Liu Bin was still walking around beside me, but he didn't pay attention to my expression.

My mind is always cluttered and I have too many associations.

Often think about things that don't matter and are complicated.

Sit at the table and rummage through the drawers at will.

The drawer that was pulled out was just resting on his lap, and his hand kept rummaging through the little things in the drawer.

It's all a lot of miscellaneous stuff, except for some things that are needed for the course, which are gadgets for ordinary entertainment.

The two decks of cards were messed up together, and there was a box of checkers with almost all the beads in it.

These things that seem to be children's play are all the rage in college.

The habit of playing cards all night on Friday night has not changed.

******

I stumbled upon a photo of her, which had been in my notebook a long time ago, and I began to think about it again.

Looking at "her" in the photo, the smile remains the same, the sweet smile at the camera, this photo I have always kept, and it is the only photo that reminds me of her, knowing that she is very lonely and melancholy, she is the only person I care about, and the person I want to care for in my life. I have always wanted to be with her, and her melancholy eyes have always bothered her with many things, including her love and her life. She has been in a bad mood.

But she rarely loses her temper and is quite optimistic, at least she feels like this.

With her friends, she always has a good smile.

Alone quieted down, she smiled very little, very unhappy, and now I'm away from her, a whole lot of busy classes. Separated from her was in junior high school during the period, I received a notice of the provincial secondary school, I was very happy, she was also happy for me, and then it has been a worried look, for many reasons, in order to let me go to high school, she gave up studying, began to work to make money, in fact, she studied very well, often got high honors in the class, we are all people who love to learn, that was me before, but at that time it was a little better than her, the conditions at home did not allow two people to go to school, after graduating from junior high school, she gave up studying, I continued to high school in the provincial capital.

I still remember the graduation exam, I sat behind her, it was not as strict as the high school entrance examination, the questions were easy, I did the questions well, I passed the answers to her, and then I stared at her long black hair in a daze, and that was the first time I was distracted during the exam.

******

At that time, I was young, and I didn't understand a lot of things, but I just felt sorry for my sister, and she made a lot of sacrifices for me. Is it okay to sacrifice yourself for her? But such a choice can't help her, cruel things are in front of her, maybe the family is patriarchal. The customs of the old society still influenced the previous generation, and their attitudes have not changed to this day.

When my sister said that she would not go to school, she was in a very bad mood and a little reluctant, because in my sister's heart, I will always be the person who understands her best, and when I heard her quit by herself, my father's mood suddenly improved, and he has been persuading her, saying that girls don't need too much knowledge, let me go outside and break through, which is good for him. Later, my sister nodded in agreement. I saw that her eyes were helpless, and I nodded vigorously. She's been holding back.

******

The two of them often chat together, and she said that she can't be with me in the future, and she must take good care of herself, and she must be careful in everything as she is outside. After listening to my sister's words, I didn't know what to do.

It was my turn to nod vigorously, and I realized my sister's mood at that time, and I was so disappointed.

I should have been happy to receive the notice, but I couldn't be happy during that time, and when I saw her sad face, my heart was inexplicably uncomfortable.

******

Her beauty is beyond words, at least in my opinion. Growing up, we would fight and fight, but it didn't take long for us to reconcile, and every time she let me, maybe it was her duty as an older sister, she loved me very much and loved me very much. When I was a child, I would give me anything delicious, and in the depths of my memory, the best time was with her childhood, laughing together, crying together, and experiencing wind and rain together. I know her best, and she knows my heart as well. I also know that I have always cared about her, and I have always proved it with my actions.

******

The day I left home, my sister helped me carry my luggage, I saw a sad look in my sister's eyes, she didn't want me to leave, and I was the same, sometimes I would have very stupid thoughts, I always hoped that my sister would not grow up, and she would get married when she grew up, and she didn't want her sister to leave me.

When I told her about this idea, she said, "Silly brother, my sister is going to get married sooner or later, do you not want your sister to be by your side, are you starting to hate your sister?" ”

"No, it's just...... What do you do, are you going to give up just like that? Don't you really want to read? ”

Later, she didn't answer, and her eyes were the same as the last time she answered her father.

She told me to be a good person outside, learn more and ask more questions.

When I left, I took a lot of things, and I also took away a heart that worried about my sister, and I was always worried that she would be unhappy, after all, it was unfair to her to let her earn money to support her family so early, so I began to become very melancholy, I was completely affected by her, and the happy smile of childhood is now only a lonely eye.

When I sat down, I saw my sister looking at me with tears in her eyes, but she held back strongly.

My memories and my sister's memories were blurred by this trip.

I was in a daze for a long time in front of the photo, but the drawer still didn't push in, and my thighs were a little sore.

******

"You've always had something on your mind! What is it that makes you so unhappy? ”

Liu Bin still couldn't help but ask, at that time, I had already re-made the photos into a beautiful notebook, and my eyes were only on the empty shell.

"Think what you think, think what you think."

I avoided the answer, at least the people around me still couldn't see the reason for my daze.

"It's profound! The representative of the sad complex is "It's All About You". ”

"Go, yes?" I reluctantly smiled in protest.

"It's no wonder if there isn't! Your expression will only be written on your face, and you can't find it anywhere else, so you still don't pretend to be deep. ”

"Ahh

I'm dizzy...... His words were so shocking that I almost knocked over all the contents of the drawer.

Luckily, I caught it safely.

******

Liu Bin is a particularly honest person, who treats people plainly and honestly, which is his first impression on me.

He is a typical learning talent, he usually has no hobbies, and he loves to read books like me, but he reads textbooks, and I read online novels.

Lin Yang is different, he is a person who loves to joke.

The places often pointed out are clearly stated, unlike Liu Bin's subtlety, people who don't have the strength to bear it in their hearts generally can't withstand Lin Yang's blows.

I don't know why I compare the two of them, but they are probably the best friends to get along with.

******

Am I really a representative of the grief complex?

Liu Bin's words touched me, and his personality, which is very easy to be emotional, has not changed.

I'm still thinking, thinking about the reply she gave me, what is her inner thoughts?

But at this moment, there is less motivation to think about it again.

I'm sure I'm being influenced by someone, and it's very deep.

Without her, my thinking motivation has never been greater, and my whole mind is rushing with complicated thoughts.

******

I don't think about it, I don't want to change myself too much. The accepted thoughts are too far from the ideals they desire, and their goals in life begin to narrow, and sometimes they can't recognize themselves. It's really hard to be yourself, and it's not something that can be changed with time, and too many experiences in life can change a person. A brief episode is also worth remembering deeply, and sometimes I don't want to say it explicitly. If you think about it slowly and detouringly in your heart, your understanding of human growth is also limited.

I still haven't been able to really grow.