After knowing the truth, Avi behaved exactly like me at the time, she drank the drink in the cup, "It's really unexpected." ”

Who would have thought?

I haven't seen snow in years, and I haven't felt this cold in years.

The biggest snow in my memory was when I graduated from elementary school. The snow and ice in the south are very strange, and we are happy to look at the willow trees in front of the house covered with snot-like ice skates, and the frozen pond has become our skating rink for one session and another.

After ten years, a heavy snow came. It awakened memories of that year, and at the same time froze my scars painfully.

After I left him, I kept looking for good memories from other places to try to replace the pain. People are the most able to recognize kindness when they are most spiritually vulnerable, and I identify those ordinary actions as kindness to myself, and use them to fill in the missing part of my love. They work so well that I use them as a trauma medicine to calm myself. Memories are emotional poison that can both save and harm. When caught in the whirlpool of emotions and unable to distinguish between right and wrong, I grabbed the rope that was thrown at me from all directions.

Ten years ago, Xun'an and I were swimming in a frozen pond. We stopped in the middle of the lake. The parents were worried, saying we were standing on the thinnest part of the ice. I was scared, and I clung to Xun'an and didn't dare to move. He didn't give up on me and asked me to count down to "three-two-one" and leave together. Fortunately, the ice did not break.

Xun An and I returned to the ice again, and there was still a cold standing around. Xun An pushed me away, and he said that he would die with Conghan.

I can't watch them fall into an ice cave like this. It was so bitterly cold that I groped on the ice and found a stick. I used it to bang desperately on the ice beneath my feet.

The nightmare woke me up, and I wiped the cold sweat from my forehead and wondered why I had such a dream.

"Are you dreaming of him again?" Xiaoya is still staying up late to study.

I sighed and took it as a default. It's been almost a year since I left him, and I dream about him every day. In every dream he left me aside, and I could only watch him and Xun An look at me with a strange detached look. I know it's my own psychological problem and nothing else, how can they be willing to hurt me?

"I'm sorry, but it's not you who I like."

"Thank you, but it's not you who I like."

……

Every day I have to repeat this nightmare, and I have to listen to him several times a day. But no one can bear to listen to me describe the same dreams every day, I can only pity myself in the long palpitations after waking up, and there is one less person in the world who loves me, is it worth my depression?

The day after Xun An told me the truth, I tested him while it was hot.

He had a showdown with Xun'an months ago, and I don't know how he could still pretend to be nothing. Holding my hand, hugging, kissing, how did he manage to be intimate with someone he didn't love? Do you always treat me like a different person? It's disgusting, I get sick to my stomach every time I think about it.

It seemed to rain the night before, and I left him with my umbrella.

"You cheer him on for me." Xun'an had a performance at night, but I was really uncomfortable, and it would not be an exaggeration to say that I was dizzy. From Han's mental state lately, he hasn't been in a good state of mind, and he yawns endlessly when he's with me. I promised him that we would see each other only when we were all free and missed each other, and that was the only way I could think of to ease his fatigue.

"Why?" He was very excited when he heard this, and his eyes were obviously full of red bloodshots.

I hugged him, saying that I was distressed to see him like this, and that I should find something I love to do and not spend all my time in love.

"You don't like me anymore." He spoke to himself.

"Nope. Even if we're in love, we shouldn't give up our independent personality, right? "I told him to look at me and not to fall into pessimism.

His appearance proves even more that his willpower is weak, and he will associate everything with the extreme dark side. But I should have said these things to him, at least not in the sense that he thinks he "doesn't love." I explained that I made this decision because I cared about him, and that doing so would make our relationship last.

After listening to my reason, he didn't make him feel better, he hugged me for a long time, saying that he would squeeze out more time to spend with me.

"I don't need you with me." Woe to the mouth, I know that this sentence has added fuel to the fire.

He was angry because he took a clear step back. I tried to explain it to him, but he said he understood what I meant. We are all a little impulsive, and it is better not to say more than to say too much. I told him to calm down before contacting me. I also helped him open the umbrella and watched him leave my sight before I went in.

But the next day he still didn't contact me. The call to him was also answered by my roommate, who told me that he had a fever from the cold and rain.

I rushed to his dorm room, and his roommates were all playful enough to make room for us. With his eyes closed, he probably didn't know that I was stepping on a stool to observe him. He had a lot of sweat on his forehead, and I wiped it several times with a handkerchief. This handkerchief was still given by him, I don't know if anyone who studies medicine has a habit of cleanliness, so he bought a piece for Xun'an.

I watched as he had a box of fever reducers on his desk, and guessed that his roommate had fed it. Afraid of waking him up, I could only sit in his place and wait. He slept unsteadily, and the creaking sound of the bed made me feel more and more guilty when I heard it. I blamed myself for not calming him down yesterday and letting him go alone, he must have not listened to me and put on his umbrella.

There is also a group photo of us on the table, taken when I was in high school, and there is Xun'an in it. It seems that he wipes it frequently, and the wooden frame is shimmering and smooth to the touch. His books were stacked on the shelves, and I had recently spread out a book on neurology, and I flipped through a few pages, but it piqued my interest.

The movement on the bed gradually became smaller, and a slight snoring sound came from the cold.

There is no specific treatment for the cure of "defective disease" in the book, and it is all a theory from the shallow to the deep. I roughly finished the whole book, and when I looked at the time, it was almost noon. I looked at Conghan again, he had stopped sweating, and his face was not as pale as before. I tried to wake him up. His eyelids fluttered a few times before they opened, and he was a little surprised to see me. He propped himself up and sat up, telling me not to step on my chair.

"It's not safe, what should I do if I fall?"

