I was keenly aware that there was a crisis in my marriage.

I lived every day helplessly, and at the same time fantasized about breaking free. Again and again, I felt the demon lurking inside me, screaming at me, and it seemed to be about to roar out of my body......

QQ flashes on the computer screen. I clicked on it, and it was a request from a little hairdresser to add me as a friend—and I remembered that I had blocked her one night last month.

We met in an online poetry debate. Since we agreed on the same opinion, we added QQ friends to each other. She told me that she loved to read my poems, and that there was a kind of loneliness and melancholy of a man, which was endearing. She texted me and asked, "Are you pretending?" I replied, "There are some emotions that you can't pretend." ”

"Are you not happy in life?"

"He who writes poetry will not be happy." I say.

Xiaomei said that it was not necessarily. She also loves poetry and writes poetry every day. However, she is happy. She sent me a poem of hers and asked me to revise it for her.

My love

Fly in the blue sky

Give me a pair of wings

I will fly with you

……

I told her that poems that expressed my heart so plainly were much better than those so-called love poems with bells and whistles, and I didn't think there was any need to revise them. Xiaomei was very happy and told me that she worked in a civil aviation. Her poems are addressed to her boyfriend, who is a handsome pilot. She loved him so much that she wrote him a poem every day. There was a string of red smiles in every word she spoke to me. I can fully imagine how a girl who is immersed in happy love is dancing and how she is happy.

We often chat, from poetry to ideals, from ideals to life...... Xiaomei is good at text chat, and her words are full of warmth and romance, happiness and happiness. I guessed and sketched her image entirely through her every word and every accompanying emoji. It's easy for two strangers to go from curiosity to familiarity to dependence. Every time I talk about BYEBYE after talking, my heart is always filled with an inexplicable melancholy and expectation. And, as our conversation deepened, it became more and more evident to me.

However, one night not long after, she suddenly sent me a crying face.

I asked what's wrong?

She said she wanted to cry.

I asked why?

She didn't reply, just sent a string of crying emojis.

At that moment, I realized that something bad must have happened to her. A feeling of pity and pity welled up in my heart, and what was even more terrifying was that I suddenly had the idea of seeing her—

And it just so happened that at that time, the night cry of my daughter in the opposite room made my soul fly. I suddenly woke up and I was a married man. The thought of meeting female netizens made me feel a crime-like fear, and I warned myself: If we continue to talk, it will be an abyss! That night, I gritted my teeth, deleted all chats with her, and blocked her.

Of course, I understand that it is extremely impolite and unkind for me to pull black families for no reason. There are days when I think of her, I feel guilty.

And tonight, I didn't expect her to be so generous that she would reapply to add me as a friend.

I immediately accepted her invitation.

"Hello. Long time no see. She sent her greetings as if nothing had happened.

"How are you! I'm so sorry for you. I replied.

"It's okay, I know you're being controlled by the family, so you blocked me." She posted another sad face after replying.

"It's not...... I blocked it myself. I confessed.

"Why?"

"I'm afraid it's dangerous to keep talking."

"What danger?"

"I'm afraid...... I'm afraid to like you. "I told her the truth.

"That can't be!" She grimaced with anger at the end of her words.

I asked, "Why were you sad that night?" ”

She didn't reply to me.

After a while, she said, "I'm going to be transferred to another city, I'm afraid I won't be able to surf the Internet in the future."

I asked, "Why?" ”

She didn't answer me.

The idea of meeting her popped up again. "Can I have a drink?" I retracted it as soon as I sent it out.

She quickly replied, "When?" ”

I looked at the time on my computer and replied, "Now, it's ...... at ten o'clock."

"Too late, isn't it?"

"If you're really willing to have a drink, it's not too late." When I uttered this line, I thought it was a little incredible.

There seemed to be some hesitation. After a moment, reply: "Where to go?" ”

"Blue Breeze Coast Pick-up Bar." I had a good impression of the bar that Zou Jian had taken me to, and I chose there.

"Okay." She replied.

This is the first time I've asked a netizen of the opposite sex to go to the night.

I suppressed surprise and excitement. When I turned off the computer, I could almost hear my own heartbeat. I know very well what it means to be a married man. But I can't do that much, I really want to meet her.

