"Overdependence?" Su Guo chewed carefully on the meaning of these words.

Ding Lin said: "To be honest, I don't know how Qin Yao suffered from this mental illness, but I can be very sure that something he relies on is 'you'. ”

"I heard later that you were together," as soon as the sophomore year began, Ding Lin took back the card that he had put together with the scarf and wanted to give it to Qin Yao from Xiao Fat, what was written on it no longer mattered, the important thing was that Qin Yao took the envelope and asked others to return it to him. Ding Lin believed that only Qin Yao had seen this card, Su Guo would never know about it, and Qin Yao would definitely not let her know, "I didn't expect him to be with you despite my warning, in fact, I admire him a lot, and I'd rather be stuck in it for the rest of my life than leave you." ”

"Ding Lin, if you keep talking like this, I don't think we need to ......"

"Okay, okay, I'll tell you everything I know, you let me slow down first, I need to do some self-criticism and redemption for myself first."

Su Guo: "......"

Ding Lin took Su Guo around a green strip around the periphery of the community, and the warm sun of the winter afternoon shone on people's bodies, making people feel warm all over. Ding Lin took a long deep breath and slowly spit it out, "That year, I came to XX City to 'visit relatives', and when I 'met' with you, I originally prepared a New Year's gift for Qin Yao, but in the end, I gave it to you by mistake. In fact, it's just a scarf that I knitted by myself, and it doesn't matter if I gave it to you by mistake, it's just that what I gave Qin Yao was not only a scarf, but also a card, as for the content of the card...... I guess you know what I'm going to write, right? ”

Su Guo nodded, and it was nothing more than the girls' confession that they liked boys.

"I was really angry later, so I asked Qin Yao to come out and make it clear. Do you think I was stupid at that time, he acted so obviously, he didn't like me and just treated me like an ordinary schoolgirl, if it wasn't for me often taking the initiative to appear in front of him, he wouldn't even remember me. But at that time, I was unwilling, I gave up studying abroad for him, and tried my best to get into his school and his major, you know I actually don't like this major at all, I like architecture I always wanted to study architecture. But I almost gave up my life for him, but in the end, it turned out to be completely self-inflicted. ”

"Because I was angry in my heart, I said a lot of things against my heart in that conversation," Ding Lin smiled bitterly guiltily, "At that time, Qin Yao was just a little 'dependent' on you, I actually checked some information, his symptoms at that time were not too serious, it may be temporary caused by something that happened before, as long as he can maintain a peaceful mood and there are no big ups and downs in his mood, he may be able to recover." ”

"What happened before that caused it to be temporary", Su Guo suddenly remembered that when he graduated from high school, Qin Yao knew that he was not born to his father, maybe it was this incident that had always affected him, and he also said at that time that he would never leave him, maybe it was because of this that Qin Yao regarded himself as some kind of "dependence".

"I told him that if he was with you, it would only make his condition worse, because you were like a painkiller that could relieve his pain, and you could save him for a while but you couldn't cure him completely. If he wants to overcome his mental illness, he should gradually move away from you and everything about you, and he must rely on himself to get out of the shadow of the past. Your presence will not only not help him, but will affect his recovery. ”

"You mean that I am like a drug, Qin Yao, as a drug addict, if I am always by his side and let him get what he wants, then he will never be able to quit drug addiction?" Su Guo seemed to understand the meaning of Ding Lin's words.

"Yes, I exaggerated a little at the time, but I guess I didn't make a mistake. And Qin Yao ...... In fact, he had already discovered his own problem. It's just that he has never been willing to face it. I advised him at the time that he shouldn't confuse the feeling of liking someone because of his mental illness, he just relies on you, he doesn't really like you, it's not fair to you, he shouldn't be so selfish. ”

"You mean, Qin Yao...... Don't like me, just rely on me? ”

"I did think so when I first determined that Qin Yao was dependent on you, but later, when I saw that he was dependent on you...... I think at that time he was not only dependent on you, he liked you, and he liked you very much. If Qin Yao was just a dependence on Su Guo, then he wouldn't kiss her when she was drunk on that snowy night, cautiously as if he was afraid of disturbing her, it was a kind of expression of true feelings that holding someone in the palm of his hand was not enough to love. If this is not a boy's liking for a girl, then Ding Lin really doesn't deserve to understand what liking and love are.

"Although he didn't bother to pay attention to me at the time, I knew that what I said still had a certain effect on him. I thought he wouldn't be with you until he completely lifted his abnormal dependence on you, at least. Because he knows better than anyone that if his illness does not go away but deepens into it, then he may not be 'over-dependent', but 'depression'. ”

"Why didn't I ever find this?" Su Guo often recalls the time she spent with Qin Yao, and those unpleasant and painful memories were always deliberately swept away by her, leaving only the infinite beauty of her youth.

That's because he deliberately hides it in front of you, sometimes he suddenly is indifferent to you and has no good color for you, maybe it's a kind of self-resistance to his dependence on you, but at that time you just thought he hated you. But I didn't expect that he finally chose to be with you, and between healing himself and you, he chose you. I guess he made up his mind to be with you, and he was ready to never quit his addiction in this life and be with you forever. ”

"Together forever?" Su Guo sneered, "It seems that your judgment has been wrong. ”

"Do you remember what happened during your breakup with Qin Yao?"

"Does it matter?" At that time, she was already interning in the unit, and Qin Yao was preparing for the graduate school entrance examination, and the two did reduce their meetings and contacts during that time.

"That party in Qin Yao's dormitory, firstly, it was the last gathering before everyone went to their own places in the future, and secondly, because I chose to suspend my studies at that time, and Xiaopang and they planned to send me off."

"Qin Yao said that you suspended school because of 'depression'." Su Guohu looked at Ding Lin suspiciously.

"Hmm...... That's exactly what I said to him at the time. I also told him that depression not only suffers from himself, but also hurts those around him. ”

"Actually, you don't have any 'depression'!" Su Guo concluded.

"Yes, I didn't suffer from any 'depression' at all, I took a break because I decided to retake my major, I wanted to study architecture, and I needed a year to change departments." In the past, Ding Lin still had a trace of bitterness about Qin Yao and Su Guo until the end, and she wanted to use lies to cause trouble for the relationship between these two people, but she didn't expect that her mistake would lead to irreparable consequences.

Su Guo remembered that three days before the breakup, she had no contact with Qin Yao, and she thought that it was because she was angry that day that angered Qin Yao for no reason, so he was angry and didn't contact him. It turned out that he was not angry, but because he listened to Ding Lin's words, Su Guo didn't know what Qin Yao had thought and decided in the past three days, or how painful he was. She didn't know any of this, what she remembered most about that time was that Qin Yao broke up with her, Qin Yao left her to go abroad, and then left for five years.

Su Guo heard that depressed people can be very pessimistic, and even a small thing will be infinitely magnified by him. Su Guo asked himself if he really liked Qin Yao, and if so, why did he never really understand him? She only knew that there was something bad in his past memories, but she didn't know how such memories tormented him.

Su Guo remembered that she said to him, she said Qin Yao, if you dislike me, just say it, isn't it just a breakup, I don't care! One can imagine how painful Qin Yao would be when he heard him say this.

"I think Qin Yao chose to go abroad in the end, not because he broke up with you, let alone because he didn't love you. It's that he cares too much about you, and he doesn't want a mentally problematic self to hurt you one day in the future. Or he feels that you are with him, there is more pain than pleasure, and he wants to give you back your happiness. Or he goes abroad just to solve his own problems, and when he solves them, he will come back to you. ”