"So where do you want to go in the spring?" While washing the cabbage, Sanping asked Xiao Fei, who was sitting at the dining table and drawing.

"I don't know. After I went to Fukuyama, I didn't seem to have anywhere else I wanted to go. Xiao Fei took a pencil and drew an arc on the paper at random.

"Ah, so Fukuyama is where you've always wanted to go?" Sanping realized it later, and vaguely remembered that Xiao Fei seemed to have said that she wanted to go to Fushan to have a look when she first came, but because her rehearsal and performance schedule was too busy and she couldn't spare time to accompany him, she never made the trip.

"yes, you forgot about it." Xiao Fei replied without raising his eyes, and there was a slight arc on the drawing paper under his hand.

"Let's go abroad to play? Start getting your passport and visa now, and you'll be sure to be in time for next month's spring break. "Sanping counted the time, and now the passport and visa are very fast, and it should be able to be done in more than half a month. Xiao Fei's hukou has also moved over, so let him take a day and a half off and go to the agency with her to handle it.

"I don't want to go. I don't want to go anywhere. Xiao Fei made up the arc into a circle, and then randomly lit two black dots in the circle, "It's at home, and I'm too lazy to move." ”

"Okay." Sanping answered, picked up the vegetables from the sink and shook them several times, and when the excess water was almost shaken, he put the vegetables next to the vegetable basket on the side, then turned his head and picked up a potato and a paring knife, lowered his head, and began to concentrate on peeling the potatoes.

Xiao Fei glanced at the rice cooker, "Don't you cook rice today?" ”

"Steamed a few potatoes as a staple food." Sanping didn't look up, focusing on the work at hand.

Xiao Fei nodded, then pushed the paper and pen in front of him, "I don't even know what I'm going to draw in that drawing competition now." ”

Sanping put down the paring knife, turned around and picked up a knife, and chopped the potatoes whose skin was ripped to tatters, "You just follow the mentality of your usual drawing, right?" ”

"I usually draw when I want to, but now when I think about competition, I can't draw." Xiao Fei frowned and watched Sanping chop the originally complete and round potato into sharp corners, stood up and walked around to Sanping, and took over the work in Sanping's hand, "I'll come." ”

"By the way, I've always wanted to ask," Sanping stepped aside, wiped his hands, and then sat down on the seat where Xiao Fei was sitting just now, "Why are you quite skilled in cooking?" ”

Xiao Fei smiled, "You really don't know?" ”

Sanping didn't speak.

"Sometimes in their house, I also cook a lot." Xiao Fei's tone was light, and he skillfully peeled the potatoes in his hands, and after a while, a round, completely peeled potato was soaked in water, and he picked up another potato, "When you are not at home, I am tired of eating takeout, and I will buy something by myself and come back and make it myself." After so long, I will be able to handle some basic processing. ”

After Xiao Fei peeled all the potatoes, he turned his head and asked Sanping, "Do you want to steam them whole?" ”

"Hmm."

Xiao Fei nodded, took the potatoes on the plate, put them in the steamer, and opened the fire.

After finishing the potatoes, Xiao Fei returned to the cooking table and looked at the ingredients in front of him, "Make a stir-fried cabbage sum with garlic and steamed pork ribs with soy sauce." ”

Then, he started to process the garlic and ribs. After a while, his voice came, "You don't have to feel guilty or anything, you can do whatever you have to do." If you can't cook, you can't cook, what's the matter. If you, how to say, for me, do something that you are not good at, you are awkward, and I am awkward. That's not as good as doing what everyone is good at and what they like to do, I'm good at cooking, and I like to cook, so I'll cook more from then on. You're good at guilt, and you like guilt, so go ahead with guilt, I can't help you. ”

Sanpei took a deep breath slowly. A fifteen-year-old boy lived a more clear and transparent life than her, an adult in her thirties, and she couldn't help but want to live again.

Xiao Fei quickly fried a dish, he looked at the time, thought that the potatoes were also steamed, turned off the heat, and then slapped his thigh, "I forgot to put the ribs in and steam them together." Now it's steaming again, and I'll have to wait another fifteen minutes, but now the other dishes are ready. How about it," he turned to ask Sanping, "or I'll just fry some ribs, soon." ”

"Okay, you call the shots, I can do it."

"Okay!" Cheerfully, Xiao Fei took out the cabbage sum and potatoes and served them to the table. Sanping hurriedly put away Xiao Fei's picture book and pen that were originally on the dining table. Xiao Fei looked at the two dishes on the table with satisfaction, turned around and picked up the spatula, turned on the fire, and began to fry the ribs in full swing.

