My name is Li Xiaofan, I am 26 years old, and I am a ...... Investigative journalists.

Sorry, I'm a little nervous because I'm not used to introducing myself like that.

Until yesterday, I was just a "letter boy"; Maybe many people don't know what this position is for, but let me put it simply...... It's the guy who pushes a cart out of the mailroom every day and distributes folders to the corresponding desks one by one.

Except for the time when the documents were issued, my colleagues generally couldn't even see my shadow; My presence in the company is similar to that of the cleaning aunt, in fact, even the cleaning aunt can scold me...... Well, they even dare to scold the chairman, but that's another story.

I was born in a big city, and my family was quite rich when I was a child.

Unfortunately, by the time I was in junior high school, my family was in the middle of the road.

That year, my father failed in business, began to drink heavily, and finally simply came to evaporate...... The next time I saw him, it was in the morgue of a hospital three years after he ran away from home; The police officer who asked my mother and I to claim the body told us that the cause of death was a drug overdose.

In the three years since my father disappeared, my mother sold all the family's real estate to pay off the debts left by my father, and in order to allow me to continue to stay in the big city for education, my mother, who has been a full-time housewife for more than ten years and has a low level of education, went out to find a job again.

She serves dishes at restaurants six days a week, working 12 hours a day, and the content of the "working meal" is never the same – a bowl of rice, and a large plate of fried shredded potatoes for all the waiters to share; The rest of the day, she has to work part-time as a part-time worker, from morning to evening, at least five or six households, each of which cleans the room, washes clothes, cooks, and rotates......

Even so, my mother's income was barely enough to support both of us and my school fees.

I always told her that there was no need to work so hard, that I could go back to my hometown in the countryside with her, where we didn't have to rent a house, we could live with my grandparents, and I didn't mind going to school there.

She always told me that this was her life, because she had enjoyed too many blessings in the past ten years, and now God wanted her to repay her debts.

On the day I learned of my father's death, I was probably more angry and hated than sad, I hated this man who had abandoned his wife and children, and hated him for causing my mother to suffer so much.

But the mother held the body of her father and wept so much that she could not help herself.

I didn't understand it then, but I understood it many years later...... She was crying for the man who loved her and cared for her for more than ten years, not for the drunkard who ran away from home; She had been waiting, waiting for the man to return, but when she saw the body, that hope was completely dashed.

When I was a junior in college, my mother fell ill.

In fact, she has already become ill from hard work, but she just hid it from me; Seeing that I was almost able to step on social self-reliance, she seemed to be relieved...... Many people are like this, they have been overdrawing themselves on weekdays, and one day the string that has been stretched loosens and suddenly collapses.

My mother never fell ill and passed away just two months later.

The blow to me from my mother's death was indescribable, but I finally got back on my feet; The days go on, and I don't want to be like my father......

Looking back at my college days, I was by no means a person who was good at "reading", and it would not be an exaggeration to call me a "scumbag".

Before junior high school, because of my good family background, it wasn't a big problem to be a scumbag, anyway, I went to a private school, and I could go to it with sponsorship money...... At that time, I always felt that as long as I stayed up for a few more years, when I finished high school, I would be sent abroad, find a pheasant university to be gilded, and then return to my own company to continue to work and make a living.

But then things changed, and I quickly became "sensible".

In the years of high school, although I went to a public school where everyone talked about it, I was never distracted by anything other than studying, making friends, falling in love, playing games, going out to play...... I don't have that kind of time and financial cost at all.

Even the delinquent teenagers are not interested in me, in their eyes I am the kind of proletarian fighter who "not only can't squeeze out a penny, but can still play with you when he is in a hurry, and can in turn make a fool out of you when he is done".

I walk to and from school every day, whether it is a 40-degree high temperature or sleet weather, I insist on walking, this one-way 40-minute journey I insist on, so that I can save 88 yuan a month in the bus fare (2 yuan for each of the trips, 22 times a month to the school), to subsidize the school's food expenses; Although my mother and I rented a house with a TV, we never turned it on, and even the set-top box was returned; I surf the Internet to the neighbor's IFI, and only turn on my second-hand broken computer when I need to study, and don't turn it on at all at other times...... Just to save electricity.

In this way, except for going to school and helping my mother with a little housework, I spent all the time studying hard.

However, I really didn't have the talent to take the exam, and even with such hard work, I was only admitted to a reasonably good university and entered the Chinese department.

Yes, I, who aspire to be a journalist, didn't even graduate from the "journalism department".

By the way, I asked my journalism students how they are employed. People tell me that even if they graduate from journalism, less than 10% of them can actually work in the media, and most of them go through connections.

In this way, the year after my mother's death, I left university, took a diploma, and stepped into society.

Like the vast majority of college students who have just come out to mingle, I am proud, enthusiastic, naïve, and ambitious...... Then, in less than half a year, these qualities were basically worn out.

There are some things that society teaches you that parents and teachers can't teach, things that can be described in words but can't really be conveyed, and things that can only be clear when you experience them.

Society will tell you in its own way: you are ordinary, you are stupid, and there may be some shining points in you...... But no one cares but yourself, your understanding of fairness needs to be improved, the trust you give sometimes needs to be paid, your ideas are worthless to others until you prove your worth, etc., etc., etc.

Generally speaking, the more setbacks you experience, the more opportunities you have to learn.

I slowly became an "adult" that I used to look down on and hate......

At the age of 24, after moving from one company to another, wasting a lot of youth, and suffering a lot of losses, I finally joined a large company related to publishing and media. I worked carefully, treated people carefully, slipped my beard carefully, and fought against differences carefully.

After more than a year of swallowing my anger, I finally got a letter of transfer.

All of this, naturally, is in my calculations...... The leader who transferred me thought that he had slept with my girlfriend, and out of weakness, he fulfilled my request.

He transferred me away in order to calm things down and calm the situation; But actually, the woman he slept with...... Not my girlfriend at all.

In this office building, from the manager and director to the front desk cleaning, where can anyone look at me?

In terms of "hard indicators", I look ordinary, have an ordinary education, and my family is poor and white; In terms of talent, I can't even speak a serious spoken English, but Chinese I learned well, but the overall performance is flamboyant, extremely poor quality, and often on the verge of sexual harassment...... Who can look down on me?

This time, I just used a little trick, first secretly checked the girl's mobile phone number and social networking site nickname, and then used my self-taught and studied PS technology for many years...... Speaking of PS, I'm still a pirated version of this software...... Forged a few group photos and a few chat records to deceive the leader, and then threatened to tell his wife about it.

Then he naturally panicked.

As soon as he panicked, things were easy to do.

I promised him, "As long as I can be transferred, I will 'cut off all contact' with the woman, and presumably 'she will not mention me in front of you'; ”

In this way, I changed from a "letter boy" to an "investigative reporter".

I have to say that today's society is really a "relationship society", whether you have education or not, whether you have the ability, sometimes it is really not as important as "whether you have connections".

However, through this experience, I also realized that I am not useless.

Originally...... In the investigation of intelligence, telling right and wrong, extortion, and speculating on people's hearts, I was unexpectedly quite talented.