Compared with the high spirits I felt when I went, the two-day trip from the small town in the southwest to the capital became the longest and most difficult journey I will ever forget.

Since the booking was a last-minute decision, the decision was too hasty, and I left in a hurry, so I had no seat and could only stand in the aisle of the carriage.

The carriage is crowded with passengers of all shapes, mixed with all kinds of smells, the huge "clang, clang" impact between the wheels and the rails, seems to shake all the body odor in the crowded carriage, the smell of cheap food, the smell of baby feces, all kinds of smells are mixed together, with the swaying electric fans fixed on both sides of the window, accompanied by the buzzing echo in the carriage scurrying, stimulating everyone's taste buds.

Like a martyr of suffering, my body swayed from side to side as the rickety green leather carriage swayed, barely able to support myself on the first day, and from the second day, although I still stood in someone else's seat, I was already in a state of confusion and half-asleep.

I finally got to the capital, I was exhausted, my thinking seemed to dry up, all my thoughts were precipitated to the bottom of the brain, heavy, headache, my body was as light as a floating cloud, and I walked under my feet.

Back at the project site, back at my accommodation, I was so exhausted that I fell into bed and fell asleep.

......

Dazhi went back to the dormitory to pour things after he was busy, and when he saw that I was sleeping deeply, he deliberately jingled things and tossed things for a long time, but he didn't wake me up completely.

Although I was woken up a few times in the middle of the daze, my whole body was sore, and I couldn't move.

In the evening, I was still lying in bed and did not respond.

He probably couldn't bear it anymore, picked up an iron rod and knocked on the bed, and told me to get up and eat.

I sat up, wrapped in the quilt, and felt as if my head was on fire, and it was hot.

"I'm not going to eat it, you can go by yourself." I said to him a little weakly, with no appetite.

"Is it that when you see your girlfriend, you are overly excited, and you don't have to eat anymore?" , Dazhi didn't see my expression and joked with me.

", I'll talk to you later." His words irritated my sore spot, and I immediately went back to lying down and ignored him.

"Damn, seeing my girlfriend, it's amazing, isn't it?" , he muttered, opened the door and went out by himself.

......

I don't know how long it took, but I faintly heard the sound of ping pong opening the door again, and then the iron frame bed shook violently.

I struggled to open my eyes and saw that Daishi was shaking my bed hard.

On the small table next to the bed, there was a boxed lunch that he had packed.

"Get up and eat." He saw that I had opened my eyes and shouted loudly.

I couldn't bear to brush off his kindness, got up from the bed, and sat down at the table.

"Isn't it a nice little town in the southwest? That girlfriend of yours is pretty good, right? Dazhi looked at me, squeezed his eyes, and asked with a grin.

.......

I sat at the small table, sleepy, and gradually regained consciousness.

The words "Southwest Town" once again stimulated my nerves, and a feeling of grief and indignation rose from the inside out.

My face was distorted and very ugly.

Sensing my strange expression, Dazhi was a little surprised.

"What, it didn't go well?" , He changed his tone, his tone was much softer, no more teasing, he knew me very well, looked at my expression, and knew that something bad must have happened.

"It's a shame that it doesn't go well!" I slapped the table hard and flew into a rage.

Dazhi was startled and looked at me in surprise.

"What's going on?"

"Alas, it's hard to put into words." After all, I was more sad than angry, and I couldn't help but lower my head when I recalled the experience of the trip.

......

After listening to my narration, Dazhi was also saddened.

He sat listlessly on his little bed, as if he had remembered his sadness.

Two men who are also emotionally frustrated, both are fallen people at the end of the world.

For a while, I don't know who is comforting whom.

After being silent for a long time, Dazhi proposed to go out for a walk together to breathe.

"You go out first, I'll look for you in the courtyard later." When I woke up, I felt bored and panicked, and I really wanted to get out of the house and change my mood.

I packed up the things I had just brought back, and he went out first.

I walked out of my hut in the basement, found Dazhi, and walked along the sidewalk of the neighborhood together.

The buildings and gardens in the above-ground part of the community are beautifully built, and compared with the underground world, it is like a different world.

Upstairs, thousands of lights are lit, and the community environment is quiet and elegant.

"Alas, when will both of us be able to buy a house on the ground, such a beautiful community, but it's a pity that we live underground." , Dazhi took a breath of air on the ground, and sighed with some emotion.

"Dude, there will be a house, there will be a girlfriend, we are still young, in fact, we are not so pessimistic. There is no grass at the end of the world, maybe our respective fate has not come, right? The fresh air on the ground rejuvenated me a little.

He thoughtfully let out a "oh" and didn't respond.

At this time, my mobile phone rang, and it was a call from Dagang.

It can be heard that Dagang is in a good mental state.

Dagang first told me that he had completed the induction training as a civil servant, reported to the city fire brigade in his hometown, and had officially become a firefighter.

Then, he changed the subject to my trip to a small southwestern town.

Obviously, before I walked out of the underground hut, Dazhi and he had already spoken on the phone, and Da Gang should have called to comfort his injured brother.

My experience in the small town in the southwest should have surprised him, and he also wanted to know some details by the way.

When I talk about the trip I just past, I feel sad and don't want to say anything more about the setbacks I have encountered.

However, after a bumpy journey back, I have already sorted out the relationship between myself and Ding Ling.

Therefore, when Da Gang asked again, I was able to calmly tell him that my relationship with Ding Ling should have been a mistake from the beginning.

"The experience of the small town in the southwest is the result of my blind attachment, and it has nothing to do with Ding Ling herself.

After so many years, in fact, she and I don't know each other, and it is not surprising that there is such a result. ”

After my own serious reflection and summary, I feel that this matter is over!"

I finished talking about my feelings, and although I felt that I was still unfinished, my mood was also much more relaxed.

