He's right, no one can help me but myself.

I have another ego in my soul and I need a way out, and I don't know where that way out is.

Actually, I vaguely felt that the way out should be at the bottom of the lake, and as long as I immersed myself deeply in the bottom of the lake, everything would be liberated.

But another voice in my heart was tearing at my soul desperately.

The voice said that you are not qualified to decide whether you want to stay or not.

Because you are living in this world on behalf of A, no one is qualified except A.

I walked out of the big house and imagined stepping out of the hustle and bustle of the world.

For many nights, I walked, tirelessly, like a nightcrawler who can't find the dawn, forever walking in the night.

Until I walked through the alley, and looked beyond the branches and leaves of the creeper that was dazzlingly green.

Under that dilapidated basketball hoop, I saw the melancholy teenager.

From him, I seem to see a shadow of what I once was.

A confused, a depressed shadow.

Oh no, maybe it's the shadow of A, I can't tell the difference anyway.

But I want to get back to who I used to be from him.

I want to find out why he is sad, why is he confused, is he the same as I was at the beginning?

Maybe there's the answer I'm looking for.

That night, I stayed there, even though I was wearing a mask and never showing my true face.

The boy didn't react, I was just a blue ball stand away from him.

One person occupies a corner, as if they do not interfere with each other, and as if they are related.

We sat quietly facing the creeper growing in the courtyard wall, each with our own concerns.

The night was so quiet that you could hear the sound of the tree at the base of the courtyard wall, quietly burrowing out from under the ground.

Then, a woman came out of the hallway behind her, and she called the boy back.

As the boy was leaving, he glanced back at me.

Can't see what those eyes are trying to express in the night?

Later, I found a place to live on the roof of that building.

Although it is a little simpler, it gives people a sense of belonging.

During the day, I don't go out much.

I gradually became afraid of meeting with the day, and I was afraid of revealing myself under the big sky and having people dissect my inner soul.

In the evening, the heat gradually dissipated a little, and the feeling of restlessness was no longer so strong.

I fell in love with the creeper, the same thing as the small building in my home when I was a student, and the walls around it were crawling all over it.

In summer, it is full of greenery, and when you lie in bed at night, you can hear the sound of them stretching their branches infinitely, which is very harmonious and beautiful.

That year, after four years, I returned there, and there was not a single dead vine left on the mottled walls.

Only sour memories remain.

Mother said that the creepers had withered by the roots, so she uprooted them all together.

I don't know if it's really withered, or if my mother and I think it's better to keep it in our memories.

I'm used to standing in the shadow of a creeper.

The teenager used to sit under the basketball hoop, and the rebound was missing from the middle, but it was not abrupt at all, with the teenager, the creeper, the wall, and the old building behind him.

Complement one another.

I don't know when I was able to talk to the boy.

From one sentence at the beginning, to two sentences, and then later, he was willing to confide in me some of his heart.

I am a conscientious listener, and he is a well-organized confidant.

I like his Mandarin with a straight and round tone, with a student's Mandarin.

I tried to hear the answer I wanted from his voice.

I was a little annoyed afterwards that it seemed that there was no answer I was looking for.

Then I met the girl, the young sister.

It was dusk and I had to go downstairs even though I didn't want to.

There was nothing left in the hut, not even a bottle of water to quench thirst.

For me, it would have been fatal, with a strong summer scent of steam, as if the steamer had suddenly been opened and a terrible steam rushed in.

In the narrow alleys, you can't appreciate the literati's description of the beauty of dusk.

In the first line of the sky, there were large black clouds, as if they were blooming strange dark flowers.

I feel like I'm running out of breath.

Just when I was leaning against the wall, my head was so dizzy that it looked like I would lose my breath in the next moment.

The girl appeared, her voice of concern ringing in my ears.

"What's wrong with you, sir, do you need my help?"

As soon as I looked up, a face as pure as a spring flower appeared in front of me.

I was scared, and I shook my head.

"No, thank you."

She had a serious face: "Is it really not needed?" I see you are very uncomfortable. ”

I waved my hand again and walked towards the alley as if I were running away.

I was afraid that the turbidity around me would stain her pure face.

The faces of the boy and the girl alternated in front of my eyes, like the squad leader sitting in front of me and the girl sitting in the back row of me.

Later, I learned that the girl and the boy turned out to be a pair of siblings and a pair of twins.

I had a faint hope that, like A and I, we were twin sons.

Hope is always so short-lived, and they are really different from me and A.

Although they didn't communicate much with each other, they didn't even get together on the way out of school.

But I still saw through those two faces that they cared for each other, a kind of concern that came from blood and kinship.

I felt like I had to step out, there wasn't the answer I was looking for.

I don't want to delve into why a teenager is melancholy, whose youth is not a little pretending to be sad, and the painless moaning like a poet fades little by little with age.

I stood in the shadow of the creeper, silently saying goodbye to it all in my heart.

Say goodbye to this green courtyard wall, to the boy sitting under the basketball hoop, and to the girl with a bright smile.

The farewell ceremony ended before it had even begun, because I had found the answer to the teenage blues.

The anger in my heart is like the scorched sun at noon, and I can't wait to roast and fry the earth and mountains.

Through the empty window, I saw an unbearable scene, and I saw the girl's indescribable eyes.

I thought, this is coming alive again.

This time, the accidental death didn't need to be too bothered, and there were some accidents in between.

That guy was always haunted, and he was always between me and Mike.

He made my accident less than perfect, and I knew it was a flaw for the police.

It also left hidden dangers for my sister and brother, and I blamed myself quite in my heart.

But everything is done, and everything can't be started all over again.

It's as if that summer, A will never come back.