Although the facts are very clear, and I seem to be relieved about Ding Ling's relationship with myself, I still feel heartbroken when I think back to the details of the few days I spent with her, and the various scenes of my relationship with her for more than ten years.

In the first few days after returning to Beijing from a small town in the southwest, I was in a state of insomnia, and my spirit became very sluggish as a result.

On the other hand, I also began to seriously summarize all kinds of past, and since graduating from university, I have never reflected on myself so seriously.

From the Yellow Mansion to the county, from the county to the university, from the university to the capital, from the capital to the southwest city, change the opposing perspective, carefully filter all the events experienced with thinking.

In the end, the conclusion is becoming clearer and clearer: love is mutual, love has a premise, with additional conditions, I am currently poor and white, mediocre in appearance, neither the capital to be loved, nor the right to love others enough, besides, my unrequited love for Ding Ling is not love at all, it is my own confusion of the concept, which will cause the final humiliating result.

Whether it's your own bitter love or secret love, if you leave the root of love, it's just self-inflicted distress and humiliation.

Thinking about how hard it has been to like someone for so many years, but to end up like this, I began to be disheartened again, and I felt that life had suddenly lost its goals and pursuits, and became boring and boring, and the original busy work became a boredom burden for me.

I became irritable, irritable, sensitive and vulnerable.

For a while, it felt like the whole world was working against me, I was tired of everything, disgusted with everything, and thought I saw through everything.

My mental state was very poor, and I was decadent and hopeless.

Beijing's once hectic and fulfilling life suddenly lost its luster.

However, things turned out to be more than that.

One afternoon, a package was delivered to my project office.

I saw the words "Ding Ling, a small city in the southwest" written on the package.

"We're over, at this point, when the station in the southwest town is separated, Ding Ling should also be very clear, in this case, why is she mailing me something? What will she send? ......”

With doubts, I unpacked.

Inside the package are some specialties of the small southwestern town, a photo album, and a brief letter.

The letterhead is delicately folded.

"What is she going to say to me?"

I couldn't wait to open the letterhead, and a few lines of beautiful small words came into view:

"Big country, see the letter like face, after you left, I had a serious illness and just recovered, so, please forgive me for contacting you now, and now I will sort out the photos of the small city scenic spot and send it to you together, Boss Wang and Brother Zhong both said that you are among us, the best photo; In addition, mail some specialties to you, talk about the heart, the last visit was in a hurry, the hospitality was not considerate, please forgive me! Ding ling. ”

......

After reading the letter, I opened the album casually, and there was not a single group photo in the album, it was all a single photo of me.

I saw my strange shape in the photo, and all kinds of gloomy expressions and preoccupied expressions were clearly recorded.

It was a portrayal of the true mentality when I saw Boss Wang and Ding Ling taking care of Qingqing and me when they were playing in the scenic spot, and they were intimate and completely left out.

In the image, I am jealous, sad, and depressed, either with a distorted face, a gloomy expression, or absent-minded.

It vividly reflects the true state of a poor person who is infatuated and is ignored and even insulted to his face.

These unprompted photos were a bit unexpected to me.

It turned out that his various facial expressions under the situation at that time had been completely captured and filmed.

Through the photos, I seemed to see the sinister smiling face of Brother Zhong when he took pictures with his camera.

The ugliness that I distorted with jealousy was magnified several times by the photographer.

For the first time, I saw the facial expression of a young man who had no heart and had been hurt so hateful, and I also saw thoroughly how the feelings of two young children who were not deeply involved in the world seemed so small and insignificant to two middle-aged adults; Even the entire course of the incident and his own bad performance were inadvertently completely recorded and completely manipulated.

......

Such a photo, such a bad effect, Ding Ling in the letter, unexpectedly affirmed that for me, two complete strangers have a touching evaluation!

"This is my best?"

"How could she have cared about my mood at the time?"

"She was busy intimacy with someone else at the time, how was my state, and what did it have to do with her?!"

My mind was racing and my stomach was cramping.

At the end of the day, I'm still an irrelevant and insignificant outsider to her!

