The reunion with Ding Ling in the county completely broke my originally peaceful life.

I was like a demon, and for a long time, I fell into the quagmire of a crush and completely lost myself.

In autumn, the campus of the county high school is beautiful and picturesque, with beautiful and straight birch trees neatly arranged on both sides of the boulevard, and the leaves are red and yellow, swaying with the wind, full of vitality; The green field of the playground is covered with a golden veil under the infection of autumn. The two graceful weeping willow trees in front of the main teaching building swayed their soft arms from time to time with the autumn wind, and the fairies scattered their golden leaves.

However, these autumn beauties did not arouse a trace of lingering and attention in me.

The encounter between the beginning of school and Ding Ling in the school cafeteria made me feel inexplicably excited, and for nearly a month since the beginning of my sophomore year, I would get up one or two hours earlier than usual every day, and I couldn't eat sweetly and couldn't sleep at night.

I inquired about Ding Ling's class through various channels, began to study her campus activity route, and created many casual encounters on the playground after school. Just to be able to say hello to her, after saying hello to her, he pretended to be casual and reserved and happy to return to the dormitory building. Get out of her sight, enter the door and run quickly across the stairs, find the best terrain, and hide behind the window to watch her walk by.

Like poor Reinado Amoruso in the movie "The Beautiful Legend of Sicily", I was always looking for every opportunity, looking for any possible suitable place, and watching Marlena Scordia walk by with infatuation.

Ding Ling is still very indifferent, I can't see her joys and sorrows, and I can't guess her mood.

I didn't dare to go any further into her, for fear of destroying the relationship that seemed to have a lingering affection between us. This platonic concept of love overwhelmed my mind, stimulated the hormones in my body, and I even began to have all kinds of fantasies, and Ding Ling became my spiritual sustenance.

My dream of going to university seems to have wavered. I once fantasized that if Ding Ling could accept my love, I could even give up everything, and even obey my grandfather's arrangement, and return to the mountain village to herd sheep and farm, if she wanted, we could live our lives without asking for anything, but all this seems to be like a dream, more unattainable than taking the university entrance examination, breaking into the city, and becoming famous.

I started to pay less attention to my grades, and I often stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom of the dormitory, staring at my own shadow in a daze.

Due to my shyness, I never had the courage to invite Ding Ling to dinner or go out for entertainment, let alone buy any decent gifts for her, I began to pay more and more attention to my image and evaluation in the eyes of others, and even bought old clothes from my dormitory brothers from the borrowed living expenses to dress myself. Then he put it on, ran out, and waited like a rooster on the route she often walked, showing her new feathers as she approached.

No matter what the situation, every time Ding Ling saw me, she would smile slightly, and then gracefully continue her journey, never stopping to say a word or a half to me, or stay for me for half a minute.

Ding Ling's snub made me uneasy, and I wondered worriedly, has Ding Ling completely forgotten the time we spent together in junior high school, forgotten the bits and pieces we used to spend together, or these things have never left any traces in her memory?

All kinds of speculations and assumptions hit my brain, and I began to feel sentimental, and my grades plummeted from unsatisfactory since my first year of high school to now.

I couldn't even solve the most basic questions, I completely lost my ability to learn, and more and more classmates and teachers around me began to alienate me inexplicably. No one really knew or paid attention to what was going on with me.

I regained my spirit to the state I had before I reunited with her, began to languish, and gradually stopped caring about anything, and put aside all the persuasions of teachers and classmates to study hard.

My relationship with my homeroom teacher, chemistry teacher, and math teacher deteriorated, and in their eyes, I became a disobedient child, and I was even kicked out of the classroom by the chemistry teacher and wandered around the playground for the first time.

The money sent by my father was not timely and could not support my consumption, and when my living expenses were interrupted, I gradually understood what it meant to be a double torture of mind and body.

Soon I became ill with fever after fever. But I still had to grit my teeth and keep going to class.

I failed the chemistry exam for the first time in my school career since elementary school, and this time the homeroom teacher, the chemistry teacher, broke out completely, he was furious, tore my papers, kicked me out of the classroom, and asked me to ask my parents.

I was ashamed and cheeky enough to call my dad.

Winter is approaching, I suspended classes and waited for parents to come for interviews, I couldn't enter the classroom, and I had been wandering around the playground for two or three days, still with a fever. I sat on a stone bench on the edge of the lawn, staring at the school gate. I clearly remember the scene of my father hurrying from the construction site where he worked in other provinces to the county, and the familiar figure flashed in from the gatehouse in the county, he was hunched over his waist, wrapped in a shabby military coat, his hair was unkempt, and the cold wind blew it away, and the dirt on his black and red face could be seen from afar.