My tears came out of my eyes, touching me like a child who has done something wrong and is not only forgiven, but also gets extra candy.

"I'm sorry." I pressed my forehead against the hand holding him, tears flowing between my fingers and wetting my palm.

"You didn't do anything wrong."

"It's me ......," Conghan coughed a few times.

I told him not to say anything more and asked him if he wanted anything to eat. I don't really care for patients, and I can't think of a better way to show my role than to fill my stomach. And he seemed flattered, making me think I was caring about him for the first time. In fact, I do tend to ignore it, and being loved makes me selfishly forget to love. The one who made me blindly take fall, and I didn't know where to call for love.

He said he couldn't eat and wanted to sleep a little longer. I playfully jumped out of my chair and pretended to say goodbye, but remember to call me when he wakes up. I was useless in front of the people I loved, and a sense of sadness and indignation arose at myself. I deliberately slowed myself down, hoping that he would stop me before I closed the door. But he didn't.

I grabbed a few bites of food and sat in the classroom in advance and waited. He'll contact me before class, I guess.

Schools are small societies. Everyone moves forward at the same pace, but there is one thing that is very similar, and they don't like to huddle. It's like a fallen leaf floating on the water, carried in a different direction by the ripples of the water. But the surface of the water is not always calm, and every time it swells, it always gathers different fallen leaves in one place. There are thousands of schools, and education is divided into three, six, nine and so on.

There are a few respected old professors in our college, and listening to their lectures is like returning to the era of our ancestors who were thirsty for knowledge, and we have a sense of rigor in education. They are dusty ancient books, and we have a very orthodox higher education. And there is another teacher in the class, who is middle-aged, and he doesn't know what to say when he talks about the class. He always gets along with his students, and there is no competition with other teachers. He also advocated a new type of classroom of free speech, where everyone could stop and talk about their views on the subject at any time.

I understand the world as a polyhedron, and the analogy is a real thing, which is a Rubik's cube that everyone plays with. The process of recovering after disruption is a lot of fun. Interestingly, games may have formulas, but life is often cut and tied. Before I grasped the mystery, I relied on forced demolition to restore it. This method is also extremely useful for life itself, breaking up and reconstructing, and recreating a new world. Of course, no matter how many times it has been rebuilt, the world remains a polyhedron, but in an uncertain shape. Man is distorted, folded, and mixed in different planes, and can only obtain a holistic view of the whole world by inserting his own edges and corners.

He often mentions his little family in class, and everyone thinks he must be a good man. The good image he created made his classmates talk about it, and everyone was willing to take his classes, which made his classes have a high attendance rate.

He suddenly talked about folklore.

The voyeurism mobilized everyone's attention, and the class was very enjoyable. The teacher asked the students to participate in the game on stage, one of which was cockfighting.

"Don't you think this game is really interesting?" Xiaoya is eager to try.

I've never seen her interested in anything other than studying, and I thought she would be disgusted with playing games in class, thinking it was a waste of her study time.

She raised her hand and the teacher asked her to come on stage.

"Stay safe." I reminded subconsciously.

Most of the students in the class are girls, and it seems that they are at a loss to play this game. Xiaoya was arranged to compete with a boy, and I asked the teacher if I could change someone, after all, there is a huge disparity in strength between men and women.

The teacher didn't agree, and even simply ignored my words. I sensed his disdain for my views, and I succeeded in getting me to transfer my resentment towards him. More than half of the time has passed, and the phone lying in the drawer is still so quiet, and I have a nameless fire.

This nameless fire makes me look at nothing pleasing to the eye. The way they stood on one leg was comical, and Xiaoya couldn't stand at all until the teacher announced that they were starting. I don't understand why she chose to play this game, it's really uncomfortable.

They collided tentatively a few times, and Xiaoya barely survived. The teacher told them not to rub in, wasting everyone's time, and let them officially face off like a coaxing spectator, causing others to follow suit.

Xiaoya leaned on the podium at a loss, so nervous that she forgot to put down her legs to rest.

The more I watched it, the more annoyed I became, and I just wanted this inexplicable game to end quickly. It's almost the end of class, so she can just hold on until the end of class.

The teacher directly pushed Xiaoya, and Xiaoya was forced to get closer to the opponent again. I looked up at the scene and fired a cold arrow at the back of the teacher's head. There were only four minutes left in the clock, and the boy signaled to Xiaoya that he was going to exert his strength. Xiao Ya nodded weakly.

He took a step towards Xiao Ya, and Xiao Ya took a step back. The boy pressed forward step by step, but Xiaoya was stopped by the teacher and couldn't hide anymore. So she looked at the boy crampedly, and the boy and the teacher looked at each other, and finally made up their minds after getting the teacher's affirmation. He knocked Xiaoya down, and the bell rang for the end of class.

I hurriedly got up and went to help Xiaoya. She was a little embarrassed by the sparse chatter, and I looked angrily at the teacher, who was indifferently announcing that the game was over. I could clearly see him smiling, even if the smile was fleeting. But the glaring marks of ridicule were still caught by me.

"Annan ......" felt someone pushing me, and I opened my eyes with difficulty.

It turned out to be a dream, and I fell asleep on the table.

Xiaoya asked me why I was waiting in the classroom so early, and the fatigue caused by the nightmare had not disappeared, and I did not answer.

The class hadn't started yet, and there was no movement on the phone.

Dreams are virtual reflections of the state of mind, and the speculations in the dreams are magnified to the extreme. I was still reminiscing about the dream, and the eyeballs hidden under my nose were very clear, and although the person in the dream was unrecognizable, I recognized who it was.

No wonder I don't like him.