I went home and went straight to my room, the room with the curtains was very dark, I didn't want to turn on the light, and I cried loudly as soon as I entered the door. I collapsed limply on the ground, thinking about Chen's words.

After a long time, I finally finished crying and finally mustered up the courage to call Jay, but I didn't say anything, I listened to him call "Hey" on the phone again and again, and after three times he became impatient and asked me what was wrong.

I gritted my teeth and didn't make a sound, and finally hung up the phone.

Today's makeup was completely spent, and I leaned against the corner of the room, burying my head in my knees and crying. My thoughts were a mess, I felt my head hurt, the world was spinning, no one had ever done this to me, no one had ever made my heart so uncomfortable.

After another ten minutes, Jay called to ask, and I wiped away my tears and picked up.

He asked with concern, "What's wrong?" ”

I don't know how to answer, I just feel so lonely, lonely by being deceived and abandoned. "I miss you."

That's all I can say.

He sighed, seemingly speechless, "Alright, we're almost reunited." Have you eaten dinner? ”

"Nope." I said, "When are you coming back to see me?" ”

"Uh...... I guess it's not going to work in the near future, but I've been a little busy lately. ”

"Okay. Then I'll hang up first, and I'll go to dinner. ”

"Yes, bye-bye."

I hung up the phone, and when I stood up, I found that my leg had been numb from squatting, and I managed to take a few steps to the edge of the bed, and lay on the bed, I don't know when I fell asleep.

Lay at home for two days and cried for two days. I was afraid of being alone, so I kept the TV on in my room, and in the middle of the night, when it was quiet, the louder the conversation came from the TV. Two days later Mrs. Durris finally came and knocked on my door, and I think my television was interfering with her rest. I put on a white cardigan and went out to open the door, only to collapse into her arms.

When I woke up, my GP was still there, and she said that I was undernourished and had a low-grade fever.

Mrs. Duris sent her home doctor away, and came with a bowl of noodles, which I remember I taught her to cook, boil the noodles in plain water, add a little salt and oil, and finally put some vegetables and eat them.

I could scarcely speak, and in my eyes, Madame Duris was not only my best friend, but also like mine... mother…… Sorry, I can't say those two words in Chinese.

I was speechless, and after eating, my eyes were already full of tears, "Thank you." ”

She stretched out her hand that was crawling over the years and wiped away my tears for me.

At that moment, I also let go of my prejudice for a moment, hoping that the woman in front of me was not Mrs. Duris, but the one who gave birth to me.

"Thank you."

I cried again, and she couldn't wipe away my tears.

"May I give you a hug?"

"Absolutely."

I hugged Mrs. Duris tightly, but she asked me, "How long has it been since you hugged someone like this?" ”

"For a long, long time, there was no more after Jay was gone."

"Poor boy."

She let go of me, "If it's uncomfortable, go back to China, go back to your hometown, a home with a family is the warmest." ”

I didn't go home, I went to Paris, I came without telling Jay.

I followed the address he had previously said and went downstairs to the apartment, where there were many shops nearby, and I sat down at a salad shop because it was right downstairs from Jay's apartment, just a few meters away. I waited for him, but in the evening he still didn't show up, so I called him and asked him what he was doing. He said he was still on his way to the library.

But when I met him, he had just taken a taxi with a girl to the downstairs of the apartment, was she Selena? He took her hand, and both of them laughed happily.

I got angry and rushed out to scare him.

“Hua！ You? Jay looked at me with a pale face.

"Who is she?" I stared at her.

"Selena, my friend. Selena, this is me, my girlfriend, Xie Yihua. ”

"Hello."

She was very calm.

I glanced her up and down, a scarlet deep V dress, shoulder-length curls, as tall as me.

Ignoring her presence, I said coldly to Jay, "Shall we talk? ”

Jay's face was calm, "She's my friend. ”

"Chen Du told me, otherwise why would I come to Paris? Come into the house and say, or is it right here? "I'm stubborn and won't budge.

Jay's face was ugly, "He's ...... What did he say? ”

"Don't get me wrong, we haven't seen each other for a long time, and we only started to contact recently." Selena spoke.

"I don't need you to worry about my affairs with him!" I yelled at her and pulled Jay away.

"Do you think you're the emperor? One in London, one here, is there still a ...... at home?"

Jay was silent all the way, and finally couldn't help it, and shouted at me, "Don't make trouble! ”

"Open the door!"

"Why didn't you tell me when you came?"

