When he woke up, he was already in the hospital.

The nurse told me that I had a miscarriage.

I didn't see my father, my mother guarded me alone, but I didn't want to see her, and in the end she also left, because Xie Yi'an was going to have a parent-teacher conference, and she called a nanny to accompany me.

I don't need to.

I chased her away.

I made an international call to Mr. Ming, and I held the phone and cried all the time. At this moment, there is no one around me, I don't see love, I don't see friendship, but it is this man who has not had much contact with me who comforted me. He was so frightened by me that he kept listening to my cries on the phone. He comforted me for a while, but no matter how good the comfort is, what's the point of not being by my side?

In the evening, the nurse came to give me a physical test, my mother came in with a lunch box, and my father walked in behind her.

"It's time to eat." She always spoke so softly.

"I don't want to eat it."

"Eat some, you'll be hungry, you haven't eaten in a day."

"I don't want to eat it! Let's go, you! ”

I rolled over and covered myself with the covers.

"Hmph, if you do this kind of thing, don't eat it, she deserves to starve to death!" He finally spoke, and walked away.

How much did I hate him, so that others let me go to scold me a few words, and let go of the cooperation of millions of minutes and millions.

"I'll put the food here for you, then we'll come back to see you later." She's still so gentle, gentle and makes me uncomfortable.

She was gone, and the ward was quiet again.

My phone rang and I received a call from the London school office that someone had reported me for plagiarism in my paper. The school has investigated my thesis, and the evidence is already there, and it wants to cancel my academic qualifications and ask me to go back to the school to confirm it.

I didn't want to go back to London, so I wrote an email to the school.

I fell asleep again and woke up thirsty once in the middle of the night, and I was still alone in the room.

What do I expect? Fantasizing about what?

Three days later, back in that house, I didn't tell them either, that my undergraduate degree was canceled. Maybe the "decision" I wanted didn't matter at all. In an instant, it smoothed over my body, and there was nothing left but a life.

I lay on the warm big bed of the old years, and slept very deeply. At dusk, my mother came to the bedroom and woke me up, and instead of telling me to go downstairs to eat, she carried me to the room for me.

"Is everyone downstairs?"

"yes, you're not feeling well, so eat in your room, it's fine."

"Oh."

After I was discharged from the hospital, I lay at home for two more days and I slept every day. I remember that before the art exam, I only slept five hours a day, and drank fat every day, and the course was very tight in my freshman year, so I slept for six hours. The most hateful thing is that I don't even care about my own regression.

After my body recovered, I started to go downstairs to eat.

My father was always the first to sit in the dining chair, the long black table and chair, and my father sat alone in the master's seat, my mother and I sat on either side of him, and my sister sat next to my mother.

"Woke up?" My father asked me solemnly.

"Yes." I still nodded, reluctant to say more.

At the dinner table, the four of them were silent, and the awkward atmosphere made me feel very strange to them.

In the end, the mother broke this embarrassing situation, "I made this fish, you drink more fish soup to nourish your body." ”

My mother gave me my favorite meat, but I had no appetite. I admit that I missed Chinese food when I was abroad, but when I returned to China and saw these cold people, I began to miss London food immensely.

"Thank you."

Her eyes were full of complicated expressions, and my words made her sad.

"I'm sorry, I'm used to saying it in London."

I'm saying the wrong thing again.

“Sorry.” I still do.

"It's okay, it's okay......" said the mother.

Seeing this scene, Yi'an smiled and told them: "Mom, Dad, to tell you a good news, I have successfully applied for the 5,000 yuan fund to study in Germany in August, how about it, am I not good?" ”

"Really? Yi'an is awesome. The father said with a kind face, his eyes narrowed, "But our family can afford to send you to Germany, and this kind of fund should be given to those who need it more." ”

"Dad! This is the result of my hard work, okay? You should be happy for me. ”

Yi'an began to talk about his plans to study abroad, and I chewed a few bites of rice without saying a word, feeling bored, and left the table early for the first time in my life.

