After a long time, Zhuo Yichen sighed and said: "Okay, brother is brother, we are still the same as before, I am willing to continue to protect you, when that friendship and family affection are mixed, we can also be friends beyond the love of the opposite sex." ”

"Thank you, Brother Chen." This is the first time I have called him like this, and it is the most heartfelt, sincere title.

He smiled helplessly, and said half-truthfully: "If one day, you don't want to be my sister anymore, just tell me, I can change roles at any time." ”

The selection competition was held in Guangzhou, and Lan Jingyu and I successfully passed the preliminary and semi-finals and entered the finals. I didn't dare to slack off and give my all for this game. But probably because of my desire to win, until I went on stage, the nervousness was still with me, and I didn't perform at my best.

I kept recalling the bits and pieces of studying ballet for more than ten years, remembering that when I was just admitted to the dance school, my parents didn't worry about me living alone, and took turns to come to school every week to see me, bring me nutritious food, clean the dormitory, and wash clothes; remembering that I was in pain because I failed to lose weight; When I remembered the Chinese version of Romeo and Juliet, I danced on stage; I also think of the past few years in the competition again and again......

And in the midst of these chaotic thoughts, I waited for the result of the competition, and I was defeated. My world was shattered in an instant, and I stood still, without emotion, without thought, and without consciousness. In the last race I participated in at the age of 24, at the end of the cruel verdict, the god of luck abandoned me. When I woke up in the morning, I got a call from my mom, and she and my dad took turns encouraging me to believe that their daughter was the best, but I let them down. There are also colleagues and leaders who have high hopes for me, and I am ashamed of them!

Lan Jingyu was selected, she smiled at me with her head held high, proud and proud, and fought secretly for many years, but I finally lost to her.

Throughout the trials, Ye Zihan accompanied me from beginning to end. At this time, Ye Zihan was already the artistic director of the company, and she was very good at whatever she did. Qin Feng was promoted to the deputy head of the dance troupe.

"Alas, Tong Xin." Ye Zihan felt infinitely sorry for me, "I understand that you are only 0.02 points behind, maybe your luck in the game is really not very good, every time you are very hopeful, but you have repeatedly failed to be selected." ”

With a difference of 0.02 points, what a cruel joke the god of fate played with me! I took a heavy breath, as if I was about to suffocate, and as soon as my legs went limp, I fell to the top. I struggled to sit up, my head dizzy, my stomach churning, my heart aching.

Ye Zihan squatted down, hugged me, stroked my hair and back like a big sister, and comforted me. I tried my best to contain the pain I would never forget, and I didn't cry, but my heart writhed and ached.

I couldn't sleep all night, I had lost my last chance and couldn't compete again. Can I continue to dance with ballet? Will my persistence still make sense? This contradictory and painful thought tormented me to the point of madness.

What I didn't expect was that things would take a turn for the worse after I returned to the company. After careful study, the leaders of the troupe decided that the troupe would bear the expenses and let me go to Paris, France at my own expense to participate in this international ballet competition with Lan Jingyu.

When I heard the unexpected news, I was first surprised, and then moved to tears. At the same time, I also felt more pressure. This is the fee paid for me by the troupe, and I carry the hope of the entire dance troupe. What should I do if I fail again? I don't dare to think about it. I had no way out, no room for manoeuvre, I had no choice but to stand up and take a desperate gamble!

I try to get rid of those negative thoughts and emotions as much as possible, and try to be so distracted that I don't even dare to think about whether I can find time to meet with Xiao Se when the time comes. The competition was held in Paris, which happened to be the place where Xiao Se studied, and I had a moment of excitement, but I immediately told myself that I couldn't be distracted, I was not qualified to be distracted!

I have gone through three months of devil training, first of all, I have to face the old problem of weight loss, my current weight is 96 pounds, I must lose three to four kilograms in three months, the muscle condition of the Chinese themselves is not as good as Westerners, if there is fat, in the competition stage will lose first. For this reason, I have developed a series of diet recipes for weight loss, such as absolutely no sugar and milk for coffee, and absolutely no food with high calories and fat. Beef and beef broth became my only "staple food", and by the time I had eaten it, my palate was completely numb.

In three months, I over-the-top my weight loss plan and weight loss to 86 pounds, in addition to the effectiveness of the diet, high-intensity training and huge pressure may be the most important reason why I am "thinner than yellow flowers".