"It's Daddy!" Seeing the familiar face that I hadn't seen for a long time, my head buzzed, and I subconsciously jumped up from the stone bench like a spring.

The campus is not big, and my father also found me and walked straight over, "Big country, what's wrong with you?" He stared at me with concern in his eyes.

"Your teacher must be looking for me in such a hurry, right?"

"God, why are you so skinny!?" His large, rough hands lifted my face like caressing my childhood me.

Then he jerked away, taking a step back to look at me. "Do you have a fever?" ，

My head has always been empty, when I saw him, since he entered the school gate, I was still thinking about how to take him to the head teacher, how to tell my own things well, and when I saw him ask, I didn't answer him, just nodded mechanically.

"Didn't you go to the hospital?"

"Not yet."

"You're out of money, aren't you? You're sick, why don't you say a word, I'll send you money" After that, I noticed that his eyes immediately became hazy, and then darkened again.

"It's okay, I'm fine." I didn't dare tell him that I hadn't eaten much in a few days.

"I have money, but I just have a slight cold, and I'm fine." I'm afraid he's worried.

"Alas-----。" He sighed suddenly.

"Dad, the head teacher ----", I wanted to say but stopped, I didn't know how to say it.

"Oh, yes, yes. You see, I came from the construction site in a hurry, and I didn't go home, the teacher in the county invited us to come to school, we must have caused trouble for others, should we bring some eggs or something, ah? Thinking that he was going to see the teacher empty-handed, he seemed a little embarrassed, wrapped in a shabby coat, and shrunk his neck. He looked at me at a loss.

Looking at Zhang's familiar, dark, thin, unkempt face, thinking about my wayward behavior for so long, guilt suddenly washed my tears out of my eyes,

"What's wrong with you? What's wrong? "Dad saw me crying and became more and more flustered." It's okay, it's okay, when I see your homeroom teacher, I beg him, let him teach you well! It's okay, it's okay, okay? ”

"Dad, I must study hard in the future." My words are from the heart, I swear.

"Yes, yes, Dad knows that you did your best, but you didn't do well in the exam, it's okay, it's okay", he seemed to be moved when he saw my sincere determination, and his eyes turned red.

"Look at it, look at it, we two big men, as soon as we meet, we cry, like something", he turned around, wiped his eyes, and then turned to face me, grinning.

No matter what I thought, whether I wanted to or not, the head teacher interviewed my father. Their conversation was brief, and I still don't know what they talked about. I just remember that my father walked out of the head teacher's office, and he seemed to have aged a lot all of a sudden.

Ever since I was in high school, my dad has always treated me like a mature man, respecting and supporting my every decision. Since I was a child, he has never beaten and scolded me, I decided to go to high school regardless of family conditions, he did not complain, he was the same as his mother, supported any of my study decisions, I walked into the county gate, he silently continued to carry his luggage, and began to contact around on the first day of the new year to go out to work. In recent years, his physical condition has deteriorated, and the perennial fatigue and high load of physical labor outside the home have exhausted his health, and it is difficult to find a suitable job, and it has begun to become more and more difficult to make money.

My father was asked to meet the teacher at school, and it was the first time I asked a parent since I went to school, and he decided that what his son couldn't handle must be a big deal, so he rushed over from thousands of miles to meet day and night. I stood outside the door of the school building, waiting for him to finish talking to the teacher, and my father walked out of the office, without saying a word, touched my head, stuffed two crumpled bills in my pocket, and hurried away.

After my dad left, I fell seriously ill and was admitted to the hospital, where it took me a long time to fully recover.

When I recovered and returned to school, the first snow of early winter came, and the whole school was covered in snow, and there were often snowball fights and snowmen in the quiet campus, and there were also children who were still young at heart, chasing and playing.

Walking in the schoolyard and looking at the children running around, I realized that my childlike innocence has been forever sealed in this first snow.

I began to reflect, face up to my current situation, and correctly understand the emotions between myself and Ding Ling, which may be destined to be fruitless.

Thinking of my father's hard work and his encouragement to me, for the first time I began to despise the lowly psychology that I had always felt self-inferior, and I realized that if I wanted to change my destiny, it would be all empty talk without putting in a very hard work.

There is no kind of growth that is without reason and without a cost. It's just a matter of whether this price can awaken your confusion.

However, what kind of changes can the awakening after confusion bring me?