"Goodbye." Xiao Se finally said two words to me, opened the door and went out, and then gently closed the door. I stood there dumbfounded, staring blankly at the door, and after a sharp throbbing pain in my heart, all that was left was emptiness and confusion. Xiao Se is gone, is the story of me and him ending like this? How can the story of mankind be considered an end, and how can it be considered that it is not over? I don't know, and I can't get an answer.

The wheel of time continues to turn forward, spring, summer, autumn and winter, the four seasons change, and just like that, the days of three years slip by.

Three years ago, after Xiao Se arrived in Paris and settled in, he called me to report his safety and told me his contact information, and he didn't call again. We're all busy, and due to the jet lag, we only send emails occasionally. I probably know that he studied at the École d'Architecture in Paris, founded in 1865, which is a prestigious French école supérieure de l'architecture and design, and its diploma in architecture and design is highly regarded in France and even in the European Union.

The École d'Architecture is one of the few professional architecture schools in the city of Paris, and is close to many famous buildings and exhibition halls, making it easy for students to visit and inspire their designs. Students of the college can use their spare time to do internships, try to receive various orders from the construction market and society, and design some architectural solutions in more specialized fields and practices.

I will also report some recent developments to him, and we are like ordinary friends, only talking about work and study, not feelings. I don't have much time to think about Xiao Se, but three years have passed, and in the dead of night, when my eyes are like a movie lens overprinting the past of me and Xiao Se, I still feel deep sorrow and bitter pain.

I've been a soloist in the company, but after the Chinese version of Romeo and Juliet, the company hasn't had a full dance drama for a long time. In addition to Ye Zihan in the dance troupe, there are also many excellent old actors, and the old repertoire is naturally led by them, and it is impossible for me to compete with them for the leading role.

This was a difficult time for a young actor, especially me, who had played the lead role and received great acclaim. I thought that the Chinese version of Romeo and Juliet would open a new chapter in my dance career, but it backfired, and everything went back to the way I used to live.

I've been waiting for the opportunity, waiting for the moment when it really erupts. But this wait is three years, and in the process, I have participated in many dance competitions, and those who are familiar with this industry know that winning a prize through a competition is the most conventional way to go on the international stage, but every time I compete, I miss out on the award for some inexplicable reason. One of the most ideal results was that at the age of 22, he won a prize in the Chinese division of an international ballet competition in Japan and got the opportunity to participate in Japan, but after arriving in Japan, he was eliminated in the second round because he had no experience in international competitions.

The days went by in hard training, and my 24th birthday was getting closer and closer. 24 years old will be the maximum age limit for an actress to participate in the competition, if she still can't get good results in the competition, it means that her dance career will gradually come to an end, this is a cruel end of judgment, and I am walking towards that end.

I was under both physical and mental pressure, tormented between ideals and reality. At the same time, with the increase of life experience, the maturity of dance techniques, and the deepening of my perception of ballet art in the repetition of hopes and disappointments, I have also received unanimous evaluation from experts and colleagues - Leap!

Finally, the 24th birthday was spent in anxiety and confusion. Soon after, the National International Dance (Ballet) Competition Trials kicked off, and this was my last chance. I was joined by Lan Jingyu, who, like me, had yet to win any international awards and had one last chance to participate.

Almost everyone is optimistic about me, not Lan Jingyu, and Zhuo Yichen even taught me his award-winning experience in participating in international competitions. The year before last he won the gold medal in the youth category at the 2007 Varna International Ballet Competition. The Varna International Ballet Competition, known as the "Olympics of Ballet", represents the highest level and achievement of ballet in the world.

For a long time, the female ballet stars of our company have dazzled the world dance scene, but male ballet dancers have always been able to play the role of "caretake" on the side, and Zhuo Yichen's award has changed this situation, and he has become the most dazzling male star of our company. It was also after that award that Zhuo Yichen had a long talk with me, he shared the joy of success with me, and also confessed to me that he and Lan Jingyu had been entangled for more than a year.

That night, we sat in a café near the dance company.

"Tong Xin, I wanted to talk to you a long time ago, but I have been entangled with Lan Jingyu, and I can't muster up the courage, and then I was busy preparing for the competition. Now, I have finally unloaded my baggage and can face you with ease. He said, "I was alienated from you because I made an unforgivable mistake. ”

I had already guessed what he wanted to say, but I didn't break it and waited for him to answer himself.

