In front of the three people in front of me, I always bowed my head and remained silent, but in fact, what I wanted to say in my heart was already roaring and clamoring in my heart, but it still took a bit of courage to break out of my teeth.

Maybe the teacher didn't think I could ask anything, or maybe he didn't think the communication was working, so he let me go upstairs.

I went into the bedroom, threw my bag on the bed, and sat down on the chair. I didn't study, and leaned back in my chair, but the relaxed posture didn't make me feel any easier. I was a little messy inside, a kind of insecurity that someone had spied on my psyche's secret, but it was only superficial.

As I said, my feelings about being spied on in my heart have always been contradictory. I felt both frightened and a little happy. It's too difficult to want others to know to help you get rid of the shackles of your spirit, but you are afraid of being known by others and exposing your heart.

Having said that, in fact, it is impossible for the head teacher not to know the rumors of how long I have been in school. However, from her performance, I wonder if she actually cracked the surface of my secret and peeked straight into the bottom? Will they put my reticence on the rumors outside, and then dig deep into the secrets and hatred of my heart?

But I have always been silent in the Cao family, and such a character performance may be easily thought by everyone that my current silence is normal. As a result, there are many misunderstandings. And then I confirmed my suspicions, and in dissecting my secrets, they went further and further down the path of my illegitimate children.

Perhaps, the injury suffered by any age, trying to ask others to relieve pressure from the outside world is a luxury, after all, heart disease still needs heart medicine, and the bell needs to be tied to the bell, the words of others, although there is a reason, but it is not me, he can't replace me to struggle, can't replace me to panic, and can't replace my countless nights of insomnia.

After the head teacher left that day, his mother and Cao Ge quietly knocked on the door. When they came into my bedroom, my bag was still closed and unopened. It's been a long time since I just went upstairs. I don't know how long I've been sitting in that chair.

My mother's clothes had always been very plain, and that day, she wore an almost all-white suit, and when I turned my head to look at the door, I suddenly saw that white, and I felt powerless. Where does this powerlessness come from? from the bad luck of fate.

I turned my head and glanced around, and saw the two women standing behind me, one on the left and one on the right, and they didn't speak for a long time. Are you waiting for me to speak first? But I felt like I had nothing to say.

Cao Ge's voice was a little weak: "Mu Xi, I have something to say to your mother and you." "I didn't speak. Maybe it was my attitude that made them feel that the atmosphere of this conversation was a little cold, so after a pause, Cao Ge said the next sentence: "Mu Xi, are you like this because of your mother's recent illness?" "I was shocked! Mom's illness? It seems that they blamed my mother's body for my abnormal behavior, and this thought suddenly made my heart feel more uneasy from guilt.

Just now, I was sitting alone at the table, still trying to think about what I would do if someone punctured me, and what would I do if I didn't. But I really can't imagine that this matter, in their eyes, will be caused by their mother's illness. However, it makes sense to think about it. It's just that as soon as they said that, I suddenly didn't know how to answer.

I slowly turned my head and stared at the two hands on my lap, and I was in a completely dull state. In a trance, Cao Ge said something in my ear again, and I don't remember anything. I was very impressed that the two of them were behind me that day, and only one of the few words they said was spoken by my mother, and she said, "Don't worry, my mother has nothing, nothing." ”

Later, I learned that Cao Ge and his mother were downstairs repeatedly deliberating about a series of recent events, and they finally targeted their mother's condition. Therefore, the only way to gain my trust is to use white lies so that I can return to my normal life. However, I was not naïve, but stupid, and I believed it.

Strange to say, after that day, I seemed to let go of some of the burdens in my heart all of a sudden. Although it cannot be described as nothing, at least it is much more relaxed than the previous days. Later, I concluded that many people, no matter what age he is, sometimes a certain feeling that has been depressed in his heart for a long time cannot be effectively vented, but when someone cares, even if no one really unlocks the secret behind this confusion, as long as someone pays attention to it, he is already half healed, such a person is called a person who lacks love and is lonely.

People are looking for a sense of existence, and I'm no exception. But there are two kinds of existence, one is the existence of self-cognition, and the other is the existence of social attributes, and I belong to the first one. I don't need to be affirmed or felt that I am a useful person in some way, but I need to get some attention from the people around me and heal the emptiness in my heart, which is my "psychological symptoms" at that time. From the current medical aspect, I don't know if my state at that time belonged to the category of psychology and mental illness, but I think it was also eight or nine ten, and if I didn't do it, I would be sent to the psychiatric department.

After seeing that I had improved, Cao Ge breathed a sigh of relief. At that time, she had to deal with the pressure around her, and she had to take care of me and Cao Cancan, two children who were relatively more mature than their peers. During that time, I often saw Cao Caoge leaning on the sofa and falling asleep inadvertently, which was the kind of napping involuntarily because he was tired. Yes, the years have not been very kind to this woman in her early thirties, and after depriving her of too many things, he has now taken away her freedom.

Cao Ge can no longer just say and leave like before, she is like a young mother, and she also learns to be an old housekeeper in the castle.

During that time, I saw the scene where Cao Ge turned his back on his face and went to be alone in a daze after reporting to me that he was relaxed and happy, and I also read the words in Xue Hao's eyes when he looked at me. I didn't know what it meant, I thought it was just me who understood life. Hehe~ Later, I understood that in those days, what they wanted to say but couldn't say, there were secrets about my mother's condition. Thinking about it now, they should have been tangled and contradictory at that time, and painful.

During that time, my mother rarely came to Cao's house, and I was "let go" by Cao Ge because of the psychological problems of tossing this meal, and I had to visit my mother often.

Another month has passed, and a small spring breeze has blown in Nanjing. I began to look through the window at night to see the spring breeze blowing green. However, while looking at it, the head is much more hollow than before.

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