Yi'an stood on the shore and looked at the Statue of Liberty not far away, and the sky was getting darker as dusk approached. Jay stood to her left, staring with her in silence. Yi'an wanted to say a lot, but she couldn't, as if all the words would become wind, so she sighed.

"We." Jay said, "The days that have passed have been under his wrath, and the years we have spent are like a sigh." ”

Yi'an knew that these were the words of the Psalms, which Madame Duris had read when she was in London.

"She's finally free." She sighed.

"yes."

Yi'an told him a recent wish: "I want to go to France to study art and design, I don't want to stay in China to work." ”

"Go ahead. Congratulations on finding your direction in life. ”

"I'll have to convince them."

"Aunts and uncles will agree. You have to move forward towards your dreams. ”

"Will they agree?" Yi'an was still a little hesitant.

"Yes, because... They don't want to lose a daughter anymore because of their 'choice'. ”

Yi'an nodded and said slowly, "I miss her, we never talked properly." ”

"I miss her too."

Both of them had a little redness in their eyes. In the world's largest city, such emotions can only be shared by leaning on each other.

"But... I'm afraid that I don't understand the language and I won't be able to learn well. ”

"International students all start by learning languages, for three months, six months, and one year. You're only learning French, and if it's Arabic, I really don't support you going. Jay turned to lean against the bar, bowed his head and said to her, "Actually, there are many things in life that are in vain, like you click on countless emails and never get a reply to the letter you want. No one even replied to you. That's why I was so determined to go to France after graduation, because the company there was good and willing to hire me. It's just that because of this, I failed Yihua. Actually, the two of us are not suitable, and now I want to ......."

"I understand. When I go to France to study, can I go to London to see you? I wanted to get acquainted with the city a little more. ”

"Of course. And because of my work, I also go to France a lot. ”

"That's great."

The river was bleak, and the wind was blowing a little chill on his back, and Yi'an and Jay left the place side by side.

The night before leaving New York, Yi'an had a long dream. When I dreamed that when I was young, my sister always ignored her, and even scolded her and bullied her.....

At that time, as long as she cried, her parents would come over to coax her and scold Yihua again. Then she ran out with red eyes.

Xie Yihua, a high school student, has been living at the school all the time, and she is reluctant to go home even on weekends. The whole school was gone, and she was alone in the dormitory building where the electric switch was closed, starving for a day and a night. Until the next day, her parents found her and took her away.

And what I got was a mess of scolding.

She had long been accustomed to not being pampered.

The people at the school knew that their family was wealthy because they could see her father on TV, but she was not happy at all, and she never felt the kind of happiness she wanted.

Sometimes, she also wants to be materialistic, so she shows off her necklace and Stanway in front of her classmates. Of course, others were envious, but when she saw their eyes, she was not happy at all. She didn't feel the pleasure of vanity at all. She hated being like that. I hate the respect and sycophants that come from material relations and status relationships.

Studying abroad wasn't what she originally wanted.

Just to escape from this family, to escape to a place where no one knows her and it is not easy for others to find her, so there is this place with a language barrier, different skin colors, and different jet lag. At that time, a resigned, high school tablemate asked her, "Which city do you want to go to college?" ”

Yihua replied to her very seriously: "A far away." ”

"Far away, how far away, is it Shanghai or Beijing?"

Yihua shook his head, his eyes were very smart, and he grabbed the smile at the corner of his mouth: "No one can find a place." ”

"My mother said it would be dangerous if it was too far, so I volunteered to fill in Xiamen University."

"I won't go to Xiamen University, it's not promising. Only the farther away the more dangerous the place is my favorite. I can die in a distant place, but I can't accept that I die here in old age. ”

The high school table never dared to discuss this issue from that day, she felt that Yihua was a little neurotic, in short, she wouldn't think so, she just needed to find a stable job in Xiamen after finishing her major, and move out of her parents' house when she got married, it would be enough for this life.

Yihua said that she wanted to go far, so she was admitted to an art school in London with her artistic talent and ability, majoring in vocal music and minoring in piano.

There she felt a relief that she had never felt before.

She hadn't thought about home a few times in the first two years. Her appearance and dress made her known to many people, from the same school, from other schools, as students, or as people who already worked. They all came to befriend her, and some even investigated her background.

