After Mrs. Lin left, in this dimly lit lounge, the two of us fell into a long silent stalemate.

In the end, I couldn't make it through, so I said, "Otherwise, you can stay in the hospital and observe." ”

Lin Zhicheng sat by the door, even if it was not far away, he still kept staring at my face, and after I don't know how long, he said: "But I'm afraid that when I go back from the hospital, I will be alone." ”

His face was full of shadows, his outline blurred in my eyes, but I could see the helplessness on his face so clearly, it stung my heart.

It was at such a moment that I had an impulse, I used my nostalgia and distress for him to persuade myself to swallow this grievance, get through it, I will definitely see the light of life, I will be surrounded by happiness behind, and I will live up to this trip in this life.

I forgot that I am not a saint, I don't have a halo on my head, I don't have my feet on colorful auspicious clouds, I am just flesh and blood, I also have my own scars, I can't even redeem myself.

But I still want to redeem the man in front of me who I once misunderstood, I once missed, but I still love deeply.

I finally stood up and I said, "You're thinking too much." We got married, we got the certificate, and we were protected by the law, even if I wanted to leave, I would divide your family property and leave. ”

Even if I was so relieved, I still couldn't calm Lin Zhicheng's heart, and he insisted on following me back home.

I don't know if we're reconciled, and I don't know if we're in a cold war, anyway, Lin Zhicheng has a wound and has to cook me lunch.

And I was in a trance for a long time when I was cleaning the blood stains on the interface of the combination lock.

These blood stains, which have turned dark brown, seem to remind me how ridiculous my married life is, and against the background of this so-called sweetness, these days that are like licking blood with knives are really overwhelming.

I took the dirty rags and buckets out to the balcony, those mint leaves were swaying in the wind, and the words Lin Zhicheng wrote at the beginning were actually too mottled, I reached over and played with it, and my hand was cool.

I just stood there, happily playing a game of chatting with mint, my hands and feet cold in the still cold wind, but still unaware.

I was still sick after all.

Severe cold, high fever does not go away, lightheadedness, as soon as I lie down, I don't want to get up.

I will have a lot of dreams that make me sad, in the dream I clearly know that my aunt has left me, but she still appeared in front of me, it was a particularly beautiful day, she told me that I should be good with Lin Zhicheng in the future. She took my hand and handed it to Lin Zhicheng in that sugarcane field, and the sun seemed to be very bright against the green of that field, and her wrinkled face smiled like a flower, and finally disappeared all at once.

I guess my brain is burnt and confused, and it's more difficult to control than being drunk, and I'm talking nonsense.

Regardless of whether there is an audience or not, I talk about it since I was five years old, I say that I am isolated, I am scolded for being a child that my parents don't want, and I also say that I am hungry and cold, and I only have two thin coats all winter, and I can only eat two meals a day, and I drink porridge. When I talked about my university, I said that my tuition was simply paid for by my aunt's hard work, and I didn't repay her at all.

I don't know if I shed tears, anyway I just feel thirsty.

Then someone kept putting a towel on me and feeding me water to drink.

I fell back into a deep sleep.

When I opened my eyes again, there was a dullness as far as I could see, my head was still heavy, and I sat up, a little dazed to adjust to the darkness.

The bedside lamp was quickly pulled off, and I saw Lin Zhicheng sitting on the edge of the bed, his eyes full of bloodshots.

I habitually went to get my phone and looked at it, three o'clock in the morning.

Looking at him, I asked, "You didn't sleep?" ”

Lin Zhicheng's voice was a little hoarse, and he said, "I'm worried, I can't sleep." ”

After he finished speaking, he naturally reached up and touched my forehead, then turned to touch his, and then he said, "It's still a little feverish, I'll call and ask the doctor what to do." ”

I touched my forehead as he did, but I didn't feel anything, but I felt hungry, so I moved and sat up completely and asked very jumpingly, "Is there anything to eat at home?" “

Lin Zhicheng stood up, and he said anxiously: "Yes, yes, I made soup for you." ”

When I was drinking the soup, Lin Zhicheng sat cautiously on the side, and he said in a somewhat tentative tone: "Are you going to the hospital?" Still not feeling well? ”

I stuffed all the melons into my mouth, still hungry, and I said, "Another bowl." ”

Lin Zhicheng was a little helpless, he took the bowl over, helped me make a bowl, and said in a tone that he wanted to have a good chat with me: "Zhou Mo, what do you think if we live in Xu Wen?" ”

I understood that he was going to continue that stupid topic again, I thought about it, and said lightly: "There are often typhoons there, you don't want to be swept away, just go, I won't go anyway." ”

Lin Zhicheng was silent.

