In the dimly lit room, I drank my own Rémy Martin XO cognac in my glass, and drank it one by one. The taste of this wine is relatively green, more innocent, and also beautiful, I call this wine "the taste of first love".

After a cup of morning sun, a glass of moonlight, and then a glass of past and distance; Respect for the hometown that cannot be returned, respect for the broken dreams, and then respect for the freedom of struggle and the fear of death; Please forgive me for my ordinariness and dispel my confusion.

After a few rounds of drinking, unconsciously, the spirit was full of joy and swaying. Drunkenly, he took out his mobile phone and turned on the screen, and typed the words "depression" in the Baidu search box.

I don't know when, a doctor in a white coat appeared in front of me, with a high nose bridge and delicate facial features.

"Report your name!" The psychiatrist in the white lab coat looked at me seriously.

"Li Ming! An unforgettable inscription! ”

"How long have you been like this?"

"It's been almost four or five years!"

"What? I haven't been moved by a woman for four or five years? The psychiatrist looked suspicious.

"There were times when I was tempted, but I found that I couldn't muster up the courage! It's not as open-minded as before, and I like someone without any scruples! I feel discouraged, unwilling, and unable to love anymore. ”

"Do you now feel that your passion is gone, and your love is faint?"

I nodded: "That's right!" ”

"Got it! You belong to the emotional illness of love impotence! ”

"Is there a cure for this disease?"

"There is no specific cure for this! I want to make this situation better! Gotta find out what makes you love impotent! Find that knot and try to untie it! Can you tell us what caused you? "The psychiatrist looked at me, and I was a little melancholy.

The psychiatrist continued: "No need to ask! Definitely emotional issues! I've seen this happen a lot! But what I want to know is that something went wrong with that relationship of yours! For example, you once got drunk and did something crazy with the strength of your drink! Do you remember? ”

I took a deep breath: "Don't think about it! Always remember! She was my first love, we knew each other since elementary school until we separated! ”

Psychiatrist: "Tell me your story in general and I'll figure it out for you!" ”

I picked up the wine glass and drank it all: "Her name is Han Xin, and she was my classmate in elementary and middle school. When I was in school, I spent several holidays at her house! But later...... "I thought of Han Xin's appearance, recalled the past, and those unbearable experiences, and stopped talking."

【Memory Scene】

Under the trick of fate, my family was affected by the earthquake in 08. At that time, my father was already old, and my mother, who was originally frail and sickly, was hit by a rock that fell from the earthquake. Expensive medical expenses have made the already poor family even worse; Seeing my parents borrowing money for me to go to school, I was so heartbroken that I made up my mind to drop out of school. More than a year later, my mother died of illness and chose to leave us, and the family was immersed in grief.

Half a year later, I chose to go out to work, and after a few years of wandering, I cut off contact with Han Xin. After finally earning a little money, I experienced an unbearable past. was pulled in by classmates who were caught in the pyramid scheme, and they were also caught in it.

At that time, through the circle of classmates, after getting Han Xin's contact information, I said unabashedly that I had also thought about calling her over to "make a lot of money" together. Although at that time, I had been fascinated by the distorted theories and self-justifying fallacies of the MLM organization, and I had been deeply involved in a series of serial routines, but the emotion of loving Han Xin was real. I am thousands of miles away from her, and I can only rely on my mobile phone to make porridge on the phone to convey love.

Later, he made a personal and conscientious choice to break free from the abyss of all evil; returned to his hometown and lived with Han Xin. When I was caught in a pyramid scheme, I had already lost all my savings; After spending more than half a year at home, I began to think about going out to find a job to earn money. Later, they went to Changsha together.

After working in Changsha, Han Xin was not suitable for that job, and she gradually discovered that our life was not as good as I had described to her before. In the end, she chose to leave without saying goodbye, and when she left, I really felt that I had nothing left! After going through that unbearable past, I am also glad that I have a woman I love deeply, and she is the only one and only to me.

Her departure was like the only pillar that supported my entire world had fallen, and my world had completely collapsed! Even the people I love the most have left me! I really have nothing left! That kind of sadness that I couldn't hide made me almost faint in the toilet with tears! It makes me panic, feel helpless, feel helpless!

After a period of pain, I reflected on myself, worked hard to make money to change my living conditions, and hoped that she would one day come back to me.

On that National Day in 2014, the news of her marriage came; The news was like a thunderbolt buzzing in my head. After buying drunk alone in a quiet corner, a man begins a languishing life.

A few months later, the news came that she was going to give birth with a big belly; I walked into a convenience store, bought a large bottle of strong wine, and drank it all in one go. Staggered back to the rental house, under the influence of alcohol, with the strength of the alcohol completely crazy.

Then he fell asleep unconsciously, and when he woke up, the house was in a mess, and many things were smashed to the ground; My friend told me that I went back to the rental house and beat and smashed it, and several people couldn't hold it down.

A big drunkenness is like a serious illness that has gone through life and death! When I woke up, my eyes were glazed, my speech was slurred, I was depressed, and I couldn't live in fear. After getting drunk, he had no intention of working and began to travel around to heal his wounds.

After returning home to heal for a period of time, he often haunted Xinhua bookstores and various training centers and began to study on his own. The second time I set foot in Changsha to work was in 2016, I went to work for Souche, and together with my colleagues, I was the head of the Hunan region, operating the "big windmill" system of Souche Company with second-hand car dealers, and later the operation support of the auto finance product "Dangeche".

After resigning and returning to Zunyi at the end of 2017, he opened an automobile service company with two young people in the automotive industry to be an offline dealer of the automobile Internet financial platform. The good times did not last long, and with the continuous influx of the capital market, various auto finance platforms have sprung up.

Under the competition with each other, the risk control of financial loans has been relaxed, the overdue rate of customers is too high, and the capital chain of platform shareholders has been broken. Many offline dealers are unable to operate alone, and our company is also one of the fish ponds that has been affected.

【Realistic Scene】

"From the day Han Xin left, my heart was dead! I don't want to start a relationship easily, and I don't want to give up on a relationship easily! A lonely life alone that would rather be scarce than abundant! "Speaking of these past events, I feel a little inexplicably sad.

The psychiatrist listened to me and said, "The cause has been found!" It's the drunkenness after she left! Did you see her later after she left? ”

"I've seen it!"

"When did you meet?" The psychiatrist continued.

[End of Chapter]