Lately, I've been a little nervous, I've never felt this way before, and I've always been in stride.

There is a bad thought in my heart, is this some omen?

Today is the fashion show of men's clothing of a third-tier brand in China, and for a male model in my current situation, it is good to receive such a job.

In fact, now that I am walking, it doesn't matter if I walk the runway or not, I have the opportunity to walk again, just to prove that I still have a sense of existence in this society.

There is still a little bit of communicative sense with reality.

At the age of 18, I worked as an apprentice in a garment factory. Before that, I had done a lot of work, moving bricks on construction sites, sleeping in bridge holes, working as a waiter, and apprenticeship in a barbershop.

Later, when the customer came to the workshop to inspect, the manager of that company saw that my height and appearance conditions were good, and gave me a business card to participate in a model contest held by an organization.

I went to the competition with the intention of giving it a try, but I didn't expect that at the end of the competition, I won the third place.

That's quite a good ranking for me.

After that, I was able to get some jobs one after another, and my life was no longer as adrift as before.

Later, I signed with an agency, and given my perfect body and shape, my resources are not bad.

When I saw that the future was bright, something happened that made my modeling career fall to the bottom before it even began to rise.

By the time I realized it was a trap, it was too late.

It all started with the agent Paul, the man who was a quarter American and very sleek.

At first, I didn't know that there was a problem with Paul's orientation, and I thought that Paul was very interested in me, simply because I was born to be a good model.

Until one day, after the successful completion of a big show, the team drank celebratory wine at a KTV.

On that day, Paul toasted himself frequently, and I was so happy that I drank a little too much.

When I woke up the next day, I found Paul lying next to me.

Paul, though not my ideal type, is passable.

What really made me accept Paul is that Paul is an ace agent, and with him as a backer, my future will be bright.

So, that day Paul knelt down in front of me with snot and tears in his eyes, begging me to forgive him, and he would definitely find a way to make me rise in the entertainment industry in the future.

I forgave Paul right away, because for me, there are very few people who can find people who have the same orientation as I do.

After that, I became the one behind Paul.

Paul did give me quite good resources, as I said.

But I was too young at the time, and I overestimated Paul's character.

On the one hand, Paul was in contact with himself, and on the other hand, he was close to many people who were looking forward to Paul's opportunity, as I did.

At first I was angry and questioned Paul.

But Paul was often in circles, and he was very tactful.

He and I had an in-depth look at our relationship.

Paul said that no matter how many people he has had unclear relationships, I will always come first in his eyes.

Do you choose to stay with Paul, or do you choose to leave? Paul asked me to weigh the stakes myself.

After weighing the interests, I once again chose to compromise.

It all started with the girl named Annie, who met Annie backstage on a catwalk.

She wasn't the best of the models, but she loved to laugh.

Laughing makes people feel like a spring breeze, and that is the first ray of sunshine I have seen in my twenty years of life.

On that day, the outfit I was wearing was made of silk, but the designer apparently didn't think about its sturdiness.

The silk trousers were very tight on my body, and before I could go on the field, a reckless field reporter rushed over me and knocked me to the ground.

When I got up, there was a crack in the back of my pants, and an indescribable part of it was visible.

The model in front of me had already stepped onto the runway, and it was too late for me to change my outfit.

It was Anne, and she was in a hurry, and tied the silk scarf she wore around my waist.

The show went very well, and the designer was particularly satisfied with the matching of this silk scarf.

After the catwalk, as a token of appreciation, I invited Anne to dinner.

Anne was very accommodating and did not refuse.

She was really a very sunny girl, and the meal was very pleasant, although we didn't eat much.

In order to maintain their figure, models are quite strict about their diet.

The modeling circle is not large, and although Anne and I are not in the same agency, we don't see each other when we look up.

I gradually got along with her, and when I wasn't active, she often asked me to participate in outdoor activities.

Given my relationship with Paul, I was reluctant to say yes to her at first.

But she couldn't say no to her smile, she has a very healthy lifestyle and loves the outdoors.

She is right, instead of perverted dieting, it is better to exercise more, and it is also responsible for the health of the body.

I'm ashamed of myself compared to her, and my lifestyle is a mess.

With her, I feel very relaxed, and many of the unpleasantness of my past life are left behind.

I was thinking that I could live like a normal person.

I found out that I had a problem with my orientation when I was in the sixth grade, when the difference between the sexes of men and women gradually took over my mind.

I found that on the one hand, I was interested in the class leader, the girl who was born very beautifully and had a very good academic performance.

On the other hand, there was something about a very quiet boy in the class who had shy dimples when he laughed.

Seriously, I was confused at the time and thought it was a gender dysfunction.

It wasn't until I was in junior high school, in biology class, that the very outgoing biology teacher talked in detail about several manifestations of gender consciousness.

Normal, same-sex, bisexual.

I had a clear understanding of myself, and I had to face the reality that I was synonymous with that intersex.

My brother, let's just call him A! I think I'm B. My brother, who was only two minutes older than me, learned my secret one day.

We were born on the same day, but we have different destinies.

My mother said that the day we were born, our character was predestined.

A was born crying loudly, and I, despite the nurse's mission slapping my ass, didn't say a word.

My mother said that when she saw me wilting, she thought I wouldn't survive.

My mother said that A was born a pound heavier than me.

She said that this kid is not a lose-giving character in the mother's womb, and she has absorbed the nutrition to herself.

And I, not only wilted, but also because of my low weight, I was sent to an incubator after birth.

After a month in the incubator, I returned to that home.

It is precisely because of such a disparity in personality and physique that the irreversible outcome occurred.

It also changed the fate of me and A.