Dreams, dark dreams. Suffocating dreams.

In the boundless dream, a white gardenia blooms.

She is vigorous and gentle, cold and fragrant.

The dark fragrance strikes.

That's the mother?

Or Jiaruo?

Or is she?

In my memory, those were long years ago.

"Mother, will I have a wife in the future?"

"yes. Su'er will also have a wife in the future. She will be as white as a gardenia and as light as a fawn. ”

"It's going to be smart......"

"No, Su'er, don't fall in love with a wise woman. A smart woman will make you worry a lot. ”

"Mother, what's the worry?"

"Worry is ...... You will think a lot of things for her and do a lot of things for her. Be happy for her, feel sorry for her. ”

"Then, Mother, why do smart women worry me about it, but not smart women?"

"Because a wise woman will make you fall in love with her, but she won't let you know what she wants."

……

I know three very bright women.

The first one was my mother.

She is beautiful, dignified, and kind.

Her noble background makes her reserved and decent, and her identity makes her know how to hide.

She was supposed to have a fairly smooth life. Marry a concubine from the same high family, and spend an ordinary life euphemistically and quietly.

But at the age of fifteen, she was taken by my father.

The fifteen-year-old mother is like a budding gardenia, which is not in full bloom, but it has a dark fragrance.

The fifteen-year-old mother, with her hair like clouds and snowy skin, walked respectfully and silently in the garden of the house, and even her grandmother liked her.

That year, my father served as an assassin in Xingyang, and his wife, Lou, had been married for six years.

At the New Year's dinner of the local officials and scholars in Xingyang, my father saw a beautiful, quiet maiden, like a gardenia with a bud in the corner in the noisy banquet hall.

The next day, my father came to the door to propose marriage.

My mother's mother-in-law thought that my father was a great man, and although he was only a state assassin now, it was unknown that he would become a hegemon in the future.

Odd goods can live.

She encouraged my grandfather to agree to the affair. It was his father's third concubine.

With the family of Xingyang Zheng, the mother should be a wife.

But my mother-in-law single-handedly contributed to this marriage.

Like to like, but after all, she is a concubine, and it is important to like it.

Many years later, I killed this old woman, who was devout and kind-looking, and her proud daughter-in-law, who was married to the son of another family.

No, no, no, I didn't kill people.

I just smeared them with freshly scented gravy and threw them to my pretty wolfdogs.

…… It hurt my ears and my head for days.

As for my maternal grandfather—

Tsk, Ben wanted to kill him too. But I thought that I was still a little related to him, so I had to forget it.

My father doted on my mother.

After all, who wouldn't love a cold-scented gardenia and like a foul-smelling piece of shit?

Lou's is a foul-smelling piece of shit.

She is ugly, five short figures, very fat, but she has a very beautiful name, Zhaojun.

It has the same name as the Han Dynasty beauty who came out of the plug and kissed, which is really upsetting.

She likes to wear red clothes, and swaggers in the front and back yards every day, lest others not see her ugly and foul-smelling.

I sometimes feel even more upset when I look from behind the rockery as the red blob sways around my house like a large piece of freshly dripping brisket.

Mother always avoids her, but she can't avoid her, so she only promises and bows her head to her ears.

My mother told me that only by avoiding its edge can I be stable for a lifetime.

But concession does not feed violence and greed.

Father is to blame for this.

My father, Gao Huan, is a hero who rose in troubled times.

It's a pity that although he is invincible in the court and on the battlefield, he is tired of the same treacherous situation in the backyard.

Although he doted on his mother, he did not pity him. He consumed his mother's youth and beauty, but he didn't leave any way back for her.

He knew Lou's hatred for his mother, but he didn't do anything for his mother.

For as long as I can remember, as long as he was at home, he would stay in his mother's room at night.

He also loved me very much, saying that I had his shadow in my eyes.

Shrimp, I obviously look like a mother.

I am like a mother and I love her. I love to stick to her arms and let her soft hands run gently over my head.

There was a faint cold fragrance of gardenia on her body.

When I was six years old, it was an ordinary afternoon. I had just woken up from a nap when I suddenly felt unbearable abdominal pain, and then I started vomiting blood.

My father was not at home, and my mother was frightened and begged Lou to find me a doctor.

Lou was very concerned about me, so he sent someone to invite me quickly.

But the doctor didn't come for a long, long, long time.

It was an old monk from nowhere who saved me.

He suddenly appeared in the courtyard and gave me three white pills.

I still remember the taste of the pill very clearly.

It is the cold fragrance of the gardenia.

His mother knelt in front of him, her face was stained with tears, her forehead was broken, and she was bleeding.

The old monk only said one word.

The number of days is like this, and non-human beings can recover it.

And then it flew away.

My mother thought I was going to die, and she cried so much that she broke her heart.

I woke up after fainting for a few days.

Later, my father came back and asked the imperial doctor in the palace to consult me.

The elderly imperial doctor, but the light in his eyes is undiminished.

He said I wouldn't live to be thirty years old.

My father was very sad. But it's just sad.

I heard people secretly say that at noon on the day I suddenly fell ill, Lou's personal maid had sneaked into the kitchen in my mother's yard.

My father also heard about it and asked my mother.

The mother just cried and did not dare to speak.

It's not that the mother is timid, but the mother knows that even if she identifies, the father will not do anything.

——My father relied on the support of Lou's mother's family to start the family.

Sure enough, my father didn't mention it again, but added a few guards to my mother's yard.

But who knows if these guards have been bought off by the Lou family?

It was a snowy day. I remember that day, the sky was full of snowflakes and the courtyard was covered with snow, which was very beautiful.

At that time, my mother was always unhappy and asked her, and she always smiled and said it was okay.

She would gently caress my face with her soft, warm hand and whisper,

"Su'er, Su'er......"

It's like singing a nice song.

On that day, a few guards came. It was the guard next to my father, holding a pure gold flask.

The mother cried and fell in the snow-covered courtyard for a long, long time, until the snow covered her head and back with a thin layer.

I was scared, I didn't understand why she was so sad.

I don't understand why my father's guards didn't come.

I walked over and asked her, Mother, what's wrong with you?

My mother looked up at me for a long time.

Her eyes were beautiful, and she was crying red. She hugged me tightly and just cried.

Mother's maids were also crying.

I was scared and I cried.

The last thing my mother said to me before she walked into the room was:

Su'er, mother was wronged.

That's when I'm too young, I don't understand yet, I don't know what's going on yet.

But the mother went into the room and never came out.

I never saw her again,

The last words she said to me kept ringing in my ears.

Alas, if only I had known anything at that time, I could have spoken to her as well,

Accompany her lonely and miserable Huangquan Road.

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