"After the first performance, after being interviewed by the reporter of "Star Art Weekly", as soon as you and Xiao Se left, Lan Jingyu came to knock on the door of the practice room." There was shame in his eyes, "I didn't resist her temptation...... I think if you knew, you would look down on me very much. After that, for a while, I felt like I was drunk, like I had smoked marijuana, and I became groggy and afraid to face you. ”

"Actually, you're too worried, I won't look down on you." I said sincerely, "Although I don't have a good impression of Lan Jingyu, if you choose to be with her, I will also bless you." ”

"Are you telling the truth?" He stared into my eyes.

"Honestly, of course!" I say.

He was silent for a moment, then leaned back in his chair, closed his eyes, and let out a long sigh. "I wish you would be jealous, scold me, or even slap me in the face, instead of blessing me."

I looked at him quietly, and there was no wave in my heart.

"She seduced me very actively, and I resisted in my heart, but ...... The body betrayed my heart. Or do that kind of thing on the stage, the most sacred stage in my mind. He shook his head and smiled bitterly, "I despise myself, I have always felt that I am a reckless man, not a woman, before that, I was very stupid to maintain a purity, on the one hand, I am more shy, not good at expressing feelings to women, you know this best." On the other hand, I have a stubborn belief that spirit and body must be one. But that night, I ruined everything. She smiled at me, it was the laughter of the victors, and I was like her prey, caught in a daze.

I asked myself, did I do that out of love? I hear tens of thousands of voices shouting in my head: No! No! After that, Lan Jingyu pestered me, saying that she loved me and wanted me to be her boyfriend. She continued to seduce me by all means, and at first I felt guilty about her, after all, I had a relationship with her, and I had an unshirkable responsibility for her. I've also considered whether or not to try to date her. However, I was never able to accept her and became more and more disgusted with her.

I know it's not right to say that, a man, when he has sex with a woman, finds her charming and seductive, but when he gets it, he starts to be disgusted. However, I did dislike her later, and the deeper disgust was towards myself, and I was angry, annoyed, and filled with guilt...... I hated myself for touching her, and I couldn't resist the trials and temptations. I had so many negative emotions that I could only vent in the practice room, and for a while, as soon as I entered the practice room, I became a madman. Maybe it's because of that madness that there was a big explosion and won the coveted award, which can be regarded as a blessing in disguise. ”

I watched him and listened to his frank conversation, which he said so frankly that I blushed. I looked out the window and tapped my finger lightly across the windowpane. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because...... I think that if you love someone, you should be honest, truthful, and unreserved. Even if she says it, she will destroy her image in her mind. He looked at me tightly, distressed and frustrated, "I was just confused for a moment, and now I have completely broken off with her." I ask for your forgiveness, Tong Xin, are you willing to give me a chance to be a new person? I mean...... Is there any chance that you will accept me? No matter how deep your feelings for Xiao Se were before, he has already gone abroad......"

"If I love you, I will give you a chance, you and Lan Jingyu are both single, there is no fault to talk about, and there is no forgiveness. But the thing is, I don't love you. I didn't want to hit him, but I had to cut through the mess quickly, "I have already said that whether I accept you or not has nothing to do with Xiao Se." I just think of you as an older brother, and I was, and I still am. ”

He hung his head and fiddled with the plate on the table with his hand, sinking into some deep contemplation. After a while, he took a breath, reluctantly cheered up, and asked softly: "You have never had even the slightest affection for men and women towards me?" ”

"I don't know if there was ever when I didn't understand feelings." I whispered frankly, "But after I understand, it really never is." ”

He shook his head, stunned. "At the end of the day, I missed the opportunity. If I could be your emotional initiator, maybe everything would be different. ”

The words "emotional enlightener" stirred my heart, and some of the pictures that I deliberately sealed suddenly swirled in front of me, and the laughter and scolding of Xiao Se were still clearly visible and felt, and the lingering feelings of "not seeing each other for a day, such as every three autumns" entangled me closely. I stared at the coffee cup in front of me distractedly, and the heat rushed into my eyes, blurring my vision.

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