On the other side of the phone, Da Gang was silent for a while.

"I think it's good that you can think so." , His tone was calm, after experiencing Lily's matter, I felt that Da Gang had matured quickly, and his view of things was very different from the Da Gang I had known.

"Actually, there are many things about you and Ding Ling, I have always wanted to tell you, there is such a result, I can guess, but I didn't expect such an embarrassing ending!" ，

"When I had a party in Beijing some time ago, I insisted on going to the southwest town to find Ding Ling, I don't think it's appropriate, but I understand you, and you must do what you believe, so I didn't explain it to you."

"I also took it for granted at the time that how Ding Ling treated you, in the end, it might be easier for you to accept it after your own real experience and feelings."

Regarding the details of my relationship with Ding Ling, it seems that Da Gang knows a lot, and he has always had something to say to me, which I actually feel.

"Did you want to remind me in the first place, or did you already know Ding Ling's true opinion of me?" I asked him.

"Yes, the reason why I didn't talk about it was because I was afraid that these bad things would affect your judgment." , Da Gang hesitated, he should be considering his own words.

"I really should have told you earlier, but now that the matter between you and Ding Ling has come to this point, I think it may not make much sense to tell you about the old things now."

"Why do you say that?"

"Do you remember when you were in the county, you had acute gastroenteritis and didn't have the money to pay the hospital deposit?" , Da Gang asked me.

"Of course, in the end, thanks to the money you borrowed back to school. I'll never forget this for the rest of my life! ”

"I went back to school to borrow money, searched all the townspeople in the county, and talked about your illness and emergency, but everyone pooled the money together, only Ding Ling didn't pay a penny, and she didn't care at all!"

"When I was in the county, I knew that you liked Ding Ling, and through your illness, she didn't care about this matter, so I felt that in fact, the relationship between you should not be as optimistic as you think."

Da Gang said so much in one breath, it seemed that this matter had been pressed in his heart for a long time.

I remained silent, listening quietly to his story.

"There is also about the party in the Yellow Building, when we were in college, we talked about the party, at that time, I also had a very important thing that I didn't tell you."

There was some sadness in his tone.

I listened to him quietly, my thoughts were bright or dark, one moment it was very clear, and the other time it became chaotic, more than ten years of things, all the facts were displayed in front of my eyes under Dagang's statement, which overwhelmed me.

"Big country, do you remember when I was in college, I went to your school to look for you on the weekend, and when I mentioned the Yellow Mansion party, I met Ding Ling, right?" Da Gang asked me.

"I remember."

"Ding Ling did ask about you, and we talked a lot at that time, but I really don't know how you and her went at that time."

"I also know that you have been in contact all the time, and there is no result yet, and it is not good to dampen your enthusiasm, the information I got from the gathering in the Yellow Mansion is actually very difficult to accept, but my thoughts are also very optimistic, I thought at the time, what if things take a turn for the better? Who can say clearly about feelings in this world? ”

He felt a little emotional, feeling the interference and harm caused to me by his misjudgment.

"On the day of the gathering in the Yellow Mansion, Ding Ling told me about the letter you wrote to her, and now that I think about it, in fact, Ding Ling wanted me to send a message to you."

Her exact words at the time were as follows: "The big country keeps writing to me, does he like me?" In fact, I have never liked him, and I don't know how to tell him, for fear of hurting him! ”！”

"I heard her say this, very contradictory, but also very uncomfortable, after returning to the provincial capital, when I saw you, I really wanted to tell you the truth a few times, but seeing your optimistic and persistent appearance, as I just said, seeing that you have been communicating with letters and phone calls, I also think that things may turn around, so I endured and didn't tell you."

"Actually, until the last time I went to the capital for a party, you told me that Ding Ling and you made an appointment to meet in a small city in the southwest, and I also had the idea of reminding you. After experiencing my own affairs, I have seen the relationship very thoroughly, and I have never been optimistic about the relationship between you and Ding Ling. After all, he felt a little guilty that he had not fulfilled his obligation to prompt as a friend

"Brother, you don't have to say any more!" , I interrupted Dagang's statement and said bitterly.

Yes, there are signs in everything, so why do you need to be prompted?

In retrospect, no one can complain about the humiliation of the small town in the southwest, but it is just my own wishful thinking and I am deeply involved in it.

From the beginning, unrequited love for Ding Ling was a mistake.

It is inevitable that there will be such an ending.

It's just that the ending is beautiful for one party and unforgivable ugliness for the other.

Knowing the truth, I can only deepen my understanding of Ding Ling by connecting all the details of the matter together, which is not harmful to all outsiders, and the only thing I can't let go of is myself.

I suddenly discovered that the other end of the extreme love is bitter hatred.

I hate Ding Ling now, gritting my teeth with hatred.

I hate her ruthlessness, her sophistication, her snobbery, her excessive subtlety towards me, and the fact that she never liked me, but she grabbed my soul like a cat and a mouse, and kept holding me and playing with me for so many years.

Putting down Dagang's phone, I seemed to see through the whole world at once.

All the falsehood, the ruthlessness, the callousness has become so vivid.

The early winter in Beijing is cool to the bone.

The fatigue of the past two days has exhausted my physical strength, and the truth of everything I have just told me in the past strongly stimulates my nerves, and my blood boils in my body, as if these indisputable facts have turned into a raging fire, mercilessly devouring my last trace of tenderness.

Love will bring us a lot of things, and failed love may bring me more, right?

The most important thing is to make me recognize the world and the principle of survival between people.

Young and immature love is so vulnerable.

Dagang has experienced this, Dazhi has been like this, and so has I.

However, it is also a failure, and after losing convincingly, it should be an awakening.

How can things in this world be written clearly just by a love word?