Their days are moving forward in an orderly manner between the cycle of three meals, between the back and forth of plates and plates. Every morning, when Xiao Fei woke up from the bed and tore up the calendar at the desk, his heart beat a lot faster inexplicably when he saw the time getting closer and closer to that day.

It's not about the drawing competition, he decided to listen to Lu Yi's advice - when he doesn't know how to write, let himself be empty for a while, don't think about the competition, and first seriously do some trivial things in life, such as cooking, washing dishes, sweeping the floor, reading books, talking to Sanping, and so on. "Inspiration is everywhere, it's just hiding, so we have to look for it. It's in the process of cutting celery into sections, it's looking for it in the process of cold water flowing between your fingers, it's looking between the lines, and it's also looking for it in the feeling of how the wind blows by your side when you talk to others. ”

Xiao Fei hung up the phone, grinding his back molars, thinking that even if he really became a painter in the future, he couldn't be like Lu Yi, who didn't speak all day long.

He was nervous that the wedding anniversary of Sanping and her deceased husband was approaching. That night, Lu Yi looked for Xiao Fei for this matter-

"Every year, when that day comes, we can't find her."

"Why are you looking for it? Anyway, she'll show up the next day, so you'll leave her alone. ”

"If she does this in a year or two, I don't care." Lu Yi took a sip of ice water, "Yonghe has been gone for five years, she has been like this for five years, it would be nice if she really let go, but seeing that her mental condition is getting worse and worse, I can't ignore it." ”

"But didn't she make any mistakes in her performance?" Xiao Fei asked, "If a person's mental state is not good, it should affect her work, right?" ”

"That's why I'm so worried." Xiao Fei poured himself another glass of ice water, "A normal person's mental condition, if it is not handled well, will definitely affect the work in hand." But if this person is in extreme grief, but tries her best to suppress her emotions, it seems that her work and interpersonal relationships are fine, but, perhaps, in her heart, there are too many black emotions that cannot be resolved, these emotions are her dead energy, she can't see it, or rather, she sees it, but she specifically ignores it, and the consequences are that she may be split and schizophrenic. ”

"I'm still scared, one day, these dead energies will crush her, she can't stand it, so she will do stupid things..."

"Did you still study psychology?" Xiao Fei was trembling by Lu Yi's analysis, but he still couldn't help asking.

"It's for her, I've read a lot of books of this type, and then the more I read it, the more panicked I become."

"Let her see a psychiatrist."

"The effect of actively seeking treatment and passively treating is far from the same." Lu Yi began to pick his fingers.

"But what can I do?"

"Just ......" Lu Yi's tone was suffocated, and he said in a slurred manner, "Just that day, accompany her." ”

"Miss Cheng and I tried every means to accompany her on their wedding anniversary, and she always walked away under our noses, and then we couldn't find her again. Now that you live with her, you can follow her every step of the way, and don't leave her alone. ”

Xiao Fei looked at the calendar on his desk in a daze. Even if there is no special explanation of Lu Yi, he will not ignore Sanping's situation. Sanpei decided to take a three-month sabbatical this time, the first of her acting career. Perhaps, Xiao Fei thought, whether it was the string in Sanping's mind or the thread that supported her to walk independently, perhaps, it had reached the point of breaking. Sanpei was still aware of her own situation—although it wasn't very clear, but at least she was aware of it, and if she took another half step forward, or pulled another half note, she would immediately fall.

Originally, there was a small black hole in her body that even she couldn't detect, and slowly, this black hole grew; In the end, she becomes the black hole itself.

It is a situation that can only accept all the emotions projected by the outside world – positive, negative; Joy, anger—a black hole that has absorbed too much of its own emotions, but has never tried – or perhaps has no way – to express these things.

Xiao Fei didn't know if she was born wooden, or because she had endured too much, she had become the person she was cowering and afraid to come out of today. He knew the pressure that Sanping's father gave her, and he also knew the impact of Yonghe's death on her, but he still felt that the reason why Sanping's vitality had shrunk like this was because she didn't dare to do what she liked at all.

In other words, Sanpei didn't dare to let go of things she didn't like at all. She simply had no way to unfold her life force.

Thinking of this, he suddenly felt that he had been lucky enough. Although the original home is completely gone, and he used to send people under the fence, at least, the blessing of Tuo Luyi is still very fast, and he found what he likes to do, and Sanping also supports him. He has already thought that when he chooses a subject in the second year of high school, he will directly choose art, and he will be admitted to an art academy, and he will be a painter like Lu Yi in the future. It was the only thing he knew for sure in his uncertain life.