He's still struggling with it.

"Chen told me, and he also said that you are rivals in love."

At this point, there is nothing left to hide.

"Damn."

"So, can you be honest with me?"

"Selena and I are really just friends."

"Is it my eyes that have deceived me? I don't believe Chen's words, but is it also fake that you are holding hands in front of me? I'd like to hear your explanation. ”

"It's really just friends."

After speaking, he fell silent.

The coagulated molecules in the air are getting thicker and thicker.

"Don't stop talking, you say, I want to hear what you say, anything you say."

He was obviously speechless with his mouth open, but I just wanted to hear it.

"You treat me like this, are you at ease? You're trying to drive me crazy, are you? ”

"I didn't."

"Really? Would I believe that you let me see such a scene at night? Do ordinary friends need to hold hands? ”

"Yihua."

"Zhang Cheng, I'm so disappointed in you."

My tone was low because I was too tired to speak.

The man in front of me was so romantic that I believed in love and that he would bring me all happiness. But now that I know I'm wrong, men will change their minds. What an illusory thing it is to live forever, like my childhood that appears in front of my eyes at this moment, I can't grasp it, I can't keep it......

I felt like I was hanging in the air, but I couldn't tell whether it was in the sky or in the sea. We went back to New York, but instead of in Times Square, we sat in the car to Brooklyn. I sat in the car, the car was on a rampage, I was sitting in the first row, the car without seat belts, and I was about to hit the railing on the opposite side, and when I closed my eyes, the next second it landed safely on the ground.

I woke up, for a long time.

My back was wet, hot and sticking to my underwear and shirt.

"Hua, are you feeling okay?"

I stared into Jay's caring eyes in the dim light, touched and remembered how he had deceived me.

"For the first time, I wish I could keep dreaming."

I didn't want to see him, so I buried the whole person in the quilt and found out that it was his bed.

I was wrong again and got up and wanted to go back.

Oh my God, I'm in France, I'm in Paris.

Going to the airport?

"Where are you going?" Jay grabbed me and wouldn't let me go.

"Don't worry about it!"

"Hua, can you calm down?"

"I can't calm down! At the beginning, you said to forget about the unpleasant and start over, and now it's me who? ”

I've had enough.

"Break up. I don't love it anymore. ”

He hugged me and wouldn't let me go.

"It's already twelve o'clock, and even if you want to leave, you can wait until dawn tomorrow, okay?"

Then I locked him out and occupied his only room for the night.

The next morning, my eyes were too swollen to see anyone, so I was lucky enough to bring a pair of sunglasses and pull my unopened suitcase to the airport.

He called a taxi for me and got on it himself.

"Don't you go to work?"

"I'm on leave."

"Huh." I sneered.

"Uh... Sir, can I go? The driver asked.

"Yes, let's go."

There was no word all the way, and it didn't take long for the car to drive before I was swept away by heavy sleepiness and slept all the way.

He was kind enough to check in my luggage, pick up my plane tickets, and buy coffee. But why wasn't this kind of care in the past? Why is that?

"Don't send me." I said indifferently, "You go to Selena, she needs your hypocrisy." ”

Jay looked down guiltily, and I couldn't tell the look in his eyes through my sunglasses. He stayed with me until I boarded the plane, and I threw down the word "gone" and left with big steps.

God knows how hard my heart felt at that moment.

But I'm so proud, I've always been proud all my life and won't bow my head.

Actually, at that moment, I was betting that as long as he ran up and hugged me, whatever he wanted, as long as he wanted me to stay, I would not be angry. Because I love him, I don't want to lose him.

It wasn't until I crossed the ticket gate that I finally recognized it.

I'm not Delia in O. Henry's novel, and he's not Joe. We didn't live in a cramped apartment on all sides, and he wouldn't hide the fact that he was burning a fire in the boiler room of the laundry in order to stay with me all the time, and I wouldn't lie to him that he was teaching piano at General Pinckney's house.

We are richer than Delia and Joe, but our feelings are more deceptive. If you don't have money, can you live as poor but sincere as them? Would he be willing to sell his watch to buy me a tool to comb my hair? And I sold my long hair in order to buy him a strap?

In the years that followed, I would always recall this scene at Charles de Gaulle airport, and I thought, if I had been willing to bow my head and take the initiative to communicate, would we have been able to get back together? If he was willing to explain it to me again, wouldn't we be separated?

Every life is a story, which gradually becomes history, but my history begins with the loss of him.