[Past Scene]

It was in May and June of 2015, when I ended my disgraced trip and boarded the bus back to my hometown in the countryside. Instead of going to the station to buy a ticket, I chose to stop the bus at the intersection. I got in the car and looked inside, and it was basically full, and there was only one empty space.

Next to the empty seat, next to the car window, was a woman with a child wrapped around her, her head looking out the window. I sat in the empty seat and didn't pay attention to the woman, but the child in her arms looked like it had just been born.

The car had been driving for more than ten minutes, and the child in her arms began to cry, and she turned around, and I looked at her. After staring at each other for a moment, my mind went blank, I didn't know what to say, and she was silent.

Although I haven't seen her for less than a year, her face has changed a lot. We've all changed! It's getting familiar and strange at the same time!

After a while I stammered, "Kid...... All...... It's so big! She just nodded.

Watching her caress her child as a kind mother, I felt that her life was a happy and wonderful one! I also made up my mind and decided to let go of my feelings for her! Decide to disappear from her life and stop bothering her life!

As for what we talked about afterwards, I can't remember! I just want to forget! At that time, my mind was blank, and I couldn't say anything I wanted to say!

I just remember that when she got out of the car and left, she went back to her parents' house alone, and I was very gentlemanly to help her move the stroller off the car. She looked at me with such a heart-warming tenderness! We looked each other in the eye as if time had frozen! At least I wish time was frozen in my heart!

As soon as I got in the car, the car started and I looked out the window at her carrying something. I watched her push the stroller slowly away, it was so beautiful and a little desolate! Until she disappeared from my sight! We didn't even say "goodbye"!

【Scene】

Psychiatrist: "I didn't expect that the scene that appeared in the movie actually happened to you!" If you could meet your first love again, what would you say to her? ”

"I'll start by asking, how are you doing all these years! Thank you again! Thank you for being beautiful in my world! Although my world has collapsed because of this! But I still have to thank her! She was the one who really started my growth! ”

The psychiatrist looked at me with a touch on his face, and I continued: "She changed my life and changed my destiny!" Now I am really grateful to her from the bottom of my heart! Finally, I will wish her a happy and prosperous life! All the best! ”

The psychiatrist rubbed his moist eyes: "It's very touching!" I'm sure that one day when you meet again, your words will warm her heart! Did you just say that she changed your destiny and that you got rid of that experience that you couldn't look back on? ”

I nodded, took out a cigarette, lit it, took a deep breath, and a faint cloud of smoke came out of my nose and mouth.

I said wistfully, "If I hadn't contacted her at that time, she wouldn't have been there at that time!" Maybe I will go farther and farther on that road of no return without realizing it! ”

I took a deep puff of my cigarette: "Now that I think about it, there was a cute little fool girl who was also deceived by me at that time!" After the Spring Festival that year, that little girl set off from Zunyi and took a three-day and three-night train to Beijing to see me, just to accompany me for a Valentine's Day! ”

As I spoke, I choked up a little, and my moist eyes felt like tears welling up in my eyes! I held back and didn't want it to slide down! "Until now, my conscience is still incomprehensible, and my conscience ...... The conscience is also ...... by the ego Deep condemnation! ”

The psychiatrist handed me a tissue, and I looked up at the ceiling and took a deep breath!

The psychiatrist asked, "It's all in the past!" You can climb out of that quagmire trap, you can turn back in time, and the life waiting for you in the future will be golden! Who is that little girl you're talking about? It's not like your first love! ”

"Of course she's not! She was the sister of my first love classmate, and when I dropped out of school, in order to facilitate contact, Han Xin gave me her classmate's number, and I called and was transferred to the girl. Later, we left QQ, but we haven't met! ”

I took a puff of my cigarette and continued, "I'm stuck in a pyramid scheme and I'm carried away by the desire to make money, and I'm going to get downline. Deceived her with despicable emotional deception! I went to Beijing West Railway Station to pick her up, and looked at her oily face and petite figure! Exhausted look! I'm really distressed! ”

The psychiatrist looked at me seriously: "It seems that you are suffering from love impotence emotional illness is not just as simple as getting drunk for your first love!" It may be a combination of a lot of emotional problems, causing your heart to be exhausted or even distorted! It takes a lot of time to subtle those complex emotions! Only then will the wounded heart gradually heal! ”

The psychiatrist looked at me and continued to ask, "How did you and that little girl do later?" ”

"She spent Valentine's Day with me that I will never forget! Selfish, I really want to keep her in order to develop my downline! However, I can't bear to watch her suffer with me! At that time, my heart was very entangled, and my contradictory heart was very anxious! I couldn't bear to watch her take the train for another three days and three nights, so I bought her a ticket and let her fly back to Chongqing from Beijing! ”

"What happened then?"

"Later, I told her the truth, and she said she didn't regret the trip to Beijing! At least she finally got a taste of what it's like to fly! I had a look of shame on my face.

Later, I felt guilty and had no shame to face her! She is a debt to my heart! Although she has always understood me! She always said she never blamed me and wouldn't blame me! She understands everything! But the more she doesn't care! The more I said that I understood me, the more I felt ashamed and guilty! After saying that, I lowered my head!

Psychiatrist: "I can't feel your complex inner world in person!" But I can feel it! You have suffered from the emotional illness of love incompetence all these years, and you are worried! You're scared! You're afraid of hurt! You're afraid of hurting yourself and others! So you dust your heart! Lock your heart and don't want to open your heart to accept new emotions! ”

The psychiatrist looked at me with a smile: "With your handsome appearance, there should be many girls around you who like you!" Are you turning people away! ”

I nodded: "It's missing some good girls!" For example, this white. Good girl who is getting married on Valentine's Day! ”

"Look! That's when you suffer from love incompetence emotional illness and you don't do it! Someone else brought it home! The psychiatrist sneered with a smile.

[End of Chapter]