Of course she heard a little and knew the rumors from the outside world.

But so what, all she needs is an indulgent freedom and pleasure. In her heart, this choice is happiness.

She thought she was happy, but she had been running away. Drinking too much alcohol hurts the stomach; Staying up too much at night hurts the liver; When a heart cries, it is broken. Many times, we think that fate is choosing us, but in fact we are choosing the flow of fate.

Ten years and two vast, from Xiamen to London, from London to New York.

In ten years, she had many opportunities to start her life, and even start over, but she stumbled, and with that stubbornness, she came to an end with the illness hidden in her body.

Xie Yihua will not regret it. It was a not bad end for her.

Keats's epitaph reads: The man who rests here, his name is written in the water.

So the lonely Sernuda uses this sentence as the header of the last chapter of "Orkonos" to end his collection of poems full of loneliness.

And Xie Yihua's story, as indicated at the beginning of the story, was told by a philosopher a long time ago that the end of the story was determined by character.

That writer was Heraclitus.

In a room in an old-fashioned London apartment, a pot of plants that Yihua had planted withered and turned into dust due to lack of water. Outside the window, there is the occasional laughter and laughter of college students passing by, and those young people with sketchpads on their backs, their long hair fluttering and their skirts swaying.

Yi'an always felt that there was a back that was her original sister. She smiled and walked in the daylight, breathing in the humid London air. There may also be boys who adore him holding roses and waiting on street corners.

You are cleaner than the air in London and clearer than the clear sky......

The airport is wide and confusing. In order to say goodbye to Jay, Yi'an flew back to China with his parents. After spending three days in New York, Yi'an felt a bit rushed. From the hotel to the airport, she didn't want to talk all the way, not because she was tired, but because she was afraid to say goodbye.

When he finally arrived at the airport in an hour, Jay pulled Yi'an's suitcase into JFK Airport.

He said, "I'm going to Paris and Amsterdam for my exhibitions, and I hope you'll come and see them one day." ”

"Yes."

Jay stroked her hair, pulled her bags through the check-in, and waited in line for the check-in, as they sat in the airport café and waited.

Jay said: "Actually, after coming into contact with you during this time, when I see you, I will always think of your sister. Six years, so far away, I almost forgot her voice. ”

"Yes."

Yi'an lowered his head and bit the straw.

Jay pulled a book out of his bag with a dark green cover.

"I've finished reading this book, so I'll give it to you."

Ye An took it and saw the title of the book, remembering that it was the book "Deep River" that Endo had read on the train before.

"Thank you."

Jay's eyes suddenly brightened, "There's a passage in the book that I particularly appreciate, on page 244. ”

"Really?"

Yi An followed his words and flipped the page casually, and saw a few lines underneath that had been crossed out with a black pen—"There is no absolute right thing to do. Conversely, any evil deed hides the seed of salvation. Everything is good and evil, and it can't be cut in black and white like a knife. ”

"Thank you for the book, I took it."

It was almost time, and Yi'an got up to board the plane. Jay escorted her to the gate, where there was already a line of people waiting for security. Yi'an still had that cup of warm coffee in her hand, and she didn't want to drink it anymore, so as to avoid the trouble of going to the toilet later.

She handed the coffee to Jay, "Coffee for you, please throw it away for me." "There will be a date later." ”

"Goodbye." He said, hugging her.

It was the first time a boy had such close contact with her. Yi'an's face turned red, bowed his head and said goodbye again, and turned to go in.

Jay looked at her departing back, and felt a sense of loss in his heart, and reached out to look at his palm, and there was still a little bit of warmth on her back. He sighed and left the airport.

The Boeing 737 glided all the way into the sky, Xie Yi'an looked at the earth and houses outside the cabin, and silently said goodbye again in his heart.

She took out her sister's diary from her bag, put it in her hand and caressed it like a Westerner treats the Bible, and what was playing in her mind was not the words of the flight attendant to pay attention to safety at the moment, but what Xie Yihua wrote on the last page of her diary: Love is a never-ending wandering. I'd rather be a weak person who is overwhelmed by fate than continue to live a lonely life in this dark night crowd.

(End of text)