"This is the best picture you have ever taken, you are so virtuous!" I looked at the photo as if I heard a mocking voiceover.

"Is your dignity worthy of Ding Ling?"

Looking at the photos one by one, I thought back to the background and state of mind at the time when it was photographed.

My anger slowly spread to every cell in my body, and my hands began to tremble.

An inexplicable gloomy emotion strongly stimulated me.

My resentment towards Ding Ling is also getting heavier and heavier, yes, since we have nothing to do with it, what's the point of her engaging in so many forms?

"Why do you hypocritically praise my ugliness?

Why do you still send your local specialties to express your heart?

Why do you want to borrow someone else's strength to hurt me? ”

......

The resentment after blind love and ruthless abandonment made me almost lose my mind.

The content of Ding Ling's letterhead also deeply stimulated my sensitive self-esteem.

My soul trembled with the trembling of my body and mind.

......

"Get out, surnamed Ding, with your sophistication, with your own so-called circle, stay away from me!"

Thinking of this, I pulled all the photos out of the album, tore them to shreds, and threw them into the trash can next to me along with the letterhead and gifts.

In the office, all the colleagues around me looked at me in astonishment when they looked at my abnormal behavior, not knowing what was happening.

Dazhi also sat next to me.

He seemed to know what I was doing, but he watched from afar, motionless, with a solemn expression.

After I did this, I still felt excited, my body trembled terribly, and I was depressed.

My chest was so congested that I took a sip of water, put on my work cap, and wanted to go for a walk around the construction site.

I saw Dazhi following me from afar, without saying a word.

Machinery roared and dust flew from the construction site.

A gust of north wind blows, making people feel a biting coolness, and as the winter deepens, the weather in the capital is getting colder and colder.

I stood in a quiet corner without saying a word.

Being able to see the entire construction site from there, I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down.

At this time, the phone rang, and I saw an unfamiliar landline phone number, showing that the calling area was a small town in the southwest.

After hesitating for a long time, I still connected.

"Big country, hello, I'm Ding Ling, and this is the phone number in my office."

"Oh, hello." Listening to Ding Ling's voice and feeling the distance between each other, countless waves were set off in my heart, but I still kept my tone as calm as possible.

"I sent you a package, you should have received it today, right?" , Ding Ling's tone was a little weak, and she looked sick.

It seems that the mention of illness in the letter is true.

"Roger, thank you."

"You came to the small city in the southwest a few days ago, and I didn't entertain you well, I'm really sorry."

I didn't squeak and listened quietly to her.

"In addition, when you left, what I said was a bit heavy, and I really shouldn't have apologized."

Her apology irritated me.

"You're right, no need to apologize, it's a fact, I really can't afford to make tens of thousands of dollars a night now, but I will definitely have money in the future!"

"What do you mean by that?!" , her tone was a little annoyed.

"It's not interesting, that's what I think." I tried to keep my tone as calm as possible.

But in my mind, there were turbulent waves.

"Don't you think I'm pedantic, don't you take Boss Wang as your idol? Don't you think I'll never do anything? ”

Ding Ling guessed what I was trying to express.

"Great country, you bastard!"

She screamed on the other end of the phone, and then began to cry.

"You..... You, I treat you as a classmate, a friend, and kindly entertain you, but you treat me like this!? ”

"What's wrong with me?" I said hatefully, "Did I do something wrong?" ”

"What did I do to you? What's wrong with me? ”

"Do you have money in the future, and what does it have to do with me?" She was agitated and her voice was hoarse.

"Whether you have money or not, and how you live, has nothing to do with me."

......

"I have nothing to do with you, and I don't have anything to do with you." , I also roared, and the grievances of the past few days were stimulated.

There are a lot of things in my head, and my heart is getting more and more sad.

......

"I like you, am I wrong? You want me to admit now that I have nothing to do with you, okay, I'll fulfill you! ”

"Yes, I like her, but I never express it clearly, but she knows my heart very well! She was so ruthless to me. ”

"She also clearly asked Da Gang to send me a message, but unfortunately, by mistake, I didn't get Da Gang's prompt!"

"In this world, there is no girl who makes me so tempted!"

