[Diary of December 30, 2012]

If I could, I would like to dull my senses and live happily with my destiny, but this is the emotion that God has given me, the environment that fate has given me. People may say that I am not sick and moaning, but they are not me, so how can they know that I am not sick.

Yesterday there was something at home, and my mother rushed back early in the morning. After the doctor checked the room in the morning, I went to the attending doctor alone and said that I wanted to be discharged. After some conversation, he said that I am now in a stable state and that it is okay if I have to be discharged from the hospital, but I will go for a CT scan first to see if the lump is completely gone. After speaking, I was immediately prescribed a CT scan list, and when I came back after the CT scan, it was lunch time, and the doctor went to eat after work, so I lay quietly on the bed and waited for the results. At about half past two, the doctor walked into my room and said, "I saw the CT results in the morning, and now the maximum diameter of the lump is less than 4 centimeters, and the whole lump is much smaller, and there is no bleeding anymore." You can go back to school, but I'll prescribe some more medicine for you and go back to suggest that you take it according to the amount, and another two days of Baikoqi, from today onwards, you come over once every three days, after two shots, and then you can come directly to the inpatient department to come to me. If you can, I'll get you discharged from the hospital now······" After that, I called my mom and told her about it, and she agreed. After signing some materials, I went to the hospital for discharge, but I didn't expect that it was also very troublesome to be discharged, for me alone. It took a bit of time to print the medical records, and the nurse sister told me that this could be done at any time, so I didn't get it. Paid for the fee, took the medicine, and deposited the intravenous bolus Baikochi at the nurses' station. After changing my clothes and packing my luggage, it was already more than five o'clock, and after saying hello to the doctors and nurses, I left the building, which had been in the building for a month and nine days. I thought to myself, I hope I don't go into here again.

The moment I walked out of the hospital, I felt as if I was relieved, and even the air I breathed was full of vitality. Take a taxi to the bus station, there is a temporary bus stop in Hankou, there is a bus passing through the school, it is very convenient, a few yuan to the school, if you take a taxi, you have to double the price tenfold. Got on the bus and sent a message to Hiroko: "I'm coming back!" "Received his reply soon" When? Okay? Do you want me to pick you up? I replied that he was already on the bus and estimated that he would be at school at half past six and that he didn't need to pick him up.

When I walked through the school gate, it was already dark, and the white and blue lights of the library that appeared in front of me were unusually bright. Some classrooms in the school building on the left are still lit with yellowed lights, which are supposed to be classes or activities. The science and education building on the right, only the blue light in front of the main entrance is shining, and there should be basically no one at this time. Walking through the Kangzhuang Avenue in front of the library, passing the arc path on the right side of the library, stepping on the Jiuqu Bridge, and coming to the front of the dormitory building, a familiar place, the squad leader on the second floor (I changed dormitories in my sophomore year, moved from the fifth floor of Building 7 to the second floor of Building 21) was probably doing laundry, shouting my name through the window, and welcoming me, and then hurried down to help me get my suitcase. When I arrived at the dormitory, Yuan Zhe was playing games alone, and when he saw me, he first said "wow" in surprise, and then asked me about my situation, and said that viagra went to the library, and Yang Ke went with his girlfriend, and told me that Bozi had just bought me food and drinks and put them on the table. One chicken steak rice, one glass of coconut water, one apple. After putting away my luggage, I walked into Hiroko's dormitory next door while eating my meal. Pushing open the door, I saw that he was eating and watching a movie, "Do you need money for this meal and drink?" If you want to return it to you······" I gulped down as I spoke. "Please!" He replied with a serious and generous look. After chatting for a long time, the familiar feeling remained the same as before.

It's a great feeling to be back in school, and it's a great gift compared to the days before.

Today, I compared the class schedule and the unturned in assignments one by one, and then explained the situation to the counselor and the teacher. During the hospitalization, I was absent from the test of "Power System Analysis" and the test of English level 6, I never expected this course to end so early, and after discussing with the teacher, I asked me to make up the exam with the students who failed the course, and I can only wait for the next time as for English level 6. After almost solving the problems left over from the more than one month of schoolwork, I began to slowly adjust and prepare for the next exams.

Accustomed to the work and rest time in the hospital, I woke up naturally at half past six, the sky was still slightly bright, and there was some fog in the air, which was cool. I went to a cafeteria and ate a bowl of hot chaos, and then slowly returned to the dorm room. Maybe it's because there are no classes, and because it's cold, they prefer to hide under the covers. In order not to disturb their sleep, I turned on the small desk lamp and looked through the "Probability Theory and Mathematical Statistics Course", which was not a big problem, and there should be no problem with the exam. The first volume of "Advanced Mathematics" is okay, but the second volume is a bit difficult to do. After reading it for a short time, I did a few after-class exercises, but I didn't think it was too difficult, and I didn't think it was very simple, maybe it was a month of stagnation that made my thinking work slow down and a little distracted. After putting away these slightly annoying textbooks, I carefully looked through the bookshelves and saw more than 20 copies of the club's publication "Century Youth", which I had spent a lot of time collecting, and every issue published since the founding of the society, there were a few issues in the middle that could no longer be found, some were worn out, and the covers were gone. The library doesn't have as much as I have.

