Ding Ling was my tablemate in junior high school for three years during the Huanglou period, and she lived in a village a few kilometers away from the town middle school, and her exact address will always be a mystery to me. She is very smart, tall and thin, with a graceful figure, a pair of big eyes, looking left and right, very beautiful, but her grades are mediocre, because of her proximity to home, she does not need boarding school, she rides her bicycle to and from school every day.

I don't know when I fell in love with Ding Ling, and I lost myself for a while.

In winter, Ding Ling would call me, "Hey, little cotton ball, tell me how to do this problem well?" ”

Due to the biting cold winter in the north, my mother will prepare a thick cotton jacket and cotton pants for me every year before winter, plus I am short, wearing my mother's special cotton clothes, bulging, round, the nickname of the little cotton ball is given to me by Ding Ling alone, and only she will call me that. When Ding Ling called me, I would drop everything and obediently lean over to explain the questions she asked.

The junior high school life in the Yellow Building is very difficult, the boarding students in the town are all children from remote rural areas, and the dormitory is a large classroom on the first floor of the Yellow Building, with iron beds all made. There is no heating, and there is only an iron stove for heating in the dormitory of eighty or ninety square meters.

In the harsh winter, often in the first half of the night, the students are wrapped around the stove and shivering, and in the second half of the night, no one cares about the stove, and everyone huddles on the bunk to rely on each other's body temperature to keep warm.

The water for washing the face is drawn from the well of the pump room outside the dormitory, and is placed under the bed of everyone in the dormitory. The saddest thing is that if one person in the dormitory gets prickly heat, the whole room will be infected.

Breakfast is also very simple, is everyone from their respective homes to bring millet, cooked by the short fat chef, after the morning exercise, queue up to use, the short fat chef's skills are also very bad, cooked things, everyone gives a nickname called "porridge and dry rice thin", which means that this kind of food is between dry rice and porridge, two taels of porridge and dry rice every day, after eating, I will be growing after the second class of morning exercises, hungry heart to back.

It is in such a difficult environment that we are still happy with hardship, positive and optimistic to maintain a very high spirit, study hard, and be proud of the hard-won progress made every day.

In the summer, Ding Ling would draw a line with a ballpoint pen on the table, and a compass was ready in her desk at any time, asking me not to cross the line she had drawn, the reason was very simple, I wore less in summer, men and women were not allowed to kiss, and they were not allowed to cross the line, so as to prevent skin contact, and once the line was crossed, she would take up a weapon to defend herself, The sharp steel needle of the compass stabbed my bare arm unceremoniously, and I grinned in pain.

After I entered the second year of junior high school, my body grew a lot taller, and I had some hairy beards around my mouth, and my hormones were surging in my body as my body grew, and I felt like a wolf in heat, and I began to pay attention to the signs of different sexes.

I've always been unkempt, and now I'm starting to look in the mirror frequently, and I'm angry about my poor appearance, and I even hate my parents, why didn't they give me a pair of big eyes like Ding Ling.

So, I did a stupid thing that almost made me regret it for the rest of my life, one day during the holidays, I went back to my home in the country, and after looking in the mirror, I once again had the idea of changing my appearance, I decided to start with the most unsatisfactory eyes, and then prepare a pair of ropes, around my eyelids, ready to pull out a pair of double eyelids by myself. So the plan was implemented at night, and I was awakened by my mother's scream in my sleep late at night, and I rubbed my eyes for a long time before I saw my father standing beside my mother with scissors in his hand, and she was holding the rope that bound my eyes in her hand, staring at me like a monster.

"Can you still see it? If your mother and I come back later, you'll be blinded! ”。

After Dad finished speaking, he looked at me with a strange look in his eyes.

The mother was the first to react, "You kid, don't you want to make a double eyelid by yourself?" ”

When she finished speaking, she looked at my blushing face and a comical look of bewilderment, and laughed out loud until she couldn't stand up straight.

Spring is coming, there are more outdoor activities in the school, the physical education teacher leads the gymnastics, I stand in the back row, looking at the beautiful shadow of Ding Ling jumping up and down with the beat of the music in front of me, sometimes I seem to be crazy, and often forget that I have not kept up with the movements that should be learned.

Since I secretly fell in love with Ding Ling, my heart began to become more preoccupied, and I began to dare not face her face, dare not get too close to her, and dare not talk to her more, but I made all kinds of excuses for myself to surround her.

When the school bell rang, I would lie on the window in a corner of the Yellow Building and watch her ride away. When the bell rings, I will be the first to rush back to the classroom from the playground, sit in my seat, and wait for her to come back to the house and sit next to me.

Ding Ling's attitude towards me has always been very cold. When she speaks, she can often save money, never more communication, she acts decisively, cleanly, and her eyes are always a fluctuating demeanor.

On the contrary, Ding Ling's indifference, Ah Hong often took the initiative to approach me, bring me food, and chat with me.