When I put the bowl down, he took it and washed it, dried it and put it away, and then came and pulled me to wash my hands.

He put the hand sanitizer on his hand and burst the bubbles, and then rubbed my hand back and forth, and I watched the whole process indifferently until he rinsed it off for me, dried it with a tissue, and poured me a glass of water to rinse my mouth.

After I cleaned up, I said, "Go to bed." ”

With that, I walked back to the bedroom and climbed into the bed to cover the quilt.

Lin Zhicheng quickly followed, he turned off the light, and climbed up, his hand hesitated, but he still reached over to hug me, and said, "Zhou Mo, let's talk." ”

But I'm afraid of this kind of chatter.

I'm afraid that he will say something that makes me want to retreat, I'm afraid that the courage I finally picked up will be exhausted, I'm afraid that my understanding and understanding of him will be disintegrated, and I'm afraid that even if we hug each other like this, we won't be able to sustain it.

So I pushed his hand and I said, "I'm a patient, I don't want to talk, I want to sleep." ”

Lin Zhicheng's hand stubbornly came up, his voice was low and weak, he said: "In the future, except for the necessity of work, I will not contact Yang Qiao again, I will find Zhang Lei to introduce her to a good psychiatrist, I think at this time, the doctor is more useful than me." ”

I suddenly remembered Mrs. Lin's words in my mind.

I don't know why I'm so cruel, I jumped a little and said, "Lin Zhicheng, do you feel sorry for Yang Qiao because she suffers from the same disease as your mother?" ”

Lin Zhicheng was stunned, and he looked at me with a puzzled expression.

I twisted my hands together and said a little unconsciously, "Mrs. Lin talked to me a little." ”

Lin Zhicheng's hand suddenly retracted, he held his hand on his chest in a defensive manner, and after a long time, he said slowly: "No, I have long forgotten that woman, I don't remember what she looks like, I don't know what it's like to be held by her, and I don't know why I can't have a mother who can worry about me like others." ”

As he finished speaking, he suddenly rolled over, his back to me.

I was silent for a while, then turned back to back with him, and after a while said, "I'm sorry, I won't mention it later." ”

But Lin Zhicheng's words couldn't be contained.

He didn't know if he was choking or what, in short, his voice was a little choppy: "I also hate my dad, it's not that he has no money, he would rather spend a lot of money on women outside, give this one a house, buy a car for that one, he has created countless romantic debts, but he is so ruthless to a woman who accompanies him through hardships and gives birth to children." He was really ruthless, the woman who gave him youth to give his children, and when she came back sick, she only begged for money to go to the doctor, but he didn't pull out a dime, and finally caused her to find a short time in that house. Did you say she thought about me when she was stabbing herself? She certainly didn't think that she would leave so decisively. A lot of blood, flowing all the way down the wall, splashing everywhere, can't be covered, can't be covered at all. She didn't even smile at me when she died, she was so unqualified, so why should I show too much sympathy for people like her because of her? Why am I doing this, and what does she have that deserves me to do it. All she left me with were nightmares, nothing but nightmares and nightmares. Zhou Mo, I have never had a home, only a house. ”

I confessed that I could not see the vulnerability of a man, and then I turned around, and I put my hand half-around him, and I said, "You still have me." ”

Lin Zhicheng suddenly smiled self-deprecatingly, and continued: "You were deceived by me with extreme selfishness. Whatever I promised you, my promise is worthless. I promised to be good to you, but I became the one who hurt you the most and made you the most wronged. Zhou Mo, why don't you scold me fiercely? Calling me shameless, scumbag, and selfish, I have to feel a thousand times better than I am now. The more you look like a bully, understand me, understand me, and swallow the grievances, the more I feel guilty and feel ashamed, the more distressed I feel at a loss, but I feel powerless and feel that I can't do anything. ”

Next, I don't know how long Lin Zhicheng chattered, his voice became lower and lower, and it was not even low to the last point, I stood up against the headache and looked at it, he hugged it with both hands, and fell asleep.

His brows were still wrinkled together, as he had done so many times, as if he had too many troubles, as if he couldn't see the bright sun.

I seemed to sigh, or maybe not, thought about it, and finally pulled the quilt for him, then carefully got out of bed, grabbed my phone, took a coat and walked out, took the door, and turned on the TV in the hall.