best medicine, the best equipment, and a nurse to take care of him. I have seen a boss in his 50s, who had stomach surgery for the second time, with tubes inserted all over his body, four or five bags of liquid medicine hanging at the same time, 24-hour ECG monitoring, and a large number of people coming to visit and express condolences every day. I have seen middle-aged men who were discharged from the hospital with seven or eight or ten fractures or even comminuted fractures due to car accidents. There are too many, too many to count, and here I see countless worried and anxious faces, too many relatives crying secretly, and the powerlessness of doctors and patients, which backfires. Of course, there are also those who come in with a sad face and return home healthy and happy. I don't know where I'm now, what the outcome will be.

In the last few days, I have been thinking about a lot of things and thinking about a lot of people. I miss you, I don't expect extravagantly, I don't bother, I don't speak. At this moment, I also want to have "If I hadn't met in life, I would still be the same person, occasionally dreaming, and then, I began to run day after day, drowning in the hustle and bustle of the city." I won't understand that there is such a you in this world, which is evocative and intoxicating. If I hadn't met in my life, I wouldn't believe it, but there is a kind of person who feels very warm as soon as I know him. Such a state of mind.

In the morning, I did a blood routine, and after a B-ultrasound, I started to hang a drip. It wasn't until noon that I had no needles on my hands. During the days in the hospital, my life was very regular, eating on time and going to bed on time. When I got up after lunch break and walked around the corridor, I saw a few old classmates from a distance, all of whom were old friends of seven or eight years. The former BOYS group,I remember that the English name was popular in junior high school.,Wu,Honest,Ze,The four of us are the best.,The English initials are BOYS.,Until today,It's the same.。 Although they are in different schools and different places, they will reunite with each other's homes during the Spring Festival every year, and they also occasionally contact each other on weekdays.

They came from different places and made appointments with each other, but I didn't know anything. Only Wu knows that he is hospitalized, because he usually has the most contact with him, he is in Jingzhou, and he has come to visit me at school in the past two years, so he will be the first to know if something happens. They were joined by Wu's sister Keiko and another girl, Pingping, who came to meet them, holding flowers and carrying a fruit basket. They are all classmates and friends for many years, and the moment I saw them, my eyes were moist and red.

"I'm in good shape, I'm still walking outside!" Qinglian said a word from a distance of seven or eight meters, and I was speechless.

In order not to disturb the rest of the other patients, we stood in different places in the corridor, leaning against the wall and leaning against the window, the sky outside was slightly dark, if we focused on a long shot from the nurse's station at the end of the corridor we entered, this picture should be quite warm and beautiful. We talked and laughed, reminiscing about the past, and didn't say a word about why I was hospitalized and what my situation was. Then two nurses walked up to me and held up the syringes and medicines in their hands to signal to me.

"It's time for an injection, you wait for me for a while." I talked to the old fellows and walked to the room. "Wow, this flower is so pretty! I'll help you get to the nurse's station," I knew I couldn't store flowers in the ward, so I nodded. Many of the nurses on this floor are familiar with me, probably because they are my age, and they often joke. One of the two nurses who injected me was a year older than me and the other was two years younger than me. While preparing the injection essentials and equipment, he chatted with me, "It's popular, so many people come to visit these days, which has caused trouble to our work?" This is the first bouquet of flowers I have ever received. "It's like a needle pricking a blood vessel next to the elbow joint." What about communiqué personal vendettas? I said it seriously, and the little nurse standing next to me laughed and said, "You deserve it!" In the midst of the jokes, the medicine was also dispensed, and the nurse left and said to the friends outside the door, "You can go in, it happens that he is alone now, otherwise he can't go in so much, but don't stay too long." Then five people came in, and Ze asked, "Are you alright?" "I said it's okay, it's okay.

After chatting for a while, I went to the nurses' station and asked if I could go out for a while. The nurse said: "Theoretically, no, but your attending doctor said that you need to move around more, and you are in good condition now, so if you must go out, you have to write a leave of absence and a letter of guarantee, do not leave the hospital, and you must return to the ward within an hour!" I agreed, changed out of my hospital gown, and put on my long-lost clothes, pants and shoes. Lian Lian said that it was quite cold outside, so let me wear more. When I was transferred from gastroenterology to orthopedics, my mother bought me a bright red down jacket and a pair of khaki trousers. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I wasn't a patient. The hospital environment is very good, and this is the first time I think so. Leaving the building, a group of six people, talking and laughing, walked on the path in the woods and found a place to sit down. Hui and Pingping said to buy a few hot drinks to warm up and let our brothers have a good chat. You can feel their full worry and care in every word, but it is not so obvious to express it. Maybe it's a tacit understanding over the years! The two girls were afraid that I would have a taboo, so all the juice they bought was hot juice, and I took a glass of fresh orange juice. We began to recall how we met at the beginning, the party after the high school entrance examination, the high school contacts, and singing and playing mahjong together during the Spring Festival every year······ It seems that there is no so-called seven-year itch at all, and every bit of it is still fresh in my memory.

The time for the reunion was always short-lived, and after sending me back to the ward, they had to go their separate ways to school. Today is Christmas Eve, and tonight is Christmas Eve, so choosing to visit me on such a day should have been specially arranged, and I hope I am safe.

When I was back lying on the hospital bed, I received a WeChat message from a female classmate in the high school repeater class: "Christmas Eve, I hope you are healthy, safe and happy!" ”

"How's it going? Are you feeling better? When she asked, I was puzzled, and apart from a few close friends, few knew that I was in your hospital.

"What do you mean? Do you know I'm in the hospital? I asked, "Who told you that?" No one in our class knows about it yet. ”

"It doesn't matter how I know, I know anyway! But I'm in Chongqing now, and I only found out today, so I can't visit you. Hope you get well soon! ”

"Thank you, and so are you, Happy Christmas Eve!" I replied simply.

She is a girl who once confessed to me, and she is a very nice person. The last time I sent a message was on my birthday last year, and I still remember it at this time, and this kind of greeting and care also makes people feel very warm.

Mom is not here today, and my sister will come over in the evening. When I returned to the ward, I took out the book from the drawer and flipped through it, and found that there was six hundred dollars in it, which must have been put down by one of them while I was not looking. Soon after, I received a text message from Wu, saying that his mother asked him to stay, saying that there is such etiquette on our side. Knowing that I would definitely not want it to be given to me in person, I secretly sandwiched it in the book.

My sister brought me dinner, and a nicely wrapped box, apparently I could guess it was an apple. On Christmas Eve last year, a few friends and I bought some apple packaging and then sold it. After dinner, I opened the fruit basket and gave an apple to each of the nurses at the nurses' station to thank them for their careful care and companionship day and night.

Christmas Eve, peace and sound.

Good night.