At noon, I called Ye Chang and asked him to help me get a copy of all the journals he could find so far for me to keep as a souvenir. As for the one I have in my hand, it is a gift I am going to give to the new head of the editorial department. He asked me if I was going back to school, and said that he invited me to eat in the cafeteria and milk tea in the evening, and of course there was no reason to refuse such a good thing. He said let me call Hiroko, and his name was Zhou Pei. It was such a happy decision.

After lunch, I took a nap and went to the library with Viagra. Because I like to watch Korean dramas, I bought two copies of "Korean Chinese Course", and after studying the first few lessons by myself, I felt quite interesting, and I wanted to continue learning. I spent the whole afternoon listening to voices, watching tutorials, and writing Korean, but I didn't feel tired at all. I didn't leave the library until after five o'clock and went back to my dormitory. In such weather, it is undoubtedly the wisest choice to stay in the dormitory, which is crowded and warm. Talking and laughing for a while, playing games for a while, playing music on the speaker, simple but endlessly fun.

At half past six, I took the twenty-three volumes of the journal and walked with Hiroko to the second cafeteria. There are a lot of people coming and going between the dormitory building and the cafeteria, there are couples holding hands, groups of good friends, lonely single dogs, and a few classmates playing badminton under the street lamp. I called and asked them about the bubble tea shop, and went straight to the cafeteria. As soon as we met, Zhou Pei handed me a cup of honey grapefruit tea and gave Bozi a cup of jasmine tea, and then Ye Chang asked me when I would come back. After chatting until the tea was finished, he handed me and Hiroko a booklet respectively, saying that it was our certificate of employment, and it was not long after it arrived in his hands, so he brought it to us by the way. In addition, he gave me the journal I asked him to find for me at noon, and I got 14 volumes in one afternoon, which was already beyond my original prediction. Then I also handed over the twenty-three volumes in my hand to Zhou Pei, and hoped that she could collect more and better works and make better publications, and also hoped that she could turn the twenty-three volumes into twenty-five volumes and hand them over to the next minister······ Ye Chang said to help us order, let us continue to chat, the noisy canteen, but I feel very comfortable, the atmosphere is very good. Chatting while eating, drinking milk tea and continuing to chat, as if there is an endless topic to talk about. I didn't leave until after nine o'clock.

I saw your call at eight o'clock, but I didn't answer it, and muted it because I didn't know what to say, or because I was afraid that my originally calm heart would be in turmoil again. I can't afford to put it down as much as you do, and when you think of it, contact me as if nothing happened. Two missed calls in a row, it's not that I made such a move to retaliate because you didn't reply to you before, I don't know why, I just know that it's definitely not because of this.

When I arrived at the dormitory, I couldn't help but call you back, and made an excuse that I hadn't heard the phone ring when I had just eaten in the cafeteria, and asked if there was something wrong with you and why you contacted me so suddenly. You seem to hear the blame hidden in my tone, you say it's nothing, it's just that you read the diary taken from me last night from beginning to end, and cried several times, and suddenly missed me very much, and was afraid that I would hate you because of your departure and the breakup you said, and you just mustered up the courage to dare to call me. You say it's nothing, it's just that you think of the past and think of me, and you want to hear my voice······ I choked up, I don't think I'd ever heard such a word come out of your mouth. I feel sorry for you, but I may feel more sorry for myself, even after you left, I still haven't stopped missing you, missing all the thoughts. It was probably the longest call we've ever made, an hour and twenty-four minutes. I seem to be able to hear that you just want to see me as a good friend now, but I don't want to, I don't explain my inner thoughts to you, I don't tell you that I miss you, and that you are all I have now for love. I didn't say anything, because I knew what such self-indulgence would come in for.

I don't pay attention to how my feelings burn me. You say you want to remember those happy memories, but I remember more than just happy memories. I told myself in my heart: I don't blame you. Because I know you used to be so good to me, I think you love me. I also tried to keep it, and I naively thought that you would feel so sorry for me for you. For your sake, I closed my heart to other people and rejected other people's kindness, but you are still the one who is left and right, and there will always be different suitors around you. I pretend not to think about you and don't care about you, but I will always inquire about your situation from others and pay attention to every circle of friends and every mood you post. I was willing to wait, but you didn't tell me you were worth waiting. Why does my heart always hurt when I love someone?

Good night.