"I'm full, I'm going to rest."

In fact, I didn't go back to my room, but ran out of the door and ran to the nearby beach.

I ran along the road around the sea, my feet on the sand, the sea was very mysterious in the night, the palm trees did not need to shelter me from the scorching sun, there was still a slight pain in my abdomen, I bent down and whimpered in the sea breeze.

At this moment, Neruda's words vividly describe me: You are like the night.

I have loneliness, can I have stars again?

I mustered up the courage of my life to call Jay, but Selena answered, the other party's voice was gentle and arrogant, I hung up the phone without saying a word, and in the excitement, I threw the phone into the sea.

Let the chips fall where they may.

I really want to leave with the sea.

I don't know how long it took, but the tourists at the beach also left intermittently, and I realized that it was late, and my arms were cold from the wind. I got up and walked back, and the words echoed in my ears: We only have night, we only have night, we only have night.

I lay in bed, staring blankly, not sleepy and not knowing what to do. There was a burst of footsteps outside, but my room was facing west, and my parents and Yi'an were facing south, so no one should have passed by my door. So before the knocking stopped, I quickly lay down on my hands and feet, closed my eyes, and pretended to sleep.

A man came in, I guessed it was the mother. The man was close to my bedside, and I could smell the scent of the toilet water on the man, which correctly verified my suspicion.

She brushed a few strands of hair from my face with her hands, just like I did when I was a child, and I knew she was kind, but now I don't like her treatment like this.

My heart was a little uneasy, wondering if she had noticed me pretending to be asleep.

But she was soon gone.

After she left, I got up from bed, pushed the small sofa in my room to the window, and sat and watched the bright lights all night.

The Xie family's breakfast time was seven o'clock, and I couldn't be late, so I couldn't stay sleepy and didn't attend, and I was woken up until eight o'clock.

"You have to come down on time for breakfast, don't you know?"

"Forget, I'm sorry."

I drank a glass of milk and was about to go out, but he stopped me again and said to me coldly, "Where are you going?" ”

"By the sea."

"Skipping meals?"

"No appetite."

"Do you still have this home in your heart?"

"Then do you still have my daughter in your heart?" I was furious all at once.

"If you have nothing to do, come to work quickly."

"I don't want to go."

"Gotta go!" His tone will always be like this.

"What am I to you? Is it that when I'm in London, I have to go to dinner with the sons of your business partners? Is it to eat, laugh and drink together, or sleep together? Have you considered my feelings? Who I like, is my freedom, why should I be tied to your interests. ”

The father slapped the table heavily and shouted angrily, "Bastard! Get the hell out of here! ”

"I don't need you to say I'll leave, God knows how much I regret being born in this family, why should I have the surname Xie?"

With that, I almost ran out of the door.

The crowd of people on the seashore gathered, dense, and from a distance, it was as dense as ants, making people dizzy. The seagulls were circling in the blue sea, there were not many people on the beach, and very old songs were playing in the headphones, and I was a little sad, my eyes were red, and a dangerous thought flashed through my mind - to jump into the sea.

I closed my eyes and sighed, and sat on the beach not to speak, nor to hum to the melody, but to be silent.

The sea breeze blows on me, and time leaves little and little traces on me.

Time, kiss marks, vows, scars. If the tree is like this, how can a person be worthy?

The sea rolled up with layers of spray, and regret was nowhere to be found.

I faced the sea and let out a terrible cry that was earth-shattering and soared into the sky, but Jay would never know.

"Ahh

Another scream.

My mind is messed up and I want to die, but before I die, I still want to see Jay, and if he won't reconcile with me, then I'll go to Manhattan. No matter where you are, it's better than in this cold, hypocritical home.

I bent my legs and buried my face in my knees crying.

More than ten meters away on the asphalt road, there is a constant stream of vehicles, and blue taxis carry carloads of out-of-town tourists to the hotel. My back as I sat on the seashore was as small as an ant, and the sea in front of me was so wide and magnificent that my little emotions could be covered by the sound of the waves at will.