Videos of international competitions and performances by major international ballet companies have become the only necessities in my life. Super-intense training takes up most of my day, and I can only watch the footage in the evening between the end of training and going to bed. Sometimes when I come back to the dormitory after training, my eyes are so tired that I can't watch the video, I still play the videotape, I fall asleep listening to the music, and sometimes I dance to the music in my sleep, and I have gone crazy.

In August 2009, Ye Zihan, Lan Jingyu and another teacher from the dance troupe, a total of four people, embarked on a journey to France to compete in the competition, first staying in Beijing for one night, and then flying to Paris the next morning. I had the longest day of my life. Air France took off from Beijing Capital International Airport at about 10:10 a.m., and it was daylight outside the window for ten hours, and it was already 8:10 p.m. Beijing time when it arrived in Paris, but Paris time was still 2:15 p.m.

We didn't have time to play at all, and once we settled in to the hotel, we had to start the hectic and hectic schedule. Since it is the expense of the regiment, I try to save money for the regiment as much as possible. The four of us were crammed into one of the suites in the hotel. Ye Zihan slept on the bed, another teacher slept on the bed in the kitchen, and Lan Jingyu and I slept on the sofa. There was no time to cook, so we went to the supermarket and bought enough food to eat for four to five days.

Lan Jingyu complained a lot, saying that the accommodation conditions were poor, and she accompanied me to suffer, and by the way, she showed her superiority of passing the selection and participating in the competition, and did not need to spend money in the group. I endured it silently, I didn't have enough confidence, so I could only redouble my efforts and speak with the results of the competition.

The next step is to start preparing for the competition. When I went to the organizing committee to register, I saw several Russian girls next to me, all of whom were more than 1.7 meters tall, with unusually fair and smooth skin, and a well-proportioned and upright skeleton. They are simply ballet darlings, beautiful swans, and compared to them, I am an ugly duckling. They also gave me questioning looks, muttered in Russian, and seemed to question whether an Asian like me could dance ballet well. I felt inferior and my self-confidence was a little bit frustrated.

The organizing committee arranged some judges to give tutorials to the contestants, and I had to train after the class, and I was thin, carrying a huge backpack every day, starting from the hotel where I stayed, walking in a hurry on the streets of Paris, and then taking the subway to the place where the class was held. The bag contained food, drink, dance clothes, shoes, cosmetics, etc., and all the necessities were packed inside.

I have no problem with simple communication, but many French people don't understand English, so I can only take a map, circle the name of the subway station I want to go to, and then catch people and ask if they don't understand, such as where to transfer to the subway, in which direction to get on the train, etc. A metro ticket costs 1.4 euros, and you don't need to buy a separate ticket when you transfer trains, which is quite cheap for locals.

The metro stations in Paris are empty, the tracks are wide, there are no protective gates, and they are much older than those in Hong Kong and Guangzhou. I would like to say from the bottom of my heart that the French are really very welcoming, they look very carefully at the circles on the map, then get up from the waiting chair, gesture with their hands as they talk, and say goodbye to me with a smile until I understand.

After class, I still have to go to training, and the "old three" meal of milk, eggs and chocolate can only be solved on the road. At the end of each class, the side of the road would be filled with young girls of different colors, different ethnicities, different colors, different races, and even though they didn't understand the language, they all had the same milk, eggs, and chocolates in their hands. We looked at the "old three" in each other's hands, looked at each other and smiled, dreams cross borders, everyone is chasing the same ballet dream, and we will not pay attention to the comfort of food, clothing and housing. Competing in a foreign country, physical exhaustion and hardships of life are secondary, and only the result of the competition is the only thing we care about and care about.

However, the process of participating in the competition was not all smooth sailing, in addition to the self-confidence of seeing a Russian actress when registering, and the problems with the musical accompaniment. The organizing committee thought that the accompaniment tape of the third round of the competition "Raimunda" was too fast, and if it was slowed down, the sound quality would become very poor, so we had to find another accompaniment tape. I didn't know where to find a new band, so I was terrified but couldn't do anything.

The first round was over, and the players were all on hand that evening to know in time to make it to the second round. Although I was confident that I would make it to the second round, the first and second names were not me, and I began to tense and catch every syllable from the announcer with bated breath. I heard Lan Jingyu's name, but my name was not read for a long time.