Gradually, many people in the class began to spread, "Ah Hong is in love with a big country!" ”

"I heard that Squad Leader Ah Hong and you went to the road yesterday?" One day, Ding Ling suddenly asked me, her eyes full of banter.

"What is a rolling road?" I asked blankly,

"Cut, old-fashioned, I don't know how to roll the road, it's just the object",

"You, don't talk nonsense!" I blushed.

"I've never been out with Hong!"

I know the rumors myself, but I don't know how to eliminate them, and now Ding Ling is saying the same, I'm really anxious. I have compared Ah Hong and Ding Ling more than once, and I feel the difference between what I like and what I don't like, and when I was young, I impulsively thought that if Ding Ling was willing, I could even prove my innocence by dying.

"If you don't go, forget it, it's not a big deal" Ding Ling was probably very surprised that I had such a violent reaction, said lightly, and stopped talking.

Looking at her faint expression, I felt very uncomfortable, I didn't know if I had cleared up the misunderstanding, and I even hated myself a little in my heart. Since you like Ding Ling so much, why don't you have the courage to completely end up with Ah Hong and stop associating?

I have compared me and Ding Ling, the difference in feelings between me and Ah Hong more than once, facing Ding Ling or even getting close to Ding Ling, my heartbeat will accelerate, talking to her, I will blush inexplicably, I want to tell her everything, but I always have scruples, reservations, I dare not look directly into her eyes, for fear of being seen through her heart; As for Ah Hong, I am completely a normal person's mentality and appearance, and I know that my feelings for Ding Ling are not limited to liking. This feeling scared me, I longed to see her, I like to look at her secretly, I feel more and more that Ding Ling's various good things are irreplaceable, I am getting deeper and deeper, I can't extricate myself, I know when I am young and ignorant, I am in love with Ding Ling. However, I don't seem to know anything about her. This mysterious feeling drove me even more crazy.

When I was young, my ignorance of emotions made me lose the opportunity to know that ignorant first love, and I even felt that this conscious repression led to my ultimate nothing, and I wasted that golden time in vain.

Time flies, three years of junior high school youth passed in a flash, and the ignorant me, Ah Hong, and Ding Ling didn't even have time to have any stories, and the junior high school career was over.

Ah Hong went to other provinces to study secondary school, I went to the county seat to study high school, Ding Ling finished the high school entrance examination, and it was like evaporating from the world, and I lost news.

In the first year of high school, I was so overwhelmed by the heavy workload that I didn't have time to take care of anything, and the undercurrent of hormones in my body became calm like a castrated donkey.

Every day, the cafeteria, dormitory, and classroom are repeated like a machine, and the cycle repeats.

The busy mechanical high school life made me begin to doubt my choice, and the high consumption of the county also overwhelmed the family, my father still relied on working on the construction site to provide my living expenses, sometimes the money was not sent in time, I relied on borrowing from all over the world to find classmates to help, to fill the basic physiological needs of the body, and the county contact with the first classmates made me begin to doubt my life.

I began to rebel, blaming my parents for their incompetence and the hardships of the family I was born in would ruin my future. At the same time, I also began to feel more and more inferior, feeling that I was abandoned by fate.

My grades also began to be unstable, and the teacher's attitude towards me was a mixture of hope and disappointment, and finally I simply gave up, and I was no longer treated as an honor student. I became listless all day.

In a flash, a year of high school time slipped away.

On the first day of high school, I finished eating in the school cafeteria and washed the dishes by the sink.

Suddenly, a crisp and familiar voice called out to me: "Great country, long time no see!" ”

I stiffened as if I had been struck by lightning.

"Ding Ling!" I turned around.

Ding Ling stood behind me, slim, carrying a lunch box, looking at me with a smile.

"You?" My tongue froze, and I was silent, and my eyes were staring at her.

Ding Ling wears the same high school uniform as me,

"----? you are" I don't know what to ask.

"I retook junior high school for a year, was admitted to high school, and now I am classmates with you, but I am your junior sister."

She smiled slightly, and her smile was like a flower.

I can't describe the mood at that moment, like a long-lost old friend reunited, and like a child lost and regained his favorite baby toy, the moment I saw her, I was as excited as a child, and at the same time, the pressure of high school life and the perception of the reality of life, and made me feel as calm and calm as an old man who had gone through vicissitudes.

Since high school life, I have suffered from the emotions of gains and losses, so that I have no confidence in everything, she is in high school, our reunion, does it mean that we will get closer and closer in the future?

"Did Ding Ling know from the beginning that I had a different affection for her than anyone else?"

"Assuming she knows I like her, what does she think of me? Will she take my quest seriously? ”

"Do I continue to have the courage to make a clear confession to her?"

In the blink of an eye, a thousand thoughts came to my mind.

When she was stunned, Ding Ling had already walked away lightly, and it seemed that she had never returned.