Butterfly and her daughter have fallen asleep.

I crept out of the house, took a taxi at the gate of the community, and headed straight for the Blue Wind Coast.

This is the beginning of the nightlife of the people of the island city.

There are a lot of people in the bar. The black-and-white checkered booths still float with dappled light and shadow, the male and female dancers on the walls are still shaking their heads and cracking their teeth, and the bar is still whispering the same song of the exotic girl: "Let...... to…… be…… let…… to…… be……”

At the booth around the corner of the bar, I recognized her at a sight - she was more beautiful than I had imagined: tall figure, delicate facial features, beige T-shirt, terrazzo jeans, and a poetic elegance between her eyebrows.

"Hello." My first words to her.

She smiled faintly at me and nodded. Somewhat reserved.

"What do you two drink?" It's still that guy who serves. He seemed to recognize me, and when he saw that I was carrying a beautiful woman, he smiled at me.

"Have a drink." Xiaomei said to me.

I said to the guy, OK, "Have a bottle of red wine." ”

Do not add ice. Xiaomei whispered to the guy.

The young man brought a bottle of red wine, poured two glasses, and gently retreated. I'm thinking about what to talk about, and I think I'll start with poetry. I said, "Your poems still have a lot of feeling to read, and although the poems are simple, they are ......."

"Can we talk about something else?" She interrupted me, gracefully picked up the wine, her lips touching the rim of the glass, and took a small sip. He put down his glass, smiled and said, "I don't want to talk about poetry tonight." ”

The atmosphere was a bit awkward.

What to talk about? I'm having a hard time. After all, we don't know each other, and I don't know what to look for.

"Didn't you say you're unhappy?" She looked at me and smiled, "Tell me about your unhappiness and make me happy." ”

I was stunned for a moment and asked, "Is it appropriate?" As soon as we meet, we talk about unhappy things. ”

"It's okay, sometimes listening to other people's unhappiness can dilute your own unhappiness." She said.

"Well," I said, "I'm not happy. ”

I poured out bitter water and talked about the "unhappiness" of my marriage. I even exaggerated how the disc stretched out the sound for a long time, and how the old lady Marxist-Leninist was afraid of the slightest sound...... She listened quietly, occasionally nodding her head, a look of pity or empathy on her face. At that moment, I felt that Xiaomei was the angel sent by God to collect the garbage in my heart. I remember someone saying that married men always like to confide in strange girls about the misfortunes of their marriages.

After listening to my "unhappy", Xiaomei took another sip of red wine, and her rosy lips turned scarlet. "Actually," she said, "I'm not happy either," she said. ”

Seeing that I was puzzled, she added, "The night you blocked me was when I fell out of love. She gave me a poignant smile. Then, she told me that she had been in love with him for two years and suddenly found out that he was in love with her sister, a flight attendant. She was angry, sad, desperate, and several times she couldn't control her emotions and lost interest in life. Worried about what would happen to her, the company decided to give her a change of scenery.

I want to comfort her and wish her a speedy recovery. I suddenly realized that I didn't know how to comfort her, and to my horror, the moment I listened to her talk about the broken love, my heart became dark and perverted, and an inexplicable excitement slipped through my heart.

The music was still lingering in the bar, and the colorful lights were still sweeping over us. In this environment, the ambiguity index will rise, making people feel like they want to indulge and degenerate. She threw her head up and said, "Don't talk about that, let's have a drink." ”

So, we drank.

"It's not enjoyable." She said to me.

I asked how to drink?

She picked up a tube of dice on the table and said, "Play this, whoever loses will drink." ”

I said yes.

My luck is good, I win more; She lost five cups in a row, "I'm bored, I don't play." She said.

There was a small dance floor on the balcony outside, and there were people dancing there. She was in high spirits and got up to go to the dance floor. She stumbled a little on her feet and almost fell several times. I quickly got up and helped her, and she collapsed into my arms. "You are an uncle with both melancholy and anger." She leaned over my ear, her eyes glazed over, "I kind of like an uncle like you." She almost bit my ear and said.

Speaking from the bottom of my mind, there was still a voice in my head asking me to push her away. But when I hugged that soft body, breathed in the long-lost aroma, and looked at the lips that wanted to speak, my mind was just a bucket of milk.