"There will never be such a desperate person in this world!"

......

Ding Ling's bad attitude and tone on the phone made me feel like I was falling into an ice cellar, my brain was blank, and I felt like I had lost the whole world all of a sudden!

"Me and you, never have a chance to have a relationship again!" I was discouraged and yelled at the phone.

"Get out, don't contact me again!" , Ding Ling burst into tears.

......

I couldn't see her expression, I couldn't figure out her heart, I couldn't know what she really thought.

However, her words completely angered me.

"Get the out of here!" I yelled frantically and hung up.

After hanging up the phone, I trembled in anger, found Ding Ling's name, and deleted all the information.

That wasn't enough, I went crazy and threw the phone on the ground.

It seems that along with the disappearing message, I'm going to throw everything away.

The phone was shattered, just like my broken heart.

The world I saw in my eyes was also shrouded in mist, and it gradually became hazy.

Dazhi ran over, he silently picked up the wreckage of my phone, handed it to me, as if he wanted to say something, but he didn't say a word.

I guess he's trying to comfort me, right?

But he still knew my character, so he chose not to say a word.

I stood at the construction site, letting the cold wind blow on my face like a knife, and my mind was frozen.

After a while, a feeling of grief and indignation came back to me.

"Yes, just like the oath I made to Ding Ling just now, I must make some achievements, I must have money, I must change the current situation, and let all those who despise me and despise me go to hell!"

How can you be so unproductive as a man?

I suddenly realized that the entanglement of Ding Ling in the past was completely unproductive.

How narrow and extreme it is to grab a girl who doesn't like her at all and not let go!

For a moment, I suddenly felt that all my actions were ridiculous.

This may be something that all immature youth must experience, right?

Blind pursuit, in exchange for hurt and pathetic growth experience.

I should adjust my mentality now, after all, there is more than one Ding Ling in the world, and the things in the world are not just love, there are many valuable things to do.

Yes, I still have a lot of things to do, what is a Ding Ling?

In the blink of an eye, all kinds of lofty ambitions poured into my heart.

The eldest husband lives a lifetime, when he should make a difference, what kind of system will he become if he blindly loves his children?

I had a lot of thoughts, and I suddenly came to my senses, as if I had figured out a lot of things in an instant.

Dazhi has been standing with me silently.

The wind was stronger, and the sky was getting darker.

He said, "Brother, shall we go back?" ”

Together, we walked towards the office.

He walked in front, suddenly stopped, turned his head to look at me, and said, "Great country, I have been trying to tell you something these days. ”

I stopped, looked at him, and waited for him to finish.

"I feel like I'm living a good life in the capital, and I want to change the environment."

"Are you leaving?"

Before I went to the small town in the southwest, I always felt that Dazhi was worried about his cousin's marriage.

After coming back, it seems that his mood has been very bad, and he has become much deeper.

"Yes, I'm ready to resign and leave the capital."

"Where are you going?"

"I initially wanted to go to the south, and I wanted to go to Shenzhen."

I looked at him carefully and smiled.

"Brother, you just have an idea, don't you?"

"No, I have submitted my resume some time ago, and I received an offer from a foreign-funded company last week, but during this time, I saw that your state was not very good, so I wanted to accompany you, and now your things are almost the same, and the registration time in Shenzhen is almost up, and I will be ready to leave next week."

I know that Dazhi gave up a good job opportunity in the provincial capital to come to Beijing for the sake of his cousin, and now that the relationship is over, he chose to leave, it seems that he has had this idea for a long time.

When I came back from a small town in the southwest, I was in a state of despair and postponed his trip, and the thought of this made my nose sore, and I almost didn't shed tears.

Whether Ding Ling likes me or not, she used to be my favorite, and now that the truth is revealed, she is estimated to be gone forever.

Dazhi is a very good friend since I went to university, especially in Beijing, we have become best friends during this period of time, and now, for the sake of ideals, in order to escape from the city that makes him sad, he is also going to leave me.

For a while, I suddenly became nothing in Beijing.

Love is gone.

Friendship is also far away.

All that remains is renewed hope.